Torn (39 page)

“Nate? Please say something.”

He didn’t, but he looked up and
his eyes filled with tears as he stared at me. I felt my heart shatter. Right
now he didn’t look like the cocky bad boy, full of swagger, that I’d fallen
for. He looked like a younger version of himself, childlike, broken, and
vulnerable. I flew to him and stepped between his parted thighs to clutch his
head to my stomach, rare tears forming in my eyes to hear him starting to sob
as his arms wrapped tightly around my waist.

“Oh, Ace. I’m so sorry you had to
go through that, but I’m here now. Whatever you need, I’m here.” I kissed the
top of his head and stroked his hair as he let out all the emotions he’d been
bottling up, probably since his dad had died. I had a feeling we were going to
be here awhile. But I didn’t care. He had me for as long as he needed me. I
felt some tears rolling down my cheeks at the thought of what he’d already been
through in his young life, and just prayed that he wouldn’t take this onto his
shoulders and blame himself.

Nate

Saturday - Late February

I stood in the doorway between Ma’s
bedroom and her bathroom. It was the first time I’d been able to set foot in her
room since Mr. Torres had led me out, packed up me and Josh, and taken us under
his wing. They’d been amazing, taking care of us, accompanying me and Josh back
to the house for the first two weeks, helping us clean it from top to bottom,
though Mrs. Torres and Sky refused to let us in Ma’s room until they’d scrubbed
it, saying we shouldn’t have to face that again. The whole house looked different.
Clean carpets and curtains, and freshly painted. Mrs. Torres had turned into a
cooking demon, making sure our refrigerator and freezer were loaded with nutritious
and delicious meals to keep us going for a while. Mr. Torres and Josh had
tackled the front and back yard, while I’d patched up the stucco and repainted
the outside of the house.

Standing in Ma’s room now, it was
like that night, or the previous few years, had never happened. Her bed had
been stripped and the carpet replaced, with me promising to pay Sky’s parents
back as soon as I could. The bathroom was spotless, with new towels. Josh and I
had agreed to have all of her personal effects removed and either given to
charity or thrown away. I didn’t want to keep anything. I had a framed picture
of the four of us on vacation, that was how I wanted to remember my family. The
good old days, not these last few years. With Josh’s permission, I’d even sold what
remained of her jewelry. She’d pawned most of it for alcohol until we’d taken
it from her and put it in the safety deposit box at the bank, her engagement
ring included. When I was ready to ask Sky to be my wife, I didn’t want
anything of Ma’s tainting us. It was bad enough I was still carrying some guilt
from what happened that night. Sure, I knew it wasn’t really my fault, that I
couldn’t have done any more, but I couldn’t shake the guilt that for a tiny
moment, when the doctor had told me she was gone, I’d been relieved. I’d
finally felt free, like a normal twenty-one-year-old. I shook myself off as I
heard Josh yell for me, telling me JT had arrived.

We both sat in stunned silence
after I showed JT out, until Josh whistled out through his teeth.

“Is he for real?”

“He’s a genuine guy,” I
confirmed. “Dad thought highly of him, and it’s a really good offer.”

JT’s kids had left home, and he
and his wife were looking to downsize as they prepared for retirement in a few
years, so he’d offered to buy the house from us for market value, and he’d sort
out the roof repairs himself. He’d just completed the work on a two-bedroom
loft-style apartment above the repair shop and hadn’t advertised it yet, so he suggested
we could rent it from him. The small amount of money we’d get from mine and Ma’s
account, the one that kept the capital untouched and paid a small monthly
income that had just about kept us going, wouldn’t be enough for us to keep this
house maintained. Instead it could cover the rent at JT’s, and the money we
received for the sale of the house could be split between us, making sure we
could afford the utilities and food. As long as we weren’t extravagant spending
the rest, it would see us both past graduation. We had nothing to lose and
everything to gain. I, for one, had so few happy memories left of this place, I
was all in. It was up to Josh, though. This was his home too.

“Are you fucking kidding me? The
sooner we say goodbye to this place, the better,” he scoffed, when I told him
my thoughts. “I have my driver’s license, but could never afford a car. I could
get a decent second-hand one to tide me over until I get a job, save you
running me around places. Make the damn call, tell him we’ll take it.”

“How about we head over to the
shop to see him, take a look at it first?” I laughed, grabbing him in a neck
lock and kissing the top of his head.

“Deal,” he squeaked, trying to
wriggle out of my grip. I yelped as he playfully pinched my side, making me
back off and hold my hands up in surrender. “It’s nice to hear you laugh,” he
sighed.

“You too. You know you can talk
to me, right?”

“Funny, I was going to say the
same to you. You’ve been the best brother I could ever have asked for, Nate. I
know it couldn’t have been easy for you in that room, I don’t think I’d have managed.”

“You would have.” I exhaled
heavily and rubbed my eyes with my thumb and forefinger. “I was too late anyway.
I think I knew that, I just couldn’t not try.”

“If I’d just gone to check on her,”
he said quietly, remorse saturating his tone. I tossed my arm around his
shoulder and yanked him into my side.

“Don’t go there. I’ve beaten
myself up enough with ‘what ifs’. If it wasn’t the alcohol that saw her off,
she’d have found a way eventually. She never got over losing either of them. I
think the shock sent her down this path, opened a door to her mental health
problems. Sky just keeps reminding me that we did the best we could under the
circumstances, and we’re gonna be like a puppy chasing his tail if we keep
trying to second-guess our choices and imagine ‘what ifs.’”

“I guess,” he agreed.

“I’d never have wished this on
her, Josh, but that woman wasn’t our Ma anymore. It’s time to let her go, keep
the memory of the woman who used to love us fiercely in our hearts, and get on
with our lives without all that added stress from the woman we had to deal with
for the last few years. Deal?”

“Deal.”

I shook Mr. Torres’ hand when he
dropped Sky off at JT’s. The last two weeks had been a bonding experience for
us, given us time to talk, get to know each other, and for him to see Sky and
me interacting. Much as it had killed me sharing a bed with her for two weeks,
the most we’d done in her house was make out. It felt disrespectful to have sex
under her parents’ roof when I knew her dad wouldn’t approve. With all of the
funeral arrangements to make, I’d had limited time, and the most we’d managed
was dropping back down to quick and frantic second base sessions in the car. I
took advantage the moment her dad drove away and hauled her against me, my
thumbs brushing her jaw as I gave her a long, deep kiss, which she
reciprocated.

“Ewwww, guys, get a room,” Josh groaned,
then headed in to find JT. Sky giggled and gripped the edges of my jacket.

“We have an audience over at Joelle’s.”

“I know, and it’s time word got
around that Nate Hudson is off the market,” I replied as I moved my hands down
to grip her ass and give the four harpies something to really watch. “Permanently,”
I added in a whisper when I was done, kissing that spot on her neck that made
her melt every time.

I took her hand and we headed into
the repair shop and over to JT’s office, next to the shower room. He gave us
the keys and said to go and look around ourselves, and come back with an answer.
If we didn’t want it, he’d call his realtor to put it onto the rental market.
Josh bounded up the stairs to the first floor, taking them two at a time, while
Sky gave me a knowing look as we followed at a more relaxed pace. These stairs,
up to the second floor roof terrace, were already well known and well trodden
by us. Josh rolled back the huge newly painted steel door, which glided
effortlessly on its rollers, to unveil the vast and airy expanse, flooded with
light from the tall windows running down each side of the open-plan space.

“Wow,” Sky breathed as we
followed a whooping Josh inside. We had room for our lounge and dining
furniture, even a pool table, and study areas for me and Josh. The kitchen was
at the far end, set just in front of three more rolling steel doors. It was
cool that it wasn’t against any walls, just sat like an island in the middle of
the floor. “You could put your refrigerator and freezer over here, on this
wall, with that dresser on the opposite one, to put all of your plates and
things in.”

“Yeah,” I nodded, a little lost
for words. The kitchen was sleek and modern. Obviously there were no wall
cupboards, but even so, with the under counter ones, other than storing food,
it was too big for two guys who did no cooking. I ran my hand over the buttons on
the oven and shook my head.

“I’ll help cook, keep you boys
going,” Sky laughed, obviously seeing the baffled look on my face.

“How amazing is this?” Josh
uttered, before racing to the door on the far left and opening it up. “Wow, I
call dibs on this bedroom, it has an amazing view over the street,” he
hollered. “And its own private bathroom!”

I laughed and shook my head as we
checked out the middle door, which had a small windowless laundry room and
guest bathroom, with a vent that headed up to the ceiling. I’d wondered what
that was when it appeared on the roof a while back. We wandered over to the
only remaining door, which had to be the second bedroom. It was a good size,
with two large windows overlooking JT’s parking lot and the row of houses
behind, a number of leafy trees in view, and the red hills of Bootleg in the
background. There was space for a king-sized bed, instead of my current single
one at home. There was a built-in closet with more hanging and shelf space than
I’d need, and a door to a small private bathroom that I figured must be tucked
behind the laundry room, and backed on to Josh’s. It had a small frosted window
that looked out over the alley that ran between JT’s and the bookstore next
door.

“Say yes, Nate, please say yes,”
Josh demanded as he raced in, then checked out the view from what was
apparently my bedroom window.

“It’s a great place for two young
guys,” Sky confirmed. “Cheaper to run, and as if the biggest bonus needs to be stated,
right across the road from Joelle’s, where I just happen to work.” She squeezed
my hand as I laughed.

“Fine, we’ll take it,” I agreed.

“I feel kinda bad for grabbing
the room at the front, Nate.” Josh gave me an apologetic look, after he’d
nearly crushed me to death with a hug.

“Don’t, I’d have picked this one
anyway.”

“Really?” Josh replied, as the
three of us headed back through the loft to go and give JT the news.

“Do you not know your brother?” Sky
teased, giving him a shoulder bump. “He gets to keep an eye on his beloved
Impala in the parking lot from that room.”

“It’s a fine thing when my
girlfriend knows me better than my own brother,” I joked, as I jabbed Josh
playfully in his side. “Why don’t you and Sky head over to Joelle’s and place
an order while I talk money with JT?” I suggested.

“The usual?” Sky asked, pursing
her lips for a kiss as Josh pulled the solid steel door closed.

“Yeah, that would be great.”

“What’s up there?” Josh asked,
craning his neck to look up the stairs. There went our privacy.

“Roof terrace with a chill-out
area,” I replied, “and we’ll operate it on a booking system, where one of us
gets full rights for the day or night, ok?”

“Why do we have to do that? We
can share it,” Josh sulked.

“Because much as I love you, you
also drive me insane with your Xbox, and me and Sky will want some privacy and
quiet time, ok?” I grinned at Sky when Josh just nodded, totally missing the
point of us needing privacy, which was a good thing. I didn’t want to rub his
face in it. I wasn’t sure he was even aware that we were having sex yet.

I shoved my hands in my pockets
and stood in the open garage door as I watched them cross the street, Sky’s arm
through his. I was glad they were close. Billy was being a dick again. We’d
barely seen him since Ma died, and my aunt hadn’t even called us, let alone
come around to offer her condolences. Josh had a tendency to be a loner, he’d
always been the book geek, the studious type. With Billy backing off, which
frankly was a relief, his friendship with Sky had done him good. When they disappeared
inside, I strolled over to JT’s office. He waved me in and motioned for me to
take a seat.

“So?”

“We’ll take it,” I confirmed. “I’m
seeing the lawyer this week, so I should be able to sort out what little
affairs Ma had and we can close fast since you’re a cash buyer.”

“Great, I’ll get a tenancy
agreement drawn up this week. You can move in next weekend if you want, just
pay me the deposit and first month’s rent when you get my money through from
the sale, ok?”