Unsound: A Horizons Book (32 page)

“What?” Stacy asked. She was sitting closest to me. I hadn’t realized I said that out loud.

“Nothing,” I muttered, sitting forward and resting my arms on my knees, head in my hands.

“Hey Jon, Jon,” Marina’s voice broke through the silence. I looked up and saw her look around at everyone, “Jeez, who died?” Everyone stared back at her in silent shock.

Marie was the one who piped up, “I never would have thought that I would be wishing that Julie was here, but I wish she was here to tear you a new asshole for that comment, you bitch.”

Marina’s jaw dropped and Chris burst out with a laugh.

“Shit, Tony, your girl just gave me a half chub with that attitude,” he commented with a wink.

“Just cause Jason’s not present, doesn’t mean you get to channel his personality, Chris,” Marie snapped back with a hint of a smirk.

Everyone went back to silence and continued to ignore Marina. I knew she was only a few minutes from snapping, what with being a neurotic model and all, so I got up and walked away. My focus shouldn’t be on her. It never should have been on her.

Mindy

I slowly opened my eyes and turned to roll on my back, freezing when I felt the constraint around my middle.  I jolted upright, or at least I tried, but the grip was too tight. Then I heard a groan.

“Will ya stop? I just fell asleep,” Jason’s muffled voice sounded behind me. I could feel his breath in my hair and I immediately froze. We had fallen back asleep, and I had no idea what time it was.

I heard breathing around me, and knew Jon, Chris and Tony were around us, sleeping. It was passed curfew.

“Jason, let me go. I have to go back to my cabin,” I whispered. I desperately didn’t want the guys to wake up. I said a silent prayer that I had insisted on putting clothes back on before getting back into bed with Jason.

“You’re not going anywhere, Min. It’s way passed curfew and Jeff didn’t bust you. You’re leaving tomorrow night. You belong here, with me.”

“You’re acting like I’m not going to come back,” I said.

Jason turned me around to face him and looked at me with serious eyes, “would you not come back? If that was an option. Would you consider that?”

I looked back at Jason and felt my heart melt. He was worried about not seeing me again. I felt my hand reach for his face and try to smooth his worry lines, “I’m coming back. I have no idea what’s waiting for me in Virginia, or who’s getting me or anything about my future. But I know I’m coming back. I know I need to be here.”

At that last part, I pointed to Jason’s heart. Hoping he understood what I was getting at, without having to say it. But I needed to be with Jay. That was the only certainty I had. Jason let out a deep breath as if he had been holding it, waiting for my answer. I think my heart melted more.

I snuggled into his chest and went back to sleep, listening to the beating of his heart, feeling his arms around me.

Jonathan

Julie was leaving that night on the redeye with Mindy and Lena. Jeff was driving them to the airport at six. I wanted to talk to her before she left. I wanted to tell her that I knew. As much as I wanted her to open up on her own, I felt guilty holding this information. She deserved to know that I knew.

She deserved so much better than I gave her. I cursed myself for ever hurting her. I was actually proud of her for not trusting me. That was my strong girl. She protected herself. She survived.

I had hurt her and now was time to stop. It was time for me to share her pain and eventually, make it all go away.

I went around the girls cabin and knocked on the window above Julie’s bed. I assumed she was there, since that’s where she had spent most of her time lately. After a couple of seconds I tried again. When she finally pulled back the curtain and looked out, I beckoned her outside with a few head nods.

“Hey,” she said warily as she walked around the side of the cabin to where I stood.

“Hey Jules,” I greeted her. I should have prepared more. I didn’t know if I should grovel or just pull her against me and kiss her and then grovel. I knew groveling was going to have to be done at some point, and yet, I couldn’t find my words.

“Um, what’s up?” Julie asked. She stood a few feet away, keeping her distance. I approached at a painfully slow pace, as if approaching a wounded animal so they wouldn’t scurry away.

“I just wanted to see you before you left,” I answered.

“Why?” Julie shot back. I loved so much about her, but her fire was the one thing I missed the most. I hadn’t seen much of Julie for months, but her fire had been extinguished. I felt a pang in my chest knowing that was my fault.

“I fucked up, Julie. Big time. When I came to you Parent’s Weekend, I still hadn’t processed. I didn’t understand. I’ve realized how much I fucked up. I shouldn’t have come and tried to push it all under the rug then. I needed to understand, and I didn’t, I couldn’t.

“But now, I’m so sorry Julie. I did everything wrong. You tried to push me away and I let you. I didn’t fight for you. I couldn’t get out of my own way and accept you when you’ve done nothing but accept me. You’ve been there for me without asking for anything back. All you’ve done is fight. You’ve fought all the time; you’ve taken care of yourself. It’s my turn. I want to be the one to fight for you, to take care of you, to protect you,” I was rambling.
I should have prepared more
.

“Why?” Julie asked. Her face was blank but her voice sounded rough. I stared back at her, feeling frustration mounting in me. I was ashamed at that, but this wasn’t going the way I expected.

“Why?” I parroted.

“Why now?” Julie said quietly, “I can’t really give you an answer right now. I have to leave in and hour and I’m not done packing.” Julie was whispering now, but I was close enough to hear her, to touch her.

“When are you going to come back?” I asked, smoothing Julie’s hair behind her ear. She stiffened at the touch and shrugged in answer, discretely pushing my hand away at the same time.  I knew instantly that was a calculated move. Julie knew how to keep people away, to keep people’s touch at bay.

“Right,” I said with a nod. I was trying hard to swallow my anger. I knew I was being selfish again, but didn’t she know I was here to take her back? I was doing all of this for her. Getting better, getting control of my anger, all of it was for her. I needed her.

Somewhere inside, I knew I shouldn’t be mad at Julie. I was the one who hurt her. I know I fucked up. I knew I had to regain her trust but something in me just couldn’t accept that. She was leaving in an hour and I was scared. I was so scared of losing her. I was so scared that once she stepped off campus she wouldn’t come back.
Why can’t I say any of this?

“I have to finish packing,” Julie said quietly.

I couldn’t do anything but watch the love of my life walk away from me as I stood there helplessly. I was pathetic. I was a fuck up. I couldn’t even apologize right.

Jeff

This was the second time we were having this argument and I was getting pissed off. I thought the subject was dropped after Parents Weekend, which was the first time we fought about it. It was worse that Lena brought this up again over the phone from Virginia.

“I didn’t ask her to come here Lena,” I reminded my girlfriend of her betrayal. I was less than pleased to know Marianne was up here to speak to Jay and Michelle. I didn’t like her facility. Jay and Michelle would only be eighteen amongst a much older crowd if they chose to go. I know those who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones, but I’ve met some of that crowd. They were manipulative and conniving like many addicts can be. Luckily Jay made it clear that he wasn’t ready to move on, but Michelle had the spark in her eye.

She had no idea what was out there for her post Horizons and maybe I was being selfish wanting to keep her sheltered just a little longer but I wanted to make sure my kids were really ready before being thrown into a life of temptations.

“If anyone is ready, it’s Michelle,” Lena kept going.

“You don’t know her the way I do, Lena,” I kept saying. Pointing out that I’ve been around my kids for far longer and knew them better, “The people there are going to be charming liars who look for someone as young and naïve as Michelle to work over. I’ve worked hard to make sure Horizons wasn’t like that. Michelle hasn’t been around that kind of addict with years of practice trying to get what they want.”

“I know she’s ready. She wants to go to college. Be proud of that, babe. And even if you think this house is going to crush her, remember that she’ll have someone out there to protect her. I know you haven’t full accepted Evan.”

“Ugh, Deputy Evan,” I scoffed, still not over his betrayal.

“If you don’t think she’s ready, you’re a fool. And that’s fine. I can forgive you that,” Lena said and I could almost hear the smirk on her face, “all I’m asking is that you take her this week. We might be here more than a few days and I promised Michelle we’d go check out Marianne’s place. Jason said he’d go with her and this is the perfect time with Mindy being out here.

“Sorry,” Lena said quickly, “God, that was insensitive of me. He just doesn’t want her to find out. Wow, I can’t believe I said that.”

“Baby, it’s okay. I know what you meant,” I told Lena. She was too hard on herself.

“I feel like I’m all over the place,” she admitted, “the girls are both just… going through so much. I should actually get inside. I don’t know who’s here. A car service picked us up from the airport.

“Can you please just think about it so I don’t have to harass you every chance I get? Michelle just wants to check it out. You said you wanted to be involved in her decisions. Here’s your chance. Call Marianne. She’s expecting a visit this week. Bring Jason and Michelle and just let them see what’s out there. They need to move on.

Julie

I had been pretty introverted since we left campus with so many confused thoughts about that conversation with Jon. It was easy really. Mindy was obviously not in the mood to talk, what with being recently orphaned and all. I didn’t know the deal with Lena. She either had her own issues on her mind or was giving us space. Either way, I was happy about it.

I was pondering this, a momentary reprieve from thoughts of Jon, when the car slowed to a stop.

I didn’t think much when I saw the town car waiting at the airport with a sign for Ms. Davies. Maybe that should have tipped me off for the sprawling mansion before me.

We had pulled into a circular drive paved with cobblestones. There was a fountain in the center, bubbling happily in the warm climate. The house itself, well again, the word mansion had to be used, but the house itself was a modernized plantation. The basic structure and columns seemed original but the façade had a new modern brick siding, contemporary shutters and windows, and a massive ornate wrought iron door. The porch was even a modern rendition of a classic Southern architectural staple.

I was still in stunned silence as we exited the car and entered the grand foyer. I looked up at the split staircase and knew instantly that this was where Mindy’s like had forever changed. I could almost picture in detail her standing at the top of the stairs, watching her father tumble head over heels all the way to the cold marble I was standing on.

“It was the right one,” Mindy said suddenly, bringing me to the present. I looked over at her and she simply shrugged with a blank look.

“You’re morbid, you know that, Davies?” I commented but didn’t dispute her comment since she correctly guessed my thoughts.

“I may be morbid, but I’m right,” she quipped, sounding pleased with herself.

“You know, this is where I pictured Pretty, Pretty Princess to live…”

“Not me,” she finished as my sentence trailed off. I didn’t finish once I realized how rude I sounded.

“It’s okay,” Mindy said, “I didn’t grow up here. This isn’t the house that Jay would sneak into. A few months after Jason disappeared, my grandmother died. My grandfather had died years earlier, and I think my parents were waiting for my grandmother to kick it so they could get the inheritance.

“My grandparents were old Southern money. They were my fathers’ parents. They hated my mother. They all had some estranged relationship that I can’t even pretend to understand. All I know is that there was enough money from them even split between my other two uncles. Anyway, before the ink was dry on the check, literally, before the funeral even happened, they had the house on the market and started packing to move.

“It’s not like my childhood home was small or ugly or anything to be ashamed of. But it just didn’t hold the same prestige knowing we were old Southern money,” Mindy finished recounting her tale with a fake Southern accent.

“So Jason doesn’t know about the new digs?” I asked, curious if she ever brought it up to Jason after they reconnected.

“Nah,” Mindy said with a sigh, “once I left here, I sorta forgot about it. I only lived here for about eight months anyway.”

“Hey guys. That was Jeff,” Lena announced walking in from outside. I hadn’t realized she was out there on the phone.

Mindy walked further into the house to another room. We followed when we heard her gasp. Every surface of what I could tell was normally a pristine and gorgeous professional chef’s kitchen was covered in floral arrangements, baked goods and what I could only assume were casseroles.