Throw Away Teen (11 page)

He shrugged one wide shoulder. “You look fine. Let’s go.”

“
But I don’t want to embarrass Dallas.”

“
Dallas has the dinner shift at Mickey D’s. I saw Jocelyn’s and Zach’s car. Come on. Let’s get out of here before she starts fawning over me and he talks me through last week’s ball game, pitch by pitch.”

I laughed. “I thought I was the only one who couldn’t stand them.”

“
You’ll have to join the club,” he said shaking his head.

“
We’ll work that out in a few days,” Liz said as she came into the room. She passed me her phone. “We’ll see about getting one for you later. Thanks for being so good with Chance, B.J.”

“
She’s cute,” I said, “and I don’t mind if she plays with Guard sometimes.”

“
She’s little so you’ll have to watch her,” Liz told me. “We want her to treat him in an appropriate manner and not undo his training.”

“
Right.” I tucked her phone in my pocket. Then I strapped Guard into his harness. He actually stood still while I clipped on the leash. I glanced over my shoulder and saw Liz biting her lip. She looked like she was headed into battle. Brave, determined, and yet sad at the same time. I felt sorry for her. I was leaving with my puppy and Ringo and she was stuck going back to the dining room with her spoiled brat daughter.

I passed the leash to Ringo and hurried across the room. Quick, before I changed my mind, I hugged Liz. Then, I was out the door with Guard. Ringo said that his mom had the night off, so she’d loaned him her old Malibu. He’d have to wash it and vac it out before she went off to sell real-estate on Monday. Gawd, what was with these people and car-washing? They
so
needed to get lives.

Ringo’s little white dog looked like the one from
Men In Black
. His name was Fritz and surprisingly he was nice to Guard, better than the pom-a-poops. We took a back road to Snohomish, past farms and fields of grazing horses and cows. Before we reached the town, Ringo pulled off into a parking lot and stopped next to a horse trailer.

I waited till he clipped a leash on Fritz’s harness. Then, I lifted Guard out of the car. He rewarded me with puppy kisses. He was as happy as I was to be out of that house, breathing in sweet spring air. We strolled down the paved pathway, Ringo’s dog trotting on the lead while I carried Guard. He snuggled close, his head pressed against my shoulder.

“
I owe you,” I finally said. “If I’d had to stay there, I’d have totally freaked.”

“
Why?” Ringo asked. “I know she pisses me off, but what did Jocelyn do to you?”

“
Oh my Gawd,” I said. “What didn’t she do? And it was all so petty.”

“
That’s Jocelyn,” Ringo told me.

I had to laugh, the load lifting off me just like that. My patience restored, I put Guard down and coaxed him to walk with us. We walked together for an hour and then went back to the car. Ringo didn’t try to hold my hand or touch me or kiss me, so it didn’t really feel like a date. He was just nice. And I so needed to be with somebody nice tonight.

***

When I got back, Liz reheated my spaghetti in the microwave and I ate dinner. They waited until I was done before we all had dessert. I was halfway through my pecan pie when Liz said, “B.J., Ted and I want you to stay with us permanently and not return to the center tomorrow. You know we want to adopt you.”

“
Why would you want to adopt some strange kid? You don’t know anything about me.” I couldn’t look at her. I stared at my pecan pie and watched the vanilla ice-cream on it melt. “I’m not a good kid, not like Dallas or Sarah. I was five the first time I got arrested.”

“
We know you’ve had a tough past.” Ted didn’t sound mad or upset. “Still, Liz and I want you with us. But we can’t force you to stay. It has to be your decision. It’s your choice since you’re the one who has to deal with the consequences. Your life will be different here than it is in Seattle.”

Was he serious? He couldn’t be. Kids never had choices, especially when it came to foster homes. “Carol says I have to stay.”

“
You don’t have to stay if it isn’t right for you.” Liz leaned across to gently touch my shoulder. “It’s up to you, honey. If you decide this isn’t the right place for you, we’ll be sad and we’ll miss you, but like Ted says, this has to be your decision. We care about you and want you to be happy. Just leave Carol to us.”

How could Liz say something so stupid? I stared at her and Ted. It didn’t matter if they said something to Carol; it wouldn’t stop her or Herphy Murphy from hassling me. True, neither one of them could force me to stay in a foster home if I didn’t want to, but they could still make my life a living hell for not playing by their rules. If I ran away, there would be consequences. I might even end up in the boot camp my guardian-ad-litem talked about.

I shoved back my chair and belted upstairs to my room, slamming the door behind me. I ran across the room and threw myself on the bed. I would’ve cried, but I knew tears didn’t solve anything. I buried my face in the pillow. What was I going to do?

I had to go back to the center. I knew that better than anyone. No matter what Liz and Ted said, that was where I belonged. With all the other rejects. They didn’t want me. Not really. How could they? They barely knew me. Granted, they hadn’t yelled or hit me, but this was only the first weekend. Wait until I’d been here a while and really screwed up.

I swallowed the lump in my throat and slowly sat up, my arms wrapped around the pillow. And what about school? I always sucked at it, no matter how hard I tried, and it seemed like I spent more time in detention than in class. The teachers loved to nail me for everything; talking in class, not turning in my homework, skipping class, and even things I didn’t do.

The Academy Liz and Ted planned to send me to sounded worse than the public schools I’d attended. What would happen when I couldn’t meet their standards or got in fights with the stupid rich kids?

I had to face the truth. I was a screw-up and I belonged with the other screw ups at Evergreen.

Liz wouldn’t like the B.J. who was constantly in the principal’s office. There would be other rules and I was bound to break them as well. I’d been in enough foster homes to know I always screwed up. It didn’t matter how hard I tried, I knew I wasn’t perfect.

And when I did mess things up here, what if they took Guard away from me? How was I supposed to deal with that? The little furball needed me and in a strange sort of way I needed him. He was safe to hug and lug around.

What if I went somewhere and came back and he was gone? Then, what would I do? How could I find him again? I’d only known him for a couple days, and I already cared about him. If I had him for a week, or a month, or a year, I’d really become attached to him. I knew the truth about love. It made a person weak. If I learned to care for Guard for keeps, it’d break my heart to lose him. I’d want to die.

I had to go back to the center. Otherwise, I’d become someone I didn’t know. Someone weak. And the weak ones never lasted very long.

I remembered an old movie I’d seen where a girl was swept away in a tornado and ended up in a strange place. Stewart Falls was like that, like
Oz
. Ted and Liz belonged here, but I didn’t. I needed to get back to my black and white world and leave all the colors they’d shown me behind. I hugged the pillow tighter and wished I remembered how to cry.

For a little while, I’d pretended I really did have choices, even though I knew I didn’t. There was no place for me—not here, not anywhere. I huddled on the bed and tried to think, but my brain kept whirling. Even if I really did have choices, they always had consequences, and I usually hated them.

If I chose to stay here and history repeated itself, I could always run away. I’d leave the house and hitch a ride to wherever I wanted to go. And I could take Guard with me.

It seemed like I’d been sitting there forever when I heard somebody at the door. I stiffened. Had Liz or Ted come to find out my decision? Another sound came, a scratch and whine, followed by a whimper.

I got up and went to let in the dogs. I scooped up Guard and he licked my face.

“
What am I supposed to do?” I asked him.

***

The next morning I got up and dressed in the ragged shorts that barely covered my rear and the tight scummy crop-top I’d worn on Friday. I debated about not wearing a bra and decided I could only go so far to look like a skank. I shoved my feet into holey shoes and didn’t bother to tie the laces. I also didn’t waste any extra time in the bathroom combing my hair. I left it tangled and nasty.

Out of habit, I brushed my teeth. Looking around the bathroom, I noticed I hadn’t used any of the fluffy new blue or yellow towels that Liz said were mine. I also hadn’t showered once the entire weekend. How could I? There wasn’t a lock on the door and I knew better than to get naked with a guy in the house—even an old guy like Ted.

I went back in the bedroom. Should I make the bed or not? Guard-dog still slept on the comforter with his head on my pillow. Samson and Delilah were long gone, along with Bull and Fifi. They must’ve headed downstairs when they heard Liz and Ted. I shrugged then stomped out of the room and down the hall. I’d pack later.

Behind me, Guard yelped. He thumped off the bed to follow me. This time I didn’t wait for him. He had to get used to me not being there to look out for him. I couldn’t have him at the center back in Seattle. They never allowed pets. If a kid was stupid enough to bring in a stray kitten or puppy, it went to the nearest animal shelter where it got whacked. I always figured the caseworkers wouldn’t mind if the same thing happened to us. They probably wished they could dump us off there, too. It would make their lives easier and nobody cared, not really.

Maybe, Liz and Ted wanted me last night, but it didn’t mean they still wanted me this morning after the fit I’d thrown. When I stomped into the kitchen, everything looked the same. Ted sat in his favorite chair, reading the war news to Liz. She was at the stove, laying strips of bacon in a pan. I didn’t offer to help with the meal today. Instead, I slumped into a chair across from Ted.

Ted looked up from the paper to greet me. “Good morning, B.J.”

“What’s so good about it?” I demanded right back in my snottiest tone.

“The sun is shining. It’s a beautiful spring day.” Liz shot me a sharp look. “Now, what’s your problem, young lady?”

Wow, she sure didn’t hold back. I’d never heard a caseworker or shrink talk so straight.

“I have to go back to Evergreen today.”

“No, you don’t.” Ted shuffled the pages of the paper. “If you want to stay, you can. If you want to go back, you can do that, too. You have choices, B.J., but
you
have to make them. Now, take your puppy outside before he wets on the floor and you have to mop up behind him.”

I glanced down at Guard. He hadn’t piddled yet, but he was hurrying for the back door. I got up to follow him. Liz kept frying bacon. The smell filled the kitchen. She hadn’t said anything.

Was Ted right? Could I really stay? Was it honestly up to me?

This was the best place I’d ever been and I wasn’t saying it just because I liked the food and having my own room. I liked Liz and Ted, too, even if I wasn’t a hundred percent sure I trusted them.

Stopping at the back door, I asked, “Can I really stay, Liz?”

“I want you to.” Liz turned the bacon. “Ted wants you to. Guard wants you to. I guess you better make a decision, B.J. Are you staying or going? Why don’t you take your puppy outside and think things over while I finish breakfast?”

“I’m not sure, but I’d like to try a longer stay before making my final decision.”

They both looked at me and then at each other. After what seemed like forever, Ted nodded. “Shall we try it until school gets out in June?”

“That’s like eight weeks,” I said. “I don’t know if I can handle being here that long. I’ll screw up.”

“Undoubtedly,” Liz said. “It’s what humans do, but we muddle through somehow. If Ted wanted a perfect wife, he wouldn’t have married me forty-one years ago.”

“Same goes if you wanted a perfect husband,” Ted said. “It’s okay to make mistakes. That’s how we learn and grow. So, if you can put up with us when we make mistakes, we’ll do the same, B.J.”

I shook my head. “You guys really are weird. Okay, let’s try it for eight weeks.” And I took Guard outside before he had an accident.

***

After breakfast, I called Carol and told her I’d be returning to the center for my other belongings. Liz and Ted would bring me down after he got off work. I knew Carol was happy, even if she didn’t say it. I wasn’t sure if she’d give me a straight answer, but I asked anyway. “Aren’t you going to say, ‘I told you so’?”

“No. But Gabe will probably have a fit. He wanted to call you a half-dozen times and he was really steamed because I wouldn’t give him the number.”

“He’s gonna be pissed all right.” I could already imagine Gabe in one of his rages. He would no doubt chew me into little bits when I saw him later.

“I’ll see you tonight, B.J.” Carol hung up.

I bent and rubbed Guard behind his ears. At least, the puppy wasn’t ticked because I’d been nasty this morning. He loved me regardless, which was completely new to me.

The rest of the day wasn’t that different from the weekend. Liz said I’d have to go to school, but as the arrangements weren’t made yet, we cleaned the house instead. Liz offered to do my laundry, so I went upstairs to bring it down for her. Since Ted was at work, I seized the opportunity to use the shower and wash my hair. The hot water lasted forever and there were brand new bottles of shampoo and conditioner. Guard sat outside the tub and chewed on a stuffed teddy bear that Liz had given him.

I toweled off and changed my clothes for sloppy jeans and a loose T-shirt. I was a lot more comfortable. When I looked around the bathroom, I found a new blow dryer—still in the box. I took it out and used it, figuring Liz must’ve gotten it for me. Then, I gathered up the towels I used along with my dirty clothes and headed back downstairs.