Tracie Peterson (19 page)

“I’m sure you understand, Sherry,” the doctor began, “this isn’t going to be an easy situation. You may change your mind. You may have desires to keep this child.”

“I don’t plan to keep the baby or to break my agreement,” Sherry stated firmly. “I just want to have it and see that it’s happy with the Holbrooks.”

Tess saw David raise a brow and interjected. “Sherry will be living with us for a short time after the birth.”

David shook his head. “I’ve seen situations like this before. Are you sure this is wise?”

“It doesn’t matter what she says. I have rights!” Sherry looked at the man with a fixed expression of determination. Resembling a fighter about to square off, she stood her ground. “I just want time.”

Tess had never seen her quite this worked up, at least not in such a verbal manner. The statement about time permeated Tess’s thoughts. Time? Time for what? What was it Sherry needed and why was time so important?

“I think we’ll be all right,” Tess said, seeing that Sherry wasn’t about to back off. “Brad and I have arranged to keep the baby in our bedroom. Sherry won’t be the one to take care of the baby and so I don’t think the bonding issue will be a problem.”

David nodded. “I just don’t want to see either of you hurt. This isn’t a simple matter. There are a great many emotional and physical needs that will come into play. You both need to keep that in mind.”

Tess nodded. “I’m sure we will.”

****

Sherry’s words haunted Tess throughout the remainder of the day. Now that they were home, Sherry had hidden herself away in her room, leaving Tess alone to contemplate what had happened. More and more, Sherry’s vulnerability and fearfulness were becoming apparent. And with that revelation, Tess became more uncomfortable.

She’ll be gone in a few months
, Tess reminded herself.
She’ll leave and it won’t be my problem anymore
.

Sitting down to her desk, Tess toyed with a pencil and tried to shake the thoughts from her mind.
What does she really need? Why is time so important? Are we making the right decision to let her stay?
David Zeran certainly didn’t seem convinced. Could he be trying to save Tess from additional trouble? The questions stacked up, one on top of the other, like a fragile house of cards.

Tess reached for the telephone. She’d call Laura and discuss the matter with her. Laura might well be able to give her some answers or at least set her thinking in the right direction.

But before she could dial Laura’s number, a knock sounded on her front door. Tess hurried to see who it might be and was surprised to find Kim on the other side.

“Kim! It’s been ages. I’ve called—”

“I know,” the woman said, seeming contrite. “I just couldn’t deal with it. Forgive me?”

“Of course, come in,” Tess said, pulling back. “Can you stay for a while?”

“I suppose. I just wanted to see how you were doing.” She glanced cautiously down the hall. “Did you and Brad decide to go through with your plans?”

Tess nodded enthusiastically. “Yes. We have a fourteen-year-old who lives with us right now. Her name is Sherry and she’s due to have her baby in late November. Would you like to meet her?”

Kim shook her head. “No. I still hope to talk some sense into you.”

Tess was crestfallen. Why couldn’t Kim just be happy for
her? But then she remembered her own reaction when Kim had adopted Laney. She’d hardly given Kim an easy time of it.

Softly, with as much tenderness as Tess could show, she reached out to touch her friend’s hand. “Kim, I’d rather you didn’t see this as your personal battlefield. We’ve been friends for too long. Why don’t you come sit down.”

Kim shook her head. “It’s because we’ve been friends that I don’t want to see you hurt—like me.”

“I know you don’t want to see me hurt, and I appreciate that,” Tess began, “but I have to live my own life the best way I see fit. You do understand that, don’t you?”

“I think you’re reaching for a star,” Kim replied. “An unobtainable dream.”

“Kim, people adopt every day. Remember, you were the one who showed me the statistics long ago when you first decided to adopt. You had a bad experience, but it was an isolated incident. That doesn’t mean that when you decide to adopt again, the same thing will happen.”

“I’m not going to adopt again. I’m not about to set myself up for that kind of misery and you shouldn’t either. I feel badly because I know I helped to convince you to adopt, but now I’m here to help convince you not to go through with it. This girl is just going to break your heart.”

“Sherry’s a wonderful girl,” Tess said with confidence, though her own fears were rapidly feeding off of Kim’s negative comments. “She’s just been put through a lot in her life. She doesn’t have much of a future and she can’t keep her baby with her after it’s born. There’s no way she can take the baby back. She has no way of supporting the child at fourteen.”

“She could always find a way. She’ll find someone to help her. Laney’s mom did.”

Tess shook her head. “Laney’s mom was older, had the baby’s father in her life, and had graduated from high school. She was for all intents and purposes ready to live an adult life. Sherry has no hope of that at this time. She’s just a kid living off the state, has no living relatives, and the baby’s
father and family want nothing to do with her or the baby. They hoped Sherry would have an abortion, and now that she’s going through with the pregnancy, they’ve shown no further interest.”

“Things happen, Tess. You’re just going to get hurt.”

“Life hurts, Kim. But the alternative to life is not something I want to consider at this point,” Tess replied, and for the first time she could honestly understand that it was true. Life did hurt. It hurt, but it also felt wonderful. It had its moments of heartache right along with its pleasures.

“I think you’re crazy,” Kim replied and turned for the door. “I just came to try to help you see reason. I couldn’t rest thinking that somehow I had failed to do everything I could to persuade you not to let this delinquent into your home.”

Tess felt defensive on Sherry’s behalf. “She’s not a delinquent, she’s a little girl who’s been caught up in a difficult situation. She deserves to be cared for and nurtured just like everyone else. How can you be so heartless?”

Kim stopped at the door and eyed Tess quite seriously. “Because
they
are heartless.”

“They?”

“These unwed mothers—these girls who play around at being adults, get themselves pregnant, then, rather than do the right thing, they selfishly think once again of themselves. They don’t care who they hurt, Tess. I’m telling you this as a fact of life. Believe it or not, but chances are pretty good that your Sherry will do no different. She’ll break your heart. They always do.”

With that, Kim hurried from Tess’s condo, not even bothering to close the door. Tess stood for several minutes, staring out into the empty hall. Kim’s words had affected her sense of peace more than Tess wanted to admit. Closing the door, Tess turned and found Sherry standing in the hall. She had no idea how long the girl had been there, but apparently she’d been there long enough. Without a word, Sherry turned away and went back down the hall to her room.

Tess thought to call after her, but hesitated, replaying the conversation in her head. Maybe Kim’s pain would sear Sherry’s conscience, and if there were any thoughts of being deceptive with the adoption, Sherry would now think twice. Perhaps Sherry had even heard Tess’s confidence and support of her and would feel less anxious about her stay with them.

Tess bowed her head. “Please, Lord,” she whispered, then continued silently,
please show me what to do and what to say. I can’t stand the thought that Kim might be right. I don’t think I could bear it if Sherry did the same thing that Laney’s mother did
. She lifted her face and sighed. “Please, Lord.”

CHAPTER 19

Sherry gave Brad and Tess very little trouble during the months that followed. She’d had her moments of moodiness and even minor rebellions when they’d set curfews and insisted on knowing where she was at all times. After a while, however, everyone eased into a daily plan that quickly fell into a routine. The worst and best day were the days Tess took Sherry to the doctor. She loved hearing the baby’s heartbeat and all the positive things Dr. Zeran had to say about Sherry’s condition.

Tess had decided to keep a journal about the events. She started at first only writing about the doctor’s visits, but soon, without really intending to, Tess wrote in the journal on a daily basis. She wrote about her feelings and thoughts concerning the arrangements she’d made. She wrote about her fears and her growing faith in God—faith that was born out of knowing she had to either trust God for the situation with Sherry or go mad.

Sitting down to take up her journal once again, Tess startled at the sound of breaking glass. Rushing from her office into the living room, Tess was stunned to find Sherry attempting to pick up the pieces of a broken crystal vase.

“What in the world happened?” Tess exclaimed, looking to see if there was anything left to salvage.

“I don’t know, I guess it fell off,” Sherry said, sounding rather indifferent. Now in her seventh month of pregnancy, the petite teen was beginning to struggle under the added weight of the baby.

“You don’t know?” Tess replied. She was heartbroken over the loss. Her mother had given her that vase on her eighteenth birthday. “That’s no answer, Sherry. I want to know what happened.”

The girl looked rather indignant. “I said I don’t know. Why are you yelling at me?”

“I’m not yelling, not yet. But I do expect a decent answer.” Tess tried to calm herself. The last few weeks had been especially stressful for her, with the added work of blending her business with new employees and homeschooling Sherry.

Steadying her nerves, Tess took a deep breath. “Now, will you tell me what happened?”

Sherry looked at Tess and rolled her eyes. “It’s not that big of a deal. I don’t know how it broke. It just did.”

“Crystal vases do not just jump off the table, Sherry. Besides that, what are you doing in here? I thought you were watching your algebra video.”

“I finished it,” Sherry replied. “I was going to sit outside on the balcony and read my Shakespeare.”

“That still doesn’t tell me what happened with the vase.”

Sherry shrugged and started to walk off. “I told you, I don’t know.”

“Get back in here,” Tess said, and this time she did raise her voice.

Sherry halted in her steps and turned around. “Are you going to yell at my baby like this?”

Tess sobered at the question. “Sherry, I expect a certain amount of respect from you. You have broken something special to me. I would at least expect an apology.”

“So I’m sorry,” Sherry replied. “That still doesn’t mean you can yell at me. I don’t want my baby growing up being yelled at.”

“Are you threatening me?” Tess questioned, her whole body shaking from the ordeal.

“Get real,” the girl answered, shaking her head. “Do I look like I could be very threatening to you?”

“Look, you’ve been sulking around here all week. I don’t know what the problem is, but I’m getting tired of it.”

“You’re tired of it?” questioned Sherry angrily. “I don’t see where you get off being upset. I’m the one who’s being
bossed around day and night. ‘Do this, Sherry.’ ‘Don’t do that, Sherry, you might hurt the baby.’ ‘Eat this.’ ‘Take this vitamin.’ I’m getting tired of being told what to do. You aren’t my mother, so stop acting like it.”

“Given your inability to be civil and respectful, I’m certainly glad I’m not your mother,” Tess snapped back. She instantly regretted the words when she saw the painful flickering of understanding in Sherry’s eyes.

Trying to mend the situation, Tess sighed. “Look. We’re both just on edge. Everything has been stressful. Living here with us, the homeschooling and the chores . . . well, I know it’s probably more than you’re used to. I wouldn’t have given you chores if you hadn’t agreed that you wanted an allowance.”

“I don’t know why the state can’t just give me the money and leave me alone,” Sherry muttered. “I don’t need them, and I sure don’t need you.”

Tess felt a twinge of fear ignite. Sherry’s statement reminded her of Kim’s warning. “I’m sure you think you’re capable of taking care of yourself, but you’re just a kid. Just fourteen years old. That doesn’t lend itself to a whole lot of life experience for taking care of yourself.”

Sherry looked at her as if Tess had lost her mind. “I have more experience than you could ever dream of. I can take care of myself.”

“That’s how you got in the condition you’re in right now,” Tess countered. “Didn’t it ever dawn on you that there’s a reason we have laws about kids marrying or age limitations on driving and drinking? You’re a smart kid—didn’t it ever occur to you that the reason adults are allowed to do certain things that kids aren’t is because they’re more capable of handling the consequences and the responsibilities?”

“What do you know? You’ve never lived like me. You don’t know anything. I hate being treated like some kind of criminal! I’m blamed for everything wrong that happens. I hate it, and I hate you!”

She stormed off to her bedroom and let the door slam good and hard. Tess cringed and turned to face the broken vase. It was all too much. With tears in her eyes, she knelt down to pick up the pieces.

“You’re no good,”
she could hear her birth mother say.
“You’re worthless, Tessera. Worthless and stupid. I don’t know why God gave me such a stupid child, but I wish you’d never been born. I hate you for the burden you’ve put on me.”

The words rang in Tess’s ears as she picked up the shards of glass. Her biological mother had hated her. The only reason she hadn’t deserted Tess on some street corner was because Tess was good at working the pushers and getting her mother a quick fix.

Tears mingled with the glass. The emptiness inside her heart threatened to eat Tess alive.
Oh, God
, she began to pray,
where are you in all of this? Why do I have to hurt so much? Why can’t I just let go of the past?