Until You Believe Me

Chapter 1

"We thank you for coming, and apologize for taking your time. We are grateful that this new adventure is one we can all take together and we are truly excited to get started on breaking ground. Thanks again for giving us your time, and please have a great spring break."

I watched Dr. Evans step down from the podium as the room quickly broke into excited chatter.

"I'd say that was a way of sending us off for Spring Break so everyone would stay out of his hair." I heard Ben say from behind me as we exited the room.

"Dazzle a room full of pompous professors, who think they work harder than their students, with time off, and we won't even care if you are demolishing the entire university in some multi-million dollar deal." I walked swiftly from the old brick building and immediately put on my sunglasses as the sun stung my eyes and face.

"Well you seem overjoyed at the exciting news," Ben said.

"Construction is messy. Change is messy. Even worse it is distracting. The last thing I need at the close of this semester is a distraction. You know how badly I want that open spot in graduate studies. If my scores suck, which judging on the lovely crop of freshman I've been chained to, they will, I'll have no ground to stand on.  Retirements around this university don't come around too often." I realized I was walking at about a Mach-10 pace and slowed down so Ben could catch up.

"Five years down in the trenches isn't really a long time. Besides Madison, if you get promoted, you will for sure leave your lowly undergraduate friends to the freshman wolves of comma splices, run ons and misplaced modifiers. All of which is unbearable without your passion for teaching the 13th graders." Ben held the door as we entered another old brick building. This time rather than the administrative building, it was the English department building.

"Watch you don't slip in all of that oozing sarcasm. But yes, I would leave you and all of the 13th grade team behind. I would be a graduate professor. I can't be seen associating with the likes of undergraduate babysitters." I smiled brightly at him as I took a sharp right into my office. I heard Ben mumble a few choice curse words as we walked the extra couple feet to his office. 

I set down my bag on my desk and for the first time all week, just sat. Sprawled out in my chair I let out a loud breath, not realizing I had been holding it in. So here I was, sitting my office for one of the last times. Today's meeting told us that somehow the university had come into a large amount of money. Talk of some mysterious donation was going around the staff. However the money had come into the hands of the university was inconsequential at this point. While staff and students were on spring break this week they were going to break ground. As not to disrupt the last month and a half of classes, they were beginning with the department administrative offices which were now housed in two buildings. The plan was for one super building where we could all sit and prattle about our enriching discussions with drunk college students.

I took another deep breath, thinking about how the second half of spring semester was usually worse. How summer seemed to begin from even the mention of spring break. I had something on the line this time so I had to corral my rambunctious freshman so they would do well for me.

"I can hardly believe someone hasn't snatched you up yet since you are so ladylike and proper." Ben said as he waltzed in and took the chair in front of my desk.

He was right, I was less than a lady sprawled out, my arms over each arm of the chair. Due to the absentminded slouch, my legs were spread just as wide, happy to be in a long flowing skirt so they didn't have to fight so hard to keep everything hidden.

I quickly sat up and smoothed out my clothes.

"I didn't realize how ready I was for a break until right this moment. It makes it less relaxing knowing I'm coming back to chaos in a week," I said and I took a few deep breaths as I rolled my head around to release some tension.

"Over thinking it as always Miss. Branson. Can't you just look forward to nine glorious days of uninterrupted drinking and sleeping? All of which is followed by the knowledge that you are going to have a state of the art, multi-million dollar office to rest your pretty under-paid behind in during pointless office hours?" I had to laugh at his smile and the way he so looked so carefree as we stretched out, putting his hands behind his head and his feet crossed at the ankles out in front of him.

"I do believe you're the one planning on doing all the drinking. Also, I'd imagine you'll be doing very little sleeping if and when your new little girlfriend comes into town. Didn't you say she was 'irresistible'? Oh no, I'm sorry only a man with some class would use that word, I do believe you called her 'sexable'. I got you confused with someone else." I threw a balled up piece of paper his way as I finally got vertical and began packing my bag for the week off.

"She was. And notice that is past tense. That ship has sank, and began leaking oil. Apparently I'm too good of a guy, classy some might say, and she decided that she loved me. Well the oil came as I said that I was not ready to commit and that we should probably go our own separate ways." Ben ran a hand through his brown, unkempt hair and smiled at me. If I hadn't known Ben most of my life, that smile might have had the same effect as it did on the most recent Mrs. Wrong.

"Besides, I do believe my classless relationship is more action than you've seen in quite some time Madison." Ben smiled wickedly from the chair in front of my desk. Clearly pleased with his assumption.

"Somebody else that might wound. But not me sir. Self sufficiency is the only action I need. Unlike sex kitten Glinda, I don't derive my worth or happiness from how many times a guy wants to screw me. You ready?" I picked up my things as Ben rises. His face is showing a slight pout while his eyes are sparkling like the sun.

"Her name was Gina. She was a bit of a sex kitten so you got that part right." He calls the last part over his shoulder as he enters his office and returns seconds later with his own bag.

He smiles at me as he holds the door open for me and we both exit the building for the next nine days.

Chapter 2

Three days into break and I was already bored. Routine agrees with me and I rely on it. It was mid morning and I decided that Florida weather could no longer be ignored. I took my cup of tea, cell phone and my new book out on my front porch.

Fifteen minutes into my read I was startled by my cell phone ringing. Not surprising, it was my mother.

"Good morning mom, how are you?"

"Guess who I just saw at the grocery store? Oh you will never guess! Andrew Johnson! Remember him from high school? He looked good Madison."

My eyes rolled and I inwardly groaned. "Did he Ma? That's so great."

"He did. I asked his mother if he was single and he is. He is a good catch." I could hear my mother lighting a cigarette on the other end of the line.

"Perhaps then you should ask his mother if he wants to go out with you. I'm sure she'd be more than happy to set up her most eligible bachelor son with a stunning woman like you. Ma, you told me you were quitting at the beginning of this month."

"I'm just finishing the pack I have here. And you better watch your mouth. I am still your mother whether you have your own house or if you were still in mine. I don't understand why you can't at least see him. You haven't seen anyone since- in awhile." I hear her worry through the phone and I just want to reach through and give her a reassuring hug.

"Mom, I am fine. I am happy where I am. I have my house, I have my job, and I really am enjoying this time off, alone. Please don't try to set me up. Please." I stress the word and keep my tone as sweet as I can.

"I would never do that. Besides, he didn't look that good. He got fat around the middle. I bet he's an alcoholic and can't hold on to a woman anyway."

I can't hold in my laughter. "You are literally insane and yes you would. If you haven't already."

"Madison, I just want you happy. You live an hour away and you never talk about any friends except Ben, and I have tried to send you down that road. I'm scared that you're too closed off. I don't want to see you tainted by the past. You're such a pretty girl, you are a catch for any man."

I close my eyes and say a little prayer. She means well, I know this. I just don't need her butting in.

"Mom, I love you. I assure you I am ok. Why don't I come up and see you? I'll take you to lunch and  maybe a movie if you want. We'll do whatever you want. Then you can stop worrying because you'll see me in the flesh." I frown at my tea, now cold. I owe it to her to see her and calm her fears that I am turning into a hermit.

"Oh that sounds great! I'll pick a movie and find somewhere to eat. I have wanted to go down to the little deli downtown." And just like that her worry has ceased and I had made myself a nice 65 mile day trip.

"Whatever you want Ma, I'll see you around 12:30 ok? I need to hop in the shower and it will take me about an hour to get out there. I'll see you soon."

"Drive carefully Madison, I mean it."

I sigh. "Ok Ma, see you soon, bye." I quickly hang up before I have to listen to another worry my mother has about me.

I take a breath and then decide I better get ready.

After showering I work some mousse into my hair and decide to let it air dry. I dress in jeans and a T-shirt. Figuring I won't be back until evening I grab a light jacket and head out.

The drive to my mother's house is uneventful. It is a straight shot on the thruway from where I am in rural Wintergarden to where my mother is just outside of Orlando. I pull up to the old house. She still lives in the house I was raised in. I have all but begged and pleaded for her to move out closer to me, but she has insisted on staying put.

I walk in the front door and am not surprised to hear her voice drifting through the house. I make a mental bet with myself that she has been on the phone since hanging up with me. One reason my mother is uncomfortable with my introversion is because she is exactly the opposite. She is always talking to someone, a neighbor, a friend, a stranger. She doesn't seem to understand how anyone can prefer his or her own company over the company of others.

She waves me in, as if I was dubious about entering on my own. "Oh Shelia, I can't believe little Allison is getting married! Pretty soon it'll be a baby. Babies having babies." She glares at me through this entire conversation, lifting her eyebrow as if to ask 'what about you?'

I roll my eyes and look around. Not much ever changes. Whenever I come here I am taken back to growing up here. The fireplace in the living room is the focal point, both visually and emotionally. It is full of knickknacks and photos. I smile seeing myself ranging from a newborn to my college graduation five years ago. How quickly time flies. It is hard to believe that some of these pictures are 27 years old. I don't feel that old, but I guess we sometimes need old pictures to remind us.

While I am walking down the familiar memory lane I notice a photo that seems out of place. I know that the small child in the photo is me. I must be four or five. I instantly recognize my mother as well. Her teased brown hair, slender figure, her eyes lit up with excitement very similar to now. The only difference is her hair no longer naturally brown. What takes me back about the photo is the man. The face, the eyes, they are familiar of course but his placement on the happy times mantel is confusing.

"Oh Madison. Don't you love it? I found it in the attic when I was cleaning a few weeks back. He looks so happy doesn't he?"

Her voice startles me, but I don't take my eyes from the photo.

"Why is this up here Ma?" I turn to look at her, my voice coming out harsher than I really wanted. The tone however fueled my growing anger.

"We were all so happy in this photo Maddie, I love looking at you two together in this one." She gives me a slight smile but it does not reach her eyes. She is gauging my reaction.

"I don't like looking at us together. I try to forget we were ever together. I don't understand why you like it either. This isn't a photo out of some happy fairy tale." I frown. My mood is soured and I am beginning to wish I didn't spend the day coming here.

"Oh Maddie, you are too hard on him. You always were. I have forgiven him, I wish you would too." She frowns and for once she looks all of her fifty three years. She only ever looks it when he comes up in conversation.

"Let's get out of here. Your old mother is starving. You're driving, I want to sit back and relax." I take one last glance at the photo before I follow my mother out of the house.

After we've eaten at the local deli, my mother decides to let me run errands with her. After the bank, electric company and post office our last stop is the grocery store.

I push the cart while Mom navigates and talks. She talks about the weather, her neighbors, and the local news scandals.

"I just couldn't believe they broadcast that poor man's drunken tape on the news." Mom shakes her head as she picks up some canned vegetables.

"Just goes to show mom, watch what you do out in public." I laugh as she brushes me off. We round the corner to the next aisle and my breath catches in my throat.

"Shit!" the word escapes before I have a chance to pull it back in.