Tracie Peterson (20 page)

From that moment on, the day went downhill. Sherry refused to speak to Tess and refused to come out of her room. It was only when Tess was tied up with a phone call that she heard Sherry’s door open. Glancing down the hall, Tess saw Sherry clad in a maternity bathing suit. She was out the door before Tess could get off the phone and call to her.

She wanted to apologize to Sherry and tell her that the vase was important to her because of her mother. She thought to follow after the girl and corner her at the pool, but the telephone rang again.

“Hello?”

“Tess, it’s Laura.”

“Oh, it’s good to hear a friendly voice.”

“I just heard your message on my answering machine. You sounded completely done in. Are you okay?”

“Not completely. I had a bad fight with Sherry this morning. She broke a vase and that just seemed to trigger all sorts of anger. We yelled at each other and said things we didn’t mean. Oh, Laura, it was just awful.”

“I’m sorry to hear that. Where’s Sherry now?”

“She just took off for the pool. I was going to talk to her and then you called.”

“Well, I don’t need to keep you, but I wondered if you’d like to come over for supper this evening.”

“That would be wonderful. Brad is out of town, and with Sherry so hostile toward me, it will be nice to be with friends.”

“Well, why don’t you bring Sherry and come around seven,” Laura suggested.

“Sounds like heaven. We’ll be there,” Tess replied.

Tess had just managed to bury herself in a client’s request list when she heard the front door open. Surprised that Sherry had returned so soon, Tess got up to go see if anything was wrong.

Sherry, wet from head to toe, padded across the carpet, leaving a water trail as she went.

“You’re getting water everywhere!” Tess declared, running to the bathroom for a towel. “Why didn’t you change in the pool house?”

“Why don’t you stop yelling at me?” Sherry demanded. “I left because I didn’t feel good. Now you’re just making me feel worse.”

“Is it the baby?” Tess questioned, forgetting about the floor.

“That’s all you care about, isn’t it?”

Tess felt guilty for her obvious omission of Sherry’s feelings. “I just wanted to know how to best help you.”

“No, it isn’t the baby,” Sherry replied snidely. “I just have a headache from all this yelling and the sun didn’t make it feel any better.”

“I didn’t mean to yell,” Tess began. She figured to apologize, but Sherry gave her no chance.

“Well, you did. Now leave me alone. I’m going to take a shower.”

Tess felt tremendous irritation with Sherry’s dismissal. “Don’t order me around, Sherry. You aren’t the grown-up here.”

“Well, if yelling and being bossy is being a grown-up, then count me out. I’d rather be a kid any day than act like you.” For the second time that day, Sherry went storming off to her room and Tess was left gritting her teeth.

Why was this so hard? What was happening to her patience?

Cleaning up the water from the carpet, Tess tried to rationalize the events of the day. Both times she had reacted poorly. Maybe that was the key. Hadn’t the pastor spoken on the positives of action versus the negatives of reaction? She tried to remember the specifics of the sermon.

“Trouble comes when we react to a situation rather than act. Reacting involves emotions, and that lends itself to irrational thinking and motivational issues,”
Tess recalled. It perfectly summed up the way she’d responded to Sherry on both occasions.

Walking out onto the balcony, Tess gripped the rail and studied the pale blue of the ocean. The water crossed a vast expanse and faded into the horizon, where it met the darker blue of the sky. Where they touched, Tess could see a thin, translucent line. It was the tiniest reminder that the two elements would forever remain separate bodies.

“Just like Sherry and me,” Tess muttered.

****

Laura watched Tess and Sherry with the experienced eyes of a mother. She could see the pain in Sherry’s eyes and the closed, almost protective expression on Tess’s face. They were both hurting and Laura didn’t know exactly how to help.

“I hope you like spaghetti, Sherry,” Laura said as she put down a huge pot in front of the teenager.

“I love it. Especially with meatballs,” Sherry replied.

Tess seemed to open up a bit. “Laura always makes the best spaghetti. My mom even said it was the best.”

Sherry made no comment, but Darren joined in the conversation. “My Laura has always known how to cook. Even
when she was a kid, she could whip up a batch of brownies that would just melt in your mouth.”

“How do you know that?” Sherry questioned.

“Because she made me a batch when we were younger than you.”

“You were allowed to cook when you were just a kid?”

Laura laughed. “
Allowed
is hardly the word. I had to help in the kitchen from the time I was big enough to stand on a milk crate and reach the counter.”

“Wow, I wish I knew how to cook.”

“Well, Tess is a pretty fair cook herself. I’ll bet she’d teach you if you ask her.”

Sherry clammed up and focused on dishing out a portion of the spaghetti. Tess said nothing.

“Why don’t we offer thanks for the meal,” Darren suggested. They all bowed their heads and while her husband asked blessings on the food, Laura felt compelled to silently ask blessings on her guests.

Father, they’re hurting so much. There is a great deal of pain in the lives of these, your daughters. Heal their hurts, Lord. Hear their hearts and speak to their spirits that they might know the kind of calming love that only comes from you
.

“Amen,” Darren said in his booming voice. “Let’s eat!”

They dug into the food, each one commenting on the taste and aroma. Laura noticed how Tess picked at her plate while Sherry ate like a horse. The old expression “eating for two” came to mind and made Laura smile.

“You know, when I was pregnant with our son, I could eat three regular meals a day and three irregular meals on top of that.”

“Sometimes I get so hungry,” Sherry told them. “It’s really weird, but sometimes I just want to eat certain things. Like boxes of crackers or chocolate chip cookies.”

“What? No pickles and ice cream?” Darren teased.

“What do you mean?” Sherry questioned.

“Well, that’s the standard craving for expectant mothers,” he replied.

Sherry laughed. “I’ve never heard of that.”

Laura smiled. “It’s just an old wives’ tale. I never craved either of those things. I wanted bananas. I could have eaten entire bunches of bananas in one sitting.”

“I can vouch for that,” Darren replied. “She was always sending me out for them.”

Laura sensed that Tess was withdrawing even more into herself. Poor thing. She had tried so hard to have a baby and now she was clearly an outsider in the conversation.

“So, Tess, tell me how the relocation business is going. Has the new arrangement caused you any concerns?” Laura asked.

“Not anything of major importance,” Tess replied. “The fact that Bartolo is a Christian helps a lot. He and his family have joined our church and they’re already very active. We both have the same ethics for business and we value the lives we touch.”

“That’s what makes you good at what you do,” Laura replied, offering Tess a plate of hot garlic bread.

Tess took a piece of bread and added, “I know my biggest fear of taking on a partner and expanding the business comes in the form of losing control.”

Sherry looked at Tess but said nothing. Laura nodded and smiled. “It’s hard to feel like we have no say over our lives or the things that are important to us. Feeling out of control is a terrible way to live.”

She hoped the words would touch the hearts of both Tess and Sherry. “Ultimately we have to remember that God is in control. Once I came to realize that, it took a big burden off my shoulders. With God taking control, I didn’t have to.” Laura watched their expressions to see how they received her words, but both women kept their expressions veiled.

The rest of the dinner passed in lighthearted conversation about Sherry’s schooling and Darren and Laura’s new home. After dessert, Darren suggested that Sherry come play
his newest computer game while Tess and Laura began to clean up.

It was as they stood loading the dishwasher that Laura braved what was on her heart. “Tess, may I ask you something rather personal?”

Tess looked at her rather oddly. “You know that you can. We’re friends, after all.”

Laura nodded. “I hoped you’d feel that way.” She wiped her hands on a dish towel and offered Tess a glass of tea. She poured the tea and cocked her head in the direction of the patio. “Shall we go outside?”

“Sure.” Tess followed her outside and took a seat at the table. “So what’s this all about?”

Laura sat down and sampled the tea before speaking. “I’m worried about you, Tess.”

“Why?” Tess asked with disbelief in her voice. “Things seem to finally be coming together.”

“Yes, but after all this time of you and Sherry living together, you still hold her at arm’s length.”

“What do you mean?”

Laura put her hands around her glass but didn’t drink. Staring down at the table, she prayed for the right words. “I see you treating Sherry as a non-person. You exist with her, but you don’t really interact. Do you understand?”

“Not really,” Tess replied. “After everything I’ve been through today, I feel that I’ve definitely interacted with Sherry.”

Laura looked up, shaking her head. “You only care for her because she will bear the child you have so long awaited. I don’t say that to hurt you, but I can’t shake the feeling that it’s true. If you could have sent Sherry packing after day one and still retained rights to her unborn child, you would have done so. I think you’d do it still, if it were given as an option.”

Tess stared hard at Laura for several minutes. Laura could see that she was giving honest consideration to her words.

“I suppose there is some truth to that,” Tess finally
admitted. “I guess I’ve never seen it as a big deal. Sherry will only be here for a short time and then she’ll be out of our lives.”

Laura shook her head. “No. Sherry will never be out of your lives so long as you have her baby.”

“But the baby will belong to us. We will bond with it and raise it as our own.”

“But Sherry will still be its biological mother. Tess, I believe adoption is a wonderful institution. You know that. I’ve encouraged you to adopt, and I even applaud the good you’ve done in the life of this wayward child. You’ve given her a safe haven, a roof over her head, food on the table, a doctor to care for her needs. But you refuse to give her anything more.”

“What more do you suggest? I give her an allowance. I homeschool her. I’ve bought her just about anything she asks for, within reason,” Tess argued.

“Yes, but you give her nothing of yourself. You refuse to share your heart with her,” Laura said softly. “She’s just a child. She has no one in the world to care for her. The only way she could get anyone to care for her was to barter the life of her child. Can’t you understand?”

Tess shook her head. “She doesn’t want me to be close to her. She pushes me away at every turn.”

“Isn’t it possible that she’s pushing you away because she’s afraid of getting too close? Of caring too much?”

The realization seemed to sink in all at once. Tess’s expression changed. “We’re both doing that. That’s what you’re trying to make me see.”

Laura nodded very slowly. “You’re both terrified of caring about the other because you know the day will come when you will go your separate ways. But, Tess, how can your heart not go out to her? She’s so needy and sweet. She’s just a little girl.”

“I know,” Tess answered softly. “Sometimes I see myself in her.”

“Don’t push her away,” Laura suggested. “Reach out to her. Help her. Love her.”

“But what happens after the baby is born and she leaves? She’s already fourteen, and in a few short years she’ll be released from state care and out on her own.”

“So you refuse to invest anything of yourself or your time in her because you don’t want to be heartbroken in a few months when she goes away?”

“Well, that’s reasonable, isn’t it?” Tess questioned. “I mean, why should I set myself up for such hurt? Worse yet, why should I set myself up for that kind of rejection? I could reach out to Sherry and have her throw it all back in my face.”

Laura nodded. “That’s true, but just remember what the Bible says. ‘Whatever you do unto the least of these . . .’ ”

“ ‘You do unto me,’ ” Tess filled in. Her shoulders sagged a little as she sank back against the chair. “Oh, Laura, I just don’t know if I can do it. I do care about her, maybe more than I want to admit. I wanted to make a difference in her life, to show her the way to God, to help her see a different path. What do I do?”

“Let Jesus love her through you,” Laura suggested. “Let Him show you how to care for her . . . even if it means having Him show you how to let her go when the time comes.”

CHAPTER 20

Brad came home two evenings later and Tess was still contemplating Laura’s words. She had tried hard to keep a gentle peace in the house, but Sherry continued to act like a wounded animal.

“So what happened while I was gone?” Brad questioned as they slipped into bed.

“Oh, the usual roller coaster,” Tess replied. “Sherry’s been in a mood ever since I got after her for breaking my Waterford vase.”

“Was it an accident?”

Tess pulled the covers high and wrestled with her answer. “I’m sure it must have been, but she wasn’t at all repentant. She didn’t even act sorry, just indifferent.”

“She was probably embarrassed,” Brad suggested.

“I’m sure, but she could have at least acted like she was sorry.”

“So what happened?”

Tess plumped her pillow and leaned back against the headboard. “Well, we started a yelling match. She told me to stop acting like her mother, and I told her I was glad I wasn’t her mother. I knew it was a horrible thing to say even as the words came out of my mouth, but it was like I couldn’t stop them.”