To Love and Heal (The Power of Love Series) (5 page)

Anna's eyes began
to sting, a foreboding of what had happened next.

Joel took a deep
breath and stared up at the sky, waiting until he could collect himself.

"Dwayne
thought Caleb had been wounded so he jumped back out and pushed him on the
ground, basically covering him with his own body.   A second later,
he was hit by gunfire.  If he hadn't done what he did, it would have been
Caleb instead.  It all happened so fast … the rest of us jumped out of the
chopper to hold off the enemy when we realized what was happening, but it was
too late for Dwayne.  Caleb was holding him and telling him to hang on,
but he died in his arms.

Anna dabbed at her
eyes with the palm of her hand.  "So you think he blames himself for
Dwayne's death."

Joel nodded. 
"I know he does. That's the kind of soldier
−
the kind of man − that Caleb is. He felt it was his responsibility to
keep everyone safe on that mission, and the last thing he would ever want to
happen is for someone to sacrifice their life for him.  And I think the
fact that Dwayne was so young and still had so much ahead of him … it just adds
salt to the wound."

"Has anyone suggested to him that he go talk to
someone about this?"

"Sure, but he thinks it's pointless. It's not going to
bring Dwayne back, and it's not going to change the fact that he couldn't save
him."

Anna shook her head, a deep sadness settling over her. A
story like this would be enough to darken her day if she had read it in a
newspaper … that it pertained to Caleb crushed her heart.  "It's like
he's punishing himself."

"You're right.  But of course, he doesn't see it
that way."  A few moments of silence passed, followed by the sound of
Caleb's truck pulling into the driveway.  "Here," Joel offered
as he grabbed a napkin off the lawn table and handed it to Anna. "There
can be no signs of weakness in front of Marines," he added with a
wink. 

Anna quickly dabbed at her eyes, appreciative of the
gesture and determined to release the pull of her heavy thoughts so that the
three of them could enjoy a much-needed lighthearted afternoon. 

Three hours and much good-natured ribbing and easy laughter
later, she felt she had succeeded.  As he finished off a six-pack of beer,
Joel stood up from the lawn chair and stretched.  "Well, folks, looks
like I'd better head home to the missus before she calls me again to check up
on me."

Caleb grinned.  "Can't blame her.  I
wouldn't trust your sorry ass either."

Joel wound his arm back as if readying for a pretend punch,
but Caleb met him halfway and the two commenced with mutual slaps on the
back."

"It's good to see you, man," Joel said.
"Take care of yourself."

Caleb nodded, his previously relaxed face showing signs of
strain. Joel looked over at Anna, who was oblivious to their conversation as
she gathered up condiments from the earlier impromptu cookout and headed for
the house. He turned back to Caleb. "So what do you think of Anna?"

Caleb's eyes were already trailing her, very much
appreciating how her curvy body filled out her jeans in all the right places,
her chestnut hair bouncing on her shoulders, a rich contrast to her equally
form-fitting white sleeveless shirt.

"She's a great person.  Took a chance on me with
this job−"

Joel studied him closely. "No, what do you
really
think?"

"I think I like you better when you're acting like a
big kid who can't be serious about anything."

"You know that's just an act, right?"

Caleb grinned at Joel's half-hearted attempt to disguise
his true self.  "Yeah, right."

"Well, she seems to, you know, like you …"

"I think she likes the job I'm doing−"

Joel halted him with his hand. "Bro, all I'm going to
say is open your eyes.  You need a good woman to come into your
life.  She's not in a relationship with anyone, is she?"

"Doesn't seem that way."

"Well? What's the problem then?"

"Look, man – there's no way I have anything to offer
her.  She's beautiful, she has her own business, she knows where she's
going in life.  I don't even know where I'm going to be or what I'm going
to be doing six months from now."

"Maybe she can help you figure that out."

Caleb rolled his eyes. "What, do I have to start
calling you Dr. Phil now?"

Joel grinned. "No – Dr. Joel will do. Just trust me on
this one."

Anna turned back just as she was about to open the back
door to the house.  "Are you leaving?" she asked Joel, one hand
on the doorknob and another balancing a tray of condiments.

"Yeah … I was about to head out soon.  Thanks for
everything."

She placed the tray on the ground and walked back
over.  "It was nice to meet you."

"You, too," he replied, shaking her hand and then
surprising her with a hug.  "Take care of my boy here," he said
as Caleb shook his head and rolled his eyes, smiling nonetheless.

 "I think she has better things to do than
babysit the guy who's remodeling her house," he said.

Joel shot Anna a knowing look, as if he could convey his
true wishes for Caleb through his eyes.  Her eyes acknowledged that
perhaps he could. 

 After a partial initial cleanup, Anna retreated to
her office to get in a few hours of work.  There had been no such thing as
a fully work-free weekend since starting her own business, but the good thing
was she could steal a few hours here and there if needed without having to
leave her house.  Dusk had turned to a moonlit sky by the time she
returned to the backyard for one last trash roundup.  She was surprised to
find Caleb throwing beer cans into a garbage bag.

"You don't have to do that," she said.

"Seeing as Joel and I emptied the cans, I think that's
the least I can do."

She smiled.  "Careful. I've been thinking lately
that I could really use a good housekeeper, too."

In the faint glow of the moon, she could see a reluctant
grin cross his lips. As the glint of another beer can caught both their eyes,
they simultaneously bent down to grab it, nearly knocking heads in the process.

"That would have hurt," Anna observed of the near
miss, a growing awkwardness swallowing her up whole as Caleb's close proximity
sent all of her nerve endings into a tailspin of desire.

Caleb straightened up first, unexpectedly offering his hand
as Anna began to rise as well. Nearly holding her breath with anticipation, she
reached out and gently clasped it, her heart quickening as he continued to pull
her up and into him, his solid body now braced against hers. As she looked into
his pale gray eyes, the accompanying scar muted but still visible in the
moonlight, Anna couldn't imagine ever wanting someone to touch or kiss her
more.  Her craving grew with every motionless second that ticked by, the
kind of jittery yet fiery desire that made everything around her seem to disappear. 
He
had
to be feeling it, too, she thought as his grip on her arms
tightened.  And then … he slowly let go, the almost nonexistent space
between them widening as he slightly stepped back. As disappointment threatened
to give way to humiliation, she searched his eyes for an explanation.  Had
she truly misread the situation by projecting her one-sided desire onto
him?  But his eyes told a different story, which only added to her
puzzlement.

"I'd better go," he said quietly, though his
words hit her like a full-decibel shout.  "I had a nice time
today," he added awkwardly before turning around and heading back to the
guesthouse.

So nice that you can't wait to leave, Anna thought to
herself as she headed back to the house. The only thing she knew for sure was
that she had misjudged the situation in an embarrassingly major way … and she
wouldn't make the same mistake twice.

As Caleb closed the guesthouse door behind him, his eyes
followed suit, as though squeezing them shut would also block out any
recollection of what had just transpired moments before.  He sat down on
his bed, almost dazed as he tried to decipher his own actions that somehow
still seemed foreign to him.  One thing was certain – his head must
really
be screwed up if it directed him to put the brakes on something – and someone –
that he wanted so badly.  He sighed as he rubbed his throbbing temples,
wishing that the pain were the result of too many beers instead of the mixed
bag of emotions that were a byproduct of Joel's visit.  On the one hand,
he couldn't have been happier to see Joel. They had forged a lifelong
friendship in Afghanistan, a bond that few could understand since it had
developed in large part on trying to stall death for each other on a daily
basis – something that most people couldn't possibly comprehend.  But on
the other hand, Joel did not come alone today.  He came with a potent
reminder of a day … a moment … that forever changed Caleb's life, a moment that
created regret and guilt still so viscerally felt that it had almost become a
life form of its own, one that walked into the yard invisibly by Joel's side
and never left.  Joel never even mentioned their time in Afghanistan
during his visit – he knew better than to open up that ugly can of worms – but
he didn't have to.  His mere presence was enough to send Caleb inwardly
reeling back to a time and place that he apparently could never leave
behind. 

So yes, the evening had ended awkwardly, and he had denied
both Anna and himself the chance to act on their strong yet unspoken attraction
to each other.  But as the blackness inside of him pulsated in sync with
his throbbing headache, he could only conclude one thing: the further he stayed
away from crossing that line … the more he was doing her a favor.  

FOUR

"Morning,"
Anna said cheerfully as she aimed a water hose at the flower beds along the
front lawn.  Caleb had just pulled his truck into the driveway, his hair
still damp from a post-workout shower at the local gym.  His face looked
almost relaxed as he stepped out the truck, no doubt aided by some
endorphin-releasing exercise, Anna surmised.

 Nearly two
weeks had passed since the disappointing ending to an otherwise enjoyable
afternoon, and gradually they had eased back into a comfortable rapport, albeit
one that was limited to a platonic work situation.

Caleb peered up at
the hazy sun.  "Looks like it's going to be a hot one today."

"I know –
that's why I wanted to get out here and water everything before it starts to
wilt with the heat."

The intensity of
his stare dropped down from the sky and landed squarely on Anna, instantly
adding several degrees to the already warm temperature.

"So, you're
going to be at the cookout today, right?" she asked.

"Cookout?"

She studied his
face for several moments, wondering if it were possible that he had no
recollection of her invitation just two days earlier. "Fourth of July …
barbecue … beers …"

He grinned. 
"And don't forget Crystal Light."

She sighed for
effect.  "You're never going to let me live that down, are you."

"Nope. "

"Just for
that, you're going to be in charge of getting the grill going."

"It's a
holiday – that means I have the day off," he teased, clearly playing
along.

"Company will
be here around one, so you better get it in gear before that."

"You remind
me of one of my drill sergeants." He paused, trying to remain stone-faced.
"I didn't listen to him, either."

That Caleb felt at
ease enough to be talking about his military experiences – and be making a joke
about it, no less – was equal parts shocking and comforting to Anna.  It
was as if he had turned a corner, the one-way street of traumatic memories in
his mind now an open road that flowed in both directions.  No doubt much
was still rooted in the past, but perhaps now he could also begin to move forward.

"So who's
coming to this historic event?"

"Just my
parents and my friend Tina – your admirer from afar – and do you remember me
telling you to invite your brother and sister-in-law?"

"Yes."

"And?"

"They thought
it was very nice of you to invite the family of hired help to a cookout."

Anna
grinned.  "Does that mean they're coming over?"

"Only if they
have nothing better to do."

As the easy banter
continued, Anna couldn't help but feel almost relieved to see how Caleb seemed
to be growing more comfortable in his skin with every day.  Perhaps she
had been too dire in her earlier conclusion that he would be trapped in a place
of only half-healing unless he sought counseling.  It was instance in
which she was uncharacteristically only too glad to have been wrong about
something.

Anna protectively
glanced over at Caleb as guests began filtering in, the knot in her stomach
slowly unwinding as she watched him converse animatedly with his brother while
flipping burgers on the grill.  As if reading her thoughts, his sister-in-law,
Charlene, sidled up to her and watched the scene with an equally contented
smile.

"I don't
think I've even seen Caleb look more relaxed – at least not since before the
war."

"That's good
to hear," Anna replied, her gaze still fixated on Caleb. "I wasn't
sure what he was like before his tour of duties, but I had a feeling that he
was less guarded than he is now."