Untimely You (19 page)

My tears are no longer falling. Another emotion is fighting for its place, kicking sadness and despair out of the way. I’m pissed. I couldn’t keep my dick in my pants. What a goddamned douchebag.

I dress and throw open the bathroom door, still dripping wet. When I scan the bedroom, I lock eyes with Neesy’s teary hazel ones. Her face throws a match on my barely contained rage causing me to explode.

Stalking toward her, I’m sickly satisfied when she jerks her hand from holding Chrissy’s and stares at me as if she’s afraid I’ll hurt her. She should be afraid. I’m a fucking monster apparently.

“Get out.” My growl is low and threatening.

She furrows her brows together in confusion. When her lips part, for a brief moment, I think of hours earlier. How I whispered that I loved her as I made sweet love to her warm, accepting body. My already hemorrhaging heart decides to split in two. “Adrian…”

“LEAVE!”

She jumps and a tear skids down her cheek. You’d think I’d just slapped her by the look on her face. My chest heaves with furious breaths. I expect her to slap
me
—hell, I fucking deserve it. But instead, she lifts a palm to my cheek, gently swiping away a tear I didn’t know was there with her thumb.

“I love you too.” Her whispered words cause the final destruction of my heart. My eyes close and I fall to my knees.

What have I done?

“C
ome on,” Eric says, gently tugging me from the room.

Everything is a teary blur. The last thing I saw will be forever burned into my mind—ever present each time I close my eyes.

Adrian.

His soul broken and battered.

His heart bleeding on the floor, flooding the carpet at my feet.

“He didn’t mean it,” Eric assures me. “He’s being Adrian. When shit gets hard,
he
becomes hard. You’d softened him up there for a bit.”

I let him pull me into a hug. My tears soak the front of his shirt. “I’m going to leave. He needs his space.”

He grumbles. “Not in this weather, you’re not. Your little car can’t get through that shit.”

I tug away from his arms and frown. “Then please take me home. I can’t be here. This is too private. They need their alone time with her—to say their goodbyes.”

Eric’s forehead wrinkles and his lips press into a firm line. “They’ve been saying their goodbyes for twelve years, Neesy. This is their last goodbye. And then he’ll come back to you. Give him time.”

My bottom lip wobbles. “I’m not worried about me. I’m worried about him. I wish he’d let me hold him through this but…”

“I know.”

We hold each other’s gaze before I hurry to gather my things. Once I’ve packed my bag, I find Damien sitting at the bar in the kitchen flipping through a photo album.

“I’m going to leave, kiddo. I’m so sorry about your mother. She seemed like such a neat lady,” I tell him and pat his back.

He sniffles but gives me a brave smile. “She was. I’ve been missing her for twelve long years.”

I give him a quick hug. “Give your father my condolences. He doesn’t want to see me right now. And that’s totally understandable. If I don’t ever see you again, it was nice meeting you, Damien.”

He frowns. “My dad is a good guy. He deserves someone like you. Promise me you’ll give him a chance when he comes for you. He will come for you, Neesy. I believe that wholeheartedly.”

My eyes prickle with tears and I swallow. “I’ll always wait for him. He knows that.”

With that, I hurry to find Eric. We slip out of the house and climb into his 4x4 truck. The drive back to my apartment is quiet. He even walks me to my door afterward to make sure I make it inside. Before he leaves, he pulls me in for another hug. His kiss on top of my head suffices for a goodbye and then he’s gone. As soon as I’m all alone, I crawl into my bed and cry myself to sleep.

“Are you going to the funeral?” Shawna questions over the phone.

I flip through the dresses in my closet. “Yeah. I’ll have to leave right after, though.”

“Has he called?”

It’s been four days since Chrissy passed. Four long, silent days. No word from Adrian. Not a text or a phone call. Thankfully, Damien and Eric have sent me texts me with updates on his well-being.

“No.”

She sighs into the phone. “I’m sorry, Nees. You’re different. He fulfilled you, and now I can see how much you’re hurting over this. I hope he makes it right.”

My heart aches but I swallow my emotion. I promised myself I wouldn’t cry today. “I’ll talk to you after I land in New York. I need to finish packing and get ready.”

“Good luck,” she says, a smile in her voice. “You’re going to do this. I have no doubts. They’ll love you.”

We hang up and the rest of the morning is a blur. I pay the cab driver extra to wait for me until after the funeral with my luggage. My flight leaves in a few hours. The funeral had to be put off a couple of extra days until they could clear some of the snow. And of course, now that the funeral is here, it’s snowing again.

I tighten my coat around me as I trudge through the snow up the hill. Thankfully, I’d worn boots. When I reach the top, people are milling around a grey casket. Pink roses cover the top in a beautiful spray arrangement. I bet she’d have loved it.

“There you are,” Eric’s voice booms when he sees me. I’m pulled into his warm embrace. It’s hard not to let the tears fall, but I bite on my lip to remain strong.

“How’s he doing?”

“He’ll be okay,” he assures me.

I nod and clasp his elbow as he guides me over to the casket. The people are whispering before the ceremony starts. My eyes seek out Adrian, and when I find him, I let out a sigh.

He’s broken.

His shoulders are hunched. His hard jaw is set. His dark hair is a mess. And his sad eyes are fixated on the casket.

Damien remains stoic beside him. But when his gaze meets mine, he flashes me a thankful smile. The kid looks just like his father. Handsome as ever.

The ceremony goes by quickly. When it’s over, I debate whether or not I should say anything to Adrian. As if he can hear me thinking about him, his eyes lock with mine. So many emotions flicker in his gaze. I want to run over to him, smooth my cold palms over his cheeks, and kiss away his pain.

Instead, I give him a small smile.

He clenches his eyes closed and lifts his chin. Snowflakes dot his beautiful face. The man is like some lost angel—searching for his love. A love who always seems just out of reach. It breaks my heart that he’s been unhappy for so long.

I say goodbye to Eric and Damien. Adrian’s eyes are on me; I can feel them. I’m not brave enough to look at him. I’ll break if I do. And I won’t let him see me break. He can’t take that right now.

Tears well in my eyes and I take my leave. Hurrying down the hill, I make my way back to the waiting cab. I’ve just made it to the car when someone grabs my bicep from behind.

“Nees…”

His voice is wobbly. I swear my heart bursts in my chest.

Turning, I lock eyes with him. Such a beautiful, crushed soul.

“I’m sorry, I just wanted to pay my respects and—”

He startles me when he leans in and brushes a soft kiss to the corner of my mouth. “Thank you. I’m sorry I was so cruel.”

I swallow and chew on my lip to keep from crying. “I’m okay,” I say.

He scowls and slides his gloved hand into my hair. “You’re not okay.”

I’m pulled against his chest in a tight embrace. So warm. So full of love. I’m getting swallowed up by this formidable man. If it were up to me, I’d stay in his arms and beg him to never let me go. Just when I think we can fix this, he pulls away and strokes his thumb along my jawline.

“Goodbye, Neesy Noble. You’re a beautiful person. You deserve so much better.”

And then he’s gone.

His massive frame strides away from me, stealing my heart in the process. Now, I’m empty. A hollow shell. Adrian Hocksted carved out my insides and took me with him. All that’s left here is what he didn’t want.

I cry the entire way to the airport.

My God. Today is not my morning. It’s been several days since the funeral and I have my first meeting with Jenny Nord from Barnes & Noble. It was supposed to be laid back. Easy even. But my mind is scattered in the wind. Hurricane Adrian blew me in every direction.

I stained up three blouses with makeup before I safely made it out of the hotel room. Then, I spent forty-five minutes attempting to hail a cab. I’d chewed all of my fingernails off and left a mess on my black skirt on the way to the coffee shop. And then I’d almost left my briefcase in the cab. But eventually, I’d made it to Jenny. Thank God, she was late too. The funny thing was that she had a stain on her blouse. I guess I’m less of a mess than I imagined.

“We look forward to working with you and your authors,” Jenny says with a smile at the close of our meeting. She holds out her hand, and I shake it.

“Thank you. I’m thrilled, Jenny. You have no idea.”

She winks at me. “I know a good thing when I see it. You remind me a lot of myself. We need tenacious people in this business. It’s the only way to make your mark. You, my dear, have made your mark. I’m excited to see what your future holds.”

We pour over some necessary contracts. And once everything’s been signed and packed away, we finally abandon our table.

“You should come for dinner tonight. I know you said you’d be in town for a little while longer. My husband and I are entertaining an author here on set for one of her books that has gone on to become a movie. We’d love to have you.”

“Of course. What’s your address and I’ll plug it into my phone,” I tell her as I walk. I’m busy typing in my notes when a text pops up.

Wacko: Can we talk?

My heart pounds in my chest as I quickly type out my reply.

Me: Always. Are you okay?

Of course he’s not okay.

Wacko: I found a divorce decree in her things.

“Those steps are slick. I almost busted my ass,” Jenny says with a laugh.

The frigid air whips around me. I’m about to respond back to Adrian when I lose my footing and slip. My hands which are each holding onto something are useless as I careen down the stairs. I land on the side of my thigh, bounce my head against the metal handrail, and then tumble down the rest of the six or seven steps. By the time I land with another thud on the cold, frozen concrete, my phone is shattered, my laptop in my bag I’m half lying on is probably wrecked, I’m bruised and bleeding, but worst of all, my pride is completely demolished.