Under My Skin (Skin Deep) (17 page)

Chapter 18

Tomorrow. That’s what I told myself. Over and over again as I emptied the contents of my stomach endlessly into the toilet. I would get up and go to the store tomorrow. But until then, I was just going to lay on the tile floor in the bathroom and die. And thank God that Chloe was around.

She’d been a Godsend, going into my thrift store and opening it every morning for the last week, working every day, even on the days when my mom went in to run it for me. Every night she came home and made sure that there was something to eat for the guys, even if it was a bucket of chicken from the KFC down the street.

As for me, she’d checked on me in the mornings before leaving, made sure I had plenty of chicken soup, crackers, and 7up; not that I kept much of it down. Jackson had been busy at the new house, putting the final touches on it so that we could actually move into it within the next month or so. Brandon had been busy at the shop, and both of them called to check on me whenever they could.

It’d been a month since Emma and Luke’s wedding and I thought my life was perfect until I contracted the flu-bug from hell. You think I’m joking…but I’m not. I swear to you that this illness was sent up from Satan himself. And it had been ongoing for a week now.

No, I hadn’t gone to the doctor yet, namely because I couldn’t remove myself from the bathroom for very long, and because I’d refused to let anyone take me. Especially Emma, who had called and begged me every day to let her come take care of me. But I couldn’t, because I didn’t want her to catch the hell-virus.

No matter, because tomorrow I was taking back my life if it killed me. I knew that there were so many things I needed to do at the store, and my poor guys were probably dying from blue-balls. Okay, not really, because who would want to have sex with a little green-looking woman that puked every five minutes? Hell, even thinking about sex made me shudder because it made me think of the way things get all shook and bounced around and that made my stomach curdle even more. Ew.

Stomach emptied for the moment, I sat back and leaned my head against the coolness of the bathtub. My eyes closed of their own volition, the exhaustion weighing heavily on even that part of my poor abused body.

I heard the bathroom door open and barely got my eyes open before I heard Emma’s no-nonsense voice barking orders to me and…Chloe? I think that’s who was standing behind her. What was she wanting me to do? Get dressed? Pshaw. Yeah, right.

Half an hour later found me sulking in the passenger seat of Emma’s car, taking turns glaring at Emma who was driving, and Chloe, who was sitting in the backseat. I had my arms wrapped tight around my bathroom trashcan which, thankfully, I hadn’t had to use yet.

“Glare at me all you want, you little asshat. You’re going to the doctor and that’s that,” Emma said firmly.

I growled at her. She rolled her eyes. And kept driving my unhappy ass to the doctor.

Two hours later, prescriptions in hand and silence reigning, we pulled into my driveway. Home sweet home! Thankfully, the shot the doctor gave me helped immensely with the nausea, and the prescription should help keep it away.

Emma wanted to stay but I wouldn’t let her, and after she finally left, Chloe kept watching me like I was about to pass out on her until I finally shooed her away, too. She left me and went to the store to relieve my mom. Everyone else was gone, too, so I blessedly had the house to myself. It felt nice to be able to relax without throwing up every five minutes, and I took full advantage and scarfed down a few crackers with some 7Up. Yeah, it’s not gourmet, but it’s more than I’d been able to actually keep down in a while and it tasted pretty fuckin’ good to me. And yes, that warranted the strong wording. Trust me.

I managed to sleep for most of the day until Chloe came back. I looked at my phone and saw that Emma had texted me, as did Brandon,
Jackson, my mom, and my Nanny had called three times.

I sighed and started texting everyone back, waiting to call my Nanny until I was done.

“Minnie’s pool hall, eight ball speaking!”

Yep. That’s my Nanny. Cantankerous and crazy. Bodes well for me in my old age, huh?

“Hey, Nanny. What are you doing?” I asked her.

“Oh, Allie-girl! How are you feeling?” she asked me.

“Alright. How are you guys doing? I saw you called three times; sorry it took me a while to call you back, but I actually got to sleep today.”

I heard her yelling at my Poppy to turn the damn t.v. down before she answered me. “I only called that many times ‘cause I was checking on you. We’re fine. I suppose. That damn no good doctor said he wants to have my eyes checked for glaucoma. I don’t have no damn glaucoma, and if I did, I told him I wanted some of that wacky weed to smoke. You think he’ll give it to me?” She cackled for a second, breaking off on a cough.

I sighed. “Nanny, you know he isn’t going to give you anything like that, and you don’t need it anyway. You’re loopier than loopy as is!”

“And you’re gonna be just like me when you grow up. You know it and I know it. Now, if we can just get your momma up to par, we’d be good,” she grumbled.

“What’s wrong with Mom?” I asked.

“Well, nothing’s wrong with her…she just says that I’m on her nerves. I can’t help it if she says she’ll be here to get me and it takes twenty minutes. She lives ten minutes away, so what’s the hold up? You know I gotta get home and take my pills.” She harrumphed. “Damn kids anyway. Carry ‘em your body for nine goddamn long months and they give you nothing but hemorrhoids and heartache.”

I rolled my eyes, thankful she couldn’t see me ‘cause it would have gotten me slapped. “Alright, Nanny, I’m gonna go lay down again, while I can. I’ll check back in with you soon, okay?”

“Okay, Allie-girl. I love you!” she crooned in her gravelly voice.

“Love you, too, Nanny. Bye.”

I hung up the phone on a rueful laugh and settled myself onto the couch in the living room with a fresh glass of 7Up and a few crackers. Maybe if I managed not to be sick again for a while, I’d move up to chicken noodle soup. Or maybe a Big Mac. That sounded pretty good, too.

I was half asleep on the couch watching the end of some sappy, sobby Lifetime movie when Chloe came back home. I blinked at the clock, astonished to see that it was almost seven. I grabbed my phone and looked at it to see if I’d missed any more calls; nothing.

I sat up as Chloe walked toward me, her hand automatically reaching for my forehead.

“I don’t have a fever. Haven’t even been sick since the doctor gave me that shot,” I told her.

“Good. Then we won’t have to drag you back to the doctor again,” she said smartly. “Have you heard from my brother? I thought he’d be home by now.”

I shook my head. “He texted earlier, said he had to go to Cincy to handle some paperwork.”

“Well, he’ll be home soon, then.
Brandon?” she asked.

“He texted, too, said he was working late. Why?”

She shrugged. “Just wondered if I needed to fix dinner or whatever. Did you eat?”

I rolled my eyes at her and sighed. “Yes, mother, I did. Some 7Up and some crackers.”

She smacked my thigh lightly and scolded, “Don’t you roll your eyes at me, young lady!”

We both laughed,

but I could see the relief plain as day in her face. I guess I scared her being so sick like that.

“You know, Chloe, I haven’t really had a chance to thank you for everything you’ve done while I’ve been sick. So thanks…you know, for taking care of me and my store. And…well, just everything.”

She nodded and smiled at me. “It’s okay. Actually, I should be the one thanking you for opening your home to me and giving me a job. I know I’ve said it before, but I still don’t think I’ve said it enough. You really have made me feel like I’m family.”

“You are,” I said simply.

She smiled at me and we spoke about lighter things for a while before I started to feel sick again. I groaned and she jumped up, running out of the room. She came back almost immediately with an ice cold glass of water and my nausea pill, but she still pushed my little trashcan closer to me, just in case.

Miraculously, I staved off the sickness long enough for the pill to kick in and by the time
Brandon walked in the door, I was feeling a little bit more like myself.

He came toward me, a look of surprise sweeping across his face. “Holy shit! You’re up off the bathroom floor…and you look alive!” he said, grinning.

I crossed my arms and pretended to glare at him, giving up and laughing with him as he leaned in and kissed my forehead.

Chloe asked
Brandon, “Did you get something to eat?”

He nodded. “Yeah, Emma picked up some food from Griff’s for us since we were booked solid, and still had walk-ins. Luckily they were all for piercing, because we’ve been so crazy busy that we’ve had to stop doing walk in tattoos. Need an appointment for ink, now.”

“Look at you, big, bad, busy tattoo-man,” I said, teasingly.

Now it was his turn to pretend to glare at me but it didn’t last long. Instead, he kissed me on the forehead again and went to change. He came back shortly wearing basketball shorts and nothing else. Sick or not, that still made my pulse pick up and my body flush with heat.

I saw Chloe glance at me, double take, and then she was up and by my side in an instant, her hand going to my head to check for fever. “Allie, you’re all flushed! Is your fever coming back?”

I shook my head and pushed her hand away, glancing guiltily at Brandon, who was laughing.

“No, Chloe, I think she just likes what I’m wearing,” he said, his tone sliding like silk over my skin.

Chloe looked up at him and I swear I saw her gulp as she registered that he was standing there in nothing but shorts. Couldn’t blame her; the man is hot.

“Alright, babe, I’m gonna go hop in the shower real quick, okay?”

I nodded, lifted my face for his kiss, and watched him walk away.

Chloe and I were laughing at something she had said when my cell phone rang. I picked it up, smiling when I saw the name.

“Hey, Jacks!” I said happily into the phone, glad I could actually communicate with him for once, rather than just moan and groan in misery.

But it wasn’t Jackson on the other end of the line.

I could feel all the blood drain from my face. I could almost swear that it was draining from my entire body. I started shaking my head no, the words I’d just heard reverberating throughout every inch of my brain.
‘No, no, no, no, no, no’
…I didn’t realize I was whispering the word out loud. I didn’t feel the phone slip from my suddenly numb fingers.

I didn’t hear Chloe’s cry of concern, didn’t see her leap forward to grab the phone up, speaking quickly to try to figure out what the hell was going on. And I didn’t flinch when she screamed
Brandon’s name brokenly, her face dissolving into a mask of panicked pain, tears pouring from her eyes as she collapsed beside me.

Because I couldn’t stop saying no...and the only other words that I could think of were the ones that were echoing in my ears.

“I’m so sorry, Ms. McCormick.”

Chapter 19

The opening notes of Kelly Clarkson’s
Stronger
played softly over my headphones and I ripped them away from my ears. I swore under my breath and deleted the song from my playlist, like I thought I had done over an hour ago after hearing it three times.

I used to like that song. Now, I want to scream when I hear it because, trust me, I’m not stronger from what hasn’t killed me. Because I am dying every fucking day that I have to sit here beside the quietly beeping machines keeping my heart alive.

I say my heart because it’s true. I don’t mean the actual organ pumping away in my chest; I’m talking about one of the men I love, lying in a hospital bed a foot from me. For four weeks now, I’ve sat here, day in and day out, hoping…praying…begging that something will change and he’ll wake up. That he’ll open those beautiful, deep brown eyes that I love so much. That he’ll smile, hold out his arms for me, and I’ll be able to crawl into them and hold him just as tightly as I want him to hold me.

And every day, those hopes and prayers go unanswered.

My mom has taken over my store for the moment, but at this point I really didn’t even care about it. I know I probably should, but my priorities are a little different right now. Don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful for everything she’s done and is doing for me. She makes sure that I have clean clothes at the hospital, and they bring me food and make sure I eat it. My illness had gone away, but my appetite was severely lacking. I showered and slept at the hospital, and they let me because the first (and only) time they’d told me I needed to go home and rest, I’d gone a little crazy on them.

Chloe has pretty much been with me the whole time, too, only she’s gone home to sleep every night now.

Jackson’s and her mom flew in as quickly as she could once Brandon had called her. She’d been staying at my house with Chloe and Brandon. I just couldn’t make myself leave him. I’d told the hospital staff I was his fiancée the day we’d come to the hospital, the day of the accident. Chloe and Sarah, their mom, had backed me up. Talk about a bad way to meet the mother of the man you’re in love with.

I felt bad, too, because I knew I’d been a real bitch to
Brandon lately. I’ve pushed him away and it’s not his fault. He’s been there for me every step of the way, holding me close when I’ve just needed to be held. Kissing my forehead and whispering empty reassurances that sounded pretty, but didn’t really help. And I loved him for it, I really did. But I still couldn’t bring myself to leave Jackson’s side.

I’ve seen the pictures of
Jackson’s car now; the mangled metal painting a horrific image that burned itself into my mind and won’t let go. It was a hit and run, I’ve been told. The police have said they’re investigating, but they have nothing and I really don’t see them ever finding the asshole that did it. From what they could piece together from the scene, a car travelling in the southbound lane of the road crossed the line into Jackson’s lane. He was northbound, but the car didn’t hit him head on.

Instead, it had hit the driver’s side rear quarter of the car, causing it to go into a spin, which sent it off the road, over the embankment, and flipped it. Apparently it rolled twice, and landed on the roof. Jacks had to be cut from the car and he wasn’t breathing when they found him. They also said they’d lost him on the way to the hospital, but were able to bring him back.

He’d been in a coma ever since, machines performing every necessary function to keep him alive. He’d had head trauma, including a concussion and a laceration that required twenty stitches. His brain had swelled slightly initially, but thankfully had went down and they didn’t have to do any kind of surgery for that. They did have to do surgery to repair his punctured lung and his ruptured spleen.

He had a broken nose, four broken ribs, a broken leg (clean break, thank God), a cut above his eyebrow that needed ten stitches, and a slew of other cuts, scratches, and bruises. The cuts and bruises had mostly healed in the month since the accident. His leg was healing nicely, as were his ribs, and they’d managed to set his nose so perfectly, you could barely tell it had been broken.

But he still wouldn’t breathe on his own. Or wake up. His scans weren’t showing any major sign of brain damage, but the doctors weren’t optimistic about it. They did say his brain activity was slower and not showing signs of improvement. They had indicated that the longer he stayed out, the more chance he stood of either not waking up, or, in the event he would, he would need to relearn simple things that we all take for granted.

There were whispers around me…those three dreaded words. Pull. The. Plug. They were talking about turning off the machines. Of him dying. So, here I sat, stoically watching the love of my life lying lifelessly in the hospital bed a foot away from me.

I tossed my iPod onto the bed beside his leg, giving up on listening to music. Kelly had irritated me enough that I didn’t want to bother trying to find something else, something more soothing.

I reached out and took
Jackson’s hand in mine, and I sat there, stroking it gently with my fingers and urging him silently, like I did every minute of every day, to wake up.

I heard a noise and glanced up at the door to see
Brandon standing there, watching me with an unreadable look. I held his gaze, unblinking, silently speaking with our eyes that nothing had changed, but there was an undertone to that look that I just didn’t want to analyze right now.

Movement at his side suddenly caught my eye and I broke our stare to see Chloe standing there. She peered in at her brother, and I smiled sadly at her, shaking my head. Her eyes filled with tears and
Brandon wrapped his arm around her shoulders, pulling her into his side.

I was grateful at that moment that he was there, being strong for her. Honestly, I couldn’t do it. I was being selfish in my grief, and she deserved better than that. Especially with everything the poor thing had been through. First being beaten by her ex, now this…

Chloe leaned into Brandon and they stood there, just watching over Jackson as I sat by his side, each of us lost in our own thoughts.

After a few minutes, Chloe broke away from
Brandon, made her way over to me, knelt beside my chair, and laid her hand on my shoulder.

Softly she said, “Allie, why don’t you go get some rest for a little bit? Let
Brandon take you home and take care of YOU for a bit. I’ll sit right here, I promise, and I will call you if there’s any change, whatsoever.”

Before she’d even gotten the words out all the way, I’d begun shaking my head. It was a force of habit by now; I didn’t want to leave him, and I wasn’t going to.

Chloe sighed, and then her next words made my jaw drop, literally. All trace of softness was gone from her voice when she said, “Don’t take this the wrong way, Allie, but GO HOME. I want to sit with my brother for a while, and I want to do it ALONE.”

I closed my mouth with a snap and stood, drawing myself up indignantly. I could feel my eyes burning with tears and my anger was rising, seeping up from a simmer but I didn’t stick around for it to reach full-on boil. With a hard look at her, I stomped from the room, pushing past Brandon who just sighed and followed quietly.

I jabbed my finger into the elevator button repeatedly, shooting murderous glances over my shoulder towards Jackson’s room.

“That’s not going to make it come any faster, baby,”
Brandon said behind me.

I whirled on him. “I know it isn’t…thank you for pointing that out. You know, you don’t need to come with me. I’m just fine on my own-”

“Stop it, Allie. Just stop!” His words were sharp, even though they were delivered quietly.

But they had the intended effect. They shut me up rather quickly, more from shock than from anything else, I think.
Brandon had never talked to me like that before. I stared at him, waiting for him to say something more, but the elevator dinged and the doors opened, revealing Emma and Sarah, Jackson’s mom.

“Oh, Allie!” Emma gasped. “Honey, are you finally going to go get some rest? Thank God!”

I opened my mouth and shut it again quickly, casting a sidelong glance at Sarah who looked just as relieved as Emma. And then I could do nothing more than nod, because I could see the worry etched across both of their faces. Worry for me…and I hated myself for it. What right did I have to make them worry when their son and friend was lying in a hospital bed down the hall? None, that’s for damn sure.

I pasted a smile on my face and hugged them both. “Yeah, I’m pretty beat, so I’m gonna go home, get some food, and lay down for a while. I’ll come back later tonight, okay?”

Emma shook her head no and Sarah agreed. “No, honey, you need to stay home and get some rest. It’s important that you take care of you for a while. I’ll stay tonight and I promise, we’ll call you if there’s any change, any change at all. Even if he just farts, I will call you, I swear!”

I smiled at her, as she intended. “Okay, Sarah. And…thank you. You know, for everything.” I waved my head in the air vaguely.

She nodded, stepped forward, and hugged me tight. Before she let me go, she whispered in my ear, “I’m glad I finally got to meet you, regardless. He loves you so much and so does Chloe. I love you, too, you know. How could I not?”

I squeezed her a little tighter for a second, humbled by her words. I sighed and let her go, pulling away and turning towards
Brandon. “Ready?”

He nodded and I hit the button on the elevator that had come and gone a couple times while we were standing there talking. Emma patted me on my back and smiled at me, and I knew that I had lifted a weight off their shoulders.

We left the hospital and I realized that it had gotten dark. I didn’t even know what time it was, but I should have realized it was late enough that Brandon was done working since he came up there. Which meant Luke should be showing up there soon enough, too.

When we got into
Brandon’s SUV and headed home, I watched his profile in the street lights. His handsome face looked tired and it hit me even harder that I had honestly made things worse on everyone by being a selfish little bitch. Oh, GOD I was an asshole!

I closed my eyes and laid my head back, swallowing audibly. How could I fix this?

A few hours later, laying in the darkness wrapped up in Brandon’s arms, I felt my tears well up again. But this time, they weren’t only for Jackson.

“I…I’m so sorry for being so closed off,
Brandon. I really feel like a Grade A Bitch, pushing everyone away-”

“It’s okay, baby. Don’t worry about it. We understand-all of us.” He squeezed me a little tighter before saying, “Just get some sleep and I’ll take you back up there before I go to work in the morning, okay?”

I nodded against his chest and snuggled into him, and it hit me just how much I’d missed the feel of him beside me at night. “Love you, Brandon…” I murmured tiredly as exhaustion hit me like a ton of bricks, and then slipped into a deep, dreamless sleep.