T.J. Klune - Bear, Otter, and the Kid 1 - Bear, Otter, and the Kid (7 page)
back into the living room, feeling more tired than Id ever felt in my life. Anna rose immediately and wrapped her arms around me, squeezing me to the point where I couldnt breathe. I left my arms at my side. I couldnt give her what she wanted. Not right then.
She must have felt it, too, because she pulled away and looked at me. I could see that she had been crying and part of me was annoyed by that. After all, what did
she
have to cry about?
She
just didnt get screwed over.
She
didnt have to worry about her future.
She
didnt have to worry about how she was going to take care of a fucking little kid. Right then, I am ashamed to say, I didnt want to be with her anymore. I wanted her to go away and not come back. After all, wasnt that what everyone of any importance was doing now anyway? I tried to check myself before this came welling out, but she could see the anger on my face, and she flinched. Some small part of me hoped that she knew it wasnt directed at her, not really. But only a small part.
“No,” I said. “We arent going to talk about this in here. I dont want to wake him up.” With that, I turned and headed for the kitchen, knowing they were exchanging looks behind my back as they followed.
I sat down at the table and waited until they had too. Anna still looked upset and stared off toward the living room, and Creed was looking down at his hands. Only Otter looked at me, so I focused on him.
Anna looked bewildered. “Bear, you cant be serious! Of course you have to find her! What the hell else are you going to do? You cant take care of Ty by yourself! You cant let her get away with this!”
“What the hell else am I supposed to do?” I asked her, anger filling my voice. “What do you think would happen if I found her? Drag her ass back here? How long do you think it would take for her to leave again? Or maybe you think I could just leave Ty with her! Leave Ty with her and go on my merry fucking way. How long do you think it would take before she dumped him somewhere else?” Anna started to cry again, and I felt bad, but not so bad that I would retract what I was saying or change my mind.
“Bear,” Creed said gently, “what about school? You cant go to school and work like you planned to do and be able to take care of the Kid. Theres not enough time in the world for that.”
“I know,” I said, trying my damnedest to keep the bitterness out of my voice. “Thats why Im not going.”
“Oh, Bear,” Anna said, clutching her face.
“Dont give me that,” I snapped. “Its not like this is your problem.” “What the hell are you talking about?” Creed hissed at me. “This is our
problem as much as it is yours. I love that kid as much as you do, so dont spout that line of bullshit to me.”
“Bear, at least we should call the police or
something
,” Anna sobbed.
“
No.
No police. What do you think would happen if they were called? Do you really think they would let Ty stay with me? Of course not! Think about it for one goddamned second. They would take him away quicker than you could blink and drop him with some social worker or a foster home. I wont let that happen to him. Now, I cant stop you from telling your parents,” I said, warning them. “They would probably figure it out at some point anyway. But I swear to God if any of them call the cops or do anything to find her, Ill take Ty and well go someplace else, and you will never see either of us again.”
Anna and Creed stared at me in disbelief. I wouldnt look at Otter for some reason. I wonder now if it was because I was scared that he was thinking bad things about me, and I didnt want to see it written all over his face. I dont know why.
Creed sighed and rubbed his hands through his hair. “Well, if theres one good thing about this, at least my family has a whole shitload of disposable income.”
I shook my head. “I dont want your money, Creed.” With that, the whole table erupted.
I know what youre thinking: Bear, youre an asshole. But lets see you be seventeen and decide to give up your whole future. Lets see you realize that you cant depend on anyone because sooner or later, they all leave. I know it wasnt fair that I immediately distrusted everyone around me, but I didnt know what else to do. My pride was the only thing I really had left that was
mine
, and I would be damned if they took that from me too. You also have to understand that that was a while ago, remember? Things are a little bit different now.
But at the time, it was still all too fresh in my mind.
Creed and Anna kept trying to talk over each other, protesting everything I had said, until I heard Otter say, “Everyone out.
Now
.” I had only seen Otter truly pissed off once or twice, and it had never been directed toward me. But when Otter got mad, everyone else got scared. He was a big guy, even then, but he never really yelled. There was, however, this quiet anger that he had that could make you quake in your shoes. Anna and Creed heard the tone in his voice and ceased immediately.
“Out,” he repeated.
Whatever
, I thought as I stood. I needed to go check on Ty.
“Not you, Bear. You sit down.”
Yes, sir
, I thought meekly, feeling strangely like a child about to be punished.
Anna and Creed looked back and forth between me and Otter and must not have liked what they saw because they left very quickly. Once again, I didnt dare look at Otter because I was scared what I would see, but not so scared to the point where Id change my mind about what I was deciding to do. If Otter was going to try to convince me otherwise, then he could go to hell. I didnt care
how
mad he got. Let him tear the world apart for all I cared. I knew what I had to do.
“Now you listen to me and you listen good,” he said, his voice level and stern. “I know this situation sucks. I cant even begin to know what it feels like, but I can at least imagine. What I
can’t
imagine, is how you can sit there and try to drive everyone else away. We are only trying to help, and this would go a lot smoother if you just let us.”
“But—” I protested.
Otter cut me off. “Bear,
shut up.
” I glared at him, and he didnt avert his eyes. When he was sure I wasnt going to try and speak again, he continued. “This happened to you, yes, and it happened to Ty. But if you think that it doesnt affect anyone else, you need to guess again. Why do you think were here now if we didnt want to help?” I opened my mouth to speak until he growled, “That was a rhetorical question. Now, youre going to let us help you, let us be there for you, and if I hear any more of this „on my own bullshit youre spewing, I will not hesitate to knock you down a few pegs myself. Do you understand?”
I nodded weakly.
“Good. Now, are you sure you dont want to call the police? And that you dont want to try and look for her?”
I thought for a moment, then shrugged. He seemed to take that as a no, because he knew thats what I really meant.
He sighed. “This is such a shit storm, Bear. You know its going to get a hell of a lot harder before it gets any easier. I dont know whether to hug you or throttle you.”
I smiled at this, though it felt foreign on my face.
He continued. “So you know we have to tell Mom and Dad about this, and I know that Anna will do the same. I promise to do my best to make sure that this doesnt spread too far but the only way thats going to happen is if you let people help you. And I swear to God, if you even think of taking off with Ty, I will hunt you down myself and drag you back here. Youll be locked in a room until the Kid is old enough to make decisions for himself. Only then would I consider letting you go. Do we understand each other?”
I didnt move, didnt say anything.
He had a pained expression on his face, and he reached out and grabbed my good hand. “Bear, you have to promise me well work this out.
Together.
Were not moving from this spot until you promise me.”
I didnt know what to say to Otter. No one had ever talked to me like that before, and I was angry and hurt. Subdued. But for a moment there, didnt I feel like I was worth something? Didnt the weight of his hand, the words he had spoken, make me feel warm? I felt the heat rise to my face, and I looked down at our hands, and felt another tear slip from my eye.
What is going on?
I thought frantically.
“Bear?”
“I promise,” I said, my voice breaking, and he leapt up from the table and pulled me to him again. He crushed me into him, and I wanted to crawl inside of him and disappear. I tried to make myself smaller as he rocked me back and forth saying, “I know. I know. I know.”
And I believed him.
I finally felt okay enough to let Otter go, he put his arm around my shoulders and walked me back out into the living room. Anna and Creed sat where we had before, whispering back and forth. They heard us entering and stopped in mid-sentence. I tried not to think about what they had been saying, knowing I would probably get mad again, and then Otter would go for round two. He dropped his arm from my shoulders and stood next to me, waiting for me to speak.
“Im… sorry,” I said, looking down at the floor. I didnt know what else to say.
Otter took that as his cue. “Bear has had a change of heart. He knows were only looking out for him. But this only goes as far as it needs to. I dont know how were going to keep a lid on this forever, but well have to do our best while we can.”
Creed nodded and Anna stood. She walked over to me and grabbed my hand and started pulling me toward her room. I started to beg off, but Otter pushed me away, telling me he would keep an eye out on Ty. I looked back into his eyes and saw something there, something I couldnt quite make out. He caught me watching him and smiled that Otter smile. Then I was around the corner, and he vanished from my sight.
Anna didnt speak as she pulled me into the doorway of her room. She made sure I was through and shut the door behind us. She turned off the lights and began to take off my clothes. I knew what she was doing, and I didnt want to stop her. I needed to feel close to someone right then, feel them hold me, feel their heart against mine. For just a few moments, I needed to forget about the aches, forget about the future, forget about the past. If this was going to be my last moment of freedom, I knew I needed to let it all out of me. As I entered her, I saw stars exploding all around me, and they were bright, and they were loud.
But there was still something nagging at back of my mind. Something about
him
.
of hours later, Anna lay asleep beside me, curled up into a ball at my shoulder. I couldnt sleep. The weight of the world had fallen back against my shoulders, and I wasnt able to push it away to let sleep come. I grew restless and, moving so as not to wake up my girlfriend, I pushed myself out of the bed and closed the door behind me.
The house was dark, and I bumped my way into the living room. I didnt see anyone there except for Ty, who was illuminated by the moonlight pouring in softly from the window. I thought that Otter and Creed had gone home, and I couldnt help but feel slightly disappointed. I told myself it was because I was hoping that they were as awake as I was. I hoped that at least Otter was still—
I heard a chuckle from off to my left. I looked over and saw him sitting on the ground, his back to the wall. “Feel any better?” he asked me.
I shrugged and went over and sat on the floor next to Ty. I pushed away a lock of hair that had fallen onto his face. I knew, like I had just had, that this was going to be his last bit of innocence. When he woke up, there would be questions, questions I still didnt know the answer to. I hadnt heard Otter move, but the next time he spoke, it came from right beside me.
“Hes a good kid,” he said. “Youll do right by him. Ive known you since you were almost his age, and you turned out okay, and you didnt have anyone like he does.”
“I had Creed and your parents. I had Anna.” I paused, considering. “I had you.”
I heard him laugh again. “Yeah, I guess you did. And you turned out okay despite even that.”
“Wheres Creed?”
“He went to sleep in the guest room. Apparently he cant sleep on the floor even for one damn night.”
“Why arent you sleeping?”
I felt him shrug as he was now sitting down next to me. “I told you I would watch him. I meant it.”
I bumped my shoulder into him. “Thanks.”
He bumped me back. “Youre welcome.”
We sat there for a while, listening to Tys breathing, not saying anything. I finally felt myself growing tired, and Otter saw my head nod and told me to go back to bed. He would stay out there tonight. I shook my head.
“I shouldnt,” I said. “I need to be here when Ty wakes up. If this is going to happen tomorrow like I think it is, then he needs to see me right away.”
“Okay, Bear. Do you know where Anna keeps any pillows or extra blankets?”
“In the hall closet.”
I heard him get up and walk away. I looked back at Ty, and my heart sank yet again. In a few hours, he would be awake. In a few hours, I was going to have to explain to my little brother what if felt like to have to grow up way before he was supposed to. I tried rehearsing what I was going to say, trying to imagine if he would even understand. But in the end, I was no further than where I started.
Otter came back, his arms full of bedding. He made me get up and spread the blanket next to the couch. He threw down the pillows, and I collapsed onto the ground, feeling my body shutting down. I laid on my back staring up at the ceiling, still able to see the Kids fingers as his hand dangled off the side of the couch. Otter stood where he had before, seeming unsure what to do.
“Are you gonna lay down or stand watch all night?” I asked, suddenly amused.
He appeared to hesitate for a moment, then lay next to me, a few feet away from me. We lay silent.
Then, “Otter?”
“Yeah?”
“Thanks.”
“For what?”
“You know, for what you said. For being here.” “Sure, Bear.” His hand brushed mine.
I was almost asleep when, “Bear?”
“Yeah?”
“Happy birthday.”
Then I was gone, a smile starting to form on my face.