Unresolved Issues (6 page)

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Authors: Wanda B. Campbell

BOOK: Unresolved Issues
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Chapter 11
“Oh, God, how did I get here?” Derrick cried with his face buried in his tear-saturated hands. He looked around the small hotel room, making sure he avoided the mirrors. He couldn't look at himself. He was too ashamed.
“I left my wife. I left my wife. How could I do that?” he asked in a barely audible voice.
“You left me,”
the still small voice Derrick had been trying to ignore answered.
Derrick's horrific sobs echoed through the room. His world was crashing down on him, and he couldn't do anything to stop it. It was happening too fast. This morning he was on top of the world, and now, the world was on top of him and crushing him with a vengeance. This morning he wanted to live; now at this moment, he wanted to die a quick death.
He walked over to the second-story window and looked down into the parking lot. He shook his head, thinking the worst that would happen if he jumped would be a broken leg. Instead, he walked back to the bed and plopped down, then asked a question he didn't have a reasonable answer to. “What am I going to do?”
“Come back to me. It's only in me that you live, move, and have your being.”
Derrick shook his head, then hurried into the bathroom and started the shower. The steam released more tears.
He didn't sleep that night. Not feeling Staci's warm body next to him underneath the stale covers depressed him more. Every time he managed to doze off, his mind would replay the scene from that afternoon and conclude with a picture of Staci sitting on the floor of their bedroom trying to make sense of his erratic behavior. He accepted defeat and threw back the covers. Finally, he picked up his cell phone and called for help.
A few hours later, Derrick sat in the hotel's restaurant sipping a cold cup of coffee with Pastor Reggie. They'd been in there since Derrick phoned his pastor before dawn. He began by apologizing for avoiding his phone calls. To Derrick's surprise and relief, Reggie dismissed his behavior and agreed to meet him.
After a few minutes of listening to Derrick, Reggie stopped being his pastor and uncle. He became his friend.
“Derrick, you can't keep holding on to this. You've got to turn this over to God and let Him work it out. You have to make Him head of your life again.”
“It's not that easy. I've struggled with this all of my life.”
“And now you're making Staci struggle.”
Derrick blinked his eyes. He was trying unsuccessfully to block an image of Staci sitting on the floor, heartbroken.
“Derrick, you've done to Staci what your father did to you. You rejected her and placed your insecurities on her. The difference is, you know Staci loves you, but yet, you're willing to hurt her instead of dealing with your issues.”
“I love her, too. She's my heart,” he added sadly.
“Then go home and tell her that. Share your heart with her. Tell her the truth about what happened.”
Derrick listened. What Reggie said made sense, but he couldn't do that right now. He was too vulnerable. Sure, Staci loved him, but would she once he unleashed the skeletons in his closet?
Chapter 12
The next afternoon Staci went for a walk with her father along the man-made lake that ran adjacent to her parents' estate. Carey looked over at his daughter walking in silence with her head hung down and put his arm around her shoulder. She relaxed and rested in the safety her dad provided.
“Baby girl, hold your head up.”
“Daddy, it's hard,” she replied, with her head still down.
“I know it is, but you're a strong woman. I raised you that way.”
“Maybe if it didn't hurt so much.”
“Stacelyn, it only hurts because you love Derrick.” Hearing her birth name, she instantly lifted her head. Carey almost never referred to her by her given name. She was simply his “baby girl.”
“Derrick loves you too,” her father continued. “He just doesn't know how to show it yet. I'm not trying to minimize the severity of his actions. In fact, I'm angry at him. But I also understand that he's battling a war within himself.”
“Where does that leave me?” she asked and blinked back tears.
“Unfortunately, it leaves you hurt and wounded,” her father sighed. “Sometimes no matter how much we try not to, we still hurt the people we love, the same way others have hurt us. That's what's happening to Derrick. But, baby girl, I promise you, you'll get through this. Hopefully, Derrick will come around, but even if he doesn't, you will get through this.”
“How, Daddy?” she whined.
“By taking one day at a time. If it's easier for you, take an hour at a time. Do what you have to do, but don't stop living your life. Love Derrick, but don't stop living because he's not there.”
“But, Daddy, I want him here. I want him with me,” she moped.
Carey stopped walking and locked eyes with his daughter. “Do you want him with you if he's not willing to be there for you 100 percent? Do you want him here not knowing how to love you back? Do you want him here before God settles him?”
Staci didn't answer because that's exactly what she had now.
“Baby girl, this was a hard lesson for you to learn, and an even harder one for your mother and me to watch. But I think you've got it now.”
“I thought Mom would be the one to say, ‘I told you so.' Staci half-smiled.
“We're not concerned about taking credit for warning you. We just want to make sure you learn the lesson.” Carey narrowed his eyes, and Staci knew he was waiting for her to recite the lesson, just like he'd done throughout her childhood.
“‘God is the only one who can change people. And anything that is not in God's designated time is out of time.' Oh, one more. ‘You can not hurry God; neither can you help Him out.'”
“That's a good start,” Carey said, then kissed his daughter on the cheek.
“Daddy, there's more?” Staci whined.
“Oh, there's much more, but you're on your way.”
Monday morning, after a hearty breakfast of pancakes, bacon, and eggs, Staci left her parents' peaceful home and set out to face her tumultuous life. As she drove down Highway 37, the wind from the sunroof blew her hair and she actually felt good. It had been an entire week since Derrick had left. She hadn't heard one word from him. Today that would change. She'd planned to stop by his office in hopes of spending his lunchtime talking about their marriage. She'd prayed fervently every day and hoped for a quick reconciliation. If that didn't happen, she would do what her parents instructed. She would keep living her life one day at a time.
Before heading to his office, she went home to change into something more appropriate and appealing, like the red and gold pantsuit he'd bought her for Christmas. Funny, Derrick couldn't coordinate his own clothing, but could select flattering outfits for Staci with ease. Walking into the house knowing no one else lived there was kind of creepy at first. She turned on the sound system, and the atmosphere warmed a bit.
Inside her bedroom, she noticed Derrick had been back and had removed more of his clothing. She swallowed the bile that threatened to erupt from the pit of her stomach and quickly changed clothes and applied light makeup to highlight her natural features. Before leaving, she sorted out Derrick's mail and tucked it into her handbag.
 
 
“Hello, Mrs. Garrison.”
“Hello, Phyllis,” Staci greeted Derrick's office manager and the other staff members present. “Is my husband available?”
“He's in with his last patient before lunch, but you can wait for him in his office.”
“Thank you, Phyllis.” Phyllis buzzed her inside the back office, and Staci slowly walked down the hallway that led to Derrick's office. With each step, she wondered if this is what the death-row inmates across the bridge at San Quentin felt like. It was like walking to her execution; the end of the world.
“Excuse me, Mrs. Garrison.” Derrick's colleague, Dr. Hunt, bumped into her.
“It's my fault. I wasn't looking where I was going,” Staci said and repositioned the handbag strap over her shoulder.
“I'll tell the big guy you're here,” the elder gentleman offered.
“No need. I'll just wait for him in his office. I have a key.” Staci was afraid Derrick would leave if he was alerted to her presence. She hurried on before Dr. Hunt could comment.
Staci entered the office quietly. She placed her purse and Derrick's mail on the desk. Out of habit, she walked around and checked the stock in his minirefrigerator. Mentally, she made a list of things to pick up at the grocery store. Then her eyes traveled to their wedding picture, still in its place on his desk. Her optimism returned. She picked up his picture and was outlining his face with her fingertips when Derrick walked in, leaving the door slightly ajar.
At first she thought she saw a slight smile on his face, but he froze too quickly for her to be sure. Her heart nearly leaped at the sight of him. She had missed her teddy bear so much. He just stared at her, so she spoke first.
“Hello, Derrick.” She placed the picture back on the desk.
“Hi.”
She inhaled and exhaled in metered breaths before saying, “Do you have any plans for lunch?”
“No.” His monosyllable answers made his mood hard to read.
“I was hoping we could talk during your lunch break.”
Her expectations fell when he walked around her and sat at his desk, then asked, “What do you want to talk about?”
“I want to talk about our marriage, or what's left of it,” Staci answered, still standing next to his desk and forcing herself to maintain eye contact.
Derrick closed his eyes and rubbed his forehead.
“Derrick, I need to know if we still have a marriage or not.”
“Staci—” he didn't get to finish.
“Derrick, I'm going to Zito's for lunch. Would you like to join me?”
Staci turned her head to see the female who'd rudely interrupted her time with her husband. She looked at the twenty-something female long and hard, but didn't recall seeing her before. She then looked at Derrick for an explanation.
“This is Rhonda. She's the dental assistant I hired a few months ago,” Derrick explained. “Rhonda, this is Staci.”
Inside her head Staci counted to ten—quickly. Derrick had just introduced her to an employee as simply Staci and not as his wife. He didn't seem to even notice his error. Staci wanted to remind him that California is a community property state, which meant half of this office belonged to her, including the employees.
“Hi, Staci,” Rhonda said, then leaned against the door frame and waited for an answer from Derrick.
“That's
Mrs
. Garrison,” Staci corrected and shot hot daggers at Derrick. When she looked back at Rhonda, her facial expression remained hard. “Rhonda, tell me, when did it become appropriate for an employee to barge into her employer's office and address him by his first name?” Staci didn't crack a smile. Derrick appeared nervous. He fumbled with his hands, then brushed them over his mustache.
Rhonda stood there with her mouth ajar. She'd been calling Dr. Garrison by his first name from the beginning, and he had never corrected her. Nor had he mentioned his wife.
“I'll meet you at Zito's,” Derrick answered, and Rhonda made a quick exit.
Staci turned away from Derrick to gather her emotions. He had chosen to spend time with another female over her. He'd chosen to accept an impromptu lunch date with an employee instead of talking about their marriage with his wife. Now it was time for her to make some decisions of her own. At that moment, she made several. She was not going to beg Derrick to talk to her. She was not going to drill him on the nature of his relationship with Rhonda. If he wanted to spend his time with Rhonda instead of her, then so be it. She was not going to chase after him. She was hurt, but still had her pride.
“I won't keep you from your lunch date,” she said when she finally turned around. “Here's your mail.” She pushed the mail on the desk toward him. “I don't work for the postal service. I will not sort or deliver your mail to you in the future. I suggest you put in a change of address with the post office.”
“Staci, we don't have to do all that.”
“Yes, we do.” She strapped her purse on her shoulder. “Derrick, I came here to talk to you about our marriage, and you just proved to me that our marriage is not important to you. I should've known that when you left a week ago. Our marriage is not now or ever has been important to you. I'm just sorry it took so long for me to see that.”
In her heart, Staci waited for him to tell her she was wrong, that their marriage did matter to him. But he didn't.
“Good-bye, Derrick.” As she turned to leave she gave in to her anger. “One more thing,” she said after opening the door. “The next time you would like to enter my home to pick up the rest of your belongings, call first. I live alone, and I don't want strangers roaming around the premises.”
Staci managed to stay composed all the way to her car. Once inside, she waited for the tears to come, but they didn't. They didn't come on the ride home either. Sitting alone in her bedroom and taking off her wedding ring, there still weren't any tears. That's when Staci decided she'd cried all the tears she was going to cry over Derrick Garrison. She had given him her best, and he had given it back. That hurt; it really hurt. But like her father said, in the end she would be fine. It would take some time, but her life would go on without Derrick. The sun would still continue to shine whether Derrick was in her life or not.
She placed her wedding ring into her jewelry box and looked down at her watch. It was only one o'clock in the afternoon. She grabbed her briefcase from the closet and decided it was time to go back to work.
 
 
“Dr. Garrison, your patient is ready.” This time Rhonda knocked on the door before entering. Instead of stopping in the threshold, Rhonda walked in and leaned against his desk in the identical spot Staci had occupied earlier.
Derrick shifted in the chair but didn't make eye contact. “I'll be right out.”
“I missed you at lunch. I brought you something back for later.”
That's when Derrick noticed the plastic bag containing a Styrofoam container in her hands. “You didn't have to do that.”
“I know, but I wanted to. I can't have my gentle giant passing out from hunger.” Rhonda placed the food inside the refrigerator. “See you in a few.”
After she closed the door, Derrick leaned back in his chair and picked up his wedding picture. “You've always mattered to me,” he whispered to Staci's image. Why he couldn't voice the words in Staci's presence he didn't know.
Derrick had been stuck in his seat since Staci left an hour ago. He didn't mean for their first meeting since his leaving to go so badly. When he saw her standing at his desk, he wanted to hold her and tell her how much he'd missed her, but fear gripped him. Then Rhonda came in and everything went downhill from there. There was nothing going on between him and Rhonda, although she would like for it to be. She'd made several advances toward him, and honestly, he enjoyed the attention.

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