Authors: Yara Greathouse
Unavoidable (2 page)
I notice that the old lady who sat next to me also got off the bus. I ask her if she
knows of a nearby motel. She indicates that there is one about a mile down the road,
I thank her and start walking. While passing a car dealership I hear a loud engine
and the sounds transports me back to last night. My heart starts hammering fast, my
head feels hot and heavy. I find myself tensing up and have to remember to relax –
I was not followed. No one knows my whereabouts and I need to let go of the fear.
Fear can cripple you while it works its way inside your head. It creates holes filled
with doubt until all your resolve is weak and sinks into nothing.
Fear is the reason one believes when people tell you that you are no good, you are
ugly and that no one is ever going to want you. Fear rules you when you are treated
like scum – a piece of old gum stuck on the sole of someone’s shoe. You forget who
you really are and the things you used to dream about accomplishing. You forget about
hope and start to believe all the lies you are told and the real you crumbles into
pieces. And while you are down at your lowest, the same people who hate on you start
to put you back together with hate, but the pieces are mismatched and it is impossible
for you to ever become whole again. You are now like a wall full of cracks, waiting
for the final wrecking ball’s blow that will allow you to fall apart and never recover.
It makes you weak. It makes you stay. It’s all you know… but now fear can kiss my
ass. I will submit to it no more. I feel the resolve fill my body as I make this promise
to myself: From now on I will seek fear and conquer it. Never again will I fall prey
to its tangles. I refuse to give in. I refuse to live scared.
Walking into the rinky-dinky motel, I am able to secure a room. The attendant doesn’t
ask many questions. Actually, he doesn’t even look up. I notice the faded chipped
pink counter and read the prices listed on a small flyer taped onto the counter. There
is a lot to be said about a place that charges by the hour. Immediately, I say a silent
prayer for the mattress to be clean and the room to be bed bug free. I’m thinking
I may have to sleep fully clothed.
Leaving the office I notice someone dealing by the dumpster, which confirms my suspicions
about the place. This is not a very safe area. I hurry to the room, keeping my nose
down to avoid “seeing” anything. I unlock the door and push it open when the smell
of smoke hits my nose like a ton of bricks. One would think that after being exposed
to that smell on a daily basis for-freaking-ever, that one would be used to it by
now. Well, One.Is.Not.
The room has seen better days, but I didn’t expect much of it, really, it would have
been silly of me. It has the basics: a full size bed, a TV, small refrigerator, a
microwave resting on top of the fridge, one lonely window covered by old dark drapes
and an air conditioner unit below the window.
Stepping into the room, I place my backpack on the bed. With one swift motion I take
off the hat and the wig I was wearing, relieving my itchy scalp. After removing all
the hair pins, my long brown hair spills down all over my shoulders and my back, like
running water. I take off my oversized clothes and stand there in my boy shorts and
tank top. Turning the clock radio on, someone is belting out a song about freedom
and new beginnings, and I think how fitting for this moment, I can’t help myself as
I’m listening to the beat I break out into a happy dance.
Later, I feel relaxed after a hot shower and clean clothes that are not ill fitting.
The TV is on and I’m randomly changing the channels. It feels weird being on my own,
as if I’m a little lost. I guess when life is planned for you day in and day out,
you lose your decision making abilities. I only have enough money to cover the motel
for a few weeks and then I will be on the streets.
“You will never amount to anything!”
That damned voice again. Years of being a victim of hate will continue to play inside
your head even if you are long gone and far away from that situation. It’s hard to
believe that I was able to escape from a sadistic mother, only to unwillingly fall
prey to a sadistic motherfucker like him. I would much rather be disemboweled while
alive and breathing, than to ever let anyone have that power over me again. I allow
myself a moment to feel sad and lonely. I don’t dwell on it long. I have survived
this far and will continue to do so. I can’t afford to trust anyone. The friends I
left behind are better not knowing what happened and it is better for me to keep it
that way.
As I am deep in my thoughts trying to ignore the memories that keep oozing out of
the vault inside my head, I remind myself that I have options. Life will get in the
way, but I have the power to decide how to handle MY life, and I choose to survive.
I choose to be happy.
In that moment, I hear it. A commercial on TV. Not any random commercial, but what
is about to become my lifeline.
“There is strong, and there is ARMY Strong.” The narrator says.
Wow!
A light bulb turns on inside my head. The United States Army. The idea keeps playing
in my head. I can join and they provide room, food, training, and financial help for
school. All this and I get a paycheck! If I get lucky enough I could even be assigned
at a far away post, perhaps in another country. I roll off the bed and open the nightstand
drawer pulling out the phonebook at the same time. I quickly locate the telephone
number and address of the nearest recruiting office. I jot it down on a piece of paper
and place it inside my backpack. Since it is still early in the afternoon, I call
a taxi and get ready to go. For once in my life, I know exactly what I need to do.
Chapter 2
(3 years later)
Colton
“Hey doofus, stop throwing like a sissy and put some arm behind that ball!” I yell
at my best friend Traxx. It is a nice day on campus. We got here yesterday and I was
glad to get away from all the family drama. I don’t think I will be going back anytime
soon. My birthday was two weeks ago – the big 21 – and my trust fund has kicked in.
If I don’t blow it, I will be just fine. I am done with my parents trying to run my
life and telling me what to do, who I need to hang out with, or not hang out with,
who to date, what to study. Done!
“I’m ready. Anytime now, Colton!” Traxx is trying to get my attention and I realize
the football is in my hand.
“You know, Traxx, I actually don’t feel like doing this. Let’s go get some food.”
“In that case” Traxx says, “I gotta go by the house first to change into a clean shirt.
Sweaty pits makes for a not so attractive quality for the girls, if you know what
I mean.” He winks at me with a naughty smile.
Traxx Maxwell became my best friend when we were 10 years old and he caught me breaking
the glass to one of the school’s fire alarms and pulling the knob just as he was coming
around the corner. We looked at each other and took off running together, hiding outside
behind the bushes stifling our giggles until everyone was outside, too, and we could
blend back in with our classes. We have been inseparable since then.
“You are always thinking about scoring, you are such a man whore!”
“I am NOT a whore!” Traxx fakes disgust. “I’m just someone who loves to try free samples.
If a girl wants to give it away, who am I to deny her?” A smile breaks across his
face.
“Good thing you believe in using condoms or one day your dick would break out with
some nasty warts and fall off.” I smile back at him. “I don’t have a problem with
you sampling… ‘goods’… but don’t try to shove your ho-hos my way. I can get my own
sampling. I’m just a tiny bit more particular about what I wrap around my dick. I
want to be one hundred percent put together when we graduate. I don’t want to have
to carry my junk inside a pickle jar.”
“Ha, ha. Really funny dorkface!” he smacks my arm. “It is not my fault that you only
crave a certain type. You really need to broaden your horizons because pretty girls
who don’t want to run your life are quite hard to find.”
“Not as hard as you think. I get plenty.” I said.
“All girls end up trying to run your life.”
“That’s when I break it off. I have been dealing all my life with my parents trying
to tell me what to do, and I’ll be damned if I’m going to let some girl do the same
shit. I will never commit to a girl like that. On a second thought, I will never commit
to a girl. Period.” I find myself getting a bit upset at the thought of living my
life dependent on a girl’s approval. Hell no! I get plenty of offers and go out with
any girl I want. I’m just choosier than Traxx because I actually like to have “a conversation
before the bedroom.” During and after, they always want to please me and they think
their sex is better than any other sex I’ve had. Wrong! It’s all pretty much the same.
And, I enjoy the shit out of it while it’s happening and I let go the moment is over.
It never fails. They always think they are the one to tame me. That I will call them
back. Newsflash: I can’t nor want to be tamed.
Traxx looks at me and says “Whatever makes you happy. I’m just saying maybe you are
putting too much into it. You need to be more like me: Give them one night that they
will never forget and don’t double dip.”
“Traxx you are such a class act…” We look at each other and start laughing.
Just as we are about to cross the street, we hear this roar – a motorcycle. We stop
to let the guy go by. It’s a nice black and white sports bike. I’m getting ready to
look at the make and model when it slows down as it passes in front of us, and I realize
that there’s no way in hell this is a guy. The rider’s chest is the size of a couple
of grapefruits, followed by an impossibly small waist and the nicest ass I have seen
in a while.
Traxx and I look at each other at the same time, with surprised expressions on our
faces. Then we immediately frown. Our eyes follow the biker girl until she stops to
park not too far away from where we are standing. I’m in a trance and so is Traxx.
“A girl on a sports bike wearing tight ass jeans! That’s the hottest thing I’ve seen
all year!” Traxx is trying to get my attention, but it’s certainly not working as
my eyes are fixated on that girl. I have got to see what she looks like!
As she dismounts from the bike, she pulls her helmet strap off. Her back is to me
– I can’t see her face.
I need to see her face.
I know if I don’t hurry up and act now, Traxx is going to go for it and get the upper
hand. I slam the football on his chest and I tell him I’m headed that way and to throw
me the ball when I reach her. He smiles knowingly. What an ass.
I jog towards the girl and as I’m getting closer, she takes the helmet off. She places
a hand around her neck under her hair, and pulls. Shiny brown hair cascades like
water to the middle of her back. My breath hitches a little. Slowly – as if she knows
what she is doing to me - she turns around and looks over her shoulder directly into
my eyes. Suddenly I can’t breathe, I know I’m staring, but I can’t help myself. Sun-kissed
skin, blue-green eyes, high cheekbones and full glossy lips shaped like a heart and
so plump that they make a small “o” in the middle. At first her lips don’t move, but
then… as if she was not cute enough, I see her lips curve into a small smile ending
with a dimple and a full set of bright pearly whites. I am about to say something
when I hear far away someone calling my name. Next, there’s a ‘thud’ and something
hits me on the back of my head, making me lose my balance. The next thing I know,
I’m eating grass.
Great! Dammit, Traxx!
Lying on the grass, I realize the situation can’t get much worse. So I’m going with
it. I turn to my side first, it helps me appreciate her body. It could be confused
with a guitar. I get to look at those curves and legs that go on forever. Too bad
they are covered by some impossibly tight jeans. I find myself wishing that I could
inspect the whole package up close and personal. That’s when I felt my dick trying
to get my attention. Hell! This is not the time to get a boner. I close my eyes and
try to think of something else. Suddenly I hear slow, deliberate steps getting closer
to me. The sunshine that hits my face is covered by a shadow. I take a deep breath
and finally decide to open my eyes. When I look up, the sea within her eyes is staring
at me. I feel really hot and I think I may be embarrassed. There is some type of energy
going through my body while she is looking at me, and I notice there is a puzzled
look in her eyes. We can’t stop looking at each other, when suddenly we both shiver
lightly and it ends the spell.
She decides to break the ice and smiles at me. “Wow! I didn’t know I had the power
to knock someone down just by
looking
at them. I must add this special skill to my resume.” She winks –
winks at me!
- “You are the first guy I’ve met who decides to make a great and lasting first
impression by falling at my feet
before
we even have a conversation.” She says with a sarcastic tone. And then a little more
serious she asks “Are you okay?” Me? I am mesmerized. I can’t talk. All I see is
that gorgeous smile with the cute dimple. It dawns on me that all I want to do in
this very moment is to slowly lick and kiss that dimple. She has perfect white teeth,
a small and round button nose. Long dark lashes and those plump, glossy lips. I better
pull out my “A” game.
“Yes.” I grunt. “Did it work?” I said, sounding a little too hopeful and giving her
my best shy smile.
“Nope.” She responds and extends her hand to help me up and when I give her my hand,
I notice that she effortlessly and swiftly pulls me up to my feet. She is strong.
Her touch makes me feel like I am on fire. I look at her questioningly and I notice
she is looking at our hands, does she feel it too? Once I’m up, her hand leaves mine
– it’s too soon, I think. Then just as swift as she came to check on me, she turns
around and starts walking away. I again notice her body’s every hugging curve being
held tightly by her riding gear, and those exquisite long legs covered by tall boots.
“Hey! Wait!” I call after her as she reaches to get a messenger bag that was tied
to the back of her seat. “What is your name?”
She turns, looks at me with those blue-green eyes, gives me a tiny smile and says
“Unfortunately for you, I don’t feel like sharing today. I guess you are going to
have to do some difficult, ball breaking detective work, you know, if you
really
want to know my name.” And then she swiftly jogs away, across the street and into
the building.
And just like that, a dare has been issued. She obviously has no idea who she is messing
with. At that very moment, Traxx gets to me while I’m staring at her getting farther
and farther away, creating a distance I don’t want to have. “Hey Colton, what the
hell happened? What was that about?”
“That my friend… is my new challenge. Come on, let’s get changed and get out of here.
You are lucky I won’t beat your ass for knocking me down with that ball.”
“That’s what you get for not paying attention, bro. It ain’t my fault you didn’t take
your eyes away from her to see the ball coming your way. I did call your name… Hey,
you ummm… have grass between your teeth…” He points at where the grass is, then he
proceeds to laugh his ass off, turns around and runs like hell. I clean my teeth
with my index finger, find the green culprit, and shake my head in disbelief. What
an idiot I must have looked like in front of her! Giving up, I run and follow Traxx
to the truck.
Brianna
Well, that guy was strange and… sexy! I have met my share of good looking guys in
the past, but there’s just something about this one… Maybe it’s the combination of
that jet black hair and blue-gray eyes with thick eyelashes and a manly set of eyebrows.
Maybe it was how cute and defenseless he looked while he was down on the grass. Or
that one cute little crooked tooth in his lower jaw against a perfect top row. Dammit!
I need to stop thinking like a dog in heat! Ugh! But… maybe it was that strong set
of thighs, so muscular that all I could do was to picture myself sitting on top of
them. Shit, it was probably all of the above thrown in with the body of a Greek God.
He must have been, what? 6’5? A lot taller than me and I’m 5’8, which is four inches
taller than the average American woman.
Stop, Brianna. There is no room in your life for that.
I came to study here with a purpose. I cannot stray away from my goal. Stop thinking
about boys, they will only bring you trouble. And you need to avoid trouble. Focus.
Remember your goals. That’s it. Maybe I need to go to the shooting range later in
order to work out some of this tension.
I have been successfully hiding away for years. I left my safe haven in the US Army
only to pursue my dream of attending Shoreline University. Thanks to the Army, I was
able to build my confidence, learned about self-defense, weapons, and vehicles. I
found out that I was strong inside, and that I can work hard to become strong on the
outside as well. I spent a lot of time with guys. Guys can only bring drama into your
life if you let them get close to your heart. So I learned to have friends with benefits.
I could call on any of the guys I was friends with when I needed a sexual pick me
up – no strings attached. It worked for me. Drama? I have had plenty of that shit
to last me a lifetime.
(3 years later)
Colton
“Hey doofus, stop throwing like a sissy and put some arm behind that ball!” I yell
at my best friend Traxx. It is a nice day on campus. We got here yesterday and I was
glad to get away from all the family drama. I don’t think I will be going back anytime
soon. My birthday was two weeks ago – the big 21 – and my trust fund has kicked in.
If I don’t blow it, I will be just fine. I am done with my parents trying to run my
life and telling me what to do, who I need to hang out with, or not hang out with,
who to date, what to study. Done!
“I’m ready. Anytime now, Colton!” Traxx is trying to get my attention and I realize
the football is in my hand.
“You know, Traxx, I actually don’t feel like doing this. Let’s go get some food.”
“In that case” Traxx says, “I gotta go by the house first to change into a clean shirt.
Sweaty pits makes for a not so attractive quality for the girls, if you know what
I mean.” He winks at me with a naughty smile.
Traxx Maxwell became my best friend when we were 10 years old and he caught me breaking
the glass to one of the school’s fire alarms and pulling the knob just as he was coming
around the corner. We looked at each other and took off running together, hiding outside
behind the bushes stifling our giggles until everyone was outside, too, and we could
blend back in with our classes. We have been inseparable since then.
“You are always thinking about scoring, you are such a man whore!”
“I am NOT a whore!” Traxx fakes disgust. “I’m just someone who loves to try free samples.
If a girl wants to give it away, who am I to deny her?” A smile breaks across his
face.
“Good thing you believe in using condoms or one day your dick would break out with
some nasty warts and fall off.” I smile back at him. “I don’t have a problem with
you sampling… ‘goods’… but don’t try to shove your ho-hos my way. I can get my own
sampling. I’m just a tiny bit more particular about what I wrap around my dick. I
want to be one hundred percent put together when we graduate. I don’t want to have
to carry my junk inside a pickle jar.”
“Ha, ha. Really funny dorkface!” he smacks my arm. “It is not my fault that you only
crave a certain type. You really need to broaden your horizons because pretty girls
who don’t want to run your life are quite hard to find.”
“Not as hard as you think. I get plenty.” I said.
“All girls end up trying to run your life.”
“That’s when I break it off. I have been dealing all my life with my parents trying
to tell me what to do, and I’ll be damned if I’m going to let some girl do the same
shit. I will never commit to a girl like that. On a second thought, I will never commit
to a girl. Period.” I find myself getting a bit upset at the thought of living my
life dependent on a girl’s approval. Hell no! I get plenty of offers and go out with
any girl I want. I’m just choosier than Traxx because I actually like to have “a conversation
before the bedroom.” During and after, they always want to please me and they think
their sex is better than any other sex I’ve had. Wrong! It’s all pretty much the same.
And, I enjoy the shit out of it while it’s happening and I let go the moment is over.
It never fails. They always think they are the one to tame me. That I will call them
back. Newsflash: I can’t nor want to be tamed.
Traxx looks at me and says “Whatever makes you happy. I’m just saying maybe you are
putting too much into it. You need to be more like me: Give them one night that they
will never forget and don’t double dip.”
“Traxx you are such a class act…” We look at each other and start laughing.
Just as we are about to cross the street, we hear this roar – a motorcycle. We stop
to let the guy go by. It’s a nice black and white sports bike. I’m getting ready to
look at the make and model when it slows down as it passes in front of us, and I realize
that there’s no way in hell this is a guy. The rider’s chest is the size of a couple
of grapefruits, followed by an impossibly small waist and the nicest ass I have seen
in a while.
Traxx and I look at each other at the same time, with surprised expressions on our
faces. Then we immediately frown. Our eyes follow the biker girl until she stops to
park not too far away from where we are standing. I’m in a trance and so is Traxx.
“A girl on a sports bike wearing tight ass jeans! That’s the hottest thing I’ve seen
all year!” Traxx is trying to get my attention, but it’s certainly not working as
my eyes are fixated on that girl. I have got to see what she looks like!
As she dismounts from the bike, she pulls her helmet strap off. Her back is to me
– I can’t see her face.
I need to see her face.
I know if I don’t hurry up and act now, Traxx is going to go for it and get the upper
hand. I slam the football on his chest and I tell him I’m headed that way and to throw
me the ball when I reach her. He smiles knowingly. What an ass.
I jog towards the girl and as I’m getting closer, she takes the helmet off. She places
a hand around her neck under her hair, and pulls. Shiny brown hair cascades like
water to the middle of her back. My breath hitches a little. Slowly – as if she knows
what she is doing to me - she turns around and looks over her shoulder directly into
my eyes. Suddenly I can’t breathe, I know I’m staring, but I can’t help myself. Sun-kissed
skin, blue-green eyes, high cheekbones and full glossy lips shaped like a heart and
so plump that they make a small “o” in the middle. At first her lips don’t move, but
then… as if she was not cute enough, I see her lips curve into a small smile ending
with a dimple and a full set of bright pearly whites. I am about to say something
when I hear far away someone calling my name. Next, there’s a ‘thud’ and something
hits me on the back of my head, making me lose my balance. The next thing I know,
I’m eating grass.
Great! Dammit, Traxx!
Lying on the grass, I realize the situation can’t get much worse. So I’m going with
it. I turn to my side first, it helps me appreciate her body. It could be confused
with a guitar. I get to look at those curves and legs that go on forever. Too bad
they are covered by some impossibly tight jeans. I find myself wishing that I could
inspect the whole package up close and personal. That’s when I felt my dick trying
to get my attention. Hell! This is not the time to get a boner. I close my eyes and
try to think of something else. Suddenly I hear slow, deliberate steps getting closer
to me. The sunshine that hits my face is covered by a shadow. I take a deep breath
and finally decide to open my eyes. When I look up, the sea within her eyes is staring
at me. I feel really hot and I think I may be embarrassed. There is some type of energy
going through my body while she is looking at me, and I notice there is a puzzled
look in her eyes. We can’t stop looking at each other, when suddenly we both shiver
lightly and it ends the spell.
She decides to break the ice and smiles at me. “Wow! I didn’t know I had the power
to knock someone down just by
looking
at them. I must add this special skill to my resume.” She winks –
winks at me!
- “You are the first guy I’ve met who decides to make a great and lasting first
impression by falling at my feet
before
we even have a conversation.” She says with a sarcastic tone. And then a little more
serious she asks “Are you okay?” Me? I am mesmerized. I can’t talk. All I see is
that gorgeous smile with the cute dimple. It dawns on me that all I want to do in
this very moment is to slowly lick and kiss that dimple. She has perfect white teeth,
a small and round button nose. Long dark lashes and those plump, glossy lips. I better
pull out my “A” game.
“Yes.” I grunt. “Did it work?” I said, sounding a little too hopeful and giving her
my best shy smile.
“Nope.” She responds and extends her hand to help me up and when I give her my hand,
I notice that she effortlessly and swiftly pulls me up to my feet. She is strong.
Her touch makes me feel like I am on fire. I look at her questioningly and I notice
she is looking at our hands, does she feel it too? Once I’m up, her hand leaves mine
– it’s too soon, I think. Then just as swift as she came to check on me, she turns
around and starts walking away. I again notice her body’s every hugging curve being
held tightly by her riding gear, and those exquisite long legs covered by tall boots.
“Hey! Wait!” I call after her as she reaches to get a messenger bag that was tied
to the back of her seat. “What is your name?”
She turns, looks at me with those blue-green eyes, gives me a tiny smile and says
“Unfortunately for you, I don’t feel like sharing today. I guess you are going to
have to do some difficult, ball breaking detective work, you know, if you
really
want to know my name.” And then she swiftly jogs away, across the street and into
the building.
And just like that, a dare has been issued. She obviously has no idea who she is messing
with. At that very moment, Traxx gets to me while I’m staring at her getting farther
and farther away, creating a distance I don’t want to have. “Hey Colton, what the
hell happened? What was that about?”
“That my friend… is my new challenge. Come on, let’s get changed and get out of here.
You are lucky I won’t beat your ass for knocking me down with that ball.”
“That’s what you get for not paying attention, bro. It ain’t my fault you didn’t take
your eyes away from her to see the ball coming your way. I did call your name… Hey,
you ummm… have grass between your teeth…” He points at where the grass is, then he
proceeds to laugh his ass off, turns around and runs like hell. I clean my teeth
with my index finger, find the green culprit, and shake my head in disbelief. What
an idiot I must have looked like in front of her! Giving up, I run and follow Traxx
to the truck.
Brianna
Well, that guy was strange and… sexy! I have met my share of good looking guys in
the past, but there’s just something about this one… Maybe it’s the combination of
that jet black hair and blue-gray eyes with thick eyelashes and a manly set of eyebrows.
Maybe it was how cute and defenseless he looked while he was down on the grass. Or
that one cute little crooked tooth in his lower jaw against a perfect top row. Dammit!
I need to stop thinking like a dog in heat! Ugh! But… maybe it was that strong set
of thighs, so muscular that all I could do was to picture myself sitting on top of
them. Shit, it was probably all of the above thrown in with the body of a Greek God.
He must have been, what? 6’5? A lot taller than me and I’m 5’8, which is four inches
taller than the average American woman.
Stop, Brianna. There is no room in your life for that.
I came to study here with a purpose. I cannot stray away from my goal. Stop thinking
about boys, they will only bring you trouble. And you need to avoid trouble. Focus.
Remember your goals. That’s it. Maybe I need to go to the shooting range later in
order to work out some of this tension.
I have been successfully hiding away for years. I left my safe haven in the US Army
only to pursue my dream of attending Shoreline University. Thanks to the Army, I was
able to build my confidence, learned about self-defense, weapons, and vehicles. I
found out that I was strong inside, and that I can work hard to become strong on the
outside as well. I spent a lot of time with guys. Guys can only bring drama into your
life if you let them get close to your heart. So I learned to have friends with benefits.
I could call on any of the guys I was friends with when I needed a sexual pick me
up – no strings attached. It worked for me. Drama? I have had plenty of that shit
to last me a lifetime.
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