Until Today (13 page)

Chapter Twenty-Four

Mom's hold on my hand is like a death grip, but she remains quiet as we walk to the van, a few steps behind Dad.

When I came out of the room, Mom was pacing, obviously worried and agitated. Dad was sitting on a bench, scowling. Detective Donaldson spoke to them quietly, asking some additional questions. Since then, Dad hasn't said a word to either of us.

Mary gave me her card with her extension at the station, her cell phone number, and her e-mail address. She even wrote her personal e-mail address on the back in case I need to talk more, “off the record.” She told me that he might not be a serial killer or a bank robber, but that Greg's a dangerous criminal all
the same. She also told me that no decent person would ever blame me or look badly on me.

She gave me a lot to think about. Everything has happened so fast.

Mom hits the button on the key remote to unlock the van doors so Dad can get in. I stop her after Dad climbs into the side door of the van.

“Has he said anything at all?”

“Not really. You know how he is.” She puts her hands to my cheeks. “Are you okay? I was so worried about you, and I'm so, so sorry about all this.” I nod, but stare at the ground, disappointed that Dad didn't seem very concerned about me. I figured he'd at least ask Mom what happened when he was taken away and if I was okay, but he didn't.

Dad's head pokes around the van door. “Are you coming, or not?”

Sighing, I get into the van. Dad winces when he puts on his seat belt.

“Are you okay, Dad?”

“I'm fine. I forgot about that nasty right hook Greg has. Last time I felt that was in…”

Mom pulls out of the parking lot, the silence in the van thick and uncomfortable, until Dad finally clears his throat.

“What did you tell them, Kat?”

I take a moment to gather my thoughts before answering. Dad has a tendency to analyze and pick apart anything a person says, especially when the person is me.

“I told them the truth, Dad.”

“I wish you had let me come in there with you. You need a lawyer present when you talk to the police. They can use anything you say against you.”

“Mary was very nice, Dad. I don't think she'd do that. Besides, I haven't done anything wrong. They will use the things I said against Greg, not me.”

“David, please,” Mom tries to interrupt.

“Neither of you realize how things like this work.” Dad waves away Mom's protests. “I'll call someone I know at the Crown Attorney's office and make sure this whole thing is handled properly.”

Something inside me snaps. After everything I've been through, he's worried about a case. He can't stop being a lawyer for one moment to show me that he's my father first and foremost.

“No.”

“Did you say no?” Dad's voice is filled with surprise.

“Yes. I don't want you to do that. I don't want you to be a lawyer. I want you to be my dad.”

I stare out the front window, tears running down my cheeks. By now I should be like a dried up old prune with no more moisture to shed, but more tears fall.

“Katrine, I don't know how else to deal with this.” I have to strain to hear Dad's words, not sure if I'm hearing correctly.

I turn in my seat to look at him. A tear slides down his cheek. I stare at it, mesmerized.

“It's the only way I know of to help you. Did Greg…did he…?” It's not hard to guess what Dad is trying to ask me.

“Greg did some awful things, Dad.”

“Did he…Did he hurt you?”

How do you answer a question like that? He hurt me emotionally. Sometimes it would hurt physically as well. He would lie and threaten, and other times he'd be really nice and call me special and make me feel loved. He'd be the father figure I needed, and then he'd be the terrible, mean person I was afraid of. He'd understand me when I was feeling down, but then he'd take advantage and make me do things I didn't want to do.

Dad seems to accept my silence as affirmation. “He's my best friend. I trusted him with my family. I don't understand. I just can't believe it.”

Immediately defensive, I shout out that I am
not
a liar, and if he doesn't believe me that he isn't much of a father.

Dad looks stunned. The van jerks sideways as Mom jumps, startled by the sudden rise of my voice. Tears are running down her cheeks, too.

“I didn't mean…that's not what I meant, Katrine.” Dad looks into my eyes. “I know you're not lying. I know it in here.” Dad pats his chest over his heart. “He just betrayed us all. I feel so stupid. He even had a wife, and they wanted children so badly. Amy…what about Amy? You say she's gone. Is that true?”

I nod, sad that Amy has left town and we may never see her again. “She found my journal. She said she had to leave – she needs time away. She doesn't know if she'll ever be back.”

“I guess I can understand that. If I feel like a stupid fool, I can't imagine how she feels right now. I'm…I'm so sorry, Kat.”

I nod, not knowing what to say. I don't think I have ever heard the word
sorry
come out of Dad's mouth before.

“I didn't know. I failed and didn't protect you. I can never make that up to you.”

I reach back between the seats to hold Dad's hand. “You just did.”

We sit in silence while Mom pulls the van onto our road. Darkness is starting to fall and the front windows of the houses we pass are lit up from inside.

Dad grunts as he shifts his weight, reminding me of the fight. “What's going to happen to you, Dad? Are you being charged for the fight?”

“Don't worry about me, Kat. I'll work it out.” For once, I don't even care that he has avoided giving me a direct answer. I've never been as grateful for my family as I am now, and I never thought I'd see the day that Dad and would I connect like we just did.

Mom pulls into our driveway.

Dad and I step out of the van. “What about Sarah, Kat? Did he do this to her as well?”

“I don't think so. I've tried not to let him be alone with her.”

Mom closes her door and locks the van, joining us on the driveway. “You know, even if he hasn't, he would probably have started. You stopped him, Kat.”

Dad unlocks the front door of the house, and turns to put his hand on my shoulder. “I hope you know that Mom and I will support you all the way. This isn't going to be easy.”

Another floodgate opens inside me, and I start crying again. I never realized how badly I wanted to hear words like that from my father until he said them.

Dad folds me in his arms and gives me the kind of hug I've been longing for since I was a little girl. But I don't feel like a little girl now. I feel like a young woman who is loved and supported. I'm not angry with Dad for failing to protect me from Greg. Greg had us all fooled. He was a master manipulator and he betrayed the people who trusted him the most: me, Mom, Dad, and Amy.

Chapter Twenty-Five

Scott and Steph rush out to join us on the front porch, anxiety in their eyes.

“You're okay?” Scott asks, looking back and forth at me and Dad.

I smile at Scott. “I'm fine….” He steps toward me, then stops and glances at my father.

“Gads, Kat, we're glad you're back. We were so worried.” Steph steps past Scott and embraces me in a huge hug. I pull away from the suddenness of her embrace, caught off guard and not sure how I feel toward her at the moment.

“Is Sarah okay?” my mom asks.

“We finally got her to sleep,” Scott says. “She was so upset;
it took us a while to calm her down. She's pretty confused and angry.”

“She's not the only one,” I say. “Sarah idolized Greg. I'm sure she'll have lots to say to me tomorrow.”

Dad puts his hand on my shoulder. “Your mom and I will talk to Sarah. This is not your fault, and we'll make sure she understands that.”

I glance at Steph. She smiles, as if unsure of our friendship after I pulled away from her hug. Some aspects of our relationship have changed. We are two different people with different thoughts and directions in life. I know we're still friends, but it will never be the same. I can deal with this, though. I think we can learn to accept each other the way we are.

I reach out and Steph steps forward into my hug. “Thanks for being here,” I whisper.

“I wouldn't be anywhere else,” she whispers back.

“Do you…do you know everything?”

Steph's back tenses and I release her to look into her eyes. She seems embarrassed for a moment, but then she smiles slightly and nods. “Sarah was confused. She heard some things that were said and was asking me questions. I didn't know what she was talking about at first, so Scott distracted her.”

Scott grimaces while Steph continues. “I kind of attacked Scott after Sarah fell asleep, demanding to know what was going on.”

Scott glances over sheepishly. “I'm sorry. It wasn't my place to tell. I tried not to say much.”

I step away from everyone and look out over the front porch.
So this is the way it's going to be? Word will spread because somebody heard something and someone else is willing to fill in the details for them?

Oh, no. What have I done? How can I look at people without wondering if they know what I let him do to me? All the kids at school, the teachers, Aunt Sheila…will they all know my secret?

Uncontrolled panic blurs my vision, causing me to sway.
I've lost control. The only thing I had control of for all those years was my secret. It was mine and nobody else's, and now it's gone. Oh no, oh no, no, no.

“Kat? Kat, answer me.”

Is that somebody calling my name?

“Katrine.” Dad's firm voice breaks through the haze. Someone is gripping my arm. I glance down to see Dad's strong hand holding me steady. I'm still dizzy.

“Dad?”

“Oh, Honey. Are you okay?” Mom steps forward, brushing hair away from my face with her hand.

I collapse into her arms. “What have I done, Mom? I can't…I can't do this. I can't face everyone.”

Dad leans close and whispers in my ear that everything will be okay. “We'll be here with you, every step of the way. If this goes to court, the judge will likely order your name to be withheld. He'll order a publication ban so that your name isn't known to the public.”

Mom steps closer. “Kat, we love you. You aren't going to go through this alone.”

“I just wanted it to stop. I've hurt both of you, and Amy too. I just wanted it to stop, and now…” I glance at my father. “He wasn't always bad. I shouldn't have done this to him.”

“No, Kat, he wasn't always bad.” He looks away for a moment and sighs. “He wasn't always good, either. And I want you to remember something. You didn't do anything to him. He's the one who broke the law. He put himself in this situation.”

Dad gives me a small smile and leans down to rest his forehead against mine. He stares into my eyes and I will myself to believe him.

Chapter Twenty-Six

Scott and I sit on the front steps, lost in our own thoughts. I'm so tired that I don't think I could stand if I wanted to.

It's hard to believe so much happened yesterday. Just like that, my life has changed. My secret doesn't belong to me anymore. It has taken on a life of its own and will change the lives of so many people. Nothing will ever be the same again. On the other hand, Greg won't be able to threaten me anymore. The abuse has stopped. That's definitely a change for the better.

Detective Donaldson is supposed to call today to let us know what happened with Greg after we left the station. She assured me that once he is charged, he won't be allowed anywhere near me or my family during this whole process. That's a huge relief.

“You okay?” Scott asks.

“Yeah. Just thinking….” I try to stifle a yawn, but it escapes.

“Didn't sleep much, huh?”

I shake my head.

“Look, Kat…I know you have a lot to deal with. I couldn't sleep last night, either. I'm…well, I'm sorry. I feel really awful. This would have never happened if I hadn't attacked Greg last night.”

“I don't know, Scott. Maybe it wouldn't have happened last night, but it would have come out in the open soon. I wanted it to stop so bad, I was like a time bomb. Something would have triggered an explosion.”

I watch some leaves swirl through the air as they fall from a nearby tree.

“Maybe I just needed a bit of a push,” I whisper, watching a red leaf dance over the ground before finally coming to rest.

“That's probably not the help you needed.”

I shrug indifferently. “It's done.”

“Kat, I've been thinking about what you said before you went to the station. You said something about having power. Maybe that's why guys like him do what they do.”

“I guess so,” I mumble.

“Yet they don't realize how much power they give to the kids they hurt.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well…they have the power as long as the kid keeps quiet. But really, it's the kid with the control. Once the kid tells the secret, it's the kid who controls both of their lives.”

“I suppose. But I don't feel like I'm in control.”

“You took control back by taking his away.”

“Maybe. But dealing with people and court and everything…I'm so scared, Scott. I don't feel any control at all. I'm just so scared.”

“I know. But I'll be with you through it all. I promise.”

Scott's words are soothing and comforting and provide some courage. What would I do without him?

“Kat…I need to talk to you about something.”

“What?”

“I've been kicking myself since that day in the clubhouse when you told me what happened to you. I've been selfish over the last few months.”

I open my mouth to protest, but Scott holds up his hand.

“I wasn't a good friend to you,” he continues. “I was worried about my own problems. That's why I want you to know I'm here for you now, no matter what.”

“Well, it did kind of seem like you were avoiding me at times,” I say.

“I was.”

“Why?”

“Kat, what he did to you rips me apart. I've never felt as violent toward another human being as I do toward Greg. Images of it haunt me at night when I try to sleep. I want to help you, but don't know how. ”

My heart pounds with dread and anticipation as I struggle to understand what Scott is trying to say.

“I want you to know that, no matter what you say next, this won't change: I will stand beside you and support you.”

“Scott?”

“I…I need to explain why I was avoiding you.”

I nod. “Okay.”

“I have feelings for you, Kat. I have a hard time thinking of you as a friend. I lo—”

“Stop!” I hold my hand up like a stop sign. “I'm not ready to hear something like that, Scott. Too much has happened in such a short period of time.”

Scott winces. “I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said—”

I cut him off again. “It's okay. I'm glad you explained it. I didn't understand what was going on. I really missed you.” I smile at him. “You
were
there for me when I needed you, though. When I lost my journal, you were there. You were my rock. It was almost like you knew how much I needed you, so there you were.”

Scott glances down at the step.

“I just need time to sort out all these new feelings. Too much is happening right now. If you had told me a week ago that my secret would be out, my dad and I would finally connect, the police would be filing charges against Greg, and I'd probably never see Amy again…well, I would have thought you were totally crazy.”

Scott smiles.

“So much has changed. A week ago, I wasn't ready for all this. I wasn't ready until today. I'm glad you're here to help me
face what tomorrow brings. I'm going to need you.” My voice cracks a bit.

I rise up from my perch on the step and Scott follows. Standing on tiptoe, I kiss him on the cheek. Wondering what it would feel like to kiss somebody as sweet and nice as Scott instead of Greg, I close my eyes and move my lips over, toward his. The contact is brief but thrilling. Sweet feelings of peace and happiness fill me.

When I open my eyes, Scott is staring at me, a wondrous look on his face. I might not be ready yet, but our day will come, just like this day eventually did.

“Until our today,” I whisper to Scott, then turn and walk through the front door, a survivor, ready to begin the next part of my journey.