Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader Zipper Accidents (33 page)

SEXY BACKLASH

Ricky’s, a costume superstore based in New York City, specializes in “sexy (fill-in-the-blank)” costumes. Many of these costumes generate complaints, none more so than a little black dress with a skeleton pattern that came with a measuring-tape ribbon belt and a measuring-tape choker chain. The name of the costume: Anna Rexia. The backlash was severe. “I’m just appalled,” said Trish Jones-Bendel of the National Association of
Anorexia Nervosa & Associated Disorders, “because eating disorders have the highest mortality rate of any mental illness.” Or, as one commenter said, “What’s next—a ‘Sexy Tumor’ outfit?!” In 2011—two years after Anna Rexia became available—Ricky’s pulled the costume.

NOBODY PUTS BABY IN A CORONER

The Sexy Jane Doe DOA costume brings new meaning to the phrase “death becomes her.” Here’s the actual description (typos preserved for your reading pleasure): “Although she doesn’t have much of a personality, she is still drop dead gorgeous in this body bag dress, Im sure you have the personality and in this you will be gorgeous. Stretch satin mini dress with hood and a two way zipper front which can zip all the way up the hood. One breast has an outline of a body printed on to it an PROPERTY OF THE CORONER. Pack includes Coroners name tag fitted to a choker Jane Doe and matching fingerless gloves.”

KING OF PAIN

King Richard the Lionheart of England was leading troops in battle in 1199 when he stopped a charge, hypnotized by an arrow fired at him by a French soldier. The arrow hit him in the shoulder, and he died of blood poisoning.

T
he American economy was vibrant and healthy in 1969. Retail was an especially strong sector, and a new type of store was emerging: the discount variety chain, basically department store–size versions of five-and-dimes and neighborhood drugstores. Target, Walmart, and Kmart all began this way. One contemporary chain
not
around today is Grants, also known as W. T. Grant, founded as a dime store in Massachusetts in 1906. By the late 1960s, there were nearly 1,100 locations around the United States.

The overall financial health of the company, as well as that of the economy at large, led the Grants board of directors to expand the chain into new geographic areas, build bigger stores, and institute incentives to get people to shop at Grants, instead of at its biggest competitor, Kmart. The big idea was to offer store credit to its customers. Any customer. Any customer at all. While that immediately sounds bad, at the time, default rates on small loans, under $1,000, the kind of debt incurred at a store over time, were low. Grants thought they would make money on the deal.

Each store was given jurisdiction over its own credit system, and they lacked the record-keeping
or resources to determine whether applicants were good credit risks or not. For example, no credit checks were done. Thousands of customers took advantage of this system to open credit lines at multiple Grants stores. Beyond that, Grants offered super-low repayment terms (interest rates under 5 percent) and plans with small minimum payments.

The American economy slowed down in 1970 and 1971, meaning people were paying their debt back even less, and certainly not to Grants. Few changes were made to the credit system, and by 1975 the company was bankrupt and closed its doors. Total amount of outstanding customer debt at that point: $276.3 million.

BATS OFF!

It’s one of the most famous myths in rock music history…except that it’s true. At a 1982 Ozzy Osbourne concert in Iowa, a fan threw what Osbourne assumed to be a rubber bat onstage. In a very heavy-metal gesture, Osbourne bit the head off of the rubber bat—except that it was a real bat. Blood spewed forth from the bat, and all over Osbourne and into his mouth. The singer had to undergo a round of rabies vaccinations.

C
onstruction workers Edward Tyler, 26, and Wendell Amaker, 48, were doing renovation work at New York City’s Staten Island Hotel one day in August 2011. They took an elevator between some of the old hotel’s upper floors with a cart full of supplies—but the elevator door wouldn’t open. They tried another floor—same thing. So they decided to ride the elevator to the basement to see if the doors would open there.