Twin Flames (7 page)

"Hey, Nathan, it's Tristan." There was just air on the line. I checked the cell display to make sure I hadn't lost the phone call.

"Tristan?" Nathan asked in a strained voice. "Yeah, it's me, you know… your brother." I wasn't sure if this was a good idea, calling Nathan for purely personal reasons. In the past, calls to Nate had been status updates only. I hadn't had anything personal to talk about until now. I still vividly remembered the argument he and I had had about the Breaking. Nathan faithfully believed I should've let the passive magic of the Twin Flame work through and naturally correct the imbalance between Theo and myself.

It was one of the few arguments I've had with my brother. It was also the most bitter. When Nathan realized I wasn't going to budge on my decision, he'd grudgingly stood with me, against his better judgment. He didn't think very highly of me for leaving my Flame regardless of the reason. I was a coward in his eyes. He thought I was trying to commit suicide. I wasn't suicidal for the most part, but I'd have accepted death if it had come to that. It wasn't something Nathan could ever understand and I hoped he never would. I wouldn't wish that kind of betrayal on anyone.

"Shit, I'm sorry. It's just, do you know how long it's been since you've spoken to me, much less called me?" Nathan's voice cracked.

I was beginning to become concerned. "It hasn't been that long, Nate. Last month you told me Neesie got engaged to the jackass down the street, what's his name…? Lonny Fowler? I still don't know why you agreed to it. When Neesie was in the sixth grade, the little punk threw poop on Neesie at her Halloween party."

I paused fully expecting Nathan to be laughing along with me only to hear silence on the line. I checked the phone display again. Had he hung up on me? What the hell was wrong with him?

"Nate?" I asked cautiously. His voice hitched on the other end of the line, "Shit, Nathan what's wrong? Is Neesie okay? Do you need help? I'll kill Fowler if he's so much as…"

"Tristan, kiddo, is it really you? I haven't spoken to you for years, Tris, and even then I think you said only three words to me. It's always been Ushna who has…" There was more long, gruff breathing.

"Nate, man, you're scaring the hell out of me. What's wrong?" I listened to Nathan, my big brother, sob on the line, big deep keening sounds that had me paralyzed just listening to him. I wanted to reach through the phone and touch Nathan, comfort him. I wanted to pound into the ground the asshole or assholes that had brought such grief to my brother.

With the phone pressed to my ear with my shoulder, I quickly went to the bedroom. I pulled out my travel bag from under the bed and crossed to the dresser. How long would I be away? I could hear another voice in the background. Then the static of someone covering the phone's mouthpiece so all I heard was muffled voices.

"Neesie?" When had she gotten a sultry, grown-up voice?
"Is it really you?" I could hear the tears in her voice as well.
"What the hell is it with that question?" I snapped, "There is only one Tristan in this family! What is wrong with Nathan? Are you hurt? I swear I'll tear the arms off that poop throwing moron if he's done anything…"
An ear splitting scream assaulted me through the phone. Neesie was wailing on the other end, repeating my name over and over.
"Neesie, Neesie! Is there anyone there who can talk to me?" Fuck it. I started emptying my dresser into my travel case.
"Neesie…"
"Tristan," Nathan was back on the phone. His voice was gravelly with suppressed tears.
"Shit, Nathan, what's wrong? I'm packing my bag now. Ushna and I will be on our way to Georgia as soon as I can get a flight out of Oklahoma City."
"We're fine, Tristan. It's so good to hear your voice. You don't know," Nathan cleared his throat, "we've been so worried about you."
"I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be okay?" I gripped the phone harder. He sounded so sincere, as if he thought there'd been something wrong with me. I wanted to reassure him but I didn't know what to say.
I listened to Nathan pull in a steady breath. "Neesie and I are going to get our affairs in order here at home then we'll come to see you—if it's okay?
"Sure it's okay," I said hesitantly.
I couldn't remember the last time I'd seen my family. A visit from them would be nice, but I was trying to seduce a man. Having family around might put a wrench in things.
"Little brother," Nathan breathed, "I've missed you. Give us a week or so."
"Sure. I'll let Ushna know you're coming."
"Ah, why did you call?" Nathan asked cautiously.
I pushed the travel bag aside and sat on the bed. I think I turned three shades of red. At least I was alone so no one else would see. "Actually, I needed to ask Neesie about something." I ran my hand over my face. Maybe this wasn't such a great idea.
"Ask her what?"
I could hear Neesie talking in the back ground. "Give me the phone," she growled. I heard a quick intake of breath before she asked me in a watery voice, "What did you want to ask me?"
"Well, I've been, I, ah… I'm interested in someone and my seduction skills are rusty. Well actually, I'm thinking they're nonexistent. I was hoping, since you've read all those books, you could give me some tips."
Quiet crying greeted my ears. Yep. This had been a really, really bad idea. Seriously, what was up with all the crying?

The next morning I had a plan. Well, half a plan. I had to be flexible, depending on Ushna's reactions. According to Neesie, after she'd calmed down, there were several things I could do. Draw his gaze to my mouth, subtly touch him often, wear something revealing or show some skin, and make sure I don't hide my interest in him. He'd effectively ignored me yesterday. I wanted his attention.

I was wearing a loose pair of blue jeans that hung so low my pubic hair was barely covered. I was barefoot and the T-shirt I planned to work in was hanging out of my back pocket. I normally don't go around without a shirt because I'm self-conscious about my scar. Not today. My bare back was to the kitchen door when I heard Ushna come in and halt. I couldn't help but grin. I wanted to see if he was staring, but I also wanted to appear casual.

Schooling my face, I slowly turned and gazed at him. He looked like a man dying of thirst. I had to make myself breathe a couple of times before I asked, "You okay with scrambled eggs?"

"Ushna," I gave him a little frown. I had to, or I would've been grinning like a loon. "Ushna," I called again. He finally looked me in the face. I took a second to take in the nice blush he'd acquired. "Are scrambled eggs okay?"

He licked his kissable lips, opened his mouth, and nothing came out. I raised an eyebrow at him. He just gave me a curt nod before opening the cabinet to grab plates for breakfast. I turned back to the stove and cooked the scrambled eggs and toasted some bread. I didn't have much time to make a seductive breakfast, but I wasn't totally unsuccessful.

When I carried the eggs from the stove to the table, I didn't cover my obvious arousal. Ushna's eyes latched on to it, which served to only make me harder. I set toast and a bowl of sliced fruit on the table.

I grabbed the coffee pot and poured him a cup, making sure to brush his arm with my hip. I then twisted enough to push my groin into his arm as I reached into the bowl of fruit. Grabbing a melon ball between my thumb and forefinger, I brought it to my lips and sucked on it for a moment. Then my tongue snaked out, wrapped around the ball, and pulled it into my mouth. I would've felt like an idiot if I hadn't watched Ushna's nostrils flare, his hungry green eyes riveted on my lips.

With as much nonchalance as I could pull off, I walked back to the counter and put away the coffee pot. I came back and sat across from Ushna. Casually I plucked another melon ball from the bowl and gave it the same treatment I gave the first one.

That was how breakfast went. I teased Ushna with my food, looking at him through my eyelashes. I hummed my pleasure, lingering over each morsel. I thought I was doing a pretty damn good job of it when my fare was gone and he hadn't even touched his.

Well, that was until he scraped his chair back from the table and strolled out the back door. He said not one word. I looked at his cold breakfast in consternation. He was interested. I knew he was, but he'd walked away.

I quickly cleaned the kitchen and placed a turkey sandwich with an apple in a brown bag for Ushna. I'd wanted to tempt him at breakfast, not starve him.

I grabbed my shirt from my back pocket and put it on. I'd picked this shirt for two reasons. First, it was a size too small and hugged me like a glove. Second, it was so worn it was almost transparent and hid nothing.

I couldn't help but smile as I smoothed my hand down my stomach. I was having fun playing the seducer. Maybe I'd felt just a little bit empowered by Ushna's responses. No, he hadn't mauled me, not yet, but I could feel the need in him. It promised to be explosive if I could get him to let go. I was extremely hopeful. Wall sex. Kitchen sex. Wall sex. Shower sex. Wall sex. Couch sex. Horizontal, vertical; I'd take it however I could get it. Yep, hopeful was my middle name.

I stomped my feet into my work boots and paused at the back door. If I was wrong and Ushna rejected me, I'd feel more than foolish. There was a small voice in my head cautioning me to take it slow. I honestly didn't want to. I wanted to make love to Ushna and touch him without excuses. I wanted to walk up and wrap my arms around him, just because it was my right. I wanted to love him openly, unapologetically.

I was awake and alive, and I wanted Ushna. I went outside. Maybe I put a little extra oomph in my stride as I approached the stall Ushna was mucking out and placed the brown bag on the rail.
"You didn't eat much for breakfast so I made you a sandwich."
I didn't wait for him to answer. I turned and strutted my ass out of the barn. I hailed the foreman, Randy Aikman. Okay, maybe I called out a little louder than necessary.
"What's on the roster today, boss?"
Randy gave me an assessing look. "You're in a good mood this morning."
Damn if I wasn't smiling like a fool. "Maybe."
Randy was smiling broadly at me until he looked over my shoulder. I didn't look. I knew who was watching from the horse barn.
"Dante needs help bringing Devils' Gun in from the pasture. He's been sold and the new owners will be here in a couple of hours to pick him up."
"I'm on it."
I playfully swatted Randy on the shoulder and turned to go back into the barn to saddle my sweet girl, Dancing Socks. I stopped and grabbed a couple of coils of rope and a pair of riding gloves. I found Ushna already had her out of her stall and was in the tack room grabbing her gear. I stood silently as Ushna saddle Socks for me. He studiously refused to look at me. When he was finished, I grabbed my green John Deere cap off the hook and sauntered over to Ushna, who was adjusting a stirrup.
"Thanks for the sandwich."
The man was still not looking at me and I was getting tired of seeing the top of his dark head. "You can have anything you want from me, Ushna. All you have to do is ask."
I grabbed the reins and mounted Socks in one fluid movement. I looked down at him as he peered up at me with an unreadable expression. That was the closest I'd come to telling him to nail me to the wall, but he didn't say anything. It was okay though, because I wasn't done.
Socks and I trotted out of the barn. We had a bull to bring in from the pasture. When I got back I'd make sure Ushna knew I was there. I'd make it hard for him to ignore me and I'd find a way to get him to tell me what he wanted.

Have you ever seen a sexy movie where the character tossed bales of hay without a shirt on? It's my opinion the director was a sadist. Baled hay is a compression of little needles that abrades the hell out of skin. If the little pinpricks weren't enough for you, it's scratchy. The dust sticks to sweaty skin and itches.

I thought it would be sexy to unload the hay without my shirt on. The temperature was in the high 80s and sweat was pouring off me by the bucketful. The bales were scraping the hell out of my stomach and if I didn't rinse off soon I was going to scratch my skin off.

After the last bale was put away, Randy approached me with an ice cold bottle of water. I took off the cap and drew a long swallow to soothe my parched throat. Out of the corner of my eye I noticed Ushna watching me. I tilted my head back and poured the icy water over my face and chest, which elicited a bellow of shock from me. Holy shit, it was fucking cold! Randy and some of the hands laughed at me. Once I got over my surprise, I laughed too. I deserved that for trying too hard.

"Damn, Tristan," Randy laughed, "that was a dumb ass thing to do."
I threw the empty bottle at Randy and called him an asshole before walking up to the house. I needed to shower to get the hay dust off me.
Randy called after me, "Ushna and few of the guys are going to the bar tonight. You're welcome to come if you're interested."
Someone moved in the shadows near the barn and I had to hide my smile. Well, actually no, I didn't. I smiled at Randy teeth and all. "Let me shower and change. I'd love to go." I didn't wait for an answer, just turned toward the house, and waved a hand over my shoulder. I couldn't help it; I sprinted up to the door.

I came out of the bedroom feeling confident. I was wearing a black long-sleeved yoked shirt with pearl snaps, the tightest pair of black jeans I owned, and a pair of black ostrich boots. I even broke out the bottle of Giorgio Armani cologne Gregori had sent me for my last birthday.

I lost my breath when I walked into the living room. I wasn't the only one dressed to impress. Ushna wore a long-sleeved green and black striped shirt that made his eyes stand out. He had on a pair of black jeans that cupped everything just right and snakeskin boots. This past holiday I'd bought Ushna a hand-engraved silver belt buckle with a gold inlay of two wolves howling at a full moon. It sat just above his groin. Damn if it didn't look fine on him.

I caught Ushna looking at me. "Nice buckle. You ready to go?"
Ushna's gaze drank me in. The way he was staring at me made me bold. I slowly walked up to Ushna using the strut I'd been perfecting all day, leaving just inches in between us.
"Are we going out tonight, Ushna?"
He licked his lips.
I wanted to lean in and taste them. Would they be soft or hard? Would he open for me and allow me to explore their depths or would our tongues battle for dominance?
"Yeah, let's go. They're waiting for us," he said in a low, rough voice.
He turned and strolled out of the front door. It's a good thing I didn't have any pride; otherwise I think I'd develop a complex from the brush offs he kept giving me.
Was I overestimating my powers of seduction? I laughed to myself. Who was I kidding? I was about as seductive as a straw. I grabbed my Stetson as I left. I'd have to be bolder and use words instead. Subtle didn't seem to be working for me.
I didn't ride with Ushna to the honky-tonk, which earned me a delicious scowl from him.
"Does Ushna know you're trying to get his attention?" Randy was smiling out the windshield. Headlights zipped past us going in the opposite direction.
"Am I that obvious?" I'd thought I was being subtle.
"Tristan," Randy scolded lightly, "the men are taking bets on how long Ushna's going to hold out."
Okay, not subtle at all. I snorted, "He's doing pretty good so far."
"He watches you. He always has. When the two of you first bought the ranch, it was pretty evident you'd been through some kind of trauma. You were disconnected. Oblivious to what was going around you, like you were just going through the motions of living. Ushna would follow you around and tried not to be obvious about it but it really didn't matter because you didn't see him. You've come a long way since then. The last couple of weeks were the most dramatic. I'm glad to see you're learning to live again."
"I guess there are no secrets."
"Just because we cowboys like to gossip on occasion doesn't mean we don't know how to keep secrets, boss." Randy gave me a meaningful look and I wasn't sure what it meant.
"Am I going to have trouble with the ranch hands if Ushna and I become partners?" Couplings in Lycan society didn't mirror that of humans, who labeled sex outside of traditional marriage immoral.
Randy pulled into the honky-tonk's parking lot. Ushna stood at the door, his eyes squinting as he waited for us.
"There may be a one or two who won't like it. They'll leave but won't make much of a stink. Others will be too polite to say anything and will be okay as long as it's not flaunted. Some won't care. If today is any judge of how they're going to react, I don't think you'll have any problems. Judging by the look Ushna is giving us, we'd better get out of the truck before he comes and helps us out."
I laughed as I opened the door, "I think you're right."
Ushna's hands were clenched into fists and he glared at Randy. I grabbed him by the elbow and pulled him after me. "Come on, cowboy, let's get a drink."
Country music wasn't my first choice. I enjoyed the grit of alternative music mixed with metal, so what the live band was playing didn't inspire me. But it was what I had to work with. I suggested Ushna find a place for us to sit but he stubbornly refused to leave my side. At the bar, I ordered a black beer and Ushna got something on tap. Randy had grabbed a few tables in a corner, and I asked for a couple of pitchers for the guys.
No sooner had I sat down than I was approached by a gorgeous, cocoa-skinned, young lady. She introduced herself as Ann and I took her for a twirl around the dance floor.
I might not prefer country music, but I did know how to dance to it. I was rusty, which made Ann giggle, the beads in her braided hair clacking as her head moved. When I got the steps down we started to have some real fun.
I took her for another twirl when the next song started. Someone else cut in at the beginning of the third song and that was how my night went. I danced with most of the gals at least once, some twice. If the amount of phone numbers stuffed in my pockets was any indication, a straight guy could get lucky often if he got on the dance floor with a girl.
I didn't want to get lucky with a woman. I was trying to get lucky with the man who was scowling at me so hard he was going to have permanent lines if he didn't stop. I came to the conclusion my current activity wasn't going to get me anywhere when another number was stuffed in my pocket.
My elbow was grabbed and Ushna whispered harshly into my ear, "It's time to go home."
This was new. I raised my hand to wave bye to Randy and the guys as Ushna jerked me out the door. The drive home was tense and quiet but I was willing to wait and see where this would go. The closer we got to the house with nothing said, well, let me just say I was cussing up a storm in my head.
As I got out of the truck, Ushna grabbed me by the arm. "What in the hell do you think you're doing?"
He was angry, angrier than I ever remembered seeing him. His lips were pressed into a thin line, his emerald eyes sparked with fire, and the tension was coming off his body in waves. Only a fool would miss the signs.
"What do you think I'm doing, Ushna?"
"The hell if I know anymore, Tristan. You're walking around here practically naked, shaking your ass at anyone who will look. Getting groped all over the dance floor by those womenwas there a woman who didn't put her number in your pocket? I've never known you to act like a slut before." Ushna said the last with so much disgust it stung.
And I thought I didn't have any pride.
I stepped closer to him and looked up into the green eyes that I loved. "I wasn't shaking my ass just for anyone, Ushna. I was shaking it for you, you fool."
With both hands, I grabbed his hair, pulled his face down, and kissed him like I'd wanted to kiss him all this past week. I kissed him like it was the only kiss I'd ever get from him, because I knew now, he didn't want me, not like I wanted him, so this was the only kiss I was going to get. I made it good. I savored his lips, tasted him, and tried to memorize him.
When I pulled away, I glanced at into his round, shocked eyes. I gave him my best crooked smile and a friendly pat on the shoulder. I tried to convey without words that I was sorry and everything would be all right. I don't think I could've spoken at that moment so I turned around and sprinted up the steps into the house.
I didn't go to my bedroom and I didn't want to be in the house so I went straight out the back door, shedding my clothes as I went. I had barely stepped outside when I submitted to the wolf.
I needed to run off my disappointment and sorrow. I'd known there was a possibility Ushna didn't see me as anything more than a friend. I'd hoped for more, I'd gambled on it and lost. As I chased stringy jack rabbits I tried to convince myself it was okay. I didn't have to have Ushna in my bed to love him. I'd love him anyway he'd let me. So I hunted rabbits and chased a coyote out of my territory. I rolled in the dirt, snagging a burr or two in my fur that took forever to scratch out before I headed home.
Ushna was waiting for me on the porch. He leaned against the frame of the back door, his face in shadow, arms crossed over his chest. It was a good thing I'd brought a peace offering; I dropped the rabbit in my mouth at his feet.
I padded to the door, hoping he'd open it for me because I really didn't want to talk to him right now. As far as I was concerned, breakfast was early enough to have this discussion. But he didn't move, so if I wanted to go in I'd have to change back.
I allowed myself to fall back into my human form. I opened my eyes as I crouched naked on the porch. I'd never wanted to cover up my body more than I did in that moment. I felt vulnerable and exposed as Ushna stared at me. I stood and went to the door. I was determined to get to the relative safety of my room.
"Tristan, I didn't know…"
I interrupted him. I really, really didn't want to have this conversation now when the pain of his rejection was still so close to the surface. "It's fine. We're fine, it's okay." I reached for the door knob and Ushna grabbed my hand.
"Damn it, would you stop for a minute," he growled.
Okay, we were going to have this conversation now. I pulled in a breath and looked up at Ushna. "Okay."
"I didn't know you were trying to get my attention. You've always shied away from touching me so I didn't think you'd ever be interested, I thought there was something about me…"
"Ushna, it wasn't you. Any touch hurt. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. You have to know I'd do anything for you." My chest hurt but I refused to reach up and rub it.
"Is that what this is, you doing something for me?" His voice was low, guttural, his eyes searching my face.
"Goddess, no," I breathed, taking a step closer to Ushna, my hand still in his as I reached for his waist, "this was me wanting to love you."
This time it was he who kissed me. No, he didn't just kiss me. He devoured me, and Goddess help me, I let him.