To Have and to Hold (20 page)

As many patients as possible were taken in wheelchairs, or even in their beds to the concert held that evening. They were entertained by comedy acts, enthralled by the sleight of hand of the conjurer, and they thoroughly enjoyed the singsong to round off the whole thing. At first they sang many of the traditional and patriotic songs of the day like, ‘There’ll Always be an England’. Then they moved on to songs from the Great War, like ‘Goodbye Dolly Gray’ and ‘It’s a Long Way to Tipperary’. These then gave way to music-hall songs, such as ‘Daisy, Daisy’.

Those patients who were well enough sang with gusto and waved the Union Jack flags they had been given with great enthusiasm. Even Carmel was affected by the zealous
pride she saw shining in many of the patients’ eyes and knew that, for some, the day had been better than medicine.

Some kind benefactor had donated coronation mugs for each child in the hospital and a coronation crown for each adult, and the patients were really overwhelmed by such generosity. Carmel sincerely hoped the patients might be able to hold on to their treasures and they wouldn’t soon be gracing the window of a pawnbroker’s. However, she did recognise when it was a case of food on the table, or rent to pay to prevent a family being thrown out on the street, a crown or a mug wasn’t much use to anyone. For now, though, at least they had the pleasure of owning the gifts.

The Queen’s Hospital had run similar activities. When Carmel saw Paul that night they spoke of it.

‘It certainly gave them all a boost,’ Paul said. ‘If we had a celebration like that once a week, I reckon they would need to stay in hospital less.’

‘Don’t be daft,’ Carmel said with a laugh. ‘If we had a celebration like that every week, people would be fighting to get in.’

‘Yeah,’ Paul agreed ruefully.

‘I don’t see what the fuss was all about anyway,’ Carmel admitted. ‘The
Evening Mail
and the
Despatch
carried pictures of the street parties taking place all over the city. What difference will it make to the average man on the street who is on the throne or how long he has been there? I mean, isn’t the king or queen just a figurehead?’

‘Yes and no,’ Paul said. ‘You are right, though, that to Joe Bloggs this matters not a jot, but I think it is a
national pride thing. Not every country these days has a royal family and it is something we can feel proud about. Let’s face it, Carmel, there is little else for the country these days. I mean, we fought a war with Germany and won, and then when the men were demobbed there was nothing awaiting them but the dole and poverty.’

‘I know,’ Carmel said. ‘I suppose this sort of thing raises their spirits even just for a short while.’

‘Yes, that’s it,’ Paul said. ‘It shows the rest of the world, and I suppose Germany in particular, that we have something we can be proud of.’

‘People say the chancellor Germany has, that Hitler chap, is turning Germany round.’

‘So I believe,’ Paul said grimly. ‘But I would like to know at what cost. There are lots of strange tales coming out of that place that I don’t like the sound of at all. And as for the next Olympic Games to be set in Berlin, it’s just madness. Still,’ he said, kissing Carmel lightly on the lips, ‘are we going to stand here all night discussing politics, or are we going to go out and enjoy ourselves?’

‘Ah, Paul, what do you think?’

‘Come on then,’ said Paul, catching up Carmel’s hand. ‘Let’s see what Birmingham has in store for us this evening.’

Lois and Carmel had to have an interview with the manager of the trust fund that ran the hospital, Mr Murdoch, the senior doctor, Dr Humphries, and Matron to see whether it would be acceptable for them to continue in nursing after they were married. There was no policy in place about this now they were fully trained, and while
Mr Murdoch and Dr Humphries had no problem with the girls continuing, if that was what they wished to do, the final decision had to be left to Matron Turner.

The two girls knew this full well, and they also knew that the matron had re-examined their experience charts, gone over their examination grades and requested reports on them from the nurses they had worked with.

‘Don’t you worry your little head over that,’ Nurse Chambers had told Carmel. ‘I have given you such a glowing reference, you would hardly recognise yourself. I even went on to say that it would be a great loss if you were forced to leave.’

Matron had been impressed with that, and Lois’s testimonials were nearly as good. The matron deplored the policy of training nurses to the acceptable standard, only for them to get married and leave as soon as they were qualified. She couldn’t see why more girls could make nursing their life, as she had.

In the dark recess of her mind, she remembered Len Bishop, whom she was engaged to in 1914, just before war was declared. ‘Over before Christmas, Cathy,’ he had declared as he boarded the train full of troops. He had leaned out of the window and kissed the tears from the young girl’s eyes. ‘Don’t you cry,’ he’d admonished, but gently. ‘I’ll be back before you know it, and we’ll talk to your father about getting married. What do you say?’

Yes, yes, yes, was what the young Cathy Turner said, for she loved Len Bishop with all her heart. She was twenty-three, more than ready to marry, and had been a qualified nurse for two years. However, she had passed her twenty-fourth birthday six months later when Len’s distraught and anguished mother had brought around the
telegram and pushed it into her trembling hands.

Catherine cried as if she would never stop. She refused to eat, became ill and didn’t care. She had wanted to die, to be with Len, and the doctor her worried parents brought in had little sympathy with her.

‘The man had to do his duty—surely you knew that—and now you must do yours.’

‘Mine?’ Catherine had asked, confused.

‘Yes, yours,’ the doctor snapped. ‘You have a duty to

yourself to rise above this, and to your parents, who are worried to death about you, and to that noble profession you broke your neck to enter. All this wallowing in grief is no good for anyone, so get up from this bed and do something useful with your life.’

CatherineTurner had got up. She knew that she would never marry and that she would strive to rise in nursing, for it was all she had left. That had happened twenty years before, in 1915, and she seldom allowed herself to think about it now, but looking at the two girls before her brought it all back. Nothing would spoil their young dream. Her Len and countless more had died in the war to end all wars, and even all this business with Germany couldn’t amount to anything much, so these girls would be able to have their cake and eat it on her say-so.

‘Well, Matron,’ Dr Humphries said, with a little cough, and the matron realised the silence had stretched out between them as she had reminisced.

‘Oh, yes. Sorry, Doctor.’

‘What sort of nurses then are these two?’ the doctor asked her. ‘Diligent? Hard-working?’

‘They are indeed,’ the matron said. ‘In fact, I have no problem at all with their work. But, Nurse Duffy,
Nurse Baker, how do you intend to look after your husbands effectively if you are nursing too?’

‘Well, you see, Matron,’ Carmel said, ‘our prospective husbands are junior doctors anyway and so understand—perhaps better than most—the pressures we will be under and the hours we will have to work. They both work odd hours too and have no objections to us continuing.’

‘Hmm,’ the doctor mused. ‘Those men are Paul Connolly and Christopher Fellows, and both doing sterling and necessary work at Queen’s, but the girl is right: the men’s hours will be anything but regular.’

‘And what about when the babies start arriving?’ the matron asked.

‘We don’t intend to have children for some time yet,’ Lois said. ‘Both of us want to make our mark in nursing first.’

‘You feel the same, Nurse Duffy?’ the matron asked.

‘Yes, Matron.’

‘I thought you were a Catholic?’

‘I am, Matron.’

‘Hmm.’

Carmel was sure that the matron would have said far more, but before she was able to, the doctor said with a smile, ‘In my experience babies often appear in their own time, whatever their parents have decided. However, we can cross that bridge when we come to it. I have no objection to your continuing here after your marriage and if Matron feels the same, then I don’t see any reason why you shouldn’t.’

Outside the room, the two girls hugged each other in delight. Carmel knew that, much as she loved Paul and
longed to be married to him, nursing too was very important to her. She would have missed it terribly if she had been forced to leave.

When Eve stepped on the platform of New Street Station in Birmingham, on Thursday evening, two days before Carmel’s wedding, she could hardly credit that she was there at last. When the people of Letterkenny heard that Eve Duffy, no less, was away to England to see her daughter married, alone except for a nursing sister, and that her truculent bully of a husband had given her permission for this, they had been astounded. Many remembered the fine young man on Carmel’s arm from the previous autumn and most women at least could understand Eve wanting to be there on her eldest daughter’s big day and felt sympathetic towards her.

As many said, ‘The poor woman often doesn’t have the money to bless herself with, but that is hardly her fault and God knows she does her best.’ Women who had barely bid Eve the time of day after Mass, now shook her by the hand and wished her Godspeed. Some of the men too began to look at Dennis in a new light and said they were surprised at his decision, for all it was the right one as every girl wants her mother near on her wedding day.

Dennis, however, had just a hazy recall of that evening in the pub when he had made the declaration that he was allowing Eve to travel to England and, sure he had been tricked into it, he began to feel resentful. Usually Eve bore the brunt of his bad humour, but Sister Frances had guessed how Dennis might react and when she saw the stiff way Eve was holding herself four days before they were to leave, she brought her and Pauline to bide at the convent with the full approval of Siobhan.

A drunken Dennis, when he discovered Eve gone, and guessing where she had made for, had hightailed it down to the convent, roaring and carrying on until some of the townsfolk were alarmed enough to send for the guard. He told Dennis if he didn’t want to find himself behind bars he should head for home quickly, and escorted him to his own door to make sure he went.

Eve was glad of the respite and overwhelmed by the nun’s kindness and generosity when she had seen the clothes that Sister Frances had put by for her. She was also filled with relief that she wouldn’t let Carmel down, and pleasure that for once in her life she would wear something that didn’t look like a wash-rag. The trip to the hairdresser’s had been her first and she had been amazed at the difference a good cut and set made, so that she could barely recognise the woman staring back at her in the mirror.

Michael, who was travelling to Birmingham with his mother and had paid the fares for the both of them, was stunned too when he called down to see her the day before they were due to travel. He knew that, in a different life, married to a different man, his mother would
have blossomed and that she still was a very attractive woman.

‘You look wonderful,’ he said sincerely, kissing her on the cheek. ‘Beautiful, in fact.’

‘Don’t be codding on, Michael.’

‘I’m not,’ Michael declared. ‘Wait till our Carmel sees you and the competition she has. God, you’ll outshine the bride, so you will.’

Carmel, of course, had endorsed this, for she saw a different woman standing before her. It wasn’t just the smart coat, shoes and hairstyle—it was far more than that. She realised that it was an absence of fear that caused Eve’s eyes, so like Carmel’s own, to shine in her head at the delight of it all.

‘Mammy,’ she cried, ‘you look just terrific! A million dollars, so you do!’ She embraced her mother and knew she would be proud to have her there by her side at the wedding. Then she led her mother and brother to the waiting taxi. Michael was dropped off at the house to be looked after by Paul and Chris, who were getting ready for the stag night, and then the taxi headed back into town, for Carmel was also staying with Sister Frances and her mother at the convent until her wedding day.

Eve Duffy, in a costume of pale lilac with a toque hat of a slightly darker hue, and looking every inch the mother of the bride, helping Carmel dress for the most important day of her life so far.

‘I can’t tell you how happy I am for you, pet,’ Eve said, ‘for you are marrying for love. I see it shining from every part of you.’ She kissed Carmel and continued,
‘Go on, my darling daughter, love your man with all your heart and soul, and you will be able to conquer the world.’

‘Ah, Mammy, I love you,’ Carmel said brokenly. ‘I’m so glad you came over for the wedding and I hope heartily that you do not suffer for it.’

‘Don’t worry about me,’ Eve said airily. ‘Sure, aren’t I just grand? Concentrate on your own day today. And for goodness’ sake wipe your eyes before Sister Frances is on top of us and giving out at me for upsetting you.’

Less than fifteen minutes later, Carmel stood at the doorway of the church, with her brother, who looked as smart as paint himself and as proud as punch to be the one to lead his sister down the aisle.

‘All right?’ Michael asked.

‘More than all right. Much more,’ Carmel said fervently.

‘So if you are ready…’ Michael said. He proffered his arm and, with a little sigh of contentment, Carmel slipped hers inside his.

As they appeared in the door of the porch, Father Donahue gave the nod to the organist, the strains of the Wedding March filled the church and people got to their feet. Carmel recognised many and she was aware of some dabbing at their eyes, but her own were firmly fixed on Paul, who had left the front pew with Matthew beside him and now stood in front of the altar, leaving Jeff in the pew alone.

So, she thought, Paul’s mother hasn’t turned up.

She felt angry that the woman should snub her own son in that way. What was wrong with her? She wasn’t normal. However, Carmel couldn’t help a feeling of relief
that Emma would not be there to sneer at her or possibly using her vindictive, intimidating tactics on her mother, which could destroy her in seconds. But still, Emma was Paul’s mother and surely he was upset, if not devastated, by what she had done.

Carmel was nearly at the altar. She handed her bouquet to her weeping mother and relinquished Michael’s arm. Paul sneaked a look at her and she saw the deep, abiding love reflected in his dark blue eyes and she moved closer to him as the Nuptial Mass began.

Afterwards, they greeted everyone. There were a great many nurses, including, surprisingly, Aileen Roberts and her cronies, the last ones Carmel would have expected to attend, but Aileen could have told her that with Paul lost to her, she had her sights on a gorgeous new doctor, just started, that, now she was a qualified nurse, she was hoping to get to know a whole lot better. In fact she thought Carmel’s brother was quite a dish as well. It was a pity really that he was so young.

There was also the gaggle of girls that had surrounded Paul at the first and last party Carmel had attended in Paul’s home. Now that she was his wife and on his arm as a right, she had to be acknowledged too by these young women, and in this way she was greeted by them all, including Melissa, her younger sister and her father, Charlie.

There was no sign of the mother and all of a sudden it was all crystal clear to Carmel. The younger set, whether they’d hankered after Paul or not, thought he had a perfect right to marry anyone he chose and came along to the wedding to show him that. The Chisholms,
however, were personal friends of the Connollys, and while Charlie had come, probably to show solidarity with Jeff for making the stand, his wife, who quite possibly had plans of her own concerning Melissa and Paul, had sided with Emma and chosen to stay behind.

No one mentioned the absence of Emma, that’s what was so weird—as if it was quite normal for a mother not to go to her own son’s wedding. When Carmel tried to say something to Jeff, as he gave her a kiss and welcomed her to the family, he just said, ‘Emma is one on her own, my dear, and will probably live long enough to regret her behaviour this day, but you are not to let it spoil yours.’

And that was that.

There was no chance to have a quiet word with Paul, who had come to take her arm to lead the guests down to the Cross Keys, the Catholics glad to go, for they had all taken communion and so hadn’t been able to eat anything. Now they were more than ready for the food.

The meal was far more than just adequate, and the speech Matthew gave surprisingly witty, though it centred, of course, on the theme of another good man down, which was only to be expected. This was followed by a few words from Paul and then it was time to cut the cake, which had been supplied by the pub. Then everyone left the table so that the room could be cleared for dancing.

Looking back on that day later, Carmel remembered how her mother seemed to charm people so easily and Carmel saw that what she had dismissed as feebleness was in fact innate gentleness and goodness. Eve had asked at the first opportunity where Paul’s mother was
and she could scarcely believe that Emma had chosen not to go to the wedding she herself had risked all to attend. Sister Frances, who was beside her, could easily guess at what Eve was thinking, for she was shocked and surprised herself.

Jane and Sylvia also wanted to catch a glimpse of the old battle-axe, who had been so horrible and supercilious with Carmel, but they too were to be disappointed, though Carmel said they had the chance of seeing her at Lois’s do the following week. Emma would probably decide it was up-market enough for her to deign to attend.

‘I can’t understand Aunt Emma,’ Lois said. ‘I mean, she thinks the sun shines out of Paul.’

‘Well, that’s why, isn’t it?’ Sylvia said. ‘Doesn’t want anyone else to have him.’

‘Oh, there are some she wouldn’t have minded so much,’ Carmel said, indicating Melissa standing beside her father and sister on the other side of the room.

Jane and Sylvia took a good look at the girl and then Jane remarked, ‘She’s all right, I suppose. Pretty enough, or would be if she didn’t have such a pout on her, but she doesn’t hold a candle to you.’

Carmel smiled. ‘Give over, you.’

Suddenly Lois, who had seen her father detach himself from Sister Frances, to whom he had been talking, said, ‘Come and talk to Daddy. He’s free now.’

Carmel had met James Baker many times before when he had called to collect Lois and, of course, she had seen him over the business of the furniture, but she hadn’t actually met him to talk to and she found him to be a charming man. He kissed her cheek and told her how lovely she looked and how much he had enjoyed the wed
ding, and hoped the one he had planned for the following week would be half as good.

However, it was plain the man loved his daughter so very, very much. Carmel thought she would have given her eye teeth for her father to look at her like that just the once.

She suddenly needed Paul, needed his presence beside her and his arm around her, and she turned away to look for him and came face to face with Matthew, whom she had seen nothing of since the business at the party on New Year’s Eve, which she had told no one about, and her insides began jumping in nervousness as he said, ‘Have I done anything to upset or offend you?’

‘I shouldn’t think you need to ask that,’ Carmel said, her voice clipped. ‘After that business the last time we met.’

‘I was drunk for God’s sake,’ Matthew said. ‘Are you going to hold that against me always? I mean you haven’t really spoken to me at all today.’

‘Can you wonder at it?’ Carmel snapped. ‘Maybe I am choosy who I speak to. Anyway,’ she continued with a dismissive wave of her hand, ‘I have been busy. There were other guests to see to.’

‘What if I said that I learnt my lesson?’ Matthew said. ‘I’m sure that Paul would like it if we could become more friendly. ‘We have always been close Paul and I.’

Carmel didn’t know how close the brothers really were, but though Paul could get irritated with Matthew, he had told Carmel often that he had always felt sorry for the fact that his mother had never had any time for him. She also knew that from that day, like it or not, Matthew was part of her family and that being so, she knew there would have to be occasions when they would have to meet. Maybe
today was as good as any to put that drunken assault behind her. ‘All right’ she said to Matthew with a shrug, ‘What do you want me to say?

‘I don’t want you to say anything. I just want you to prove you like me a little by dancing with me.’

It was the last thing Carmel expected Matthew to say after the previous time and she was taken aback. ‘Oh, but I was looking for Paul,’ she said.

‘You will have a lifetime with Paul,’ Matthew said. ‘You don’t mind, do you, brov?’ he said as Paul came forward to lead his wife on to the floor to start the dancing.

Paul did mind. In fact, he minded very much. It was his place and his right to lead the dancing, but then he remembered the scraps of attention Matthew had survived on and he had also heard his brother’s last comment and knew he was right. He had a lifetime with Carmel and so he gave a shrug and said, ‘If you like, but don’t keep her away too long.’

It was unfortunate that it was a waltz, giving Matthew the excuse to hold Carmel so tight against him that even through her dress and petticoats she could feel every bit of him and when she felt the hardness of him she knew she had been right to be nervous of this man.

‘Have you noticed our dear mama’s absence?’ he said into her ear.

‘Of course,’ Carmel snapped, sharper than she intended. ‘I am not blind.’

Matthew chuckled. ‘I expected Paul to be more cut up than he is. They were so close, him and Mother, I used to wonder if the umbilical chord had been properly severed, but you have hacked through it successfully.’

‘I had no wish to alienate Paul from his mother.’

‘Well, you have done it, whatever you intended,’ Matthew said flatly. ‘That’s why dear Mama hates your guts. You are in good company, for she doesn’t much care for me either.’

‘I don’t want to carry on with this conversation,’ Carmel said stiffly. ‘And can you please get your hands off my bottom?’

‘Don’t tell me you don’t enjoy it?’ Matthew said, moving his hands in a caressing movement. ‘I bet Paul has done this any number of times and reduced you to jelly.’

Carmel had the urge to stamp on Matthew’s toes hard or to swing out of his arms, though he held her so tight she doubted she could do that without making a scene. Then she risked breaking up any relationship Paul and Matthew had and she would hate to do that, especially as she had already successfully alienated him from his mother. Anyway, she knew, human nature being what it was, if she instigated a scene now, it was all anyone would remember of the day and Melissa and her ilk would lose no time is telling Emma just how awful the wedding had been.