Unresolved Issues (4 page)
Authors: Wanda B. Campbell
Chapter 7
Sunday morning Staci found herself on the second row of True Worship Ministries, alone. Derrick opted to go golfing instead of attending church service. Staci prayed all the way to church for Derrick. It was not like him to miss five Sundays in a row for no apparent reason. When she questioned him about it, he brushed off her concerns.
“I don't have to go to church every Sunday to be saved,” is what he told her.
“I know that, but you don't even pray or read your Bible anymore,” she countered.
“I may not pray as much, but I do pray. Unlike you, God understands my heart.”
Derrick's put-down struck a nerve. “If you would share your heart with me, maybe I would understand! But you won't talk to me!”
Derrick slammed the refrigerator door shut and left her standing alone in the kitchen.
Now, in the midst of praise and worship, she regretted losing her temper. Derrick needed to be in church. When his spiritual life was on track, he was a different person. He was still introverted, but not nearly as withdrawn. Every major mistake he'd made in his life was committed after he'd slacked up in his walk with God. Including the time when he and Staci were weak and convinced themselves it was all right for them to have premarital sex.
Hurriedly, she wiped the corners of her eyes and hoped no one, especially her family, would ask her about Derrick's absence. As hard as she tried, she couldn't fully enjoy praise and worship. She was too worried about the future of her marriage.
Today, Pastor Reggie, who was also her uncle, took his text from Numbers 23:19.
“Don't abort what God has told you. Even when everything and everyone seems to be against you, hold on to what God has spoken to you.”
I know you told me Derrick is my ordained mate,
Staci conversed with God
.
Staci conversed with God
.
“No matter how long it takes, don't give up. God doesn't make empty promises. He doesn't play with our emotions. If He said it, it shall come to pass.”
When, God? How long, God?
“His Word is for an appointed time. Some of us move out of God's time, then become frustrated when our plan doesn't work. We then want God to quickly deliver us, when in the beginning, all we had to do was believe the words He told us and trust Him to bring them to pass in His time.”
Staci bowed her head and cried softly. She'd known she'd married Derrick too soon. Derrick was a loving and caring man, but he was controlled by his insecurities. There wasn't anything she could do about it now other than suffer patiently and pray constantly.
Before service was over, Pastor Reggie sent word by an usher that he wanted to speak with her after service in his office. She prolonged the discussion she knew would be centered on Derrick's absenteeism by chatting with fellow church members and her family. Sister Jones, the head of the education department, was trying to convince her to chair the annual scholarship banquet when the pastor and first lady beckoned for her.
“I'm sorry, Sister Jones, but I have to go.” Staci walked away so fast she nearly tripped over her feet. She wanted to chair the scholarship banquet about as much as she wanted to walk barefoot on a bed of nails. Chairing the event meant hours of solicitation and dealing with church members who were gifted to complain about everything.
“Hi, Auntie.” Staci hugged the first lady, Julia Simone-Pennington. Julia was her father's sister and Lashay's mother and also the owner of the development that housed MS Computers. Pastor Reggie invited her to have a seat, then sat behind his desk. Julia stood beside him.
“Staci, how are you?” Pastor Reggie began.
“I'm okay.”
“How's Derrick? I haven't seen him in a while, and he's not returning my calls.”
Staci shifted in her seat. There wasn't any need for her to put up a front, not to them. They would see right through it.
“Uncle, Derrick and I are having a hard time right now. He doesn't communicate that much with me, so I don't know what's really bothering him. He spends most of his time at the office, even on the weekends. Today, he's out golfing.”
Pastor Reggie leaned back and laced his fingers together. “I'll be honest with you, Staci; I am worried about him. He's been on my mind all week, and I was hoping to see him today. I'll give him another call. I'll even get on his dental appointment schedule, if I have to.”
“Thanks, but I don't think it'll help,” Staci said solemnly.
“Staci, you haven't given up on him, have you?” Pastor Julia asked.
Staci took a moment to ponder her aunt's question. She hadn't given up, but she didn't know how much more she could stand. She was tired of being in a marriage by herself.
“No, Auntie, I haven't, but it's getting difficult. Being married to Derrick is not what I expected.”
“Neither is life, but you can't give up,” Pastor Julia pressed. “You've only been married a year.”
“I know, but it feels like forever.” Staci's eyes watered. “I guess because I'm always alone. It's like he only comes home because he has to.”
Julia walked around and stood at her side and took her hand. “Staci, do you believe Derrick is your ordained husband?”
“Yes, I know he is.” That was the sad and honest truth. Derrick was her soul mate.
“Then don't give up. Fight for what's yours. You're a Simone and a child of God. The fight is in you.”
“What about him? Why do I have to do all the fighting? He's supposed to be the head of the house.” Staci accepted the box of tissue from her uncle.
Julia spoke gently. “Staci, he is the head of the house, but the head can't turn without the neck, and the neck supports the head. Right now, you're stronger than Derrick spiritually, but when he accepts himself for the powerful man he is, you won't have to worry about fighting.”
Staci remained quiet.
“Stop focusing on what's wrong. Focus on the good things. Focus on what you love about him and build on that.”
Maybe her aunt was right. Maybe if she stopped complaining and just waited patiently for Derrick to come to his senses things would change. What did she have to lose?
When Derrick came home late that evening she didn't ask him where he'd been or what he had been doing. She simply asked if he wanted something to eat. When he said no, she didn't complain about how she'd spent most of the afternoon cooking dinner. She didn't say anything except good night and went to bed.
That went on for a whole month. She didn't say much to him, and he didn't say much to her. She still cooked and made sure he had everything he needed, but at night, she cried herself to sleep. Derrick didn't seem to notice that every day she withdrew further and further away from him. If he did notice, he didn't mention it.
Chapter 8
“Good morning, beautiful.” Derrick strolled into the kitchen bright-eyed and grinning.
Staci looked around the kitchen to see who he was talking to.
“Come on, I haven't been that bad, have I?” he asked after he kissed her on the cheek.
“Yes, you have,” Staci answered after taking a sip of her tea, totally unmoved by his touch. She took note of his tailored suit and adjusted his tie for him. “What are you so happy about?”
“I have a very important meeting this morning,” he paused, “that I can't tell you about until later.”
“Of course, you can't,” Staci smirked and walked to the double sink to rinse her breakfast dishes.
Derrick stood behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist. “How about I tell you all about it over dinner tonight? I'll even cook, or if you want, we can go out.”
Staci turned to face him with eyes laced in defeat. “Derrick, it doesn't matter anymore. It's your life, and you can see whomever, go wherever, and do whatever you want.”
He watched her somberly climb the stairs but didn't go after her. If he wanted her to know how much he loved and appreciated her, he didn't show it. The small gap between them had grown enormously, but he made no effort to bridge the gap. For now, his agenda took precedence.
Staci was shocked, to say the least, to see Derrick's SUV in the driveway upon returning home midday to change clothes after an accident at work.
“Derrick?” she called as she stepped into the living room. When he didn't respond, she quickly climbed the stairs to their bedroom. She selected a new ensemble and began changing.
“Derrick? What are you doing in here?” She finally saw him seated on the side of the bathtub. When he held his head up to answer her, his facial expression was one of confusion and despair. When he didn't answer her, she asked again. “Derrick, what are you doing home this time of day?”
“I didn't know there were time restraints on when a man can be in his own house.” His brash tone shocked her, and she took a step backward.
“I'm just surprised to see you, that's all.” Staci studied his face. “Derrick, is something wrong?”
“What do you think? Of course, there's something wrong with me. I'm not from the perfect family like you are.”
Slowly, Staci zipped her skirt and tried to control her temper. “Derrick, what does my family have to do with your bad attitude?”
He just stared at her with cold eyes.
“Derrick, talk to me. What's bothering you?”
“I'm tired of this!” he yelled, then walked to his closet and removed a suitcase.
Staci stared at him like he was an alien with two heads. It took a minute for his actions to register in her brain. He was packing his clothes.
“What are you talking about? You're tired of what?” Staci's voice was steady, although her body trembled.
“I'm tired of everything. Life. This house and you!” He continued packing.
Staci leaned against the door frame to keep from falling. “How can you be tired of me? You haven't been with me.”
He continued packing without responding. Staci watched in silence as he grabbed things from the closet, then the chest and the bathroom. With every item he packed, she felt like he was taking a piece of her. She felt her world crashing down on her, like she was sinking into darkness. She didn't realize she'd slid down the door frame and was now sitting on the floor until her hands touched the carpet.
That's how she was when Derrick finally looked back in her direction: sitting on the floor with tears streaming down her face. Derrick's facial expression softened, but just slightly.
“Staci, I just need a break.” His tone was more gentle, but his resolve the same. “I need some time to think about my life and what I want.”
“And you can't think here, in our home?” she questioned, searching his eyes for the Derrick that used to love her. The one who vowed to love her until death. The Derrick she loved. “You don't want me anymore? There's someone else.” It was meant to be a question, and his answers were supposed to assure her that he loved only her. His prolonged silence, however, made it a statement of fact. She turned her head away from him, not wanting him to see how deeply he'd hurt her.
“I just need some time alone,” he whispered, then grabbed his luggage and left.
Staci remained quiet on the floor. When she heard the front door close, her body shuddered. She didn't allow the sobs that would tear her spirit to shreds and leave her gasping for air to come until after she heard the SUV drive off.
“Oh God!” she screamed over and over. Nothing in her life ever hurt like this. The pain was too much. She lay on the floor in the fetal position crying and holding her stomach until everything went black.
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