To Love and Protect (31 page)

“I’m assuming because you wanted to participate in more activities as we did last night,” she answered frankly, a blush tingeing her cheeks.

“I must admit that is some of it, but more than that, I wanted to see you, to hold you.
 
I wanted to talk to you and be with you without anyone eavesdropping or prying.
 
Is it so hard to believe that a man would seek that from you?”

“Men see my father’s money and my looks.
 
They see me as the perfect hostess and a way to catapult them up the levels of society.”

“Is this the real reason you did not want to marry?”
 
Instead of answering, Clarissa looked at a painting over his shoulder.
 
Not being able to take anymore, he walked around the bed and grabbed her by the shoulders.
 
“Answer me.”

“Yes!” she bit her lower lip after she said the word.
 
“Women are merely a way for men to achieve greatness,” she continued after her preliminary answer.
 
“Who can be the best hostess?
 
Who has the best connections?
 
Who can bear a son for them to carry on their line?
 
We’re merely another asset to them, much like a good horse.
 
I don’t want to be like that.”

“You won’t be.
 
I don’t care if we remain in society or not.
 
We can come to Scotland or we can stay in London.
 
We can move to my country estate.
 
I only ask that I still be able to do my work for the Foreign Office.
 
I will ask nothing of you, only that you remain your charming self.”

“I don’t know,” Clarissa said nervously.
 
She felt his calloused hand cup her chin so that he could look into her eyes.

“Clarissa, please do me the honor of being my wife.”

“Will you still assist me in catching Lorraine and Franklin?”

“Of course.”

“Just because we marry, you will not force me to watch from the sidelines as they are captured?
 
I want to be an active part.
 
I deserve to be.”

“You do not have to convince me.
 
I want you by my side when they are apprehended.”
 
He watched as she released a held breath.
 
“Well, what do you say?
 
Will you be my wife?”

“I guess.”

“Please, hold back on your exuberance.
 
I don’t know that my constitution can withstand all the gaiety.”

“You must know from the start that I still feel that this is wrong.
 
But many things that you said I have to agree with.
 
I would rather be in a marriage where there is respect and caring than indifference and loathing.
 
And I know you will not continually commandeer me against my will,” she added for good measure.

“Well, I guess that is one way to look at it.”

“Yes,” she said, a calm settling over her.

“How about we celebrate?”
 

“And how would you suggest we do that?” A hint of mischief sparkled in her eyes.
 
She watched as Justin glanced at the bed with an almost pleading look in his eyes.
 
“Oh, fine, have your wicked way with me,” she said before he swooped her up in his arms and deposited her on the bed.

Chapter 13

The next morning, they announced to all present their engagement.
 
Justin’s family kissed and hugged them both.
 
Clarissa’s father merely shook Justin’s hand then quickly bussed Clarissa’s cheek with a fatherly peck.
 
Hurt assailed her, but she quickly pushed it aside.

The rest of the day was taken up with talk of wedding plans.
 
Justin remained attentive to her throughout the following days.
 
Each night, after the house fell quiet, he would sneak into her room.
 
They would spend the night talking, cuddling, or making tender love.
 
In the back of her mind she knew it was wrong, but she couldn’t help the attraction she felt for this man.
 
And in her mind, it would all be all right, for soon they would be married.

After the end of the first week, Clarissa felt like she would scream if she heard one more thing about the wedding.
 
The entire group had moved to the keep.
 
It looked like a medieval castle with additions added on here and there.
 
She had yet to have an opportunity to explore because of all the talk about the wedding.
 
Everywhere she turned, someone wanted to speak to her about the wedding.
 
She realized most girls dreamed of planning their wedding, but she no longer cared.
 
They could merely tell her when to show up and all would be well with her.
 
They attended church in the small village that morning and heard the first posting of the banns.
 
Megan would slip away, leaving Clarissa, more often than not, to her mother’s questions and guidance.
 
All the talk of the wedding had begun to drive Clarissa mad, causing her head to pound regularly.
 

“Lady Southerby, won’t you please excuse me?”
 
Clarissa asked one afternoon, unable to stand anymore talk about the details.

“Wouldn’t you like to help with the wedding preparations?” she queried, confusion marring her features.

“I leave everything in your very competent hands,” Clarissa bowed her head and left the room.
 
She made her way outside and began wandering the gardens.
 
They had celebrated the New Year, and there was a nip in the air, but the afternoon had turned pleasant and the bright sun warmed her.
 
A gazebo stood in the back of the gardens, hidden by shrubs and trees.
 
Clarissa made her way towards it.

As she walked, her mind drifted.
 
Time had passed so swiftly since she and Justin had set out in search of her father.
 
It had taken almost a month for them to even locate her father.
 
They had spent over a week on that horrible boat ride.
 
She promised herself she would never ride on another boat again.
 
Over two months had passed since they arrived in Scotland.
 
Papa was finally on the road to recovery, gaining weight, and looking more himself.
 
Although they had their differences, she was very glad that he had recovered.
 
And somewhere along the way she had found a man that wanted to marry her for herself, and not who or what she brought to the marriage.
 

The sounds of sobs and running feet brought Clarissa out of her reverie.
 
Stepping around a large oak so she could better see who approached, she saw Megan running, her raven hair flying behind her.
 
Clarissa stepped into her path and Megan nearly knocked her to the ground.
 
When Megan realized who blocked her way, she threw her arms around her and sobbed against her shoulder.
 
Shocked by this type of outburst from the usual cheerful Megan, Clarissa could only hold her, and attempt to sooth her.
 
The sobs eventually turned to harsh hiccups, and Clarissa led her to the privacy of the gazebo.

Megan quickly pulled away, her eyes wide and her hand covered her mouth.
 
She searched frantically before rushing to some nearby bushes and Clarissa heard her become violently ill.
 
Clarissa walked over to her, pulled her hair back and patted her back consolingly.
 
When the retching stopped, Clarissa pulled out a handkerchief tucked up her sleeve and held it out for Megan.
 

“Are you all right?”
 
Megan shrugged a shoulder in response.
 
“Should I get your mother or grandmother?”

“No,” she looked startled and frightened.

“What’s wrong, Megan?” Clarissa asked the girl as she led her up the steps of the gazebo to the seating area.
 
Once they were both sitting, Clarissa tried again.
 
“You can tell me.”

“Did you know that you and Liam are the only ones that do not call me Meggy?
 
I think the family continues to call me that so I do not appear grown up in their eyes, especially Justin.
 
I hate my brother,” she stated vehemently, anger tingeing her words.

“What brought this on?”

“Where do I even begin?”

“The beginning.
 
Believe me, I have all day.”

“Liam and I want to be married.”

“That is wonderful!”

“Justin has Da’s ear.”

“Oh.”

“Liam has been in Dumbarton this entire time.
 
He kept trying to find a way to talk to Justin, to get him to listen to him, but Justin refused.
 
We want to marry soon.
 
You see, Liam has joined with one of the government offices to help with the war.
 
We were going to move to London so that he could be close to the office.
 
He approached Da, but Da would not give his answer right then.
 
He said he needed to think about it, which meant he wanted to talk to Justin.”

A sense of foreboding washed over Clarissa.
 
“And?” she asked encouragingly, not sure if she really wanted to hear the rest of the story.

“Da’ refused him.”

“Refused him?”

“Yes, but we weren’t going to let that stop us.”

“Gretna Green,” Clarissa guessed.

“Yes.
 
We were going to leave last night, but Liam never showed up.
 
Instead I received this note from him.”
 
Megan handed the crumpled piece of paper over to Clarissa.

Meg,

I’ve been called to London on an emergency.
 
I will be staying with Thorn Wulfe.
 
Should you need me, send all correspondence to the War Office.
 
I hope to be back in a few weeks to carry on with our plans.

Love always,

Liam

“Oh dear,” Clarissa said.
 
“But he says he will be back in a few weeks.”

“He
hopes
to be back in a few weeks.
 
Clarissa, I don’t know what I’m going to do.
 
Perhaps I should leave for London.
 
Find him.
 
Yes, that’s what I can do.”

“Megan, stop.
 
You can’t make that journey all by yourself.
 
You are overwrought.
 
You need to calm down and look at this positively.
 
Now you have a few weeks to talk to your father.
 
Perhaps you can get your mother to talk to him.
 
You have plenty of time to woo your father to your side.”

“No, Clarissa, I don’t.
 
I’m out of time.”

“What do you mean?

“I’m going to have a baby,” Megan burst into tears again at the announcement.
 
The news shocked Clarissa, but didn’t she, herself, stand the same risk?
 
She and Megan were the same age, and she could no more condemn Megan for what she might be facing, too.
 
Instead, she gathered Megan in her arms and let her cry.
 
“I’ve known for a week or two.
 
I was going to tell Liam the night we were going to marry.
 
This is supposed to be the happiest time of my life.
 
What am I going to do?
 
What will my family think of me?”

“They will love you, and help you find Liam and make things right,” Clarissa said, as she stroked the girls straight dark hair.
 
Clarissa held her in her arms, rocking her.

“My brother will never speak to me again.
 
He called me a trollop once after seeing Liam kiss me.
 
He told me that he found my behavior embarrassing.”

“After a simple kiss?”

“He said only harlots gave themselves to men before marriage, and I should tread lightly or people would believe that of me.
 
Now I have and look what has happened.
 
I need to get to London,” she said and clutched tightly at Clarissa’s arms.

“You are overwrought and that is not good for you or the baby.
 
Why don’t you lie down?
 
I will tell everyone that you have a headache and do not wish to be disturbed.”
 
Megan merely nodded and let Clarissa guide her inside.
 
Once Megan was settled and resting, Clarissa went to her own room.

She looked around and nothing looked disturbed or changed, so very unlike herself.
 
Did Justin truly believe a woman a harlot if she gave herself to a man before marriage, or were those merely words he had used against his sister?
 
Did he think her a harlot?
 
Had he only proposed for fear they might have created a life?
 
This morning had brought proof they had not.
 
Mayhap he really did care for her.
 
Should she call off the engagement?
 
No, she could not cause that type of embarrassment to either Justin’s family or hers.
 
She squared her shoulders as if she were a military man preparing for a battle.
 
Instead, she was a woman preparing for a loveless marriage, where her future husband thought so little of her and her behavior.
 
But wasn’t he as much a part of her downfall as she had been?
 
Of course, but men loved the double-edged sword.

Well, she might not be able to call off the engagement in good conscience, but she could deal with the situation in another manner.
 
Clarissa smiled and turned to leave the room catching her reflection in a mirror.
 
Of a sudden, she looked quite older than her twenty years, and the smile slashing across her face gave her a slightly evil and cynnical look.
 
She wiped the smile from her face and deep in her eyes she saw a sadness that had not been there earlier.