Through the Night (29 page)

She dragged her fingers through her sleep-disheveled hair and released a deep breath. “Let me get dressed, please, and then I’ll explain.”

He hesitated, and she knew he believed she was trying to avoid the discussion. His lips flattened into a thin line, and though he looked like he wanted to argue, he ultimately relented. “Fine. Get dressed and I’ll meet you in the kitchen. But we’re not done with this conversation.”

Since they’d yet to get their bags from the car, she grabbed the clothes Chase had stripped off her last night and retreated into the bathroom, knowing her respite was going to be short-lived. After changing into her jeans and sweater, she washed her face, then brushed her hair and scrubbed her teeth with a new toothbrush and toothpaste she found in the cabinet.

When she knew she couldn’t put off the inevitable any longer, she straightened her shoulders and headed into the kitchen, where Chase was waiting for her. Fresh coffee was already brewing, and at some point during the night the storm had passed and cheery sunlight spilled into the room.

The man himself didn’t look so cheerful, though. His expression was pensive as he leaned against the counter, and while she wore her clothing like a barrier, the only thing he’d donned was a pair of jeans that rode deliciously low on his lean hips. His chest was magnificently, gorgeously bare, and far too distracting.

She headed straight for the coffee and poured herself a cup of caffeine. After adding cream and sugar, she took a seat at the small table across from where Chase was standing and took a sip of the strong brew.

Chase watched Valerie, knowing she was stalling while he wanted to get this conversation out in the open and over with. After everything they’d been through together over the past week, he’d learned enough about her to gauge her moods and demeanor, and she was retreating from him fast—all because of a dream that might, or might not, come true.

His gut was in a tight knot, because with each moment that passed he could feel her slipping through his fingers, pulling back, withdrawing to that safe place where she didn’t have to feel. And while the fear and anxiety in her eyes were real, he couldn’t alleviate her doubts and concerns until he knew exactly what he was up against, which appeared to be directly related to her past.

“Your reprieve is over, sweetheart,” he said, giving her a pointed look. “And now you have some explaining to do over that comment you made about being unable to watch another person you care about die.”

She took another drink of her coffee, then spoke. “My parents were the first,” she said, her voice filled with pain that had been dulled over the years, but obviously still had a profound effect on her. “Around the age of five, I started having light psychic flashes, but at the time I had no idea what they were or what they meant. I was so young, and I found it all very confusing, and I never told my mother or father that I was seeing things that came true, because I didn’t know how to explain something I didn’t understand.”

She wrapped her hands around her coffee mug, as if needing to absorb the warmth seeping into her palms. “One night my parents were going out to dinner, and when my mother gave me a hug good-bye, I flashed on a vision of them in a fiery car crash and felt the sensation of them dying. It scared me so badly, and I didn’t say anything to my mother because I thought it was just my imagination. But when I woke up the next morning my aunt and uncle were at the house, and they were the ones who told me that my parents were killed in a car accident.”

Oh, hell.
Chase could only imagine how devastated she’d been as a young child. It was terrible enough that she’d lost her parents, but that pain and grief had undoubtedly been compounded by the fact that she’d seen the collision in her mind before it even happened. “I’m so sorry, Valerie,” he said, his voice low and sympathetic.

“I’m more sorry that I didn’t tell my mother what I’d seen,” she replied, the guilt etching her features speaking louder than any words could. “Maybe if I had, they’d still be alive today.”

She looked so broken and torn, and it took everything in him not to go to her and pull her into his arms and offer her the comfort of his embrace. But she had those walls up, and for right now he was better off staying right where he was. “You can’t blame yourself for what happened to your parents,” he said softly.

“Just like you don’t blame yourself for what happened to your best friend?” She arched a brow, calling him out on his attempt to appease her conscience, especially when she knew he carried his own regrets about the lightning strike that had killed Doug and given him his psychometric abilities.

Yeah, he understood exactly how it felt to be encumbered by those kinds of emotional burdens, how anger and sorrow could compel a person to react in severe and desperate ways in order to cope with such a senseless loss. Valerie had kept her feelings locked up tight and avoided intimate relationships, while Chase had taken his guilt of surviving to the extreme, indifferent to whether he lost his own life in the process.

He was beginning to care. A whole lot. And she was the reason.

“I’ll always feel directly responsible for my parents’ death,” she went on before he had a chance to say anything. “How can I not when I could have saved their lives? I’ve spent most of my life asking myself that dreaded what-if question, but I’ll never know what could have been. And I swore that if I ever flashed on something like that again, I’d tell the person what I saw. And of course, it did happen again.”

He didn’t ask the obvious question that would prompt her to share, just crossed his arms loosely over his chest and waited quietly for her to continue, knowing she would.

“The second time I had visions of someone’s death, it was a coworker,” she said, staring into the depths of her coffee cup, her voice flat and monotone. “I was nineteen at the time and was working as a receptionist at a construction firm. A lot of times the men who worked out in the field stopped by the office at the end of the day to turn in time sheets and invoices, and there was one young guy in particular who would always stop by my desk and flirt with me.”

Lifting her gaze back up, she knitted her brows over eyes that appeared vacant, as if she was trying to keep herself far removed from the pain that colored her past. “His name was Owen, and he was always asking me to go out on a date with him, and I’d always, very nicely, turn him down. One day, he was in a playful mood, and he picked up my hand and I immediately flashed on him skiing, then hitting a tree and dying. He had no idea I was clairvoyant, so I casually asked him if he skied, and he told me he was going on a ski trip that coming weekend with some friends and invited me to go with them.”

Her lips compressed into a grim line. “I told him not to go, and I explained that I was psychic and told him what I’d just seen. Of course, he didn’t believe me and thought it was all a big joke and ignored my warning. In fact, he told most of the office about my ‘prediction,’ and everyone had a good laugh over it, and me. It was awful, but more than that, I felt helpless because there was nothing I could do to convince him that I wasn’t some charlatan messing with his head.”

Chase knew exactly how this story would end, and while it would be easy to stop Valerie from having to dig up the unpleasant details of the past, he realized that in order for them to have any kind of chance at a future together, she had to release everything she’d suppressed for so long, and hopefully face the fact that she had no control over the choices other people made with their lives.

“He went on the trip, and he and a few of his friends decided to go on one of those extreme skiing expeditions where a helicopter drops you off at the top of a mountain.” She swallowed hard, her voice dropping to a low, husky pitch as she continued. “Owen lost control because of his speed and slammed into a tree. He died instantly.”

Chase groaned. “Again, what happened to Owen is not your fault,” he said, doing his best to make Valerie see reason, even as he watched her raise those protective walls a little higher. “He made the choice to go on that ski trip, even after your warning. There was nothing else you could do.”

She stood and walked over to the sink and rinsed out her coffee mug, her body stiff with a palpable tension. “And for the rest of my life, I’m left agonizing over the situation, as well as knowing if he’d only listened to me and stayed behind, he’d be alive today.”

Chase jammed his hands on his hips, his own frustration mounting. “Maybe. Or maybe not. But you are
not
responsible for someone else’s actions or decisions.”

“And what about my vision of you getting shot and bleeding to death?” she asked as bitter anger and an icy shade of fear clashed in the depths of her gaze. “What am I supposed to do with
that
?”

“There’s nothing you can do,” he argued, his tone just as heated. “You don’t know the time or the place or the circumstances, and if you did know specifics, I could make decisions or changes based on those facts. Trust me, I’m not dismissing what you saw, but I can’t secure myself in Bubble Wrap, and I can’t stop living my life.”

“And I can’t be with you, knowing what’s going to happen. I can’t take that kind of all-consuming pain and loss again.” Tears turned her eyes glassy, but she valiantly blinked them back, refusing to be vulnerable in front of him. “You’re reckless. You’ve admitted that you like the rush of adrenaline you get when you do something risky or dangerous. If anything happened to you…” She shook her head, cutting off whatever else she was going to say, but there was no denying the depth of emotion for him in her gaze. “
This
is why I don’t let people get close and why I haven’t had a relationship in years. You and I have this strong connection, and I feel way too much with you.”

The last part was said in an aching whisper that grabbed at his heart. They were standing only a few feet apart, and he reached out to gently grab her arm, and she instinctively flinched away, as if afraid of what she might envision if he touched her.

Her adverse reaction after how intimate they’d been with each other the past week cut him to the quick. He dropped his hand back down to his side and exhaled a heavy breath. “
Feeling
is not a bad thing, Valerie.”

She lifted her chin, trying to be tough and strong when she didn’t have to be any of those things with him. “It is when I see things I can’t control.”

“Every minute of every day, something could happen to me. Or you,” he said softly but very directly. “If there is one thing I’ve learned, it’s that life does not come with guarantees.
Ever.
And you can’t avoid everything that feels good because of what
might
happen.”

Chase knew this was his one last chance to get through to Valerie, and everything came pouring out in one last desperate effort to make her see what she was potentially walking away from. “If you don’t
feel,
then you’re not really living. You deserve everything our relationship has to offer without constantly worrying if something is going to happen to the person you care about. Because the truth is, with or without those visions, we’re all going to die someday. Wouldn’t you rather have the great memories of being with someone, rather than living your life alone and isolating yourself because you’re afraid of feeling real emotion?”

Her eyes were wide as she stared at him, and yeah, he was being brutally honest and shaking up her neat and orderly world, but this was about convincing the woman he’d fallen in love with to take a chance on him, on them, and trusting him enough to know that he’d never deliberately hurt her.

He was done being stupid and reckless and playing Russian roulette with his life. Because now he had something to live for. A reason to wake up in the morning because she gave him a sense of purpose and gave him a natural high that no other adrenaline rush had ever compared to. The woman standing in front of him represented everything he wanted but hadn’t believed he was worthy of. She made him feel hopeful, and he knew without a shadow of a doubt that she was the missing piece of his soul.

“There’s a reason why you’ve dreamt of me and saw my tattoo before we ever met,” he said, knowing he was playing dirty, but he had few options left when it came to swaying her. “Fate brought us together because we’re meant to be.” Unfortunately, it was Valerie’s deep-seated fears that had the ability to tear them apart.

The thought of losing her when he’d just found her sent a surge of panic straight to his heart. And he wasn’t a man prone to anxiety attacks. But this connection he shared with Valerie was different.
She
was different, and special, and she was
his.

And the sooner she realized that, the better.

He held out his hand to her, trying again to bridge that ever-widening emotional gap between them, silently asking her to believe in him, and in them. “Give us a chance, sweetheart. That’s all I’m asking.”

The tears in her eyes increased, threatening to spill over her lashes, but somehow she managed to keep them at bay. She looked from his hand to his face, and seeing the anguish in her gaze, he instinctively knew she was going to turn him down flat.

“I can’t.” Her voice was raspy. “After tonight I’m done, Chase,” she said, reiterating what she’d told him earlier. Then, with her head held high and proud, she walked out of the kitchen.

He watched her go, knowing it would do no good to chase after her, because the harder he pushed Valerie, the more she withdrew from him. All he could do now was give her time and space and pray what he’d said to her eventually broke through the emotional wall she’d erected.

He exhaled a harsh breath and dragged a hand along the stubble on his jaw. Someway, they’d get past this. They
had
to. Because Chase needed Valerie in his life, and he’d accept nothing less.

Chapter Sixteen