Trouble According to Humphrey (2 page)

There I was again, my mind wandering to Art’s problems instead of listening to Mrs. Brisbane. I hopped up on my ladder and vowed to listen to every word she said.

“It’s one thing to talk about a community and another thing to be part of one,” the teacher was saying. “So that’s why I decided to create our own community here. We’ll lay out our town right in this classroom and everyone will have a job.”

Garth’s hand shot up. “Will we get paid?”

“Not in money. You will get points for doing your jobs correctly and extra points for doing your job especially well.”

Another hand went up. Mrs. Brisbane called on Don’t-Complain-Mandy Payne. “I don’t like the name Room Twenty-sixville,” she said.

I don’t think Mandy realizes how much she complains.

Mrs. Brisbane smiled. “Do you have a better name?”

Mandy scratched the tip of her nose. “Brisbaneville?”

“I don’t want to name it after me,” said the teacher. “Besides, there already is a famous town named Brisbane. It’s in Australia and they pronounce it ‘Brisbin’”

“Maybe we should call it Boringville,” a low voice muttered.

“I-Heard-That-Kirk,” Mrs. Brisbane said. “It was a rude thing to say. Do you really think school is boring?”

“Sorry. I was making a joke.” I believed him because Kirk is such a big joker. He’s also a quick thinker. “Og looks pretty bored,” he said.

All heads—including mine—turned to gaze at Og, who sat completely motionless on his rock, staring into space without even blinking.

“Og is a frog,” Mrs. Brisbane said. “He always looks that way.”

I’m never completely sure what Og thinks, but
I
don’t think Room 26 is a boring place at all. I decided to squeak up on the subject, so I leaped up and grabbed on to a leafy tree branch our teacher’s husband, Mr. Brisbane, put in my cage. He was always adding new and interesting things to my home, like my ladders and a large cage extension.

Mrs. Brisbane turned toward me. “Humphrey certainly doesn’t seem bored.”

I loudly squeaked, “NO-NO-NO,” and jumped to another branch.

“Let’s call it Humphreyville!” That was definitely A.J.’s loud voice and this time he forgot to raise his hand, too.

“Humphreyville!” Voices burst out from around the room, along with chuckles and giggles.

“Humphreyville?” Mrs. Brisbane thought it over. Unfortunately, it was hard to think because Gail had gone into one of her giggling fits.

“Stop-Giggling-Gail,” said the teacher. “Please. Now what do the rest of you think. Miranda?”

Miranda Golden—or Golden-Miranda, as I like to think of her—didn’t hesitate a bit. “I love the name!”

“Sayeh? What do you think?”

For once, quiet Speak-Up-Sayeh didn’t have any trouble speaking up. “Yes, it sounds like a real place.”

“What is it again?” Pay-Attention-Art asked.

“Humphreyville,” Sayeh told him.

“I never heard of a town named after a hamster,” said Art.

Well, I may be a hamster, but I’m no ordinary hamster. I am an exceptionally cute Golden Hamster (I’ve been told) who happens to know how to read and write. Not that anyone knows about that except me. Or the fact that my cage has a lock-that-doesn’t-lock so I can come and go as I please when no one’s looking.

“Humphreyville,” Art repeated. “Sounds pretty good.”

I saw lots of heads nodding and heard murmuring around the class that sounded as if people were agreeing.

Imagine—a whole town named after me! I leaped onto my wheel and began spinning with joy.

“Why don’t we take a vote?” asked Mrs. Brisbane. “All those in favor of naming our community ‘Humphreyville,’ raise your hands.”

While I was spinning, I could see hands going up. Even Heidi remembered to raise her hand. Every hand was raised except one: Tabitha’s. I stopped spinning.

Tabitha was the new girl in our class and I thought she liked me. I’d even helped her make friends with Seth, although she didn’t actually know it. I have some sneaky, squeaky ways of making things like that happen.

“Tabitha, do you have another suggestion for a name?” Mrs. Brisbane asked.

“No,” said Tabitha. “I like Humphreyville. I’m just afraid Og will be jealous.”

Jealous! I hadn’t thought about that, even though when Mrs. Brisbane brought Og in as a second classroom pet, I’d been jealous of him. It’s embarrassing to admit it, but it’s true.

“That’s something to think about, isn’t it? After all, if we named our community ‘Tabithaville,’ the other students might be jealous,” the teacher agreed.

“Yeah, and it’s hard to say,” Heidi blurted out.

“Heidi, you simply must remember to raise your
hand!” Mrs. Brisbane had helped a lot students change their bad habits. Somehow, she’d never been able to get Heidi to remember to raise her hand.

“Now, class, why don’t we let Og decide?” The teacher walked over to the frog’s glass house. “Og, do you vote for Humphreyville?”

I wasn’t expecting much, because I’d learned that Og, being a frog, has an unusual way of expressing himself. His “BOINGs” are nothing like the energetic squeaks of a hamster or the giggles and shouts of the kids. In fact, sometimes Og doesn’t communicate at all. Still, he and I had learned to be friends. So I wouldn’t have been surprised if he just continued to sit motionless, as usual.

But that’s not what he did at all! Instead, he started leaping up and down on his rock, splashing water up on Mrs. Brisbane’s chin. “BOING-BOING-BOING!” he twanged as only Og can do.

The students laughed uproariously. Even Mrs. Brisbane chuckled as she wiped the water off. “Thank you for your vote, Og. Now let’s try again. All in favor of naming our new community ‘Humphreyville,’ raise your hands.”

This time every hand went up, including Tabitha’s. Whew! She liked me after all. Og stopped leaping and splashing and sat quietly on his rock again.

Mrs. Brisbane looked pleased. “Welcome, class, to the town of Humphreyville!” She wrote the name on the board in great big letters. “And to keep track of the progress of our town, we’ll be starting a daily newspaper.
I think
The Humphreyville Herald
would be a good name, don’t you?”

My friends all agreed!

My heart hopped around in my chest like a happy frog. Had any hamster ever been honored like this before? Probably not. I decided right then and there that I would try to remain as humble as possible and do whatever I could to make Humphreyville the BEST-BEST-BEST town in the world!

I jumped on my wheel and spun for a while until I realized that Mrs. Brisbane was still talking. “There’s a whole lot more to building a community than finding a name.”

I stopped spinning and started listening.

“What’s the first thing you need when you move to a new place?”

I knew what I’d need: a cage. There was no point in raising my paw since I never get called on, but a lot of other hands went up. Mrs. Brisbane called on Repeat-It-Please-Richie.

“A car,” he said. “Or a truck to carry all the stuff you’re moving.”

“What if you didn’t own anything at all?” asked the teacher. “What would you need first?”

“Bargainmart!” Richie said. Everybody laughed. I figured Bargainmart must be some kind of store, like Pet-O-Rama.

“I think you’re jumping ahead. Tabitha, did you have your hand up?”

Tabitha nodded. “You’d need a place to live. A house.”

“Or a tent!” Heidi blurted out.

“Very good,” said Mrs. Brisbane, ignoring Heidi’s outburst. “Something like a house. Your first assignment is to design a place that represents where you would live in the town. You can draw a picture or make a model out of clay or build it out of cardboard. Be creative and think about what kind of home you’d like for yourself in Humphreyville.”

The bell rang. “We’ll have math after recess and then we’ll get to work on your homes.”

Recess is a time when my fellow classmates all go out and play. It must be fun because my friends usually come back laughing and joking. At this time of year—late February—they also come back with rosy cheeks and red noses.

I always stay inside and try to get some exercise, climbing my ladder or spinning on my wheel. I must admit, sometimes I go in my sleeping hut for a nice nap because remember, I am nocturnal.

On this day, when Mrs. Brisbane wasn’t paying attention, I sneaked my notebook into my sleeping hut and thought about what kind of house I’d build. I loved my cage, but sometimes I’d think about the fancy houses they sold at Pet-O-Rama. One was a Chinese pagoda and one was like a TALL-TALL-TALL castle. Ms. Mac, the substitute teacher and superb human being who first brought me from the pet store to Room 26 of Longfellow
School, couldn’t afford one of those, which was okay with me. Anything Ms. Mac did was fine with me. Yet, it was fun to think about my perfect house.

After all, if you have a whole town named after you, you should have a nice place to live!

NEW TOWN IN ROOM 26 TO BE NAMED
AFTER CLASSROOM HAMSTER!

Houses will be going up in Humphreyville
within a week, teacher predicts.

The Humphreyville Herald

H
umphreyville wasn’t the only thing new in Room 26 that Tuesday. Once everyone was seated after recess, Mrs. Brisbane opened the door and in walked a small boy I’d never seen before. He stood very straight and held his chin high. “Welcome, Paul,” the teacher said.

All of my classmates turned to stare at the boy, who stared right back at them. I craned my neck to get a look at him. All I could tell was that this Paul looked VERY-VERY-VERY serious.

“Class, some of you might know Paul Fletcher from Miss Loomis’s class. He’s going to be coming into our class for math every day from now on.”

“He’s a year behind us!” That was Heidi Hopper, of course.

Gail started to giggle but stopped herself, although I’m pretty sure Paul noticed. His chin sagged for a second.

“Heidi, please. Paul is an excellent math student and Mr. Morales asked if he could sit in on our class. I expect
you to treat him like any other classmate and be as helpful as possible. Some of you probably already know Paul, don’t you?”

Mrs. Brisbane waited. Very slowly, Art raised his hand.

“He lives across the street from me.” Art kept doodling on a piece of paper. He was a great doodler. If I doodled as much as he did, I’d fill up my whole notebook in a day. Unlike Seth, who had a hard time sitting still, Art sat quietly but his pencil was always moving.

“Let’s pull up a chair next to you. Here, Paul.” Paul sat, though he and Art didn’t look at each other. “Why don’t we go around the room and introduce ourselves?”

One by one, my classmates said their names. Gail giggled when she told her name. Richie mumbled and Mrs. Brisbane had to say, “Repeat-It-Please-Richie.” A.J. said his name extra loud, and Sayeh said, “I am Sayeh Nasiri. Welcome, Paul.” That was nice.

When they were finished, I squeaked out, “And I am Humphrey!”

Mrs. Brisbane laughed and said, “I guess Humphrey wants to make sure you meet him, too. And Og, our frog, of course.”

Og silently stared out of his glass house. Sometimes I wish he acted a little friendlier.

Mrs. Brisbane quickly launched into math class with a difficult problem for us to work out. Everybody went to work except me. I was too busy watching Paul writing
like crazy. Mrs. Brisbane walked around the room to see how each student was working out the problem.

“Good, Heidi. Make sure those numbers line up,” she said. “That’s perfect, Sayeh.” She told A.J. and Tabitha to try again.

When she saw Paul’s answer, she smiled and said, “Excellent, Paul.”

When she saw Art’s answer, she stopping smiling and said, “Needs work, Art. Try going back to that first step and starting over.”

I watched the two boys as the teacher did more explaining.

Art hadn’t done well with his problem and he looked unhappy.

Paul had done REALLY-REALLY-REALLY well with his problem, but he looked unhappy, too!

At the end of all her explaining, Mrs. Brisbane told us that we’d have a test the next week and handed out a study sheet.

“Eeek!” I squeaked. I didn’t mean to—I just realized that I’d been paying so much attention to Art and Paul that I hadn’t listened to the teacher at all.