Trust Me to Know You (28 page)

I spoke quietly, “I was fine,
Jason. It was just dancing.”

His voice was suddenly tender. “I can’t look after you when you’re not with me, I don’t want anything to happen to you again.”

“Again?” I repeated.

He was thinking of my assault. He thought I was going to be
attacked again. Even with all the horror of that dreadful evening, I remained determined to put it behind me and not define myself as a pathetic victim.

“Jason,” I reached up and put my hands on his shoulders. “I’m OK. I can look after myself.”

“No you
can’t!
That’s what I do for you. It is my responsibility,” he broke away from me. “I was so angry with you. Part of me jealous, who wouldn’t be, you look so sexy when you dance. All I wanted to do is throw you into the back of the car and fuck you senseless,” he stopp
ed.

He looked uncomfortable, almost embarrassed by his own words. His uneasiness pleased me because I was finding my own anger and the annoyance was bubbling up and over my usual cautious brim.

“You said you want to protect me and then you tell me you going to fuck me, like... like I’m a whore! I don’t get it, Jason, that’s not protecting me,” I sat down on the couch, as my legs were too weak to take the onslaught of inflamed emotions.

Jason came and sat by my side taking my hand in his.

“But, Gemma, I didn’t. That’s what I would have done, if you’d been anyone else, but you’re not. You’re damaged and I have a duty to help heal you. I have to behave differently with you, give you more freedom to try to build your self-esteem back. I want you to be able to enjoy being a submissive again without fear.” He took my chin and made me look at him. “I really care about you, you know that.”

I was tearful at his words. They were the most forthcoming he had ever been about his feelings.

“I don’t want to hurt you, Gem. But I have desires too. I’m working hard to repress them. I didn’t fuck you in the car, or go to your apartment to screw you because I knew it would be wrong for you. I want
you to submit to me willingly and not with fear or concern. This is about trust, your trust in me.”

“I
do
trust you,
Jason,” I sobbed clutching his hand tightly. “I thought you didn’t want me anymore. That I’d make a big mistake in my life, coming here and being with you. You can be so cold to me. I don’t know what you’re thinking, it scares me.”

Jason wiped my tears away with his fingers. “It’s hard for me. I’ve never had to explain my thoughts or feelings to anyone. No-one questions my decisions, they don’t dare. Then you came along and I’m having to adjust. We both need time. We’ll get there, won’t we?” he looked at me head on one side. “Oh, baby, I don’t want you to be scared of me.” He took me in his arms and for a while we sat there in silence, the hiss and crackle of the fire the only sounds.

“Come,” Jason broke the silence. “Go finishing cooking. Let’s eat.”

The emotional crisis over, for the moment. Jason did not take me into his lair for an evening’s scene. He told me he did not feel right after the emotional conversation we had earlier. Whatever my wishes his took precedence and the denial of his dominant play seemed only to re-enforce how little I knew about Jason. Was he abstaining because he did not think I could tolerate being treated as his erotic plaything or was it because he was not absolutely in control of his own faculties? The latter was essential to both my physical and emotionally wellbeing. He must have sensed my inner strife as he finished off his plate of food. He
leaned back in his chair and watched me tidy up. Nothing was said and yet he still
noticed my tension.

“I think what you need is a little TLC, don’t you,” he said rising to join me as I wiped down the pristine white surfaces.

“Maybe,” I said undecided.

“Nothing rough, just as simple stress relieving fuck, yes?” he said nudging his hardness against my hip. “Because no matter what harsh words are said between us, we both know it is sex which draws us together.”

“Is that all we are to each other, Jason? A much needed fuck?” I asked and he did not reply with words but merely planted a kiss on my lips and took my hand in his.

We went to bed and he made love to me. Passionate mutually agreeable sex and he was very sweet to me - letting me come, without restrictions or teasing, in my own time. With each delicate thrust of his hips, I gave up my worries and I thought in the end I did drift off for him. One of those unintended capitulations borne out of letting go and seeking oblivion rather than actively giving up my body to him. At long last, the stresses of the day were washed away in waves of orgasms. Well, nearly all the stresses.

Jason had me followed. The knowledge of that haunted me as I
descended into sleep.

***

When I woke in the morning, the thought remained planted in my mind. An obstruction that would not budge. I stabbed at my bacon over breakfast. Jason was flicking through the financial pages of the newspaper, he glanced across at me eyebrows raised.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” I practically snapped back at him. He put the paper down.

“Obviously not though. Out with it!” An order and the directive made me remember Jason was my dominant and communication was the basis of our relationship.

I put my fork down and squared my shoulders - I could do this.

“Wednesday night...” I began.

“We’ve been over Wednesday night,” he interrupted me.

“You’ve been having me followed, it is the only way you could know where I was,” I blurted out. There I had said it.

Jason sighed and looked down at his well-manicured hands.

“I didn’t want you to be aware of it as I don’t want you freaking out on me,” he looked up at me, eyes fixed on my face.

“What’s going on, Jason. What aren’t you telling me?” I had alarm bells going off.

“My predecessor...” Jason said his name with loathing, “after he’d finished with you, word got around about what he had done to you.”

“How? I never said anything,” I tried to recall the blur of weeks after the assault on me. Nothing came to mind. I
did not go out and I did not remember meeting anyone.

“The doctor who came to help you... she’s not a true submissive, she is a switch,” Jason held my attention. I
did not know she played at domme as well as sub. “She put the word out, in the clubs and other places, and it seems you’ve not been the only one he had treated badly. He was building quite a reputation in the few weeks you had been with him and afterwards too,
a seriously bad one. I don’t think what happened next was entirely due to what happened to you, more an accumulation of events,” paused Jason. “To sum up, he was tracked down, effectively kidnapped by a vengeful collection of unethical femdoms and... well... let’s just say he didn’t go out much over the following weeks after they finished with him.”

I had to smile. He would have hated the humiliation of being used by vigilantes, as he was such a macho man. However, there was not a drop of sympathy in me for him.

“I think with hindsight, he didn’t like women much. He could be very charming and gracious, I fell for him hook, line and
sink. Foolish I know, looking back, but he had magnetism about him. He only started to get really cruel in the last few weeks I was with him.”

Jason leant forward. “He did other things to you? What haven’t you told me?” he asked gently.

I shut my eyes.
I had done so well to block these memories. I was not been honest with myself never mind Jason.

“I think the police would call it domestic abuse. He would slap me about a bit, you know,
bloody nose me. He got very demanding, he wanted me 24/7 and when I said no he got a bit nasty with me
... With hindsight it looks much worse than it felt at the time.”

Jason now understood why face slapping was a hard limit for me. Reaching out, Jason took my hand.

“You still haven’t explained the following me thing.” I changed the subject back to Wednesday.

“It hasn’t been just Wednesday. I found out – you have to understand money can buy very good investigative services – I found out he blamed you.
He thinks you instigated his, let’s say, punishment because of your connections,” Jason squeezed my hand. My heart sunk, the news was worse than I thought.

“He’s
after
me?” I tried not to hide the panic. “
Why didn’t you tell me this before?
How long have you know?”

I pulled my hand away and put my head in my hands. The adrenaline drenched river of fear, which ran through me, was being churned up into a flood as it mixed with my anger.

“He’s not going to get you,” said Jason unwaveringly. “I have a good security team. You weren’t even aware they were following you, or monitoring your apartment.”

“What bugs and cameras!” I exclaimed. Strange people watching me come and go was almost as bad as the idea of
him
being out there tracking me down.

My God, this is voyeurism.

“No. Though your car has a tracking device in it and your mobile can be tracked if needed.” Jason leant back in his chair.

“I never invited him to my apartment. He doesn’t know where I lived only where I worked. My home was off limits to my partners. He could track me down through my work colleagues I
suppose.” My mind buzzed with a mental list of my vulnerabilities.

“Wherever he is, he’s in hiding. His last address, the one you visited, has new tenants. Everything you described has gone. He left no forwarding address and he’s gone nomadic. Look don’t lose sleep over this. I don’t want you to worry, that’s my job. Be grateful I can do all this for you. Not every master has these resources to hand.”

I could not let it rest though.

“He wasn’t at the bar on Wednesday yet you still came,” I said taking the bull by the horn.
Explain that, Jason!

“Alright. I didn’t like the idea of you being out, drinking and dancing with strangers. When Martinson contacted me, I was back at Piedmont, getting out of the shower.”

Damp blonde hair, I remembered.

“He said you’d gone clubbing. I saw red and wanted you out of there, so I came.”

I smiled. “Kind of my knight in shining armour. Except you were mad at me and made me feel terrible about myself.”

“I had to get you out of there quickly. Too many people and very crowded. Martinson was concerned you could be slipped out unnoticed. I was made angrier watching you dance,” he frowned.

“You need to be more open with me, Jason. This relationship isn’t going to work otherwise, and I want it to work.” I held out my hand to him this time and he took it.

“Good me too. That’s enough on the subject. At least security doesn’t have to be clandestine about following you anymore.”

I decided to drop the thought of bodyguards trailing around after me, it was depressing and I did not
want another argument. After
all, I was ensconced behind iron gates and perimeter fences, not a vulnerable apartment block. The ugly topic of personal protection came up again rather quickly though. I stuck my head around Jason’s study, he was busy typing at his laptop. He stopped and looked up, slightly annoyed by my interruption.

“What?” he snapped.

“I’m taking the beamer for a spin and picking up some veg from that farm shop.” I went to leave, but his voice cut across the room.

“No you’re bloody
not
, Johnson will drive you.”

“Jason, what’s the point in me having a car if I can’t drive it,” I said standing with my hands on my hips.

Jason looked quite furious all of sudden. Unexpectedly he snapped his fingers and I paused fractionally, then dashed over to his desk and stood by his chair. He grabbed me, dragging me down so I was kneeling at his feet.

“Don’t fuck
with me,
Gemma. This is serious. I didn’t know you were at risk when I got you the car. From now on you don’t go anywhere without me or another escort.
Do I make myself clear?”
he glared down at me.

“Yes, sir.”

He picked up his desk phone and punched the numbers down.

“Miss Marshall needs to go out, fetch a car round for her,” he barked down the phone then hung up.

“When I’m done here and you’re back, after dinner, I’m going to fuck you to remind you I’m your master. I think you’ve been forgetting your place over the last few days. You will respect me and my wishes.
Do you understand me
?” he demanded an affirmation from me.

I knew I should let him do this: take away the worries and burdens he had revealed to me over the last twenty-four hours. There in his lair, I would magically fall under his spell and submit to whatever he desired from me. The letting go was key to my willingness and what once had to be drummed into me had now become intrinsic to my sexual life.

“Yes, sir. I am very grateful for your concern about my safety, truly.”

I looked up meekly and I was mentally shackled to him immediately. I may not be his slave by definition, but in practice I could not stop myself from being obedient. I exemplified a dignified humility, which I would cling to even though there was always a part of me that would not succumb to the full-blown submission of a totally controlled slave.

“Good, now off with you. I’m expecting something mouth-watering for dinner.” He turned back to his laptop and carried on typing.

A promise had been made and I did not think he would renege on its delivery. The looming scene distracted me as I was ferried about the countryside to my chosen destination. I was sure the driver had to ask several times where I wanted to go as I fiddled with the straps of my handbag. Sexual lust did not require much ramping up for me. The mere threat of being tied up and spanked set me ablaze. What I was finding with Jason was it went beyond a simple desire. Others could create the longing in me but only Jason managed to consume my thoughts to the point of insensibility.

As my silly back seat fantasies took hold, I was embarrassed by my wetness. Even though he was cross with me, and I would probably be made me to pay for my earlier impudence in some fashion, I wanted it badly. The sensual pain I craved was calling to me and I imagined my rosy red bottom bent over for him as I offered up my pussy for his delectation.