Tony: Alvarez Security Series (17 page)

Tony’s heart ached for the woman he loved as he witnessed her open grief.
I’ve had years to learn to deal with my grief. Deal? Fuck, until Sherrie, I was just existing, not dealing.
Wanting to wrap her in his arms, he stepped out of his truck, startling her.

She looked up, eyes wide in surprise. Her blonde hair was tucked under her winter cap but a few tendrils blew about as the wind whipped them. Her cheeks were red, both with the cold and the tracks of her tears.

“Tony? What are you doing here?”

“You left,” he accused gently.

Looking anywhere but into his eyes, she mumbled, “I had somewhere to go.”

“Here? Is this where you had to go? ’Cause if so, darlin’, I’d have driven you.” He noticed that her gaze never met his. Stepping forward slowly he lifted his hand to her face, cupping her frozen cheek. Rubbing the cold tear tracks he leaned down, desperate to see into her eyes.

“I…um…just…” she faltered.

“Sherrie? What’s going on in that head of yours?” He moved his hand so that her face lifted to his. Anguish gazed back at him. Icy fear slid through him as he wondered what she was thinking. Cocking his head to the side, he asked, “This is more than you just visiting Charisse’s grave, isn’t it?”

Bringing his other hand up, he pulled her gently toward him until her face was resting on his warm coat and his arms were enveloping her body, cradling it next to his.

Sherrie allowed herself to take in his warmth. Soak it in. Feel it float through her veins.
I
have to let him go. And he deserves nothing but the truth.

Lifting her hands to his chest, she pushed gently moving away from him. Forcing her gaze to his questioning eyes, she said, “I can’t do this, Tony. I’ve cared for you since the first day I met you, but…I can’t be someone’s…replacement.”

His eyebrows darted together as he questioned, “Replacement? What the hell do you mean by that?”

Sighing, she stepped back, noticing that he allowed her to. “I—”

Grabbing her hand, he turned and said, “Come on.” Gently pulling her along with him, they stepped amongst the headstones making their way to another section of the cemetery.

She wanted to ask where they were going, but was too afraid to ask. Too afraid the tears would start again. Too afraid.

Tony noticed her stumbling behind him and he wrapped his arm around her shoulders, tucking her safely into his side, noticing her arms stayed around her body and not around him. Arriving at their destination he stopped, facing a double headstone.

Sherrie looked down, wondering why they had stopped. Until she read the words.

Marla Renee Alvarez Beloved wife and mother

Sofia Carlotta Alvarez Beloved daughter and Angel

Oh my God.
Tears stung the back of her eyes once again, as she choked back a sob.

“Sherrie?” he asked gently. “Do you understand why I brought you here?”

“I know you loved. And lost.”

He brought his hands to her face once again, cupping her frozen cheeks in his warmth forcing her to look at him. “Yes baby, I loved and I lost. It ripped my heart out and I never thought anything could ever make me happy again. And I was good with that.”

“I’m so sorry, Tony,” she whispered, another tear sliding down her cheek across his fingers.

“Sherrie, until you, I was ready to just exist. Just be glad I had that kind of love for a little while. But now…baby, don’t you get it?”

Her gaze narrowed in confusion as she tried to decipher what he meant.

Sighing, he continued. “I don’t wanna just exist anymore. You make me want to…feel again.”

Turning with her in his embrace toward the tombstone, he looked down at the familiar words.
The strange ache was no longer coursing through his veins. Thinking back to his dream, he realized that Marla had given him permission to live again.

“Tony?” came the small voice beside him.

He looked down at her large, blue eyes, still filled with pain.

“What are you saying?” she asked.

“You called yourself a replacement a few minutes ago. Babe, I have no idea what made you think that. You’re no one’s replacement.”

“Last night,” she stuttered, then cleared her throat. “You wanted her.”

Tony reared back, his hands sliding from her cheeks to her shoulders.
What the fuck is she talking about?
Forcing himself to be calm, he took a deep breath. “I still have no idea what you are talking about.”

Wrapping her arms around her middle again, girding herself she said, “You may have been lying with me but it was her name that you called in the middle of the night.” Embarrassed, she stepped back. “I don’t blame you, I really don’t. You love her. She was your wife, the mother of your child. She was the one you wanted to be with for the rest of your life. It’s just…I can’t compete with that and…” Steeling herself, she gazed directly into his eyes. “I don’t want to compete and always feel lacking.”

Turning, she began the walk back toward her car, making her way through the cemetery as tears streamed down her cheeks. Part of her wanted him to run after her. Follow her. Chase her down and tell her she was wrong.
I won’t look back.
Passing by Charisse’s gravesite, she glanced down.
No more looking back.

*

Tony stood absolutely
still watching Sherrie walk away. Heart pounding. Mind reeling.
What just happened? I called out Marla’s name?
His mind flew back over the dream he had the previous night. The one where Marla let him go.
Fuck! I must have said her name out loud and Sherrie heard.

Looking up he saw her car pulling away from the cemetery. He wanted to run after her. Chase her down and explain, but he did not move. His eyes shifted back down to the marble headstone, finding the familiar ache of loss had intensified.
I’m such a fuckup, Marla. How do I make this right?
His gaze drifted over to Sofia’s name and his mind jumped to how he would feel as a father if someone she loved had hurt her and did not try to make it right.
I’d pound the shit out of the guy that ever hurt my baby.

Heaving a determined sigh, he stalked over to his truck.
Time to stop living in the past. Time to make this right.

*

Sherrie walked into
her kitchen reaching for the coffee, needing the fortification. Her phone chimed as a message came in and she saw Betina’s name on the screen.

Can you come see me?

Wondering what the young woman wanted, she immediately texted her reply back indicating that she was on her way. As she drove across town, she called Simon to see if he knew what was going on.

“I received a message from her social worker that she was being returned back to her home,” he answered.

“Well, I’m heading there now, so I’ll see if she needs something.”

Betina met her at the door of the foster home before she had a chance to ring the doorbell.

“Hey, sweetie,” she greeted. “What’s going on?”

Betina ushered her into the den as the foster mother smiled before leaving the room to give them privacy.

Sitting on the comfortable sofa, Sherrie smiled encouragingly hoping that Betina would open up more about what was on her mind.

“I’m going back,” she said, her words filled with pain.

“Yes, I heard about that. How do you feel about moving back in with your mom and stepdad?”

“He’s not my stepdad,” Betina stated emphatically.

“I’m sorry, you’re right. But how do you feel about moving back in with them?” Sherrie prodded again.

Betina’s arms crossed her middle as her eyes darted to the side. Sherrie recognized evasive posturing and tried to put the girl at ease.

“I’m sure it will seem strange to go back after being here.”

Betina’s gaze came back to Sherrie’s face and she asked haltingly, “Can…I call you? If I ever…need you?”

“Of course you can. Honey, I’ll still be your CASA worker until the courts decide that I’m not needed but even if I wasn’t, you can call me anytime.”

The relief on the teen’s face was visible, sparking suspicion in Sherrie’s mind. “Do you have a specific reason for not wanting to be around your ste- um, mom’s boyfriend?”

“No,” Betina bit out quickly.

Too quickly,
thought Sherrie, suspicions continuing.

“Are you sure?”

“We’re good. I just don’t like him, that’s all.”

“Betina, has he ever tried—”

“No, never,” she said shaking her head. “I just don’t like him.”

Not wanting to break the tenuous trust that they had, Sherrie did not question her further. “Well, if you ever need me, you just call or text.”

Receiving the first smile of the day, she was relieved that Betina had reached out. With a heartfelt hug, she drove back to her house, her mind filled with thoughts of the young teen.

*

Marcella sat looking
at her boyfriend as he ate dinner. She usually kept quiet because that was the way he wanted it, but she risked his anger anyway.

“You know Betina comes back tomorrow?” she spoke hesitantly.

“Not stupid woman. Of course I know,” he grunted between mouthfuls. “She best stay in school and do what she’s supposed to do from now on, if she knows what’s good for her.”

“She’s a good girl,” Marcella defended. “She always does good in school.”

“Umh,” he grunted again. Finishing his meal, his chair scraped across the floor as he pushed himself up. Wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, he moved into the small living room flipping on the TV.

Marcella sighed as she cleaned the table. She knew he had never hurt Betina, so why did her daughter want to leave? Hernando was a hard man, but had been good to them. He was the reason they could afford the little house they lived in. Kept them in clothes. After Betina’s father had died when she was only three, Marcella worked long hours to take care of her daughter, but life had been hard. When Hernando had moved to the neighborhood, it was hard not to notice the charismatic man. Surprised to be the one to catch his eye, she was thrilled when he moved in. He’d made it clear that he was not interested in marriage but she would take whatever he was willing to give as long as he helped to take care of Betina. And if he strayed? She had heard the whispers that she was not the only one he took to bed. As long as he helped them out financially, she could put up with a lot. Pursing lips as she finished wiping off the counters she glanced into the den, seeing Hernando watching a game on the TV. She could not wait until Betina was home tomorrow, but had to talk to her daughter. She could not take a chance on Betina’s behavior costing them Hernando’s protection.

T
ony drove to
the north side of the city, pulling to the front of a small house next to the river. The house sat up on a hill and as his gaze roamed over the area he smiled, letting the familiarity settle over him.

The door, unlocked at usual, opened easily as he let himself in.

“Dad?” he called, walking into the living room seeing the older man sitting in a recliner in front of the TV.

“Son? I didn’t know you were coming for a visit,” his father answered, as he moved out of his chair. Standing, he embraced Tony before moving to the kitchen to grab another beer. “Sit yourself down,” he said as he walked back into the room.