Twice in a Lifetime (Carina) (14 page)

“OK,” Liam said.

“OK?” Sarah said.

“OK, that’s nice?” Liam asked.

She waited to see if he would expand on the subject but he didn’t. “Your mum didn’t die of cancer,” Sarah said. She had never been great at beating around the bush. When something needed to be said, she said it.

Liam turned away from her and stared into the waves. “Nope, she didn’t.”

“My mum died of cancer,” Sarah said.

He nodded. “I remember. I was there.”

Liam had held her while she cried. He was the one she wanted. He gave her the comfort she needed. Liam had been her safe place. “Do you remember? Because you seem to put a lot of effort into forgetting your past.”

“I remember, Sarah.” There was a vulnerability in his deep voice that she had not heard in a long time. He knew where this conversation was going. He had to know Sarah wasn’t going to let it drop this time. They had skirted the issue too many times.

“And your mum?” Sarah pressed. They had never spoken about it, but it was time. He needed to stop running.

“Don’t, Sarah,” Liam said. He stood, took off his shoes and socks and rolled up his trousers before walking in the shallow crest of water.

Sarah stood and followed him, not allowing him to distance himself from her again. Cool water splashed against her ankles. “No. I’m not going to pretend any more. You can have a made-up bio with everyone else, but I know, so just be straight with me. Your mum was a prostitute.”

“Sarah, stop,” Liam said, his voice faltering.

“And you never knew your dad because he was a punter. He could have been one of hundreds of men in Scotland. Your mum didn’t die of cancer. She died of an overdose. That is why you hate addicts so much, because your mum died of a heroin overdose.”

“Sarah, stop!” Liam shouted. He turned again to walk away, but Sarah held onto his arm.

Her fingers pressed against old cigarette burns. “No, I am not going to stop. I know everything. You hate that I know, but I do. You hate Sam because he is just like your mum. She came back into your life when you were fourteen, said she had cleaned herself up. And you believed her, because you were a kid, and she was your mum. And she was clean for a while.”

“She was weak,” Liam said. She could barely hear him; his low voice was lost in the sound of the waves.

“No, she was an addict. She tried to stay clean. She wanted to stay off the game for you, but she couldn’t. It doesn’t mean she didn’t love you.”

“She let one of her boyfriends do this.” Liam pointed at his burns with disgust. “I could do without that kind of love.”

“She was messed up, Liam, but she did love you. She would have been so proud of the man you became.”

Liam snorted, “She was too drugged up to notice anything past herself. She would still be the same. Don’t venerate her just because she is dead. She was a druggy. There, I said it, Sarah. Are you happy? I said it. My mother was a whore. She loved the needle more than she loved me.” He hung his head in his hands.

No, she wasn’t happy. She reached up and smoothed his hair, brushing his cheek. She wanted to wrap her arms around him, but she didn’t. He would see it as pity and push her away. “You don’t have to pretend with me, Liam. I don’t care who or what your mum was. She is not you. I never look at you and see her. I just see you. The man who makes me scream, in the good way and the bad way.”

He looked up. In the light of the full moon she could make out the faintest smile. “I am not even going to say something dodgy because you will accuse me of hiding behind my penis.”

She shrugged her shoulders and smiled. “Well, if you are going to hide behind something, it is a good choice.”

“Now who is flirting?” he asked.

“Am I? You must have rubbed off on me. Thank God I am going home soon, or I would turn into a complete lech.” She playfully kicked water in his direction.

“To be fair, you weren’t far off. You have always had a lecherous streak.”

“Only with you, Liam. You bring out the worst in me.”

“I would say that is the best of you.”

“Of course you would.” She laughed. She loved that even in the worst situation Liam could make her smile. She reached up and held his face in her hands, needing the connection, and not wanting him to be able to look away. He needed to know how she felt. “Liam, you have to know I don’t see your mum when I look at you. I never see anything other than you. You don’t have to pretend with me, about anything. I get you. We both made mistakes and I am sorry. I didn’t stay in Edinburgh because I stopped loving you. And I didn’t pick anyone over you. There has never been anyone in my life that I loved as much as you.” Her hands dropped to his, pulling him closer to her. There was so much more she wanted to say but she couldn’t.

She wanted him to kiss her, or to speak, say anything. But he just nodded, and it was enough. They stood in the shallow surf, the warm water drumming against their legs in a soft cadence. They stood together in silence for a long time, each gentle wave washing away a bit of the pain and resentment, salving the wounds that words could not reach.

Eventually Sarah returned to her makeshift seat on his jacket and rubbed her ankle.

Liam picked up her foot and stroked her heel gently, brushing away the powder-fine sand that was sticking to her. “What happened to your feet?”

“Vanity happened. I wanted to wear the pretty shoes.”

“Why bother? You have great tits—no one is going to be looking at your feet.” He smiled.

Despite herself she smiled too. She pointed at him. “That time you were hiding behind your penis.”

“Nope, that time it was all me, you just don’t know how to take a compliment.” His finger slid over the arch of her foot.

“Since when is that a compliment?” She leaned back on her forearms and let him rub her sore feet.

“I am a man. I have just paid you the highest compliment. Breasts are important to us—we are simple creatures,” he assured her.

“Until tonight, I would have agreed, about the being simple part, not my breasts, but then Gemma told me about Addiction Specialist Limited. And now I think you are possibly the most complicated creature ever created.”

“Remind me to fire her on Monday,” Liam said humourlessly.

“Why didn’t you tell me? ‘By the way I pay your bills, sweetheart.’ At the very least you would have got a blow job out of it,” Sarah said.

“Well, in that case, I pay your bills, sweetheart.”

“Too late. I heard it from Gemma, so technically I owe her one.”

“That kind of talk will get you on all fours, Dr Campbell.”

“See, now I am doing it—hiding behind your penis to avoid emotional intimacy. You are rubbing off on me.”

“Or maybe you are just horny,” he offered.

“No, that can’t be it.”

“Really? ‘Cause I have met you and I think it is.” His hands moved to her other foot. He gently dusted off the sand before he began rubbing.

“No, it’s not, but if you keep talking about it, I will get horny.”

“That’s my girl.”

“So why do you fund Fresh Start? You think my job is a joke yet you pay for it.”

“You need a job,” he said simply.

“That is your answer? I was expecting something deep and meaningful.” She sighed.

“How about, it is because it’s what you want to do with your life and, even though it is not the life I wanted for you, I am man enough to admit defeat. And I didn’t stop feeling responsible for you, even after we stopped being in love.” He stopped and took a deep breath as if he was contemplating whether or not to continue. “And I fund it because I want to be wrong. I want there to be a possibility that people can get clean and stay clean. And I know if anyone can help people do it, it is you. You amaze me, Sarah. I see the way you believe in people and I want to believe too. I am here because you believed in me. I made it because of you. It is the least I can do, to give other people the same opportunity. Is that deep enough for you?”

Sarah nodded. Her heart settled painfully in her throat. For a long time she could not speak. She wanted to wrap her arms around him and cry. There was the Liam she knew, the Liam she loved. He was buried under a whole load of baggage, but he was there. Her Liam.

She did her best to shrug off the sudden emotion. Maybe she understood him better but it changed very little. She turned to him. Her stomach still did a flip when he was near. Right or wrong, she would never stop wanting him. He was messed up, unforgiving, controlling, impossible to understand and yet she loved him, just the way he was.

They would never work as a couple but she knew she was always going to love him, so sooner rather than later she was going to have to get used to having a Liam-shaped hole in her heart.”Yes, that’s deep enough for me. Any deeper and we’ll end up in one of my naked therapy sessions.” She lay back on the sand and covered her face with her hands. “See, I did it again. I am flirting with you. What has got into me tonight?”

“Not my penis. But that can change.” His hands moved up her ankle to the tender spot behind her knee.

She laughed. “There, I feel better. You have restored the balance. You are the lecherous one and I am the nice one.”

“We could both be lecherous.”

“No, there needs to be a balance. The universe might implode otherwise.”

“Fair point. Let’s take it in turns. I’m first,” Liam said. “So I should tell you the only thing that is keeping me from climbing on top of you is Dubai’s decency laws.” He pushed her dress up to the top of her thighs. His palm slid over knickers and gave them a gentle tug.

Sarah closed her legs, preventing him from pulling down her pants any further but also effectively trapping his hand. “That’s the only thing? What about the fact that if there was any climbing to be done, it would be by me?”

“Of course. You always have to be in charge. You really should try to get on board with the missionary position. As far as positions go, it’s pretty great. It is the one thing we can thank religion for.”

“Yes, we should give the Christian faith a pass on the crusades and all that, because they sanctioned a sexual position that allows you to be in control.”

“Love, I am always in control. The missionary position just lets me see your face when you come.”

“Liam McPherson!” Sarah screeched. “Must you be so dirty?”

“That is hardly dirty. I can show you dirty if you like?” He gently rubbed her through the satin of her underwear. “How can you be such a prude and yet always up for it? I can feel how wet you are.”

His pressure increased. Her head fell back against the sand as a warm heat settled between her thighs. “I am more of a doer than a talker,” Sarah whispered.

“That’s what I like about you—you are very action orientated. To be admired, that.”

Eventually Liam pulled his hand away and then stood up, but not before she was wet and desperate for him. “Now we better get going before we end up getting arrested and your picture gets splashed across the
Daily Mail
with a cautionary tale about getting banged up abroad.”

“Just give me a minute. I…um…want to…dip my feet in again.” Sarah took a deep breath and ordered her body to return to its normal state. The problem was, when Liam was around, her normal state was aroused.

Sarah thought they would never arrive back at Liam’s penthouse. Ahmed had insisted on following the speed limit and obeying all traffic regulations. It made a change from the previous day, when he had overtaken two lorries
between
the lanes, but still she just wanted to get back.

Liam tossed his jacket on the back of a kitchen chair and picked up his phone. “What kind of biscuits do you want?”

Her eyes narrowed. “What?” She had forgotten all about tea and biscuits, which said a lot about how preoccupied she was. “I don’t—”

“Yes, hi, this is Liam McPherson. Could you please send up a pot of breakfast tea and some chocolate biscuits?” Liam held up his hand to ask Sarah if that would be all right. She nodded. “Yes, that will be all. Thank you.”

She wasn’t in the mood for tea any more but she could keep it for tomorrow. She was not above microwaving tea.

“I am going to have a shower. I will leave you with your biscuits. God knows I might lose a finger if I try to steal one.”

“Oh…OK…you’re going to bed?” Sarah tried to sound nonchalant but ten minutes ago she had been near climax, so it was hard to completely remove the edge from her voice.

Liam grinned before he turned and left the room. Was he having a laugh? Fair enough not having sex with her on a public beach, it was a crime after all, but they were back in his flat. There were no laws about that, unless he was planning to do something really kinky, and at this point she was pretty much up for anything. He had flirted with her relentlessly since she landed in Dubai, but now he was going to bed and leaving her with a pot of tea? As satisfying as a nice cup of tea was, it was never going to be an adequate substitution for sex.

“Liam,” she called after him. She followed him into the guest bedroom. He threw his shirt on the bed and then reached for his zip. She stared open-mouthed at his bare chest. The man got better looking with each passing minute.

“Yes, Sarah?” He grinned. He was going to make her ask for it, of course he was. He was Liam. Well, lucky for her, she wasn’t shy about asking for what she wanted.

She took a deep breath and let it out. “We will never work as a couple. I don’t always like you and I harbour no illusions of that changing. But you are exceptionally good in bed and I am on holiday. So if your offer for sex still stands, I am up for it.” She bit into the nail on her ring finger while she waited for his response.

“Is this you trying to seduce me?” Liam asked. “‘Cause, I got to say, it is not a great effort.”

“We are past seduction. That is for people who want a relationship. That is not in the cards for us.” She scrunched her nose up at the thought.

Liam shook his head. “I could shag you. It would be loads of fun. But I won’t because I am not going to indulge your crazy any more.”

“What does that mean?” Sarah demanded.

“We will have sex and then as soon as I pull out of you, you will be out the door like a shot. No feelings, no chatting, and God forbid I try to cuddle you.”

“And? That sounds like a good time will be had by all. You’re a man. You don’t want the post-coital nonsense. And I can’t be bothered with it so it sounds like we are onto a winner.”

“Goodnight, Sarah. I want to have sex with you but it will just feed into your hang-ups.”

“Excuse me? I don’t have any hang-ups.” She bristled.

“Really? So you didn’t plan on shagging me and then sneaking off to watch Bab Al-Hara and eat chocolate biscuits.” His trousers fell to the floor, quickly followed by his pants. He stood naked as the day he was born.

“Is that what the soap opera is called? I was wondering. But I digress—yes, that is exactly my plan.” She forced herself to look him directly in the eye, but there were far more enticing places to look. And touch…

“No, Sarah. You are already messed up about sex enough.” He turned from her and walked into the bathroom, the taut lines of his glutes contracting and relaxing as he walked.

Sarah took in a sharp breath. “Excuse me, I am just fine with my sexuality.” Given half a chance, she would demonstrate how fine she was with it. She glanced into the mirror. She could see him from every angle and, fortunately or unfortunately, Liam was flawless from every direction. He was a perfect specimen of masculinity. If the investment thing didn’t work out, he could always be a fitness model…or a gigolo. Her mouth went dry. God, she wanted him.

“You are great with the physical aspects of sex. You are shit with the emotional bits.”

“Now you are a therapist? Fantastic.”

“Nope. I just know you.” Liam turned on the spray of water and waited for it to warm up.

“Goodnight, Liam. This is one of those times I really don’t like you, by the way,” she called over her shoulder. If she stayed in the room any longer, she was going to physically throw herself at him.

“Yep, I know. But you would still spread your legs as soon as I asked,” he said, grinning.

He was teasing her but she was in no mood for it.

She held up her middle finger behind her head without turning around. He was a bastard, but he was right.

Liam let the hot water do its best to wash away the tension of the day. Sadly it was doing nothing to control his rock-hard erection. He could masturbate but then he would think about Sarah’s soft body and her bow-shaped mouth and he would be hard again. He wanted to sleep with her, not just have the sex that was on offer. He wanted to wake up next to her. He wanted to bury himself deep within her and, when both of them were satisfied, he wanted to wrap his arms around her and fall asleep. Not a terribly lofty aspiration, if it were any woman but Sarah.

But Sarah was Sarah, prickly and soft, independent and insecure, sweet and impossibly bad-tempered.

Christ, he wanted her.

Sex would further screw up the mess that was their relationship. And he might contribute more to Sarah’s intimacy issue because there was no hope of a happily ever after for them. Turning her down was the right thing to do.

He soaped up his hands and rapped his hand around the length of his cock. “Oh, fuck it.” He had made that mistake before, thinking he had all the time in the world to be with Sarah, but he didn’t. He had tonight. He would be a better man tomorrow. Tonight he was going to have Sarah. He turned off the water before he had even finished rinsing his hair. If he thought about it too long, he might be tempted to do the right thing.

He wrapped a towel around his hips and ran a hand through his hair to shake out the excess water. He found her in the kitchen, dunking a biscuit into a mug of tea.

“I’m not sharing.” She scowled and pulled her plate out of his reach.

God, he wanted her. “I don’t want your biscuits. I just want you.”

She eyed him with suspicion. “It this your new game? See how close you can bring me to orgasm and then stop to show you are in control? Great game, Liam, for a sadist.” She placed the drenched biscuit on the tip of her tongue.

He held up his hands. Christ, she was sexy. It made him wonder about this control she spoke of, because he felt anything but in control right now. All the will power he had was being used not to bend her over the kitchen counter. “No stopping this time until we have both come at least once.”

“Liam, I don’t want to play games any more.” She set down her mug and sighed.

“Sarah, I am going to be inside you in the next thirty seconds. It can be here or in a bed. The choice is all yours.”

Her eyes widened. “Liam, I swear to God, you are the most frustrating man I have ever met.”

“Now you are just wasting time talking. I changed my mind. You don’t get to choose where we have sex this time.” He picked her up and tossed her over his shoulder in a fireman’s lift. He carried her through to his bedroom and laid her on the bed. “Notice I chose my bedroom, so you can’t run off as soon as we are done?”

“I could always go and sleep in the guest room,” she said. She sat up on the bed beside him. She put her finger in her mouth to bite it again.

“I would just drag you back,” he assured her. “The deal is you stay all night. Leaving isn’t an option. You don’t get to run away when I make you feel too much. Tonight you’re mine; all of you.” He stood behind her and unzipped her dress. He brushed her hair to the side and kissed her neck, slowly licking a path down her shoulder blades.

Sarah groaned her approval of the arrangement. She stood and pulled her dress up over her head. She threw it onto the floor and then pushed Liam against the bed. She climbed on top of him, straddling him between her thighs. His skin was hot and wet against hers. His body solid and unyielding. His mouth caught hers. His tongue slid between her lips. He reached behind her and unfastened her bra. Their mouths pushed together frantically, pulling each other closer, tasting and exploring, drawing each other closer with each breath.

He rolled her over and pinned her to the bed, his bodyweight preventing her from moving. “It’s fun to not be in control, Sarah. Just go with it. I won’t do anything you don’t want me to,” he whispered against her ear.

She nodded because she couldn’t speak. She needed him inside her. She was wet and throbbing with the need to feel him encased in her, the need to connect to him on the most primal level. She wanted to feel his body in her, against her, covering her, claiming her. She pulled at the towel that separated them but he wouldn’t let her.

“We have all night,” he said, taking her mouth again. He pushed a lock of hair off her face. His hand brushed down her neck and chest. His palm was flat against her nipple, rubbing slow circles. His movements were slow and deliberate, designed to entice but leave her needing more. She took a deep breath and willed herself to relax. He would be inside her soon enough; she could allow herself to enjoy the build-up. This was Liam. She could enjoy the closeness as well as the release, because she did not need to worry about losing her heart with him—it was already his.

She moaned and he rewarded her with the slightest pressure between his thumb and forefinger. It wasn’t enough; she needed more. She bucked her hips up to his hard erection cradled between her thighs. Even through the layers that separated them, she could feel its heat against her. His mouth left hers. He licked a path to her breast, his tongue kissing and licking everywhere except the sensitive nipple. He sampled her body, each inch, with slow languid kisses. Her head fell back into the pillow. Her breathing was heavy. Every nerve ending in her body awakened with exquisite sensitivity. Her arousal was almost painful in its intensity. She needed him to soothe the longing ache.

“Liam, please,” she moaned. He responded with a grin and then the faintest flick of his tongue over the hard peak. She shivered; a bolt of hot desire ran through her, straight to her core. He flicked again and she moaned, unable to contain it. She pulled at his towel and at last it came free. She yanked on her panties but could not get them to shift because of Liam’s weight on top of her.

“Shall I help you, love?” Liam asked.

“Please,” she murmured breathlessly.

“I like when you say please,” he said. He sat up and pulled her pants off, dropping them at the side of the bed.

He was on top of her again, his mouth hot on her breast. His hand slid up her leg, settling on the intimate curls at the juncture of her thighs. Heat radiated off him. Slowly he teased open the folds of her body, searching for the sweet spot. His movements were so slow, so in control. He knew exactly what he was doing. He was torturing her by slowly increasing her desire until it consumed her. He was taking control; her body belonged to him.

She pushed her hips against his hand, guiding him, begging him for release, but he ignored her. Instead his hand explored her, slowly getting closer to where she needed him. Gingerly he stroked her, and teased her. She moaned as his thumb finally settled on the most sensitive part. Her skin was on fire, each stroke on her flesh increasing the tension that was building inside her. With deliberate slowness his thumb circled her clit, each touch bringing on another layer of sensation, but leaving satisfaction just outside her reach. She could see it, through a red haze of desire, but he kept it from her, torturing her with a sweet assault. Her legs trembled, involuntarily shaking against the intensity. She was about to come; she could feel it. Her body felt empty, needed to be filled. She needed him inside her.

Her hand circled his cock, pulling it towards her. He pulled away, with a ragged breath. He took her lower lip in his mouth for the briefest of kisses and then stood up and walked to the wardrobe. Not again! He was stopping right before she came. She was going to have to kill him. No jury in the world would convict her—this was torture. “Goddamn you, Liam McPherson!” She punched the bed beside her and shook her head. She wanted to scream, but she was scared if she started she would never stop.

“Relax, Sarah. Trust me, it is better when you take your time.” He returned from the wardrobe with two silk ties. “Put your hands up,” he commanded.

“Why?”

“Because if you don’t stop stroking my cock, I am going to come all over your hands, and that will only be fun for one of us.”

She swallowed hard and nodded in agreement as she stretched her hands to the iron headboard, wrapping her fingers around the cold metal. Liam tied a navy-blue tie around her right wrist, tight enough to bite into her skin if she pulled too hard. He finished securing her left wrist, using a green and white striped tie, and then kissed her again. “Promise me you won’t stop,” she begged.

“I promise.”

His hands were everywhere, exploring and teasing. She pushed her hips up to him, inviting him to take her, but he ignored her and continued his sweet torture of bringing her to the cusp of release. He would bring her almost to the point of no return and then stop. “Liam, please,” she begged. She could not control the shaking of her limbs. She pulled hard against her restraints. She hurt with the desire to be possessed. He smiled at her, a wicked, tempting smile, and then slid down her body, spreading fervent kisses across her belly and then lower still. “What are you doing?” Her eyes flew open.