Trapped (30 page)

Chapter Fifty-Nine

With so much going on, Lisa’s mind filled with clichés: a waiting game, the other shoe to drop, and sweating it out.

Metaphors ensnare us, even overused ones, because metaphor may be how our minds work.

Lisa recalled a TV interview with a Vietnam veteran who characterized his war experience as long periods of boredom, punctuated by minutes of free-fall toward certain death.

How
can all this be happening, and yet I’m bored
? She thought.

Each day reflected the last
: lying in bed, reading, TV and visiting Mike. The initial frantic efforts to get Mike to move had become rote. How long could they continue?

So much effort require
d some encouragement, some sign that what they were doing mattered.

Soon, Lisa added feeling neglected to
being bored. People had lives of their own, and, in spite of their best intentions, this was her lonely vigil.

At the end of the week, Sunday, Lilly and Sally came to visit.

“Where are Nora and Emma?” Lisa asked.

“They don’t feel welcome,” Lilly
said.

“Oh, please. Tell them I’d love a visit, if they’d just keep their mouths at home
.” She paused. “No, I’m sorry, don’t say that.”

“We understand,” Sally
said, “but nothing’s going to change Nora’s personality. We’ve lived with it long enough to know.”

“I don’t expect to change her
, either. I’m only asking for common courtesy, and the possibility that her visits won’t leave me upset. I can’t tolerate stress now, and neither can my baby.”

“We’ll try to explain it to her,” Lilly
said, “but you know Mom.”

“I think the baby knows you’re here,” Lisa
said.

Lilly stared at Lisa
like she was crazy, and then uttered the facetious comment, “I’m sure he does.”

“You’re too cynical, Lilly. Wait until you have your first baby. Put your hands on my belly
, and say hello to Aaron.”

“Aaron
? I didn’t know you chose Dad’s name. Nora will be thrilled.”

“We talked about names when we were trying to get pregnant. We both agreed that if it was a boy, Aaron was the way to go.”

Lisa placed Lilly’s hands on her enlarged belly, and flinched, saying, “Icy cold. Give me a sec to adjust.”

Lilly rubbed her hands together
, and then placed them again on Lisa. In a moment, the baby twisted and moved against her hands. At once, Lilly’s face softened with affection. “That’s incredible. I can’t imagine something alive and moving within me.”

The next day, Nora arrived bearing a beautiful heartleaf philodendron, which she placed on the window sill.

“Oh, that’s beautiful,”
Lisa said.

Nora bent over
, and placed a kiss on Lisa’s cheek. “How are you feeling, dear?”

Dear?
Lisa thought.

“I’m feeling well, Nora, but I’m still bleeding. One good thing,
though, the contractions have stopped.” She paused. “The remaining problem is me, I can’t just lie here. It’s driving me crazy.”

Nora sat at Lisa’s bedside, looking at her shoes
, and said, “Would it be too much, dear, to ask you to call me Mother, or Mom?”

Mom
… a small price to pay for peace,
Lisa thought.

“Not at all, Mom. Mike
called you Mom—I liked that.”

As Nora stared at Lisa, her eyes filled with tears. “
I want to apologize to you…”

“That’s not necessary, Mom. We all have our problems.”

“No,” Nora said, “it’s more than that. Sometimes, I can’t believe what comes out of my mouth. I’m not stupid…”

“I never said…
”

“Let me finish, please. I never really recovered from Aaron’s death. It left me bitter
, and, if that wasn’t enough, I’ve let anger control my life. I know better, or should have known, and it’s cost me and my girls too much. Now, I’m driving you away, too.”

“I’m not going anywhere. I want you as part of our lives. The baby needs all the love he can get.” Lisa hesitated a moment
, and then continued, “I haven’t had an easy life, Mom, and I don’t have the time, energy, or the emotional reserve to play games. I’m a good, but not a perfect, person, and I make mistakes. I’m not fragile, and I can accept criticism if it’s well-intended.”

“I never…
”

Lisa grasped Nora’s hand
, and said, “Enough said. Let’s start over.”

“I almost cried,” Nora
said.

“Cried?”

“When Lilly told me that you named the baby, Aaron.”

“It’s what Mike wanted.”

“Can I do anything for you, Lisa?”

“You know those photo albums of Mike growing up? I’d love to look at them with you, and maybe pick some out for a special album for the baby.”

“I’d love that,” Nora said, as tears streamed down her face.

When Lisa came up to ICU for her afternoon visit, Carter Reynolds, the neurosurgeon, was standing at Mike’s bedside with another physician.

“Oh, Lisa,” Reynolds
said, “I’d like you to meet Oliver Schlasser. He’s visiting at UC San Francisco. He works at the European Neuroscience Institute in Göttingen, Germany.”

“I’m pleased to meet you
,” Oliver said with a thick German accent, “I know that these are difficult circumstances.”

“Oliver
—oh I’m sorry, Herr Schlasser…”

“Oliver’s fine, Carter,” Schlasser said,
“This is the custom in America, no?”

Carter nodded. “Oliver has an interest in regeneration of damaged brain tissue. I wanted to see if he
had any suggestions for Mike. I hope that’s okay?”

“Of course,” Lisa
said. “Anything’s better than his current condition.”

“We’ve been studying stroke patients for years,” Oliver
said, “looking for some way to restore them to a normal life. It’s frustrating business for us, and I can only imagine what it must be for you and your husband.”

“It’s a nightmare,” Lisa
said, “except Mike never awakens from it.”

“We hope someday to use embryonic stem cells to replace damaged brain tissue. Fortunately, in Europe
, we have no political restrictions on this kind of research. For the moment, I can conceive of only two approaches. First, if possible, try to restore blood flow to the damaged area, and second, use pharmaceuticals to stimulate the brain, and perhaps encourage the brain, itself, to make new brain cells and connections.”

“Are either
approaches possible in Mike’s case?” Lisa asked.

“Considering the type of damage,” Reynolds
said, “I don’t know if restoration of the blood supply is conceivable. We’d have to do extensive studies of his brain blood vessels first.”

“What about medication?” Lisa
asked.

“Researchers
have tried many medications. Most have failed, or have had adverse effects. I’ve been looking at the research studies at the Henry Ford Hospital in Detroit where they’ve had promising results with several drugs, including sildenafil.”

“Sildenafil?”

“You know it better by its trade name, Viagra,” Oliver said.

“Viagra?”
Lisa said. “You’re joking.”

“
Not at all. Odd, isn’t it, where we get scientific information?” Reynolds said. “They’ve had some good recovery of function in their stroke patients with this medication.”

“How does it work?”

Oliver stroked his chin, and then said, “We think that sildenafil elicits substances from the cortex of the brain which increase the production of nerve cells.”

“What’s the downside?” Lisa
asked.

“None, as far as I can tell, except
, of course, if it doesn’t work,” Oliver said.

“I’ll talk to Mike,
and then let’s get the little blue pill ready.”

“Not so fast, Lisa,” Reynolds
said. “This isn’t merely an off-label use of a medication, it would be experimental. We can’t consider it without the permission of Brier Hospital, and the Committee for the Protection of Human Subjects.”

“How long will that take?” Lisa
asked.

“It depends on who you know
, and how much clout you can marshal,” Reynolds said. “Oliver will put together all the references and the clinical studies for the committee. Lisa, you must get them to listen.”

“I think I owe you an apology, Carter,” Lisa
said. “I had you wrong…”

“Don’t,” Carter
said. “It’s a bad habit of neurosurgeons, neurologists, and especially oncologists to distance ourselves from our limitations. Big egos, and neurosurgeons have some of the biggest, don’t do well with failure.”

After they left, Lisa explained their proposal to Mike.

Viagra? He thought. There’s humor in that proposal, if I can only find it.

Lisa stared at Mike, awaiting his reaction.

“Hell, yes,”
he said,
“the idea’s growing on me.”

Harvey Russo talked with the physician directors of three drug rehabilitation programs about long-term residential care for Roberta. He sought their advice on attorneys who knew the system, the district attorneys, and the judges. He hired Ira Gross, whose offices were across from the Oakland City Jail.

After Ira met with Roberta, reviewed the charges, and talked with the
district attorney, Harvey and Teresa sat in his office.

“I think we might get the charges kicked,” Ira
said, “or at least get her into a thirty-day program, instead of jail.”

“How did she look to you?” Teresa
asked.

“You want the truth?”

“Of course,” Harvey said.

“Frankly, she looked like an addict. I found her agitated,
and totally focused on obtaining her freedom. She lacks insight into her problem. I’ll bet you anything that she will be at her dealer within ten minutes of release.”

“Can you get the
district attorney to agree to a residential program of at least one year?” Harvey asked. “I think it’s her only chance. We’ll pay for a private program, if necessary.”

“They’re pretty expensive.”

“We don’t care,” Teresa said.

“I agree with you,” Ira
said, “but Roberta’s my client, and, as much as you and I think that’s a terrible choice, she just wants out of jail.”

“Please, Ira,” Teresa
said. “This may be her last chance. You must help her.”

“I’ll do the best I can. Maybe I can convince her and the
district attorney.”

Chapter Sixty (Week 32)

Lisa pulled herself into the upright position as Phoebe entered the room just before her morning shift. “I’m so glad to see a friendly face.”

Phoebe bent over and kissed her. “I haven’t heard a thing, so I guess no news is good news.”

“Maybe there is news.”

“Let’s have it.”

“Carter Reynolds was in yesterday.”

“You mean Dr. Delightful?”

“Maybe we had him all wrong.”

“Like Eliot Ness was wrong about al Capone?”

Lisa smiled. “He was in with a visiting professor of some sort from Germany. They talked about research treatments for stroke patients, and discussed some research in Detroit on the use of Viagra in stroke patients.”

“You never said that Mike had any problems of that sort. Anyway, I’d be afraid to use a drug like that
on a man so big—the image leaves me breathless.”

“Phoebe, you’re the one constant in the universe. Viagra apparently helps new brain cells grow.”

“Not in the guys I dated,” Phoebe said.

Lisa watched her belly jiggle with laughter.

“Let’s hope that this doesn’t become another fad on campus,” Phoebe said. “That’s all the girls need; smarter guys with bigger dicks.”

Lisa choked, holding her belly as she laughed. “You should submit a bill to my insurance for antidepressant therapy.”

“Are they really going to try it?”

“I can’t see why not. We need the hospital’s permission for the experimental use of Viagra.”

“So, really, how are you?”

“Better now that you’re here, but I can’t vouch for my baby.”

“After you have this baby, you’ll consider this relaxing stay in the hospital as the good old days; a life of leisure.”

“I lie here like a lump. Harvey won’t approve even isometric exercise. He says no straining of any kind. I feel my body deteriorating.”

“How’s the baby doing?”

“He’s bored
, too, although I’ve been reading to him and playing music.”

“You haven’t been singing to him, have you?”

“Very funny. He likes my singing. At least it gets him moving.”

“You mean trying to escape.”

Phoebe pulled the easy chair next to Lisa’s bed. “I hear that Nora’s your new best friend.”

“She’s trying
, so give her credit for that. She comes in every two or three days bearing thoughtful gifts, like magazines and music. Remarkably, if she’s had anything negative to say, she’s kept it to herself.”

Lisa slid her legs over the side of the bed
, and said, “Help me to the bathroom, please.”

“Shouldn’t you use the commode?”

“I hate that damned thing—no dignity.”

“You were
supposed to check your dignity at the door,” Phoebe said, grabbing Lisa’s arm as she stood upright.

Lisa swayed, saying, “I’m dizzy
. I’ve been in bed too long. To the bathroom, please.”

Phoebe held Lisa as she pulled the commode next to the bed
, and drew the curtain. “You’ll have to get past me first, sweetie.”

As Lisa sat heavily on the commode, she felt an ache in her back. She ignored it for a moment, but it gradually increased in intensity until sh
e could stand it no longer. “The pain’s coming back, Phoebe. Get me back in bed.”

Phoebe held Lisa upright,
and pivoted her in preparation for sitting her on the bed, when Lisa slumped, and nearly fainted. Phoebe quickly sat Lisa on the bed, and then helped her lie back. The floor between the bed and the commode was streaked with blood and dark clots. Phoebe pushed the nurse call button.

Harvey arrived ten minutes later. He wore a white lab coat over sweat-soaked scrubs. “God damn it, Lisa, I told you…”

Lisa burst into tears
, and turned away from his eyes. “I’m sorry,” she whispered, and then, at once, grabbed at her back as a strong contraction began.

“Get the ultrasound machine in here right away
, and have the lab tech up now to draw her blood.”

Harvey gently pulled on Lisa’s shoulder so
that he could see her face. “This is more of the same. It’s dangerous. It puts you and the baby in jeopardy.”

“I’m so sorry, Harvey, I…
”

“I don’t get it, Lisa. I thought you wanted the baby, and then you do this. Help me
to understand such destructive behavior—for the life of me, I don’t get it.”

“I didn’t think
that using the commode was so different from the bedpan.”

“Right. I wrote the order for bed rest on a whim
, I really didn’t mean it.”

When Lisa began sobbing, Harvey relented. “Assuming no major change in the ultrasound and your blood tests, it’s time to get you ready to have this baby. I’m starting you on medication to help the baby’s lungs develop
, and I’ll need to do an amniocentesis—probably more than one.”

“It’s too early to have the baby, Harvey. I should know.”

“We may not have a choice, Lisa.”

“Is it safe to do an amniocentesis under these conditions?”

“After I check the ultrasound, your blood count, and blood clotting studies, we’ll know.”

Ninety minutes later, Harvey returned. “The baby looks great; a five pounder, I’d guess. You’re anemic, but the rest of the tests are normal. I’m moving you downstairs to the ultrasonography department for the amniocentesis.”

“I’m frightened, Harvey
.”

“Of course, but don’t forget, I’ve done one or two of these before.”

Twenty minutes later, they wheeled Lisa into the chilly ultrasound room. The nurse assigned to the
department prepared the equipment for the procedure, while Lisa lay in the darkened room.

Phoebe held Lisa’s hand.

Harvey put on his sterile gloves, and then scrubbed Lisa’s belly with Betadyne antiseptic solution, turning the skin ochre. He then draped her belly with green sterile towels, leaving an open area for insertion of the needle. With one hand on the ultrasound probe, and the other holding the three-inch needle, Harvey inserted it to the hilt.

“Ouch, I
can feel that,” Lisa said.

“That was the wall of the uterus. I’m only going to remove about
50cc’s. He doesn’t like that needle, either,” Harvey said, “he gave it a kick.”