Twin Flames (5 page)

When I woke the next morning, Ushna wasn't in bed, which was a relief because I would've been stabbing my best friend with morning wood. It was also a disappointment because I missed his warmth. I rolled over and inhaled the scent from his pillow.

Why did he smell so good? I didn't recall noticing it before or that it had any effect on me. There was too much going on, things changing too quickly. I needed to think about it at some point. I'd save it for later when I was able to cope with the implications. I needed to get Ushna home where I could protect him.

I rolled out of bed and threw on a pair of loose jeans before packing our bags. I was stiff from the bruising. My right hand was blackened and swollen, and my left wasn't much better, but I ignored all of it. When I was almost finished, Ushna returned with breakfast in a bag.

He looked tired. I didn't know if it was because he'd slept poorly or if it was due to the energy expended when he went Lupe. Without thinking, I reached up and cupped his face. I think I startled him nearly as much as myself, but I didn't take my hand away. I needed the contact with him and I waited to see if he'd accept it. It wouldn't have been a question with any other Lycan, but we hadn't done much touching. Although I knew he needed it, I could feel his hesitancy.

I ran my thumb over his cheekbone and felt the morning stubble scrape against my skin as he finally looked at me.

He drew in a breath, and for a second leaned into my hand before stepping away. "I think so. I don't remember much." He walked past me and placed the bags on the small table. I had the feeling he was hiding from me, but I wasn't sure why. "Did I… did I hurt… did… are those bruises my fault?"

The way his voice sounded, a low agonized whisper, had me crossing the room, slipping my arms around him from behind. "No, Ushna. You saved me from getting my ass handed to me. You pounded the hell out of Stoiler and came away when I called."

I felt Ushna shudder beneath my hands. I squeezed him harder, not sure how to set his mind at ease. I rested my forehead at the base of his neck and felt the tension slowly leave his body even though he didn't touch me in return. The clean scent of him filled my head and was better than what he'd left on his pillow. I had the strong urge to rub against him, to mark him with my scent.

That thought was like a bucket of ice water thrown on me. What was wrong with me? It was more difficult than I'd thought to pull away from him. I busied myself digging in the bags for breakfast sandwiches.

We didn't speak after that but the brush of his hand, a shoulder, or thigh threw me back to wanting to touch him. Lack of touch hadn't bothered me until now and I didn't know why that was.

We didn't talk much on the drive back to the ranch. We knew each other so well. We worked together in the sort of harmony that comes from long association. I'd never noticed how well we fit together, how our lives had become entwined. It was more than domestic, more than knowing each other's likes or dislikes or knowing how the other would act in certain situations. Looks and gestures could be whole conversations between us.

I couldn't help smiling when the house came into view. It was a large, long ranch-style home with a wraparound porch. There were three large barns and a couple of bunkhouses. Each barn served a purpose. One was for horses, another for cattle, and the last for equipment. The buildings were situated to the north behind the house, along with corrals, riding rings, and holding pens. This was our first real home after Ushna and I had left Georgia after the Breaking.

I honestly didn't remember much of the first year, not that I even try. The memories are buried under a haze of pain and sorrow I was loath to disturb. The only thing that mattered to me was that I made it through and came out the other side. I know I'd never have made it without Ushna. There weren't words to express to him what his sacrifice meant to me. I'd never be able to pay him back or make it up to him, but that didn't mean I wouldn't try.

The second year after the Breaking, I'd decided to be a hunter for the Council. It probably wasn't the best decision considering what I'd gone through. Well, it was brash, but I needed a purpose. Ushna never questioned. He signed up alongside of me and became my tracking partner. Good thing too, because I was a little careless. Okay, in the beginning, reckless. Ushna made sure he was there with me and saved my ass more than once until I relearned selfpreservation.

Several years ago, Ushna had mentioned in passing seeing a ranch for sale. Ushna didn't make idle talk. The fact he mentioned the ranch told me he was more than a little interested in it. That caused me to look more closely at it.

With the money I'd received as compensation from Theo for the Breaking, along with our saved salary from the Council hunts, we had enough to buy the ranch. When I mentioned this to Ushna, he looked at me for the longest time. I was beginning to wonder if I'd read him wrong and was about to tell him to forget it when he said, "Okay," and then turned back to making lasagna for dinner.

We didn't know squat about ranching but it didn't keep us from trying to make a life here. The foreman, Randy Aikman, as well as the majority of the ranch hands stayed on. Ushna and I started learning about the ranch from the very bottom. The Rocking Rs bred bulls and broncos to sell to rodeos. I'd never been to a rodeo in my life and immediately became enthralled with the crazy men and women who chose to ride these dangerous creatures.

Randy saved the Rocking Rs from our early attempts to run the place. He was an example of the melting pot of America, his ancestors having been Iranian or Kurdish, but he was at home in a Stetson and a pair of Tony Lamas. His long curly black hair was usually tucked under a Stetson and held in a bunch between his broad shoulders by a simple brass hair stick and ring. He looked young, with laughing onyx eyes and complexion dark with a deep tan from working outdoors. His well-trimmed beard and moustache had no trace of gray.

His youth, size, and energy were of some value but even better, he knew how to motivate men and work animals. Even the most experienced of ranchers in the area were impressed by his skill. Over the years, he had become a loyal friend even when his honesty forced him to laugh at some of our inexperienced antics.

We relied heavily on his expertise and patience as he taught us the ins and outs of horses and cattle. Neither Ushna nor I were content to handle just the money end. So when we weren't hunting for the Council, we worked the ranch as hard and long as the other hands. At the end of the day, I didn't think I'd ever felt as satisfied as I did from working the ranch .

I pulled up next to the house and parked the truck. I was glad to be home and thinking about quitting the Council to run the ranch full time. This last hunt had been a close call for both of us. Ushna could've been seriously hurt trying to save me. I didn't think I could stand causing him injury. I thought I'd bring it up to Ushna and get an idea how he felt about it.

I had to make my report to the Council but before I could get out of the truck, Ushna called my name. I paused at the opened door to glance back at him. The look in his green eyes made my heart falter before he blinked and it was gone.

"I… never mind." He jumped out of the truck, almost like he was running from me. What the hell did I do?
Later.
It seemed I was putting a lot of things off until later,

but I had to let it go for the moment. I would deal with whatever this was after I made my report. I'd put off the call until we got home and I knew the Council was impatiently waiting for me to inform them Ushna's status.

Was that what Ushna wanted to talk about? Was he worried about the Council? I couldn't reassure him because I didn't know what was going to happen, but I'd do everything I could to stand between the Council and Ushna. He wasn't a threat. I just needed to convince the Council of that.

In the house, I looked for Ushna. I heard him in his bedroom but his door was closed. I dropped my bags in my room and glanced around. There were a few family pictures Ushna had put up for me. White walls and bland furniture made for a very plain room. A four-poster bed, a dresser, two bedside tables with lamps, and a small chair in the corner was all the furniture in my room. Bland, empty, nondescript. Yep, it was my room.

The only thing that had any color was the altar to the God Shamash and Goddess Anat by the main window where the rising sun shone on it. I took off my shoes, knelt at the altar, and lit incense. I sent the Gods a prayer of thanks that Ushna and I had made it home safe and sound. I also prayed for quick justice for that murdering bastard, Craig Stoiler.

When I finished, I headed to my office to call the Council.
"Hello, Elder Koller, this is Tristan Janick."
"Tristan! So good to hear from you, son. How are you?" Elder Janus Koller was the oldest councilman and the most genial.
"I'm fine, sir. I'm calling to give my report on the Craig Stoiler hunt."
"Yes, yes, I spoke to Jasper last night. Nasty business, that one. The transport should be here in two days with the prisoner. I, for one, will be glad when he's been dealt with. He's put us all at risk."
"I agree. Did Jasper mention Ushna?" I really didn't want to have this conversation.
Elder Koller breathed a sigh into the phone, "He did. Why don't you tell me what happened. Jasper said he came in later and didn't see everything."
I detailed our two weeks of tracking Stoiler. "I don't know when Ushna went Lupe. He'd beat Stoiler unconscious by the time I got to him. He did stop and come to me when I called to him. He didn't touch anyone else, though he did growl at the warriors if they got too close to us. Other than that, he didn't make any threatening moves toward them." Elder Koller hummed into the phone. I had to tell him what I thought but I didn't know if it would help Ushna or not. "Elder if I may, I think I know why this happened. It may even be my fault."
There was a long pause. "Go ahead."
"Ushna's been with me for seven years outside of a tribe, sir."
"The two of you together shouldn't be a problem."
"In any other situation I'd agree but I… with what happened, I've had a hard time with touch, sir. Ushna's been starved for touch and I haven't been able to give it to him. It never occurred to me until last night that he was suffering, that my selfishness… I was hurting him."
"Son, we know next to nothing about Breaking and yours was so lopsided. There is no way we could've known the side effects. Don't blame yourself for something you've had no control over. Besides, I'm not sure it's what caused the Lupe to surface in Ushna. The only individuals a Lupe will respond to are family and their Twin Flame."
"So you think he considers me family? That's what I thought too. We grew up together."
"You don't think he views you as a potential mate?"
I had to take a moment before I could speak. "Ah, sir, his Flame died."
"I'm aware of Brian but it doesn't mean he can't bond or mate with another. This would be a mate of his choosing, not Bashert."
Well, shit, what could I say? "Are you sure?"
"No, I'm not sure. But from the description Jasper gave of the situation and Ushna's possessiveness of you, it's a possibility. How do you feel?"
"How do I feel?" Did my voice just go up an octave? "I, well, I…" How did I feel? "I don't know, sir. He's my best friend. I wouldn't have survived these last few years without him. I'd do anything for him. I want him happy."
"And if he found someone and brought them home?"
It took a moment for me to realize I was growling into the phone. "Shit! Sir! I'm so sorry. I don't know what just happened."
"Tristan, I suggest you sit down and really think about what's going on. Ushna is an unclaimed Lycan who's been lost to the Lupe. The predator side of a warrior is very strong and once awakened and released it will be more active within him. We need to make sure he has an anchor. He's more susceptible to the Lupe now he's succumbed to it. Without an anchor, high emotions could turn him. If he can't be brought back, well, you know what would have to be done. He would be caged for the rest of his life because he'll be unable to control the beast. If, knowingly or unknowingly, he views you as belonging to him, any perceived threat to you will cause him to Lupe. You need to decide what you want to do. Not to push you, but it should be soon. I'll schedule a partial Council review with him in ninety days. If he goes Lupe again, we may have to bring him to the Center unless you can control him."
The Center was a little known "clinic" that specialized in Lycans who were stuck in their Lupe form. Sometimes a Lycan could be brought back from the beast but successes were few and far between. Lupes were dangerous so they were housed at the Center. There, they were cared for until the man resurfaced or until they passed away. This was a fate I didn't want for Ushna. I'd do everything in my limited power to keep him from that outcome.
"That's what I'm saying, sir. He responded to me as if I were… whatever it is. So everything is fine."
There was a momentary silence before Elder Koller spoke, "You need to understand. We don't allow Lupes to live away from the tribes. Even those that are grounded are 'controlled'. We manage where they live and how they interact with humans. Even if Ushna responds to you, what would happen if you were injured or killed? We cannot have a Lupe loose too far away to deal with. We need to know he is under control. Without a Twin Flame, a life bond may work. The shock of loss would generally give us time to step in."
"Sir, it's not possible for me to control him if he's Lupe. You know as well as I that art was lost centuries ago."
"Are you so sure of that? Are you positive you aren't the one who commanded the Lupe? It takes a force of will stronger than that of the Lupe to control it. Did the Lupe stop because you called or because you wanted him to?"
"I can't believe it would be that simple to control a Lupe," I argued. "The only Lycans who could anchor the Lupe warriors were the royal family. We all know that line is dead. I think he views me as family and ifand it's a big ifhe goes Lupe again he'll do the same thing he did last time. He'll listen to me because I'm his family and he's mine. Ushna has never shown any romantic interest in me. Judging by your point of view, Ushna is either controlled by me or is in love with me. You can't have it both ways."
"Can't I? Think about it. Either way, you or Ushna need to be in control of the Lupe before the review. Jasper has seen a Lupe respond before and he was clear that Ushna was under your command." Elder Koller sighed into the phone. "Tristan, just because you and Ushna have lost your Twin Flames doesn't mean you can't find happiness. How are you feeling? Jasper said you seemed… stressed."
Did Jasper know what had happened to me when I thought he was challenging me? Did he tell the elder I was unstable, that I'd barely held it together? How could I explain what happened to an elder when I didn't understand it myself?
If I was losing it, what would happen next? They'd take me away and Ushna would be released from his obligation to me. I was confident he wouldn't go Lupe again so he'd be free to have his own life, have a family. I gritted my teeth. I wasn't ready to give up yet.
"I was just worried about Ushna."
There was a pregnant pause before the elder said, "How can I help you if you don't trust me, Tristan?"
Shit, I was glad I was sitting down.
"I know your trust has been broken in the worst way. I was hoping the years we've worked together would've given you more confidence in me. I would never harm you, young man."
What the hell was he talking about? Were we even talking about the same incident? I felt like I was missing a piece of a puzzle.
"But there's more than one way I can help you. I just hope you'll call me for guidance when, well…" Elder Koller sighed heavily. "I'll send Gregori to you. You'll have need of him. You have to figure out what your relationship with Ushna is and how to ground him. The Council won't allow the threat of a Lupe in the human population. If the condition cannot be managed, we'll bring Ushna to the Center where he can be evaluated and observed, even if it's within a cage. Is that what you want for your friend, Tristan?"
I knew I should say something, make a response of some kind, but I couldn't. There was a painful lump in my throat I couldn't swallow around. The thought that I might lose Ushna terrified me. It would feel like losing a part of myself. The idea paralyzed me. I was so lost in my own morbid thoughts I didn't realize the councilman had hung up until the handset gave the electronic buzz. Quietly, I replaced it. I got up and strode out to the porch, my boots sounding too loud on the hardwood floor.