Trouble According to Humphrey (8 page)

They didn’t come on again until Aldo arrived that night. “Give a cheer, ‘cause Aldo’s here!” he said, but I wasn’t feeling too cheery. I was a tiny bit mad at him for writing that note to Mrs. Brisbane, although I knew he meant well.

“Glad to see you back in your cage,” Aldo told me. “It’s a dangerous world out here, you know.”

After all my fur-raising adventures, I didn’t need anyone to tell me that!

Aldo jiggled my cage door the way humans always do. “Nice and snug tonight,” he said. “I guess Mrs. Brisbane got my note.”

She got his note, all right.

I just hoped Miranda wasn’t still crying.

The next morning, Miranda came bustling into the room with Sayeh and not only was she not crying, she was smiling! I guess I still have a lot to learn about human behavior. Seeing Miranda laugh made me feel a lot better. Later, though, when she passed by my cage, she looked serious again and stared at me for a few seconds.

“I’m SORRY-SORRY-SORRY!” I squeaked.

She blinked hard and turned away. For the rest of the day, she didn’t cry, but she was a quieter Miranda than usual.

However, my other friends were anything but quiet.
They were so caught up in their jobs, it was hard for them to concentrate on anything else. In the middle of science, Heidi leaped up, grabbed a pencil out of Richie’s hand and ran off to sharpen it. Mandy spent more time writing up “Messy Table” notices than she did labeling the planets. Mrs. Brisbane did her best to try to keep things under control.

When it was time for math, Paul slipped into class as quietly as ever. Mrs. Brisbane handed out homework papers and when he saw his grade, Art rolled his eyes and suddenly looked smaller than Paul. When Mrs. Brisbane asked if there were any questions, Miranda’s hand shot up.

“It’s pretty sunny outside. I was thinking that we could probably turn off the lights for a while and save some energy.”

Usually, when somebody asks a question that’s completely off the subject, Mrs. Brisbane isn’t too happy about it. This time she smiled. “Well, I suppose we could do without lights for a little while. Thank you, Miranda. I’ll add some extra points to your job evaluation for thinking of it.”

Miranda acted more like her old golden self. That was good. But there was something else that was bad. At the end of the day, Art forgot to shut the door when he left. Mrs. Brisbane called him back and told him she had to deduct two points off his job score. Art was pretty upset. “Does this mean I don’t get to take Humphrey home this weekend?”

Ah, so that’s whose house I would be visiting on Friday night!

Mrs. Brisbane sighed and thought it over. “No, you can take Humphrey home
if
you remember to close the door every single time tomorrow.”

“Gee, thanks!” Art said, carefully closing the door behind him as he left.

That night, I tried to figure out how I could fix things for Miranda. I was usually good at fixing things. I needed a Plan.

“Og, I have a brilliant idea!” I squeaked out loudly. “I’ll get out of my cage tonight so Mrs. Brisbane will know that Miranda didn’t make a mistake!”

“BOING!” said Og, then slid into the water and splashed wildly. I don’t think he liked that idea. I thought it over some more.

“My gosh, you’re right, Og! Kirk will get in trouble and I don’t want that to happen. There’ve been enough kids in trouble this week.”

I stayed in my cage the whole night. Aldo came and went, cleaning, reading and eating. Everything looked completely normal. Too bad it didn’t feel that way.

HUMPHREYVILLE CITIZENS ARE
REMINDED TO OBEY THE RULES

Consequences for not doing a job
are highlighted.

The Humphreyville Herald

O
n Friday, Mrs. Brisbane added up the points everyone had earned in their jobs during the first week. On the whole, my friends did well. Miranda had made up some of the points she’d lost. Heidi and Mandy lost a few points because they were overly enthusiastic about their jobs. In fact, several people weren’t speaking to Mandy for handing out so many Messy Table notices, especially Tabitha, since all she had on her work space was a pile of sharpened pencils, which Heidi had put there.

“It’s not fair! I was only doing my job,” Mandy complained.

“A little too well,” said Mrs. Brisbane in her grumpy voice.

A.J. got full points for handing out papers, Tabitha collected homework every single morning and Richie kept the plants watered, though there was an unfortunate puddle on the floor one day when he overwatered the plants.

“That plant needs a diaper,” Kirk joked.

Richie cleaned the water up right away and didn’t lose any points.

Near the end of the day, Mrs. Brisbane made job assignments for the next week. Seth would take care of Og and me. Heidi would erase the board while Gail would be the Energy Monitor. I could tell that Sayeh was GLAD-GLAD-GLAD to be named Mrs. Brisbane’s assistant and Miranda was our new Table Inspector. No matter what her job was, she was always thinking about me. I heard her tell Seth, “Please be careful to check Humphrey’s lock.”

Mandy grumbled when she was assigned to water the plants, but I don’t think anyone heard her except Og and me.

When class was over, Mrs. Patel arrived to pick up Art and me. She’s one of our room mothers and lends a hand whenever our class needs extra help … or cup-cakes—yum!

“I was thinking of not letting Art take Humphrey home until after our big math test next week,” Mrs. Brisbane told her. “Then I had an idea. Paul Fletcher has been coming into our room for math every day because he’s so far ahead of his class.”

“Paul! He lives right across the street,” said Mrs. Patel.

“I know. And I was thinking that maybe if the boys studied for the test together, it might help Art.”

“That’s a great idea,” Mrs. Patel answered. “Paul hasn’t been over for a long time. He and Art used to play together all the time.”

“Mom, he’s a whole year younger than me,” Art protested. “I don’t play with little kids.”

“He’s seven months younger than you. You used to like him a lot.”

Art stood there looking miserable. “When I was a kid.”

“Art, you have do something to improve your math skills,” said Mrs. Brisbane. “I can recommend a tutor, if you like.”

“Absolutely, let’s get Art some help. He’s a smart boy, you know.” Mrs. Patel messed up Art’s hair and he made a face.

“I know,” said Mrs. Brisbane. “He’s a nice boy, too.”

“You know what? I think we should invite Paul over,” said Mrs. Patel. “I bet he’d like to get to know Humphrey, too.”

“YES-YES-YES,” I squeaked. I wasn’t exactly sure if Paul wanted to get to know me, but I certainly wanted to get to know him better. And maybe, just maybe, Mrs. Brisbane had a very good Plan. I like Plans a lot.

We had to climb up many, many steps to get to Art’s front door. Mrs. Patel wasn’t much bigger than Art, so they each took one end of my cage and carried me up that way. They had trouble keeping my cage level, which meant I was sliding around like those ice skaters on Dobbs Pond, except I’ll bet they were more graceful than I was. I tried to grab on to something: my ladder, my wheel, the edge of my cage. But as soon as I reached
out, the cage would tilt and I’d slide in the opposite direction.

“Hang on, Humphrey. We’re almost there,” said Art. I was too weak to squeak.

Somehow, we got into the house where I was set down on a table—more like
banged
down on a table—and Mrs. Patel took the blanket off my cage. “Sorry, Humphrey. We did our best.” She turned to Art. “Why don’t you straighten his cage out?”

Art bent down and laughed. “It looks like a tornado hit.”

Mrs. Patel peered in at me with sympathetic eyes. She reminded me of Ms. Mac for a second. “Are you okay, Humphrey?”

She opened the cage door and gently took me out. This was a woman who knew how to handle hamsters. She stroked me gently with one finger while Art straightened out my bedding and put everything back where it belonged.

“I think I’ll have to find a special treat for our guest,” said Art’s mom. “Then we’ll call Paul.”

Art leaned down and glumly stared at me. “Humphrey, I had a big surprise for you. We were going to have a lot of fun. Now I have to sit around and do math with Know-It-All-Paul.”

“Who?” I squeaked.

“That’s what some of the kids on the playground call him. Once, I think they made him cry. I guess he can’t help being smart, but I wish he wouldn’t ruin my weekend.”

Mrs. Patel came back in with a big juicy strawberry
for me. “I called Paul’s mom and she said he’d
love
to come over tomorrow.”

Art acted as if he’d just lost his best friend. He seemed so unhappy, I couldn’t even eat my strawberry. I hid it in my shavings and saved it for later.

In the evening, Mr. Patel came home from work. He was a kind man in a gray suit and he said I was a handsome gerbil. Art was paying attention for once and he told his father that I am a hamster. Mr. Patel nodded and said, “A handsome
hamster.
Do you know how to take proper care of him?”

Art showed him the guide that goes with my cage whenever I go home with students on weekends. Within minutes, Mr. Patel was reading the booklet cover to cover.