To Love and Protect (34 page)

“Princess,” he heard her father say softly.
 
His face had turned ashen.
 
A nasty gash lanced across her temple and bled heavily, coloring her blonde tresses a rusty brown.
 
His grandmother joined him on the floor and very methodically began checking for broken bones.
 
He watched with baited breath as she gently checked her neck then moved on to her eyes and pushed the area around her temple.

“She’s lucky.
 
No broken bones, but her eyes are heavily dilated.
 
We’ll have to keep a close eye on her and that head injury.”

“All my fault,” he heard the duke moan.

“What are you talking about?” Justin demanded.
 
“What have you done?”

“Enough,” Matilda interrupted impatiently.
 
“Now is not the time to cast blame.
 
Justin, carry her carefully up to her room.
 
I will be there in a moment.
 
Daughter, you go ahead and begin getting her out of her clothes.
 
Seamus, Edward, perhaps His Grace could use some fortification.”

“Aye.”
 
Everyone began moving, carrying out Matilda’s orders.
 
Justin shook to his very core as James helped him to lift Clarissa into his arms.
 
She was as limp as a ragdoll.
 
Her breathing was shallow, but even.

“Do you need help?”

“I’ve got her now.”
 
He heard the tremor in his voice.
 
Dammit, he should have ignored her and escorted her to her room as he originally intended.
 
He carried her up the stairs to her room and deposited her on the bed.
 
Justin ran the back of his fingers caressingly down her cheek once more, as if just the touch might revive her.

“She’ll be fine.
 
Mother will see to that.
 
Go join the men.”

“She was different today.”

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t know.
 
She seemed angry, hurt maybe.
 
It was as if she didn’t like me anymore.”

“She seemed very tense during the meal,” his mother commented.
 
“I’m sure everything will be fine.
 
Go on and let your grandmother and me take care of her.
 
I’ll call you after we’re done.”
 
He nodded and walked out the door.
 
Megan stood outside Clarissa’s door, her eyes red and puffy, and her face blotchy.

“Justin, what happened?
 
I heard all the noise and saw you carrying Clarissa.”

“She took a fall.
 
Go back to bed.”

“No.
 
Clarissa listened to my troubles, now I will help her.”

“And what troubles do you have?” he demanded softly walking to the stairs.

“More than you realize, Justin.”
 
Justin grabbed his sister by the arm and marched her into her room shutting the door behind them.

“What did you tell her?” Justin asked.

“We talked about how you are standing in the way of Liam and me being married.”

“You don’t know…”

“No, Justin, you don’t know, or perhaps you do and do not want to face it.
 
Jonathan was not normal.”

“I will not have you say one bad thing against our deceased brother.”

“That’s right.
 
Everyone has their perfect little slot that you fit them in, isn’t that correct?
 
I want you to listen to me for a moment.
 
Jonathan
was not
perfect.
 
He had an evilness inside him that could not be fixed.
 
I saw it myself, and I told Liam.
 
You would not have listened to me if I had tried to tell you.
 
And I’m not sure Da’ or Mamma would either.
 
He frightened me, Justin.”

“I don’t care if he is your confidant, you are not marrying Liam.”

“Liam tried to tell you about him, didn’t he?”

“We are not discussing this now, you will not marry McTavish.”

“I will, Justin, and you cannot stop me.
 
Do you understand?
 
If you force me to choose Liam over you, I will choose him every time.”

“Does our being siblings and family mean so little to you?”

“No, Justin, it means a great deal to me, but the father of my child is more important to me.”
 
Megan watched as understanding dawned on Justin’s face.
 
“And don’t you dare imply that I am either a trollop or a harlot as you have done in the past.
 
I love Liam with all my being, as he does me.
 
We would have been married tonight if he had not been called to London unexpectedly.”

“And he went, knowing that you…”

“No.
 
He doesn’t know.
 
You and Clarissa are the only ones that know.
 
I was going to tell him tonight, after our wedding.”

“You were going to elope, despite what Da’ said?”

“Yes.”

“Perhaps you should tell me exactly what you saw Jonathan do all those years ago that had you so frightened.”

“Are you certain that you want to hear it?
 
”

“Yes.”

She told him quietly everything that she had told Clarissa.
 
“I just can’t get over the fact that he looked like a man possessed.”

“And you are certain that he intentionally maimed the boar rather than killing it?”

“Absolutely.
 
He was too close.
 
I could have killed it from where I was further up the ridge.”

“I wish you had told me this long ago.”

“You wouldn’t listen to me.
 
You didn’t listen to Liam.”

“Are you going to tell Mamma and Da’ about the bairn?” Justin asked his sister.
 

“No.
 
I hope that Liam will return within the month, and we can be married as planned.
 
Then we will more than likely return to London.”

“Meggy, you did not happen to mention to Clarissa about me calling you a trollop or harlot, did you?”

“I told her everything.
 
I was so upset that I just talked and rambled,” she said slowly as if he were daft and having difficulty understanding.
 
“She did seem to be very angry after I told her that.”

“I’m sure she was,” he muttered, his face turning ashen.

“Justin, you and she, well, I mean, you are engaged.
 
And who am I to talk, I mean look at the situation Liam and I are in.
 
I swear, I did not mean to cause problems between the two of you.”

“Forget it.”

“Are you all right?”

“No, not really,” he turned and left Megan’s room.
 
When he reached Clarissa’s room, he stepped across the hall and slid down the wall, not taking his eyes off the door.

***

Time slipped past as he sat there waiting for the door to Clarissa’s room to open.
 
He cursed himself and called himself every type of fool.
 
No wonder she would not speak to him at dinner and shook off his touch when he tried to escort her afterwards.
 
His head fell forward, and his hands were loosely clasped about his knees.
 
He began to pray quietly.

Soon he felt a presence beside him.
 
Somehow Clarissa’s father had quietly sunk beside him.
 
He looked over and saw the lines of worry on the old man’s face.

“This is my fault,” Hamilton said softly, never looking away from the door.
 
“Clarissa and I had a terrible argument over that blasted will.
 
It has caused me nothing but grief ever since I had it written up.
 
The first thing I’m doing when we return to London is to change it.
 
I can’t force her into doing anything, and it was stupid of me to think that I could.
 
She is so much like her mother.
 
And it seems as if it is just now showing in her.”

“What do you mean?” Justin asked, curious about the woman Clarissa had lost at such a young age.

“She was stubborn to a fault, but how I loved her.
 
We started out as very good friends.
 
Our parents were friends and thought the match would be a good one.
 
But somehow she embedded herself into every part of my life.
 
She could be stubborn to a fault.
 
She died in childbirth.
 
The screams, I’ll never forget them.
 
They called me to the room, and she was lying there, so weak and there had been so much blood.
 
Lizzie looked at me and said, ‘I gave you a son, aren’t I clever?
 
Now we have a matched pair.’
 
Then she closed her eyes and left me.”
 
Justin placed a hand on the old man’s shoulder.
 
“My son died a few hours later.
 
We buried them together.
 
I can’t bear to lose Clarissa as well.”

“You won’t.”

“What if I already have?
 
What if the will has pushed her away?
 
What if I have pushed my princess far beyond the realm of forgiveness?
 
I’ve made so many mistakes.”

“It seems we will both have to work on winning her back.”

***

Inside the room, Clarissa moaned as she bent over the chamber pot losing the rest of her meal.
 
Dry heaves wracked her body, making her stomach clench in pain.
 
But at least she was awake, barely.
 
Every part of her body hurt from the fall.
 
She recalled something heavy falling on her, but could not bear to think of it at the moment.
 
Later, she promised herself.

Her head throbbed and every time she tried to open her eyes, she had to bend over the chamber pot.
 
Thoroughly exhausted, she lay back on the bed, her hair matted to her sweaty face and neck.
 
She tried to move a hand to her pounding head, but someone promptly caught it and placed it beside her once more.

“Clarissa, can you talk to me?”

She heard the sweet sounding voice of her future mother-in-law.
 
She really was a sweet woman.
 
Too bad she had such a rat for a son.
 
Clarissa tried to say yes, but her voice would not work.
 
A blurry shape stood over Clarissa.
 
She could not bring it into focus, but heard Maureen’s voice again.

“Mamma, come here.
 
Something’s wrong.”

“What is it?”
 
Another blurry object floated over her.

“Clarissa, can you hear me?” Matilda demanded.
 
Clarissa tried to respond to her but her mouth and throat would not cooperate.
 
Frustrated tears slipped from her eyes.

“Calm down,” Maureen soothed.
 
Clarissa felt a cool hand on her forehead.
 
“She’s burning up.”

“Can you move your fingers?”
 
The women watched as she wiggled the fingers on her right hand but not her left.
 
“I must ask you a delicate question.
 
Could you be pregnant?
 
If yes, lift one finger on your right hand.
 
If no, lift two.”
 
Clarissa lifted two fingers.

“Have you had your courses?”
 
Clarissa lifted one finger.
 
“Good,” Matilda’s voice sounded relieved.
 
“Now listen, you have taken a nasty fall.”
 
Clarissa tried to nod her head in agreement, but the pounding increased.
 
Tears leaked from her eyes and her stomach churned horribly at the pounding.

“Get the chamber pot,” Matilda commanded quickly.
 
Clarissa felt herself being turned to heave once more, but her body would give no more.
 
She was just racked over and over by violence of what felt like her body attempting to expel her stomach.
 
When it stopped, the women eased onto her back once more.
 
A cool, wet cloth swiped across her face.
 
The hands and voice soothed her into a state of semi-sleep.

“The head wound is causing the vomiting,” she heard Matilda say.
 

“What can be done?”

“Nothing right now.
 
I’m worried that more of a bump is not showing.
 
That could mean the bump is pressing inside and could cause more damage.
 
The bump could be causing the paralysis.”

“Perhaps it is more of a cut than anything,” she heard the countess suggest hopefully.

“Perhaps,” Justin’s grandmother didn’t sound very hopeful at all.

Clarissa made a motion with her hand.
 
“I think she wants to ask something,” Maureen said.
 
She heard rummaging in the desk and then a paper placed under her hand and a pencil put in her fingers.
 
Die?
She wrote shakily.

“No dear,” the younger of the two women said.
 
“You’re going to be fine.
 
We’re just a little worried about that gash on your temple.
 
You’re going to be around long enough to give me lots of grandchildren and to cause my son misery for every one of his waking days.”
 
Clarissa heard the teasing note in her voice.
 
A small smile played on her lips until she remembered all that Justin had told Megan and what she had overheard the maids discussing.
 
Then she thought of her father.
 
She felt suffocated by all the deceit.
 
She felt betrayed at every turn.
 
Instead of letting her think about it, her body took over, and she sank into oblivion.