Uncle John’s Unstoppable Bathroom Reader (49 page)

Problem:
How can people effectively, cheaply—and legally—stop the ringing of cell phones in designated cell phone–free zones?

Simple Solution:
Wall panels that jam cell phone signals

Explanation:
Electronic jamming of cell phone transmissions is illegal in the United States, but Hideo Oka and fellow engineers at Japan’s Iwate University figured out a way around that—they invented a nonelectronic method. The system consists of a layer of magnetic material (they use nickel zinc ferrite) sandwiched between two thin layers of wood. It looks like 3/8-inch wood paneling. The nickel-zinc ferrite interferes with the electromagnetic waves that cell phones rely on. That means that theaters or restaurants or homeowners can use it to build “cell-free” zones. Oka believes he can find a way to manufacture the device with recycled materials, which would make it very affordable. Naturally, the cell phone industry isn’t happy—observers say a legal battle is looming.

Only two books in the Bible are named for women: Ruth and Esther.

STAR

Problem:
Arsenic in drinking water. Scientists say that naturally occurring contamination of groundwater in some developing countries causes as many as 200,000 deaths a year. How can people without access to high-tech filters or water-treatment plants make their water safe to drink?

Simple Solution:
STAR, a patented—and remarkably cheap—filtration system

Explanation:
In 2001, Xiaoguang Meng and George Korfiatis, scientists at the Stevens Institute of Technology, successfully tested a system that consisted of two buckets, some sand, and a tea-bag-sized packet of iron-based powder. This filter reduces arsenic levels in well water from 650 parts per billion (deadly) to 10ppb, the level recommended by the World Health Organization. Cost per family: $2 a year.

KENYA CERAMIC JIKO (KCJ)

Problem:
In Kenya, most families use small metal charcoal-burning stoves—called
jikos
—for cooking. But they’re terribly inefficient. And with the cost of wood and wood-based charcoal skyrocketing, how can people afford to cook for their families?

Simple Solution:
The highly efficient Kenya Ceramic Jiko stove

Explanation:
The KCJ is a small, hourglass-shaped metal stove with a ceramic lining in its top half. It uses up to 50% less fuel—saving the average family more than $60 a year. The manufacturer, KENGO (Kenya Energy and Environment Organization), has held workshops all over the country, demonstrating how the stoves work and even teaching villagers how to set up shops to make them. (Several women’s groups make the ceramic linings.) The KCJ burns cleaner, reducing emissions, and costs only $3.

Q: How can you tell when a platypus feels threatened? A: It growls.

WHAT’S THE NUMBER FOR 911?

Another installment of some of our favorite 911 calls from Leland Gregory’s book,
What’s the Number for 911 Again?
Believe it or not, they’re all real.

Recorded during a power outage.

Dispatcher:
“911. Fire or emergency?”

Caller:
“My power’s out!”

Dispatcher:
“Yes, sir, we’re aware of that. Do you have an emergency?”

Caller:
“No, I don’t have a damn emergency. I just want to know if I’m going to be getting a rebate for the length of time I’m without power.”

Dispatcher:
“Uhhh, no, sir, you won’t be charged for the electricity you
didn’t
use.”

Caller:
“Well, that’s more like it!”

Dispatcher:
“911. What’s the address of your emergency?”

Caller:
“I need to know what I can do about someone who came into my home and put boogers on my wall.”

Dispatcher:
“Did you invite this person into your home?”

Caller:
“Yes, but I didn’t give him permission to put boogers on the walls.”

Dispatcher:
“911. What’s the address of your emergency?”

Citizen:
[no response]

Dispatcher:
“911. What’s the address of your emergency?”

Citizen
[tentatively]
:
“Hello?”

Dispatcher:
“Yes, this is 911, can I help you?”

Citizen:
“You have the wrong number!”

Dispatcher:
“911.What’s the address of your emergency?”

Caller:
“Can I give you my credit card number over the phone to pay on my warrant?”

Dispatcher:
“What’s the offense?”

Caller:
“Credit card fraud.”

Dispatcher:
“911.”

Caller:
“Help! Help! Send the police! I been shot.”

Dispatcher:
“You said you’ve been shot?”

Caller:
“I been shot!”

Dispatcher:
“How many times were you shot?”

Caller:
“This is the first time.”

Forty percent of Americans have never visited the dentist.

Dispatcher:
“911. What is your emergency?”

Male Caller:
“You have got people working in the school right now. And they’ve been working all night long violating the noise code over here.”

Dispatcher:
“Sir, a noise complaint is not an emergency call. You’ll have to call on the business line.”

Male Caller:
“Well how about if I shoot them, would it be an emergency then?”

Dispatcher:
“Sure would.”

Male Caller:
“Alright.”

Dispatcher:
“911.”

Male Caller:
“I need a paramedic. Can you send one or do I have to call someone else?”

Dispatcher:
“I’ll take care of that, sir. Just calm down. What’s the problem?”

Male Caller:
“I saw a medical special on TV last night about a rare disease, and I think I have all the symptoms. My neighbor thinks I do, too.”

Dispatcher:
“911.”

Female Caller:
“I am trapped in my house.”

Dispatcher:
“Trapped? Is someone holding you there?”

Female Caller:
“Someone? No. But there is a frog on the front porch.”

Dispatcher:
“A frog?”

Female Caller:
“Yes, a frog.”

Dispatcher:
“Okay, but what is preventing you from leaving the house?”

Female Caller:
“I told you. There is a frog on the porch and I am afraid of frogs.”

Dispatcher:
“And you don’t have another door to the house?”

Female Caller:
“No. There is only one door and I can’t get out of the house with the frog sitting there.”

Dispatcher:
“Why don’t you take a broom and sweep the frog off the porch?”

Female Caller:
“I can’t do that. I told you, I am afraid of frogs. He might get me.”

Dispatcher:
“Um…I’m not sure I can help you with this.”

Dispatcher:
“911. What is the location of your emergency?”

Caller:
“Yes, I just wanted to let you know that I have some information that will help you to solve many of your cases.”

Dispatcher
[noting that the call originated from the state hospital]
:
“Okay, go ahead with that information.”

Caller:
“I am prepared to meet with the detectives and to reveal the true identity of Cinderella’s stepmother.”

Dispatcher:
[Pause] “Okay.”

30,000 Hawaiians signed a petition to change Maui’s name… to Gilligan’s Island.

READING TOMBSTONES

In olden days, families had special symbols carved into gravestones to tell something about their loved ones, to express their grief, or to reflect their belief in eternal life or their faith. So, next time you’re strolling through a cemetery, look around—the dead are talking to you.

Anchor:
Steadfast hope

Tree trunk:
The brevity of life

Birds:
The soul

Snake in a circle:

Everlasting life in heaven (also called
ouroboros
)

Cherub:
Divine wisdom or justice

Broken column:

Early death

Cross, anchor, and Bible:
Faith, hope, and charity

Cross, crown, and palm:
Trials, victory, and reward

Crown:
Reward and glory

Dove:
Purity, love, the Holy Spirit

Horseshoe:
Protection against evil

Gourds:
Deliverance from grief

Lamb
: Innocence (usually on a child’s grave)

Swallow:
Motherhood

Hourglass:
Time and its swift flight

Arch:
Rejoined with partner in heaven.

Ivy:
Faithfulness, memory, and undying friendship

Laurel:
Victory

Lily:
Purity and resurrection

Mermaid:
Dualism of Christ—half God, half man

Conch shell:

Wisdom

Oak:
Strength

Palms:
Martyrdom

Shattered urn:
Old age

Peacock:
Eternal life

Poppy:
Eternal sleep

Column:
Noble life

Garland:
Victory over death

Rooster:
Awakening, courage, vigilance

Shell:
Birth and resurrection

Six-pointed star:

The creator

Weeping willow:

Mourning, grief

Triangle:
Truth, equality, trinity

Olive branch:
Forgiveness

Dolphin:
Salvation, bearer of souls across water to heaven

Skeleton:
Life’s brevity

Broken sword:
Life cut short

Crossed swords:

Life lost in battle

Heart:
Devotion

Going out with a bang: Three U.S. presidents have died on the Fourth of July.

CHAIR-LEADERS

Pull up a chair for this one. On
page 68
we told you about giant Paul Bunyan statues. Well, it turns out that someone’s been building them places to sit down.

C
LASH OF THE TITANS

Small towns seem to love being the home of “the World’s Largest” anything. Oversize statues, balls of string, and other oddities are good for tourism and civic pride. For example:

• Ashburn, Georgia, has been a popular photo op spot ever since 1975, when the “World’s Largest Peanut” was erected on I-75.

• Castroville, California, one of the world’s top growing centers for artichokes, is the proud home of a 15-foot-tall artichoke, which sits next to an artichoke-shaped restaurant.

• Kissimmee, Florida, has a restaurant shaped like an orange called Orange World.

But what happens when different towns want the same “World’s Largest” claim to fame? The battle over who has the world’s largest chair has been raging for almost a century.

HIGH CHAIRS

In the late 1800s, Gardner, Massachusetts, with 20 furniture factories, was becoming a chair-manufacturing center. In 1905 the town decided to draw attention to its manufacturing prowess by erecting a 12-foot Mission-style chair on Elm Street. Postcards and placards soon proclaimed Gardner to be “Chair City of the World.”

A few years later, Thomasville, North Carolina, which called itself the “Furniture Capital of the World” built its own giant chair, and at 13-feet, 6-inches, it was just a bit bigger than Gardner’s.

Gardner’s town fathers were infuriated. Not to be outdone, they quickly built a 15-foot Mission chair. And just to be sure their chair would remain the biggest, in 1935 they replaced that one with a 16-foot Hitchcock chair.

Wartime production needs quelled the giant-chair feud for a few years, but after steel production bans were lifted in 1948, Thomasville built an 18-foot steel chair on a 12-foot pedestal. To bolster their position, they convinced the nearby town of High Point to build the world’s largest chest of drawers.

Claxton, Georgia, claims to be the Fruit Cake Capital of the World.

WE WON’T TAKE THIS SITTING DOWN

Under cover of darkness, furniture makers from Bassett, Virginia, sent a team to North Carolina to measure Thomasville’s big chair. The boys from Bassett planned to build their own big chair and wanted to ensure that, at 19 feet tall, it would be big enough to steal Thomasville’s thunder.

Various other towns jumped into the fray, too: Bennington, Vermont, built a 19-foot ladderback; Washington, D.C., erected a 19-foot Duncan Phyfe; and Morristown, Tennessee, erected a massive 20-foot green recliner, so large it could seat 10 people across.

Gardner fought back gamely, building a 20-foot, 7-inch chair for the bicentennial celebrations in 1976. But Gardner’s chair was eclipsed by a mammoth ladderback built at Pa’s Woodshed in Binghamton, New York: 24 feet, 9 inches tall. The monstrous creation (considered an eyesore by some), made it into the 1979
Guinness Book of World Records
.

THE CHAIR BATTLE MARCHES ON

• A furniture company in Wingdale, New York, used more than a ton and a half of wood to build its 25-foot-tall Fireside Chair.