Twisted (24 page)

My hands slide into his hair
and my heart thunders in my chest as I arch my back and enjoy the wonderful
things he's doing with that mouth of his to my nipple. I'm also so far gone
that I'm desperate to speed things up. I put my hand under his jaw and tug
gently, letting him know what I want. He moves up my body to meet my lips as I
trail my hands down his sides and then work to unsnap the button of his jeans.

Noah ends the kiss and pulls
away. His expression is serious as he sits back slightly, his hand trailing
across my stomach to the waistband of my skirt. His eyes shift to mine.

“I want you,” I say simply,
knowing he can read my lips in the candle light.

He immediately reaches for my
skirt and pulls it off. Then he bends down and kisses my stomach, making my
muscles quiver before he rids me of my panties. When I am completely naked, I
watch as Noah stands up and strips off the rest of his clothes.

Holy hotness.

Noah's beside me in an
instant but instead of reclaiming my lips, his eyes roam over my body slowly,
looking his fill. “You're beautiful,” he murmurs and the satisfied smile on his
face tells me he's definitely liking what I'm offering up tonight. His eyes
sear mine for a second before his upper body moves over mine slightly. His lips
settle back where they belong as we kiss. I absolutely love the feel of his
naked body next to mine and I shift restlessly as pleasure sweeps through me
when my nipples brush against his heated skin. I never want this night to end.
I am literally lost on this pleasurable journey he's taking me on.

His lips never leave mine as
he kisses me deeply, his mouth seducing me easily as his hand begins to roam
over my ribs and then slides down my stomach. My abdominal muscles quiver as
his finger traces my belly button while his tongue does wonderful things in my
mouth. I'm lost in the feel of his body, the feel of his mouth on mine...

That hand drifts over my hip
and then around to my inner thigh as it slides back up towards its final
destination. At first, there is nothing but anticipation at the thought of him
touching me intimately, but the second his fingers brush across my scars on my
upper inner thigh—I freeze.

Noah's hand pauses directly
on top of my scars and I tear my lips from his, alarm and anxiety sweeping
through me. Had he stopped because he'd felt the thin little lines or had he
stopped because I'd stiffened up?

He pulls his head back and
his hand disappears from my thigh as he peers down at me in the flickering
candle light. “
Blayre
?” he asks softly, his eyes
searching mine intently.

My breath catches and it's
like someone has dumped a bucket of ice cold water on me, mixed with a healthy
dose of reality. What the hell am I doing? This is
Noah
I am in bed
with.

Shit.

Noah can't ever be mine. He
never would be. Someday he'd be someone else's while my life continued on with
its miserable existence of pain and guilt. 

And damn it, I have a
boyfriend.

“
Blayre
—”

“Get off,” I say abruptly.

Noah's entire body stiffens
up and his eyes sober as he slowly eases away from me.

The second he moves back, I
scramble off the bed and look around anxiously for my clothes but I can't find
them in the dark. Frustration sweeps through me and so does embarrassment as I
stand there—completely freaking naked.

“Here,” Noah says softly as
he yanks the sheet off the bed and hands it to me.

I grab it from him and wrap
it around my body before I flee his room and head for mine, humiliation and
guilt eating at me. My door is open and I'm about ready to bolt through it when
Noah grabs my wrist firmly in his hand and forces me to turn around and face
him. He flips on the hallway light with his free hand and we both squint at the
sudden brightness. Once my eyes clear, I note that he's still completely naked.
My eyes clamp shut and I wish I could just disappear into nothingness. This is
not the way the night was supposed to end.

Noah's thumb gently rubs my
inner wrist, as if he's trying to soothe me in some small way. “What happened
in there,
Blayre
?” he asks.

I force my eyes open and I
reluctantly meet his dark gaze. “I have a boyfriend.”

His body tenses up and I
recognize that look. “He doesn't deserve that title and you know it.”

The last thing I want is to
talk about Cole. I look away and stare at the hallway wall. “I'm not talking to
you until you have some clothes on,” I say.

Noah sighs. “We're not done,”
he warns me before he turns and heads for his room.

The second he enters his
room, I hurry into mine and slam the door shut, locking it. I know, it's a
shitty way to end a conversation with him—especially since he's deaf, but I
can't deal with this right now. My forehead drops to the door as I lean against
it, only to jump when a fist thuds against it, making the door shudder.

“Don't do this to me,
Blayre
!” Noah calls from the other side.

My eyes burn with tears as I
back away from the door and clutch the sheet to my body.

There's a long moment of
silence on the other side before Noah finally speaks again. “Good night,
Blayre
,” he says with a resigned sigh and then a second
later I hear his own door shut across the hall.

I walk over to my bed and sit
down warily.

I've just messed up my life
even more than it already happens to be.

The following morning I wake
up to the disheartening feeling of dread. As I lay in bed staring up at my
ceiling, I realize I may have lost Noah for good. I guess in some ways I would
never regret being with him—even for that short time because it had been the
most beautiful thing I have ever experienced. The connection we shared...there
was something real there. I would never know where it could have led though
because I refuse to destroy him with the ugliness that lies within me. I would
keep last night close to my heart and cherish the memory because it could never
happen again.

I wouldn't let it.

Noah is good and pure. I
don't want to be the one to ruin that. I'm not sure how things would now be
between us and that was the only thing I regret. Our friendship might now be
over. I didn't want to lose it, but it might be for the best. He's so tempting,
extremely tempting and after being in his arms last night, it would be hard going
back to platonic.

Then there is Cole.

He'd hit me before for simply
dancing with another guy. What would he do if he found out I'd almost had sex
with someone else? I really do not want to find out, that's for sure. Guilt
sweeps through me as I think of Cole—my
boyfriend.
I'd been completely
sober last night and nothing had impaired my judgment when I'd gone with Noah
to his bedroom. I should have stayed loyal to Cole and I'd barely even given
him a second thought. I never thought I'd be a cheater.

I make one hell of a lousy
girlfriend.

Knowing I have to face the
day sooner or later, I get up and take a quick shower. When I enter the kitchen
a bit later, I find that both Tate and Noah are in there. Instant guilt sweeps
through me at the sight of my brother. Tate could barely stand the thought of
me having sex with Cole. If he ever found out Noah and I had messed around...

Somehow, I manage to say good
morning to the both of them while avoiding Noah's gaze. I grab an apple from
the refrigerator and as Tate's cell phone rings from within his pocket, I flee
like the chicken shit I am and head outside to the patio.

With a soft sigh, I sit down
at the table, my back to the house as I gaze out at the pool. I wonder where
Noah's head is at this morning. Did he regret it? He has to have some regrets,
I would think. Tate's his best friend and Noah almost slept with me behind his
back. I don't know what kind of guy code they have going, but I am betting Tate
would see it as a betrayal.

The sliding glass door opens behind
me. I try really hard not to tense up since I can still hear Tate inside
talking on his phone. It looks like I'm about to get an answer to my question.
Noah comes into view and he sits down in the chair across from me without
asking for permission. My gaze lifts to his and his dark eyes stare into mine.

“You obviously regret it,” he
says quietly.

“Don't you?” I ask, avoiding
his question.

“No, I don't.”

I can't help but stare at him
because it was the way he said it, with firm conviction.

“I've known for a while now
that there's something going on between us. Don't tell me you didn't notice.”

“I have a boyfriend,” I say
flatly.

Noah's expression tightens.
“You have a boyfriend that likes to hit and desert you. If you really cared
about him, you wouldn't have been tempted to spend the night with me. Why are
you still with him,
Blayre
?”

“He doesn't hit me.”

“Bull.”

“What are you doing?” I
ask wearily.

His eyes bore into mine.
“That should be pretty obvious.”

“There can never be anything between
us,” I point out as I ignore the ache that's developing in my chest. I'd had no
idea what to expect from him today, but it certainly wasn't along the lines of
him wanting to pursue me.

“There's already a lot
between us. Last night happened,
Blayre
. You can't
avoid it and I won't let you,” he says, determination evident in his tone.

I can't continue on with this
conversation because it hurts too much. “Tate's home, I don't want to talk
about this.”

Noah sighs. “Fine, but I'm
not letting you run from this.”

The sliding glass door opens
behind me and this time I know it is Tate. I am immensely relieved to have this
conversation come to a halt. Tate walks over, the house phone—a cordless—in his
hand. “Your friend is on the phone. She sounds really upset,” he says to me as
he holds the phone out.

I'm confused as I hesitantly
accept the phone. Why would Paige be calling the house line when she could
easily call my cell? Then I remember that I'd forgotten to take my cell out of
my backpack after school yesterday.

“Paige?” I ask into the
phone, aware of both my brother and Noah watching me curiously.

Paige lets out a soft sob
through the line. “Blake's dead.”

My mind goes completely blank
for a minute before the soft sounds of Paige's sobbing breaks through my
disbelief. “Paige...I have to ask. Are you sure?”

“Blake's mom called this
morning. They're sure. He's gone,
Blayre
.”

Shock sweeps through me.
“But...”

“Can you come over? My mom
had to leave for work and I'm all alone.”

“I'm on my way,” I say softly
before I disconnect the call and set the phone down. Blake's dead. How is that
possible? I'd just seen him yesterday at school with Paige.

Tate takes one look at my
expression and immediately asks, “What's wrong?”

It's all starting to sink in
and I look at his concerned expression to Noah's watchful one. Slowly, I rise
to my feet. “Blake's dead. I have to go,” I mutter before I turn to rush inside
to get my car keys from my bedroom. I quickly grab the keys and dig my cell
phone out of my backpack. I'm hoping that by the time I get to Paige's, I'll
find out that this was all some sort of a mistake.

When I turn around, I find
Noah and Tate standing in the doorway, concern etched on both their faces.
“What happened?” Tate asks.

“I don't know. I'll know more
when I get there.”

“I'll drive you.”

I shake my head and walk
towards them. “I'm fine. It's Paige I'm worried about, she's home all alone.”

My brother reaches out and
touches my arm, making me pause in the doorway as he peers down at me. “We're
worried about you, too. He may have been Paige's boyfriend, but I know you knew
him as well.”

I find myself glancing at
Noah briefly before turning back to Tate. “I hung out more with Cole and Paige
than I did Blake. Honestly, I am fine.”

“We're here if you need us,”
Tate finally says as he releases me.

“I know, thanks. I'll see you
guys later,” I say as I brush past them and head for the stairs, anxiety
pulsing through me. The need to get to Paige makes me quicken my pace as I
leave the house and head for my car in the driveway.

Beep—beep—beep—beep—

My pen jerks abruptly across
the paper of the journal as the soft alarm on my watch interrupts the silence
of the small room. With a soft sigh, I set the pen down and study the open
pages before me.

The words blazing across that
paper are my life. The wounds are still fresh, making it difficult to face
while I fill the pages with the agony of past mistakes and the inevitable pain
it brings. My heart is heavy with the knowledge of what will come next in the
journal. The things I put Noah through... I'd do anything to take back some of
my mistakes and make things right.

If only I would have had
faith in Noah's feelings for me. If I would have just let him...in.

We make so many decisions
based on our emotions at that moment in time, that sometimes we miss the very
thing that's right in front of us. And in
that moment, at that time in
my life, Noah scared me. He was real and he made me want things that I have
never wanted before. Things that Cole could never give me.

I can't help but wonder what
would have happened if I'd never met Cole. If I hadn't been drawn to the
distraction he offered and the connection I'd felt for him because I knew
another damaged soul when I saw one. Had I not craved the temptation Cole
offered, would I have let Noah in?

Pushing away Noah was a
mistake. I know that now even though I hadn't seen it then.

My life is full of mistakes.

But in the end, it's how we
rectify those mistakes that count.

I'm almost relieved when I
hear the steady footsteps coming down the hall outside my door. It's that time
again and they are coming for me—which means I have a reprieve from delving
into my past and all the pain it dredges up. But now a new kind of trepidation
fills me as those footsteps pause outside the door. The brief sense of relief I
just felt moments ago fades.

Knowing Noah is out there,
waiting on the outside...while my life resides in this suffocating room, makes
it easier for me to stand and nod politely at the man that opens my door
without knocking.

I hate this place.