Unplugged (10 page)

I leave the kitchen but don
’t miss Liam’s surprised look.

CHAPTER 10

CERYS

Liam isn
’t the only one who’s been away from St Davids long enough to be on the edge. I’ve been out with Lou a couple of times since I got back here but nobody else came; tonight we’re at the local pub with a number of school friends. Going out in the evening is a strange occurrence for me in the last few years, and I’m apprehensive at meeting all these people from my past whose lives are very different to my own.

Tatty gold and silver Christmas garlands adorn the wooden beams of the old style pub and a small fake Christmas tree hung with a meagre amount of blue baubles stands in the old stone fireplace. The friends
we’re meeting sit on stools crammed around a couple of small, dark wood tables, and they wave us over as we walk in. I have nothing to worry about because Liam attracts more attention from our old school friends than I do, his presence eclipsing most of the occupants of the pub. These are your average group of twenty-somethings on a night out, high street fashion clothes picked by girls to impress each other as much as the guys. They huddle together over phones, discussing people and events I have nothing to do with.

I watch Liam at the bar; he could be an ordinary guy out for a drink with friends
, but something in his presence sets him apart. He’s more confident than the teenager with false bravado that I once knew. A couple of the other guys with us are dressed in a similar way although nobody has hair as long as his. Liam’s the only one with a job that allows this.
Job
. How much of his life is a job and how much of Liam is Blue Phoenix?

Liam arrives back from the bar with a tray of drinks and sets down my vodka and tonic in front of me.

“Aren’t you worried about being spotted?” I ask, taking a sip.

He shrugs off his
leather jacket and shoves it under the table. “In St Davids? Unless I’ve done something controversial, the paparazzi will stay away. To everyone else, I’m old news.” His panic over our appearance in public the other day remains unmentioned.

I
’m distracted by his proximity, the warmth and scent of him intensifies the dizzy memory from when he held and kissed me. I stare at his mouth. Liam notices and another look passes between us, the kind holding the promise of a kiss. Does he remember the last time we came here all those years ago?

Louise begins the evening positioned between us, steering conversations
toward his Blue Phoenix life. Liam gives short answers; I get he’s immersing himself in this life instead, and I’m irritated by her. Following her reaction in the kitchen the other day, I suspect this is Louise trying to stop me making a mistake. Liam, as her big brother, makes his displeasure clear with a couple of snide comments and in the end, Lou huffs and moves to sit with her boyfriend, Connor.

“
Little sisters...” he mutters and drinks. I don’t have any brothers or sisters so I can’t sympathise.

“
I’m sure you miss her when you’re away.”

“
Yeah, sometimes. It would be nice to be able to get home more. I wish I could hang around here longer than a week.”

Home.
St Davids isn’t his home any more than it is mine now. “So you’re not looking forward to touring again after Christmas?”

Liam screws his face up then places his hand on the table next to mine, the edge of our fingers touch but not enough for anyone to notice the intimacy of his gesture.
“Can we not talk about that? I’m here to have my Welsh Christmas.”

“
Okay. Sorry.”

I pick my glass up and take a long drink. We lapse into silence and my glass empties due to nervous drinking.

“Hey, Liam, where’s your hot girlfriend?” calls Lee from across the table.

Instantly, I drag my hand away and scrunch my fingers around my jumper. L
iam says in a neutral tone, “La-la land.”

“
What?”

“
LA, stupid,” says Louise and pushes Lee. “Though I reckon she’s in la-la land, too.”

“
Don’t you like her, Louise?” Liam says icily. “Why don’t you just say?”

“
I told you I don’t.” Louise’s face is flushed and she’d had a couple of glasses of wine before we left. Alcohol and sibling squabbles.
Great.
“I don’t trust her.”

Liam drains his glass.
“Anyone want another?”

“
Cerys said you’d broken off the engagement,” continues Louise. “Is that true? Or were you just saying that to get what you want?”

Liam
’s hand tightens around his empty glass. “Did you?” he asks me in a low voice.

“
I didn’t realise. Sorry.”

“
Great,” he mutters. “Now the whole world will know.”

The friends are chatting, only Louise and Lee are paying attention to the conversation.
“Sorry,” I repeat.

Liam stands.
“Same again?”

I nod and my stomach knots at his shift in attitude, I
’ve pissed him off. I didn’t realise he’d confided in me and isn’t it his sister’s fault for opening her big mouth too?

When he returns, he sits a little further from me
, and a prickly heat of disappointment travels across my back. Why did I expect attention from this man? The knowledge in his eyes that things could go further than stolen kisses was imagined. He’s just had a kick back to reality, and so have I.

We sit quietly for a while as the group around us
gets louder. The more awkward this gets, the quicker my glass empties. I should’ve stayed at what counts as my home currently.

“
I should’ve stayed at home,” remarks Liam.

I look up.
“I was thinking the same thing.”

“
Oh? Didn’t you want me here?”

“
No, I meant me. I don’t fit here.”

Liam laughs.
“Neither do I. I never did before, and I still don’t now.”

“
What do you think you’d have done if Blue Phoenix hadn’t got so successful? I can’t imagine you sticking around here.”

“
Dunno. Maybe been a mechanic like Dad.”

“
I could picture that,” I say.

“
What? Scruffy and covered in oil?”

“
You always were scruffy and in need of a shower.”

“
Cheeky! I was a teenage boy. Plus I had my up and coming rock star image to maintain.” The teasing smile Liam has returns.

I bite my tongue away from commenting how that same image is now hot as hell, but I expect he knows. A Californian actress certainly does. It
’s killing me not to ask about her, but revisiting that subject is a bad idea judging by his reaction ten minutes ago.

The atmosphere between us relaxes as we continue chatting about the past
, and it strikes me Liam wishes he could rewind and spend time there. He’s not the only one.

The
friends around us are paired off discussing the ins and outs of their lives, issues, and people I know nothing about. I couldn’t join in the conversation if I wanted to. How amusing this single mum has more in common with a rock star than the people around her. Neither of us belongs even though we’d like to.

“
Do you think they’re not talking to me because they’re in awe of my fame?” Liam whispers and when I turn to admonish him, I spot the glint in his eye.

“
No, probably because you’re not very interesting.”

He gasps and places a hand over his heart, rings catching
the light. “That hurts!”

I shake my head.
“I’m a fine one to talk; I’m not exactly the life and soul of the party.”

“
I don’t mind it means I get to keep you all to myself.”

The comment comes as I
’m drinking and the effect on my breathing interferes. I gulp down the liquid attempting not to choke. I glance at him, eyes watering. “Don’t,” I say quietly.

“
Why? It’s true.” Liam’s hand rests on the table and our fingers touch. He curls his little finger around mine sending a shockwave through my body and my life. If news his engagement is off worries him, cosying up with me in public strikes me as odd.

I tug my hand away from his and sit on
it. “How much have you had to drink?”

He smirks.
“Not as much as you, Cerys.”

“
It’s not fair of you to tease me.”

“
I’m not teasing you. Why do you say that?”

I rub my lips together and lean forward to whisper,
“The kiss, now talking about Honey. This isn’t fair; I told you that in the garden yesterday.”

“
I don’t want to talk about Honey. I don’t even want to think about her.”

Every time Honey is mentioned, I think of Craig and I don
’t want to. Then I think of Ella and guilt seeps in about leaving her alone tonight. What if she wakes up frightened from being in a strange house without me there?

“
I want to go now,” I tell Liam.

“
Did I upset you?”

“
No, I’m worried about Ella.” I pull my handbag from under the table.

“
Ella’s fine, she has Mum wrapped around her little finger. She was asleep anyway, wasn’t she?”

“
I want to go, Liam.” I repeat.

“
Fine. I’ll go with you.” Liam grabs his jacket. “Lou, I’m taking Cerys home.”

Louise looks between us and gives me a look I know refers back to our conversation in the kitchen. I frown and mouth
‘no’, she raises an ‘oh, really?’ eyebrow so I look away.

Outside, the snow on the pavement is thicker than when we arrived although flakes no longer fall from the sky. I wrap my blue scarf around my
neck and burrow my nose into the wool.

Liam pulls on his black beanie and rubs his hands together.
“A white Christmas would be awesome!”

“
A week to go, maybe it will be.”

“
Christmases should be white, makes them magic,” he says and grins.

“
You’re a sentimentalist, aren’t you?” I say. “Very odd for someone like you.”

“
There you go again. ‘Someone like me’. Am I a different species?” He pouts and buries his hands in his jacket pockets.

The Christmas lights cast a multi-coloured glow along the rooftops and the tree in the centre of the town stretches toward the grey clouds, snow settled on the branches. He
’s right; it is magical. As a kid, I came here every Christmas Eve, a family ritual after the church service. We pause by the metal railings and I gaze up at the green and red light bulbs.

“
I’ll bring Ella on Christmas Eve,” I say. “We can see the carol-singers, too.”

“
That would be cool for her; I bet she’d love that. Could I come along?”

I turn to him in surprise. Liam is back to scrutinising me
, and this whole situation is weird. “If you don’t have anything better to do.”

“
Sit in with the parents or get drunk with Louise? It’s not every day I get to watch other people performing.” He winks at me.

“
Maybe you could offer to join in?”

Liam laughs and the sound echoes through the quiet streets.
“Sure, maybe I’ll get the rest of the guys over and we can give them a carol performance St Davids has never seen before!”

The idea of the spectacle amuses me almost as much as the weird comfort of Liam
’s presence. When we were growing up, he wouldn’t give me the time of day, especially as a teen when I was his kid sister’s annoying friend. The three-year age gap was telling back then, but narrowed the night he kissed my star struck seventeen-year-old self. This is reversed today; I’m the one with responsibilities while he’s young and carefree.

“
That’s a serious face,” says Liam.

A snowflake
drifts down and lands on his beanie. I tip my head to the sky, there’re a few flakes now but the dark clouds signal heavier falls are imminent.

“
The serious isn’t far away,” I say quietly.

The soft look of concern in Liam
’s green eyes squeezes my heart because Craig never looks at me this way. How can someone who has no comprehension of what my life is like hold understanding and sympathy toward me and my daughter?

Liam
’s leather jacket gathers snowflakes that melt as they settle and we remain with the snow falling in the space between us. A flake lands on my mouth, another on my eyelashes. I lick away the snowflake and Liam steps closer. With his index finger, he brushes the snow from my face. His fingers are warm against my cold cheek; and instead of withdrawing, he leaves his palm cupped around my face.