Unbroken Pleasures (23 page)

I can’t say that
I didn’t have a good time at the reception because of course, I did, but for
some reason from the moment that I stepped into the banquet room, I felt an
overwhelming urge to turn and run in the other direction. I didn’t like to
think that I felt jealousy seeing Sylvia so in love and so happy because that
wasn’t it, not entirely. It was something else, some strange pull that kept
tugging on me, drawing me into the cool night air. It felt almost like that
first night that I’d discovered Reese as I walked alone letting my feet guide
me through the rain with no direction in particular.

The feeling was
so strong that I actually found myself moving outside a couple of times inhaling
the scent of early fall air and feeling the first hints of frost in the air. I
let the liquid in my drink swirl before I took a sip and then shook off the
strange feelings and rejoined my friends at the party. I laughed when Adam
caught the garter belt and took the opportunity to tease him about proposing to
Annie but the joke was on me when it was my turn to catch the bouquet. Sylvia
took this as a sign that there was still a chance for Adam and me but I
shrugged it off. If I’d ever had any feelings for Adam, and I doubted that I
ever really did, then they had long since gone away and he had found new
happiness with someone else.

An abundance of
alcohol, however, made it easier to flirt and get more comfortable with each
other and I suppose the romantic air of the evening didn’t hurt much either.
Somehow between dancing with the bride and talking to the bride’s new
mother-in-law, I found myself wrapped in Adam’s arms and engaged in a very long
kiss. Much to my embarrassment, we were rewarded with applause from a captive
audience.

By the time that
the night ended and Adam took me home, we ended up making out in my driveway. I
couldn’t deny that I was horny and even if Adam was seeing someone else, he
seemed to be onboard with any ideas of spending the night together. His hands were
all over me as we sat in the front seat of his car and kissed. Despite my
practical side screaming for me to stop, I pulled myself closer and enjoyed the
sensation of his body against the thin fabric of my gown.

“We should go
inside,” he said breaking away from me breathless.

I let go
reluctantly and stumbled as I found the door handle to let myself out of his
car. Somehow he’d beat me to it and was already out of the car and standing on
the passenger side to open the door for me and take my hand to lead me to my
door. I took his hand and felt the world start to sway as I stood up. His arms
were waiting to catch me as I fell toward my door giggling.

“I think I had
too much to drink,” I said giggling again as I attempted to unlock my door. Since
it must have been clear that we weren’t getting anywhere without a bit of
assistance, Adam took the key from my hand and unlocked the door for me. Before
he pushed it open, he pinned me up against it for another kiss. Maybe it was
the fresh chill in the air sobering me up or maybe it was the kiss that
reminded me so much of the way I’d stumbled into my house with Reese but my
senses finally clicked into place and I broke off the kiss with a gentle push.

“We shouldn’t be
doing this,” I whispered.

Adam looked at
me like he didn’t understand the words I was saying and then he tried to kiss
me again.

“Adam, stop,” I
said pushing him with a bit more force this time. “What about Amy?”

“Huh? Oh yeah,”
he said. I could see the disappointment in his face as he tried to regain his
composure.

“We both just
got a little carried away, that’s all,” I told him as I tried to put his mind
at rest, “Blame it on the alcohol or the wedding or whatever. As far as I’m
concerned nothing happened here tonight.”

“Alex…”

“It’s okay,
Adam. You should go home.”

“Maybe it
wouldn’t be such a bad thing.”

“What wouldn’t
be a bad thing?”

“You and me.”

“You’re not
thinking clearly, Adam. This would be a mistake and you know that as well as I
do.”

He took a chance
at pressing his lips into mine again but because of the door against my back, I
couldn’t pull away from him easily. Part of me didn’t want to let go. It wasn’t
Adam that I wanted to be with but I hadn’t had a man in my bed since my last
encounter with Reese and I was itching for a release. If it hadn’t been for Amy,
I might have given in to the temptation of a one-night stand just for the fun
of it but I couldn’t do it. I managed to escape his grasp just as his hands
started to roam feely over my body again. I rearranged my hair and my dress and
opened the front door.

There he stood.
The man of my dreams, both literally and figuratively, waited in my living
room. Reese was perched on the edge of the couch with his hands clasped
together. He’d been staring at the carpet but looked up when he heard the sound
of the door open. He didn’t smile as I stood there with my mouth gaping open in
shock. His eyes went from me to Adam standing behind me with his arm draped
across my shoulders. I shrugged away from Adam and stepped into the living room
unsure of what to say or what to do.

“Reese,” I
whispered with a dry throat, “What are you doing here?”

“I wanted to see
you.” He said the words to me but watched Adam as he teetered in the doorway.
He looked back at me and stood up. “I’m sorry, I didn’t realize you were
entertaining.”

He moved to the
door to leave but I ran after him trying to grab his arm, his leg, any part
that I could manage to hang on to just to keep him with me a few seconds
longer. I could barely catch my breath.

“Wait, Reese,
don’t go. It’s not what you think.”

He did hesitate
a moment in the doorway, long enough that he could turn around and give Adam
another glare and then his eyes softened as he looked at me.

“You look
absolutely beautiful in that dress,” he said, “I am really sorry that I
interrupted your evening.”

I knew that I
probably had lipstick smeared across my face. I could see traces of it across
Adam’s face and I knew that it must be apparent that we were making out only
moments ago. I cursed myself under my breath for letting that happen. But then,
how did I know that Reese would be here waiting for me? I hadn’t seen him in so
long, he had no right to expect that I wouldn’t have moved on, except that I
really hadn’t. I’d never gotten over the feel of his body against mine and the
feel of his kiss. I could never want anyone else the way that I wanted him. He
was like a drug that I couldn’t get enough of. I would have given anything to
throw myself into his arms at that moment and make him understand just how much
I wanted him. Even the air around us seemed alive with electricity when we
stood only inches apart.

“You didn’t
interrupt anything,” I said desperate to keep him there, “Adam was just
leaving. Weren’t you Adam?”

I looked
pleadingly in Adam’s direction and he hesitated leaving an awkward silence
making it clear that it hadn’t been his intention to leave at all. Finally he
mumbled something about calling me later and gave me a quick kiss on my cheek
as he stumbled his way out my front door. I watched him get in his car. He kept
hesitating looking back at me like he wasn’t sure that he wanted to leave me
alone with Reese but he seemed to understand by the expression on my face that
any effort to stay would have proved fruitless.

I closed the
door once Adam’s car disappeared into the distance and rested my back against
it to look at Reese. He was still standing where I’d left him with an
expression on his face that I couldn’t read.

“I’m really
sorry, Alexandra. I shouldn’t have come here like this.”

“Stop,” I said
stepping forward. I may have sobered enough to stop myself from doing something
I’d regret with Adam but the alcohol still gave me a coat of bravery. “I’m so
glad to see you again.”

I was standing
with only a breath between us and I could almost hear the sound of his heart
hammering in his chest. We hesitated, each of us afraid to be the first to
reach out even though I wanted so desperately to touch him and to be touched.

“Can we talk?”
he asked.

“Yes,” I said,
“but only if you kiss me first.”

And he did.

Chapter 21

When our lips
touched, time stood still. My body melted into his and my only thought was to
consume and to be consumed. It amazed me that a single brush of his lips could
instantly reignite desires that I didn’t even know I had until I was with him.
I was reluctant to let go and I could feel the same reluctance in him. He
hesitated pulling away from me.

“You really do
look breathtaking in that dress,” he said letting his eyes trail the length of
my body, “I don’t blame your date for taking certain liberties with you.”

I am sure that I
blushed. “He is only a friend. He escorted me to my best friend’s wedding
because I didn’t have anyone else to go with. He took pity on me.”

“That’s some
kind of pity.”

“It’s not what
it looks like. He was only doing me a favor.”

“I find that
hard to believe. You must have men lining up to take you out.”

“There have been
a few that have taken interest over the years, I suppose.”

“But you weren’t
interested in them?”

“Reese, I don’t
think you came here tonight to pry into my love life, or lack thereof. So why
are you here?”

He shifted
uncomfortably while he collected his thoughts.

“I can’t stop
thinking about you, Alexandra.”

I looked down at
my hands unsure how to react. The last time he walked into my life and told me
that he couldn’t stop thinking about me, he was gone again almost just as
quickly. I was afraid to get my hopes up or trust again too easily. Each time
he tore away from me, I knew that it would only hurt me deeper.

“I can’t keep
doing this,” I said barely finding my voice to speak the words. I didn’t want
to say goodbye but I knew that I couldn’t handle the cycle of sex and then
nothing with no hopes of contacting him in between. As good as Reese managed to
make me feel, I needed more and I wasn’t going to settle.

“I’m sorry,
Alex. I probably shouldn’t have come here tonight. I knew it was wrong. All of
it was wrong.”

“It didn’t feel
wrong,” I whispered more to myself than to him.

He turned his
back to me as he moved toward the door but still he was reluctant to turn the
handle and let himself out. I froze in place.

“I know about
your wife and daughter,” I said more to the empty space at my feet rather than
to him, “Sylvia told me.”

He sucked in his
breath but didn’t turn from the door. He didn’t say anything in response but he
didn’t turn back to me either so I decided to push further.

“I know your
life must be complicated right now and I don’t want to make it more
complicated,” I told him slowly, “I just want to find a place in it if you’ll
let me.”

“Alexandra…”

“You can tell me
what’s going on and I can listen. I’m willing to listen, Reese.”

He turned back
to me and we stayed frozen in that moment for what felt like an eternity simply
looking at each other and not really knowing what to say. I knew that he wanted
to find a reason to stay with me as much as I wanted him to stay but still, he
held back. Was he too afraid to give me that chance?

“Her mother has
made my life a living hell for the past year,” he told me. He took my hands in his
and held on tightly. “Fighting to get custody of my daughter, Kelly, has cost
me nearly everything I had. I have nothing left to offer.”

“I’m so sorry.”

“I don’t know
where I went wrong. I tried to do the right thing. I blamed myself for a long
time. I still blame myself. There are so many things that I wish I’d done
differently.”

“How old is your
daughter?” I whispered as he paused. I could see the pain and the weariness
that set in the lines of his face and I wished that I could lean forward to
kiss them away.

“Kelly is five.
She lives with her grandparents right now about half a block from where I met
you that night. I stay there a couple nights per week when I can. I haven’t
been able to sleep much so sometimes I’d spend the night just walking trying to
clear my head, trying to think about anything except the misery that my life
had become. It was the only thing that kept me from ending it all right then.
Because of Lisa, I lost my job, I lost my house, I lost everything.”

“Oh, Reese.”

He laughed
softly. “I know the couple that likes to have sex with their curtains open. I
used to work with the woman and when I realized it was her, I couldn’t stop
watching. It’s terrible, isn’t it? That I stood outside and watched them? That
I got excited at the sight of them?”

“No, it’s not
terrible,” I said remembering how she looked back at me as Reese pulled away my
clothes in the rain. I’d been just as turned on by the experience.

“Then you came
along and for a little while, I forgot about everything else going on in my
life. I forgot about the fact that I wanted it all to end. Being with you is
different than anything I’ve ever experienced. I don’t know if it’s the way
that we met or something else but I can’t seem to pull myself away from you.”

“I feel the same
way.”

“But you deserve
someone that can make you happy. That can offer you so much more than I can
offer you. I’m nothing, Alex. I’m just a lost, desperate man fighting to get my
daughter away from a drug addicted woman I wish I’d never met. I’m fighting a
battle that I’m probably doomed to lose and even if I win, I still have a long
road ahead to put my life back together again. I can’t afford to complicate
things right now and I can’t bring you into this mess that I call my life.”