Totlandia: Summer (19 page)

He wants a divorce.

“—which is why I’d like you to consider us having another child.” He paused.

When she started sobbing, he grimaced. “Honey, I know what you’re thinking: that I’d only ask you because I’m disappointed that Dante will never be ‘good enough.’ But you’re wrong! I already know that Dante is better than all of us combined—at least, those of us on the Connaught side.” He coughed out his words along with his own tears. “Throughout his life, everyone who meets him will judge him. And yet, he’ll judge no one. He’ll do his best and try his hardest in every situation. Who else can you say that about? As for a sibling, I already know that a little brother or sister will be the best gift we could ever give him. He’ll have one more person to love him, to care about him, to be there, share his journey through life. But just as importantly, he’ll be our gift to them. Through him, they’ll learn love and patience and appreciation.” His voice faded into a whisper. “So please, Lorna. Tell me you’ll at least consider it.”

He sat there, silent and stone-faced, as she cried.

But when she started in on the laughing jag, he jumped off the settee and started pacing because he didn’t know what to do.

When, finally, she uttered the words, “I’m pregnant,” he lifted her up into his arms and whooped and cried as he waltzed her around in a circle. As happy as she was, she begged him to stop because suddenly she was dizzy and she needed to throw up.

While she held her head over the balcony and heaved into a bush, he wondered out loud, “Wait until Mother hears the news. Ha! Wait until I tell Bettina.”

Hearing his sister’s name, the bile climbed back up her throat.

Matt held her tight as she threw up once more.

6:14 p.m.

“Mother, why must I wear caterpillars over my eyes?” Lily yelled down to her mother from the top of the Crosses’ winding grand staircase.

Bettina looked up to find her daughter dressed in full Frida Kahlo regalia. The child had been fretting over her birthday costume for more than a week now. This was just one of a million questions she’d asked since the final fitting with the seamstress Stanlee had recommended to them.

Bettina hung up her cell phone, midring. The last thing she needed was Lily listening as she cursed out the little girl’s father, who was who knows where, on this night of all nights—

That of Eleanor’s Midsummer Night’s fund-raiser for PHM&T.

Not to mention, the night she had to break the news to him that he was a father—again.

Maybe.

After coming home from the doctor’s office, she pulled out Andy’s spent condom and held it up to the light. What she saw shocked her—

A spattering of tiny pinholes.

She pulled out three unused condom packets from Art’s side of the bed and opened them. Holes were evident in those as well.

Whose child am I carrying?
she wondered.
Please please please let it be Andy’s.
Better the child look like a budding Superman than the Pillsbury Doughboy.

Even if she birthed a little Adonis, the last thing she could do was let Art know. He may be crass, stupid, and a lousy breadwinner, but if she were to leave Art for Andy, the sex scandal that followed would devastate the club, not to mention disgrace the Connaught name.

And certainly her mother would disown her.

To console herself, all evening Bettina intoned,
The child is mine and that is all that matters.

If only she truly believed that.

Knowing Art, he’ll be pleased as punch, as if having a larger brood is proof of his manhood.

As if.

So where the hell was he?

To get her mind off her problem, she yelled up to her daughter, “It isn’t a caterpillar, dear. They’re supposed to be your
eyebrows
. Alas, artists never shave, and poor Frida may have had too many male hormones.”

Bettina couldn’t see it, what with the damn caterpillar pasted over the poor girl’s eyes, but she could imagine Lily wrinkling her brow as the little girl retorted, “I’d hate to be a male! They’re clueless. Why did you marry Daddy, anyway?”

Great question.

Like hers, his family was one of San Francisco’s oldest and most revered. And yes, once he’d been handsome. But as a provider, he had always been a disaster.

With the new addition to their family, would their debt grow exponentially?

At least Eleanor will be happy to learn she has another grandchild—

Two, what with Lorna being pregnant, as well.

The thought that, once again, her sister-in-law was stealing her thunder pushed bile up her throat. As she struggled to swallow, Lily shouted, “Oh, I forgot! Daddy wanted me to tell you that he can’t make the party because he had to go away on a trip. He left a note on the big old bench in your closet.”

Bettina ran up the steps after her.

She got only halfway before she threw up.

She barfed again at the sight of Prince Vsevolod Ivanovich lapping it up.

The note was short and sweet:

The fund went bust, so expect the Feds should come a-knockin’.

By the way: you’re a lousy lay, but you swing a mean paddle!

Maybe you should consider turning pro.

—Art

Why, that son of a bitch.

It was only an hour and a half before the party. With all that was going on in the house, she doubted she’d catch Eleanor alone, but she had to try.

With shaking hands, she dialed her mother’s number and prayed that Hera wouldn’t pick up the phone. Eleanor was enthralled with Hera’s network of bohemian friends, and the two women were now thick as thieves. Hera had even taken up residence in Eleanor’s cabana house.

Bettina shuddered.
Who knows what goes on there? Indubitably séances. No doubt tarot and aura readings, too. And then there were the so-called healings.

Bettina wouldn’t at all be surprised if human sacrifices were also taking place.

Oh my goodness,
she thought.
If the Feds take our home, Lily and I will also be moving in with Eleanor!

And the baby, too.

This time she made it to the toilet before she threw up.

Thursday, 25 July

5:47 p.m.

“You bought too much meat,” Lorna chided Matt.

“Blasphemy, woman! There’s no such thing.” Matt’s kiss tasted of barbecue sauce.

“Yum, delicious,” Lorna conceded. “Not to worry. I’ll freeze the extra rack, so that we can cook it at a later date. I hope our guests arrive soon. I’m famished.”

He laughed. “You’ve been saying that every hour on the hour since you learned you were pregnant.”

“
Shhhhhh!
Mum’s the word until everyone gets here.”

He saluted her and went back to dressing the ribs.

It was Lorna’s idea to throw a barbecue. Matt would work the grill, and Jillian would bring dessert, of course. She and Ally were to divvy up the side dishes.

The first to get there was Jillian, Caleb, and the twins. Mandy had offered to stick around after Dante’s therapy to mind the children. “That way, I can watch his interaction with the other tots,” she explained. “You can pay me in barbecue.”

“Deal,” Matt declared. They shook on it.

Watching Dante with the twins brought a smile to Mandy’s face, and Lorna’s, too.

Baby steps,
she reminded herself.
Always baby steps.

When the front doorbell rang, her smile grew even wider. Ally stood there—

With Brady.

Lorna gave him a big kiss.

“I hope you don’t mind. I brought a date—and my date brought a date, too.” She motioned to Oliver, who was cradled in one of Brady’s arms while Zoe was cradled in another.

“No, not at all,” Lorna stammered. “The more, the merrier.”

Both Ally and Brady burst out laughing.

“Gee, Lorna, I’m glad you feel that way, because my date brought another date, too.” Ally pointed to the curb.

Jade was walking up with Reggie, who was carrying two covered dishes. Jade waved, but she didn’t smile until Lorna waved back.

That was all the encouragement Jade needed. She ran up to Lorna, who gave her a hug and called out to Matt, “We’re going to need that extra rack after all!”

“Do you want a boy or a girl?” Reggie prodded Lorna.

She laughed. “Why must men always ask that question?”

“Because we’re not afraid to be honest about it,” Brady shouted from the terrace.

Ally raised a brow. “Oh, yeah? How would you answer, then?”

Brady snickered. “Easy. A boy. Otherwise Oliver and I are outnumbered.”

Lorna nudged Reggie. “How about you?”

He thought for a moment then murmured, “Anything that would make Jade happy.”

Jade blushed. “Well…I’d like another boy, so that Ollie had a little brother.”

“Speaking of siblings, I guess we shouldn’t let on about your sister’s pregnancy until it is public notice?” Ally asked Matt.

“If what Matt said is right—you know, about those horrible condoms Art was handing out at Easter—we may have a baby boom in Pacific Heights,” Jillian said thoughtfully.

Her declaration had the men sputtering with laughter.

“What a happy group,” a voice said from the doorway. “Did someone tell a joke?”

Everyone turned to find Eleanor standing there.

Matt wiped his hands on his apron, which was embellished with the letters
DILF
. “Yes, Mother. And you’ll be happy to know that it was at my expense, too.”

“I love it when you get a comeuppance.” She kissed him soundly on the cheek then did the same to Lorna. “My congratulations to you both, by the way. You’ve made me a very happy woman—again.” The sweetness of her smile was undercut by the sadness in her eyes. “The news of Bettina’s pregnancy and her husband’s illegal activities and desertion has hit her pretty hard—which is why I’m here. I’ve been forewarned that it’ll be in Leah Garchik’s column tomorrow. Thank goodness she was able to smile her way through the party—if barely.” Eleanor turned to Lorna. “I know you realize that your sister-in-law’s animus toward you is really a projection of her own innate fears—one of which is to always be accepted, if not loved. That said, right now the only thing in her life is her little club. She’s very proud of it, but she fully expects many of the women will walk away when they hear about Art’s financial fiasco, and his subsequent desertion.” Her eyes drifted from one woman to another. “Lorna, I hope you’ll support her. And I hope your friends will do so, too.”

“Well…” Lorna looked helplessly at Jillian, then at Jade, and finally at Ally. Finally she turned to Eleanor. “Ironically, our plans were to quit, even before we learned about Art—for other reasons entirely.”

“If you mean Bettina’s draconian demands on the club’s members, something tells me she’ll do away with most of them.”

“Mrs. Connaught, it’s not just that,” Jade piped up. “The Top Moms Committee had unwritten rules regarding membership, too.”

“Not to worry, Jade.” Eleanor nodded. “In fact, Bettina is dismantling the committee, immediately. She wants to take a more diplomatic stance—allow each age group to choose their Top Mom themselves. As for membership, I’ve convinced her that the more, the merrier. My God, it’s a tots club, not Harvard.”

“Amen,” Reggie muttered under his breath.

She chuckled along with the rest of them. Glancing around the room, she added, “All I’m asking is that you give it—and her—another chance. Even a pregnancy during normal circumstances would curtail the energy she’ll be able to put toward the club. With all the legal issues she’ll be facing…well, my recommendation to her was to invite a co-president to shoulder the club’s responsibilities. Someone who had already proven willing and able to give it her all.” She took Lorna’s hands in hers. “My dear, I suggested you.”

Lorna looked down at their hands, clasped together. Finally she nodded. “Alright, Eleanor—for you.”

Eleanor shook her head. “No, not for me. For Bettina.” She leaned in for a kiss. “Besides, I’m starting a club of my own. It’s Hera’s idea. And it’s got only one rule—”

“Oh boy,” Matt said. “This, I’ve got to hear.”

Eleanor tweaked his nose. “Which is, ‘there are no rules.’”

Everyone toasted to that.