Twisted (21 page)

“Well...I didn't want Noah to
know I was sneaking out and I know he stays up late sometimes.”

“What time was this?”

“One in the morning,” I admit
grudgingly.

“One in the morning?!” Tate
exclaims before he glares at me. “You went out to meet that boyfriend of yours,
didn't you?”

I nod.

“How did the window get
broken?”

“I kind of broke it climbing
back in.”

His eyes drop to my arm as
his expression darkens. “And your arm? That doesn't look like a small cut.”

“I got thirty stitches,” I
say uneasily. “I woke Noah up and he rushed me to the ER.”

Tate's eyes nearly bug out of
his head. “Was it worth it,
Blayre
? Dammit, what the
hell is wrong with you!” he yells.

“I messed up.”

“Damn right you did! I
thought you had more sense than this.”

“Stop yelling at me!” I yell
back.

“You deserve it!” He glares
at me and his voice calms down. “If you weren't eighteen, I'd ground your ass.”

“So what happens now?” I find
myself asking a bit guardedly.

He just shakes his head, his
eyes flat. “I'm disappointed in you. You've changed since that first day you arrived.”

My heart leaps and my breath
catches in my throat. “Do you want me to leave?”

Shock flares in his eyes and
then he frowns. “No, of course not. But I can be pissed at you, which I am.”

“I'm sorry.”

His eyes search mine for a
long moment. “I need to get back downstairs. We'll talk later.”

“Okay,” I say softly.

Without a word, he leaves my
room without a backward glance.

I walk over to my bed and
sink down on it, my chest heavy.

I find it extremely hard to go
on with my life as if Saturday night never happened. It haunts me every second
and last night was rough. Tate had invited more friends over and I'd tried to
hide out in my room most of the evening. The few times that I had no choice but
to make an appearance or starve, I'd heard the anger in all of their voices.
They were out for the blood of the person that had taken one of their own. I
couldn't really blame them.

The guilt weighs heavily in
my heart and being at school Monday is challenging. With Cole gone, I feel
abandoned. Then there's Blake. He didn't bother to show and I find out at lunch
through Paige that Blake evidently can't brush off what we've done either.

“I think Blake's cheating on
me,” Paige announces as we settle into our regular booth at
Blackies
.

I almost choke on the fry I'd
just put in my mouth and was in the middle of swallowing. I cough and grab my
soda, taking a big gulp before looking at Paige like she's lost her mind.
“Blake?
Your
Blake
?”

She purses her lips, her eyes
shadowed. “Things have been awkward since I slept with Ethan. He keeps coming
up with excuses to avoid...you know.”

“So you automatically assume
he's cheating?”

“He completely brushed me off
yesterday and didn't even answer any of my texts or phone calls. And now today
he's skipping. He's avoiding me.”

I fall silent because what
else can I say? Blake hadn't cheated on Paige over the weekend, he'd helped
kill a man. It's a bit of a relief to know that I'm not the only one that's
struggling with our decisions the night before. The only person that doesn't
seem to be struggling with guilt is Cole.

“
Blayre
?”

I'm abruptly brought back to
the present. “Blake wouldn't cheat on you.”

Paige plays with the straw in
her drink, her expression apprehensive. “I'd never cheat on Blake, either, but
I've done it twice now.”

“Paige, you did it to save
his ass. I didn't hear him speaking up to stop you,” I hiss as I lean across
the table more so that no one can hear our conversation.

She looks at me sadly. “That
doesn't mean he can ignore it.”

“What did he say when you
guys talked about what went down at Cole's that night?”

“All he says is he's sorry.
That's it.”

“Maybe something else came up
this weekend and he didn't mean to blow you off,” I say and I know I am
treading on thin ice. I have to be extremely careful with what I say. It's
better off for Paige and the rest of us if she never finds out about our part
in the robbery that was currently splashed across the news.

She sighs. “Yeah, but you'd
think he'd at least contact me today.”

“Maybe he's sick.”

“Sick or not, he always text
messages me.”

I feel bad letting Paige
worry about her relationship with Blake but I can't tell her the truth.

“I suppose Cole could have
dragged him into something after you went home Saturday night. Blake bailed on
me at twelve-thirty and you fell through your window about that time, right?”

I'd had to tell Paige the
semi-truth since my arm is bandaged for the whole world to see. “I suppose it's
possible,” I say carefully.

Thankfully she doesn't notice
my cautious tone as she continues on, “Figures. Cole is a pro at ignoring but
yet you say you've been in contact with him and instead it's Blake giving me
the brush off.”

“I'm sure it'll be fine, Paige.
Give him until tomorrow to come to you on his own.”

She sighs again, slumping
against her side of the booth with resignation. “I don't really have a choice
since he's outright avoiding me.” Then her expression shifts and she gives me a
look. “What happened to considering my warnings?”

The sudden change of topic
has me blinking. “I...considered them,” I say just as my phone chimes in my
pocket.

Paige's eyes narrow. “That
Cole?”

“Maybe,” I hedge as I pull
the phone out and check the incoming text message. COLE: 
How are you
holding up today?
I stare at the question for a long minute. I am seeing a
whole new side to Cole. A very attentive side. He rarely went two hours without
checking up on me. I know part of it is because he's worried I am going to end
up blabbing the truth and all our asses would get thrown in jail. I'm hoping
that's not all of it though and that he's genuinely concerned for me.

“Well?” Paige fairly demands.

“Um, yeah. Do you mind?” I
ask as I mime texting.

She waves a fry in the air
and rolls her eyes. “Be my guest.”

I quickly send him back a
text message
. Having lunch with Paige. Blake's skipping and Paige thinks
he's cheating on her.

COLE: 
Let her think
it. I'll talk to him.

With an inward grimace, I
study his reply before shoving my phone back in my pocket.

“How is it that suddenly Cole
can't seem to get enough of you even when he's out of town, while my own
boyfriend—whom I've been in love with
forever
—is ignoring me like the
plague?” Paige grumbles

“I would just wait it out. He
can't avoid you forever.”

“He shouldn't be avoiding me
at all.”

“I'm sorry, Paige.”

“Don't be. It's not your
problem,” she says, reaching for her drink.

Actually, it kind of is but I
can't tell her that.

I remember the next few days
seemed to pass in a blur. Blake struggled with pretending everything was normal
and I could see the haunted look in his eyes when he looked at me. I saw the
same look when I looked at myself in the mirror each day. In fact, that look is
still there to this very day. What we did is inescapable.

Paige could tell Blake was
hiding something and still believed he was cheating on her, though they
continued on with their relationship as if it hadn't hit a snag.

Cole didn't return until
Tuesday and he didn't seem the least bit on edge after the robbery. The only
thing that really changed about Cole was the way he acted towards me. This
sounds strange, but at the time I felt closer to him, even though I still held
a healthy dose of bitterness within me—solely reserved for him. Cole dragged me
into his mess and he changed my life. Forever. I should have realized he was
much more dangerous than I ever realized. If I'd had any self-preservation back
then, I would have broken it off with him and tried to grab the reins of
control in my life and make things right.

Only I felt I was in too
deep with no way out.

By Thursday I am on edge.
Sean's funeral was yesterday and his death is all Tate talks about at home. The
police still have no clues and no descriptions of the “suspects.”  All the
evidence had been destroyed—just like Cole had promised. The media released a
still picture from within the store to the public, but you couldn't make out any
distinguishing features on Cole or Blake because of the ski masks. There was
also a still shot circulating of myself. The one taken at the intersection that
Cole had warned me about and he'd been right about that as well, I looked like
a guy.

Tate's frustrated with how
the investigation seems to be going nowhere. He never told me that they have
Cole's DNA on file from the crime scene, and I am assuming they are keeping
that quiet since it wasn't noted in any of the articles or news stories I've
been following. I also learned throughout the week that Sean had been married
and had a four week old daughter. I went to bed every night knowing a little
girl would never meet her daddy...because of me.

The only upside of all of
it—if you can even call it that, is that Cole is finally acting like a real
boyfriend. He is attentive and affectionate. When I speak, he really listens. I
try to keep a realistic perspective when it comes to him because he normally
runs hot and cold.  Right now he's making sure I hold it together. That
doesn't mean that our relationship is suddenly going to be rainbows and
sunshine.

Blake also quit ignoring
Paige. They are ‘together’ but you can tell something is not right and Paige
still secretly believes Blake might be cheating on her. There is nothing I can
do about her suspicions and I am learning to let it go because I have bigger
problems to deal with.

After my third period class
that day, I slam my locker door shut with more force than what is necessary.
Strong arms wrap around me from behind, making me jump.

“Easy, it's just me,” Cole
says, his lips brushing my ear.

With a sigh, I lean back into
his chest, savoring his closeness.

“You okay?”

I shrug, feeling moody.

He eases me around and looks
at me intently. “Talk to me.”

When I'm sure no one is
paying attention to us, I look at him bleakly. “It's really hard at home.”

“You're doing great,
Blayre
.”

“It's torture, Cole.”

He frames my face with his
hands, his expression reassuring. “It'll get better. I have something for you
tomorrow night. You'll love it,” he says, intent on trying to distract me from
my dark thoughts.

I'm a little nervous about
going to Cole's party the following evening. Cole had admitted earlier that day
that Ethan would there, but he swore to me up and down that he wouldn't leave
me alone. I decide to play it smart this time and drive myself. This way I can
leave when I want to and there would be no chance of getting stranded if the
night took a turn for the worse. That happened to be another thing that I am
growing accustomed to. Always prepare for the worst. With Cole...I find I have
to or things always seem to get out of control and then something bad happens.

The only other thing that
makes me uneasy about this party is Blake and Paige won't be there. Blake had
promised Paige no more parties if Ethan is present. I supposed that's good for
them, but not for me. If Cole does by chance ditch me tonight, I would be all
alone. I am not friendly with any of the people at these kinds of house parties
and Cole prefers it that way. So do
I
, since most of
them are druggies.

When I pull into Cole's
neighborhood, I find that I have to park my car an entire block away and I'm
nervous about walking alone. It's nine and the sun is setting so at least there
is some light. I quickly pull out my phone and text message Cole as I walk,
letting him know that I am down the street. I get a quick message back assuring
me he's outside, waiting for me.

Cole rises to his feet from
where he's sitting on the porch steps when he sees me walking up the driveway.
I quickly walk over to him and he draws me into his arms and kisses me. I like
that he's happy to see me and my arms wrap around his waist as I kiss him back,
my tongue toying with his tongue piercing. He makes an appreciative sound in the
back of his throat and presses his hips against mine, his hands sliding down to
cup my butt.

My lips pull back and I look
up at him, a smile tilting my lips slightly. It's a Friday night and I don't
have to deal with reality until tomorrow morning. After a week of trying to
avoid Tate and Noah, I'm happy to be here.

“I have something for you,”
he says with a wide grin.

Judging by the way he's still
pressing his body against mine, I know what he wants because I can tell he's
hard. “I don't know if I'm ready yet, Cole.”

He laughs and pulls back,
grabbing my hand and tugging me towards the house. “That's not exactly what I
had in mind.”

Well, now I'm curious.

Once we are inside, Cole
leads me through the crowd and we make an immediate detour to the kitchen. I
can see that a poker game is taking place and I avoid checking to see if Ethan
is playing. Instead, I watch as Cole grabs a bottle of liquor and then he leads
me back out of the kitchen and straight up to his room.

I shut the door behind us as
Cole flips on the light. My eyes scan the now familiar room with its blue walls
and chipped furniture. There are no wall decorations or anything that shows off
Cole's personality. He keeps his watch, wallet, and personal belongings on his
dresser and that is about it.

Cole opens the bottle of
liquor and hands it off to me. Immediately, I take a long drink, the liquor
burning its way down my throat and into my stomach. I'm ready to drink myself
into oblivion tonight.

I find that Cole is watching
me, eyebrows raised. “It's been that bad this week, huh?”

With a shake of my head, I
take another drink—my eyes on his as I swallow before I hand the bottle back to
him. He accepts it and takes a long drink before he discards it on his dresser.
Then he walks over and tucks a strand of hair behind my ear. I haven't been in
the mood to put my hair up. I haven't been in the mood to do anything other
than sink into a bit of depression this week.

His eyes search mine
curiously. “How come you never wear the clothes I bought you?”

“You wanted me to wear them
tonight? With your brother here?”

“You're right. I have to get
you out instead of keeping you to myself all the time,” he murmurs as his lips
slowly lower to mine and he catches me up in a deep, heated kiss. My hands
settle on his waist as I feel the alcohol relaxing me. My mind is numbing from
the darkness that has taken over this week.

“I've got something for you,”
Cole says, pulling back slightly. My eyes open and I find that he's pulling a
small plastic packet out of his pocket. He pulls out a small pill and meets my
wary gaze. “You trust me right?”

I guess I do to some extent.
I'm not sure I want the drug he's once again trying to get me to take, though.

“I'll take care of you. I
promise.”

My tongue sneaks out as I lick
my dry lips. “Cole...”

“Don't you want to forget
this past week?” he coaxes. “It's just ecstasy,
Blayre
.
It's nothing hard core. It'll make you feel good.”

I shouldn't, but I find
myself opening my mouth, allowing him to give me the ecstasy that I'd been
avoiding up until this point.

***

I wake slowly and my limbs
feel heavy, my mind fumbling to make sense and pull thoughts together. I feel
weird. No, not weird...just back to being overloaded with reality. The darkness
is back after I'd had my little escape earlier.

My memory flickers as I
remember Cole coaxing me into taking the ecstasy. I had to admit, it had given
me a really good rush. All the badness had disappeared and I'd felt...happy,
almost euphoric. I remembered laughing and drinking with Cole. He'd taken
ecstasy himself and we'd gotten high together. It'd been fun.

Feeling weary now that the
rush is gone, I roll over onto my side and wince. My eyes pop open when I
realize I am sore in a place that has never been sore before. Cole's bare blue
walls come into view and it sinks in that I am completely naked beneath his
sheets and I'm sore...between my legs.

I sit up abruptly and look
around the room anxiously for Cole. The light is still on and his room is
empty. I'm all alone. I clutch the sheet to my breasts and try to remember how
getting high had obviously led to sex.

More flashbacks come back to
me and I remember we'd been making out and Cole had wanted more. I'd been
having fun and had been all for it, so it's clear in my mind that I'd been a
very willing participant. I couldn't remember much of the actual sex though. I
just remembered pain and Cole telling me to relax, that he'd make it better. My
head drops into my hands with defeat. I'd lost my virginity tonight and I
barely remembered it. What should have been something good was now nothing but
a blur. I'd wanted it to be special in some way—for it to mean something. I
mean you only lose your virginity once. Instead, I'd been high on drugs.

How has this night gone from a
way to escape my reality, to suddenly turning out like this? I know I did this
to myself all on my own and if anything, I feel worse than I did before. My
eyes lift and I look around the empty room as an ache begins to develop deep
within my chest. Cole took my virginity and then he'd left the room while I'd
been passed out. He was somewhere in the house, partying, not caring that I'd
woken up all alone.

I need to get out of here.

After shoving the sheets
aside, I quickly track down my clothes that were scattered all over his room.
Once I feel like I am decent, I run a hand through my hair and flee his room.
As I leave the party, I never run across Cole and I am fine with that. My steps
are hurried as I make my way down the sidewalk, anxious to get back to my car.
I am annoyed with Cole for leaving me alone after sleeping with me, especially
with Ethan in the house, but I am more upset with myself.

My mood is grim as I drive
myself home and when I get there, I am relieved that both my brother and Noah
are gone. First thing I do is go up to my room, grab fresh clothes, and head
for the bathroom to clean up.

As the water pelts at my
body, I find myself leaning against the slick wall in the shower as I fight the
urge to get the razor. I couldn't afford to do any more cutting. There were too
many fresh cuts on my inner thighs and my pelvic region from this week. I've
been walking around for days in constant pain from all of them.

Shit.

I slam my head gently against
the wall as my shoulders drop. Cole had to have seen my scars and cuts. My
secret is now in his hands.  I struggle to draw in air as I fight the urge
to panic. Cutting wouldn't accomplish anything tonight and I'd already in a way
punished myself tonight. My virginity was gone thanks to my stupidity and not
to mention I hurt down there. I didn't need to cause myself any pain because I
already hurt—emotionally and physically.

I shove my head under the
spray of the water, my head dropping forward as the water drips down my face,
falling into the drain like tears.

After my shower, I leave my
hair wet and in tangles as I put on fresh clothes. Then I grab my phone, head
down to the pool and sit on a lounge chair in the dark. I want to cry. I want
to scream. I want to
do
something to acknowledge the pain that has
twisted my insides up so badly that it physically hurt just to breathe.
Instead, I calmly stare at the water in the moonlight, my expression grim but
steady.

My phone chimes. I
automatically pick it up and glance at the message. COLE: 
Where are
you? Did you go home?

After a long moment of
staring at his text message, I calmly set it down and draw my knees up to my
chest as I wrap my arms around them. My chin rests on my knees as I try to
figure out how to live this life that has somehow become mine.

My mood isn't any better the
following morning. First off, I look like crap and I'm not in the mood to do
anything about it. I just feel...drained. I'm tired of it all. I wake up
earlier than normal and I find myself back on a lounger by the pool. My body is
curled up as I lie on my side while I stare off at nothing. I've finally
decided I'm being a baby about my virginity. It was done, there was no sense in
crying about it. However, the rest of my life...

My guilt is eating me alive.
I don't know what to do now or which direction I am supposed to go.

“
Blayre
?”

My body flinches because I
hadn't heard Tate come outside. He can't see my face since I am curled up with
my back to the house. Slowly, I turn and sit up.