Rising from the Ashes
Copyright © 2014 by Jessica Prince
All rights reserved.
Cover Designer: Meredith Blair, Author’s Angels
Editor and Interior Designer: Jovana Shirley, Unforeseen Editing,
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No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system without the written permission of the author, except
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This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.
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To Brittany,
Every snarky one-liner or clever joke Savannah said came from you.
I love you so much, Seester!
PAST: WINTER 2006
“I don’t understand. Things have been great between us.”
I couldn’t bring myself to look into Jeremy’s chocolate brown eyes as I ripped both of our hearts to shreds. I was being a total coward, and I knew it, but I reasoned that at least I wasn’t doing it through text or email. Not that it was any consolation at all. I hated myself for what I was doing.
“Things have been strained for a while, Jeremy, you know that,” I replied in a weak voice. How was I ever going to convince him this was what I really wanted when I couldn’t even convince myself?
“That’s bullshit, and you know it, Savannah!”
I recoiled, his tone harsh and louder than I’d ever heard it before. The anger burning in his eyes took me completely by surprise. Jeremy wasn’t an angry person by nature. I’d never seen him the slightest bit violent in all the years that I’d known him. Hell, the man practically never raised his voice a day in his life. Seeing him react with so much emotion was a hard hit on my already shaky resolve.
“Jer,” I whispered, “ever since Emmy—”
He cut me off, slicing his hand through the air. “Don’t.” His voice, low and cold, caused goose bumps to spread over my arms. “Don’t you use what happened to Emmy as a reason to end us. What happened to her was terrible, and my heart broke for her, but that’s not us, Savvy. That wasn’t our loss, so it shouldn’t put a strain on our relationship.”
That wasn’t exactly true. Emmy losing her baby was definitely part of the reason I was ending my relationship with the guy I’d loved since I was fourteen years old. There was no way I could let him know just how I’d let things snowball out of control after watching my friend hit rock bottom. Jeremy would hate me until the day he died if he knew the truth. That was why I had to end things.
It had been two months since I made the decision that ultimately destroyed everything I held dear, and looking at myself in the mirror was getting harder and harder with every passing day. I knew if Jeremy found out what I’d done, he would be as disgusted with me as I already was. That wasn’t a risk I was willing to take. Like I said before, I was a coward.
I made the decision to end things because I couldn’t handle the guilt of what I’d done, and the longer I stayed in the relationship, the harder it was to keep it from Jeremy. This was going to hurt him. I knew that because I was already dying inside. But he’d eventually get over it, and hopefully, we’d be able to be friends again. Breaking up with him was the only way I could keep him in my life without running the risk of him finding out and hating me forever.
I honestly thought that I’d be able to get past what I had done. I knew it would be hard for a while, but I never expected it to effect me so strongly. Every day I woke up, the first thing I wished for was to go back and do everything differently. But that was why people say hindsight is twenty-twenty, wasn’t it?
I sucked in a deep breath and tried to steel myself for what I had to do next. I was about to drive the final nail into the coffin that was our relationship. If I drug it out any longer it would become impossible for me to stick to my decision.
“I can’t do this anymore, Jeremy. Watching what Emmy went through showed me how short life really is. It got me thinking that you’re the only person I’ve ever been with.” I squeezed my eyes shut tightly, swallowing past the lump forming in my throat. Hurting Jeremy was the last thing I ever wanted to do, but it was inevitable.
“We’ve been together since we were fourteen. I want to see what else is out there. I want to be able to date other guys. We shouldn’t have to tie ourselves down to one person at nineteen, Jer. We’re too damn young. There’s too much that we haven’t experienced yet. I just feel like we’re holding each other back.”
If the expression on his face could physically maim, I would have been dead on the floor.
“So, let me get this straight,” he hissed out, his jaw ticking from the strain of trying to stay composed. “You’re breaking up with me because you wanna fuck other dudes. Am I getting this right?”
“It’s not like that.” I hated how he’d basically broken down my carefully constructed reason. Deep down, I knew there was no other guy. I didn’t want anyone but Jeremy, but because of my actions, I couldn’t allow myself to have him anymore.
“AM I FUCKING RIGHT OR NOT?” he roared.
Tears instantly started streaming down my face, unchecked. What I was about to say would do irreparable damage. Worrying about keeping my tears at bay wasn’t even a consideration.
“Yes,” I whispered in a hoarse, broken voice.
One word.
One word was all it took for Jeremy to look at me like I was a stranger, someone he didn’t know anymore.
One word, and I had crushed all hope at having the future I truly wanted.
One word was all it took for him to turn and walk away without looking back.
One word, and I’d lost the only person I ever loved.
PRESENT
“Come on, you fucking piece of shit…WORK!”
It was five o’clock on Friday evening, and my computer had decided it wanted to freeze up before I got the chance to back up all my work. I was determined to beat the stupid excuse for electronic machinery into submission if it was the last thing I did.