Through Her Eyes (23 page)

“No.” I start to turn but his hand stops me, grabbing my forearm to halt my progress.

“Look!” he exclaims as he flips the phone to my face. His expression says my life will forever be changed yet again. My visions blurs as I see the letters that form words that make me finally understand. Tears swell up in my eyes and I shake my head back and forth.

“
No! Oh God, NO!”

It’s time to stop running. It’s time to go. My chest constricts as I choke on my own breath to stifle back a sob. With my head down, I move away from Chase and grab my suitcase and throw it on the bed. The sound echoes in the silence as I continue to bite back the agonizing howl that teeters on the brink of eruption. My shoulder shake from the restraint I’m placing on my body to hold back my emotions. But I refuse to break down in front of him. From my peripheral vision, I see him walk closer to me.

“Please just let me expl—” Tears start to stream down my face as he speaks, but I whip them away. Exhaling, I try my best to place a mask of indifference on my face as I meet his eyes.

“No! You, Chase Porter had a chance to explain the day you tricked me. You’re a coward and a liar.” Whatever the reason for his lie, whatever the explanation will be, it won’t come now. I welcome that disconnect, because I’m not ready to hear it. I’m not ready to deal with any of it. I’m so lost. I’m so confused. I’m so angry with Chase, but I won’t let him see any of that. I won’t let him comfort me. He lost that right.

“Aria, please- I want to be there for you. Please give me a —”

“No, this is all your fault. I can never trust you again. The Chase I thought I knew is a complete stranger.”

“You can trust me, Aria. I know you’re upset with me, but if you need—”

“Need? The only thing I need from you . . . is for you to leave me the fuck alone.” My voice is laced with disgust, my anger palpable. I turn on my heel, pick up my clothes and start tossing the clothes in the suitcase. “Get the hell out of my room. I never ever want to see you again.”

N
OW I’M ON MY
way back.

Back on a plane. Back on the run.

But this time I’m running home.

Running away from Chase Porter. Running away from Everest.

I can’t even fathom what went down in Positano. My brain can’t wrap itself around everything I now know and everything I thought I knew. All the lies built on lies. All the false truths spun.

It was hard to breathe in those first few seconds after understanding flooded my senses. I felt as if my arteries had been severed the moment the truth descended upon me. As if the lifeline that held me together was slowly unraveling, and I was bleeding.

Funny how little had actually changed in the last fifteen days. Fifteen days ago, I left New York hiding from my truth, and now I’m hiding from Chase’s truth. Chase—I can’t even call him that. Who is he? Is he my Chase or is he Parker’s Everest, the Everest I resented. The somewhat mythical creature Parker made him out to be over the years. The Everest whom I always believed was the hindrance in our relationship. He’d always been there hovering over us, the bane of my existence by the time I graduated from college. The friend of my best friend, a person I’d never met, had never seen, and had such strong feelings of animosity for. Then there was the look in his eyes that seemed so familiar that first day in Tuscany . . .

It was as if my soul had known his before we’d ever met, an instant connection brought on by our mutual love of Parker Stone. But then the truth came out, and maybe I could have forgiven the lies, but only if he didn’t know how I felt about him. But he knew, and still he withheld his identity.

After everything unraveled, I was relieved when he told me to leave, and I did just that. I left. I climbed above deck and told Luciano to steer the boat to port. I never turned back, and Chase never tried to stop me. A part of me would like to pretend it’s because he knows this is what I need, but how the fuck could he know me when everything we had was based on a lie? Fifteen days have passed, and my heart is empty yet again.

I turn my phone on the moment my feet hit ground and text after text comes through in a wave.

A decision has been made.

You need to come home.

Where the hell are you?

Get your ass home.

The look in Chase’s eyes still haunts me, even though I want to hate him. And God, do I want to, but he took a girl with no hope, lifted her up, and taught her to fly. Anger creeps into my blood. He might have taught me to fly, but then he cut my wings. He destroyed me. I made quick work of getting out of Italy, only briefly answering Sophie’s text and informing her I’d find a flight home. I called the airlines and booked myself on the first flight out from Naples. A complete fog hung over me. I’m even unsure how I managed to find a cab, how I managed to grab my belongings—how I managed to get away.

I take the lone available seat on the plane, it’s definitely not the fancy cocoon that comforted me on the arrival here. This time I’m next to an elderly lady with short wisps of white hair. Small bifocals rest on her weathered and wrinkled face.

“Would you like a peppermint?” I turn to her, perplexed as to whom she’s speaking.

“Yes, you, sweetie. Would you like a peppermint?” My eyes mist. This complete stranger is the final catalyst to my breakdown. She doesn’t know me, she doesn’t know what I need, but the kind nature of her face is enough to bring me to my knees. “What’s the matter, sweetie?” There’s no questioning the concern and sincerity in her voice. Tears stream down my face, and I notice her prune-like hands reach into her purse and pull out a tissue. I’m coming undone thirty-nine thousand feet in the air.

“Whatever it is, it can’t be that bad,” she says, but she has no way of knowing what awaits me when I arrive home. “Would you like to talk about it?” Then just like that, the floodgates burst. All of it.

Everything I’ve done pours out. Everything I’ve said. It all comes out in heavy tears and choked sobs. As if I’m purging the memory of a bad dream. A nightmare. One that’s far from over. As I cry, the memory playing through my brain paralyzes me. It grips my throat until I can no longer breathe. White spots dance in my vision as it completely engulfs me.

“Hey, baby girl, what are you doing?” Parker rounded the corner into my bedroom. Frustrated, I stared blankly at a pile of clothes on my bed.

“I have nothing to wear.” My hands ran through my hair as my eyes glared at the mountain of my belongings.

“Funny, because it looks like you have a shit ton of choices.”

“Nothing in this pile works,” I huffed as I tossed more clothes onto the bed. Parker lifted a black lace top. He arched an eyebrow.

“How about this?”

I snatched the top from his hand. “You are absolutely no help, Parker,” I barked, throwing it in the hamper.

“What are you freaking out about anyway?” He pushed the clothes out of the way and sat on the edge of the bed.

I waved my hands in the air. “You’re making a mess! Don’t you have somewhere else to be? Off playing with Everest somewhere?” I grit out as I bent over and picked up the blouses that had fallen to the floor.

“Ari, this whole fucking bed is a mess. And no, he’s somewhere between China and Pakistan right now, climbing K2.” A boyish grin grew on his face. “So why don’t you breathe and tell me what’s really got you so hot and bothered.”

“Work, Park, work! I’m supposed to start tomorrow.”

“Then don’t.”

“That’s not really an option.”

“Who says it’s not? Seriously, Ari.” Parker reached for my hand, and I pulled my gaze away from his. “Who says you need to start tomorrow? Is this even what you want? Do you even know what you want?”

“I want this,” I barely whispered. I didn’t know whether I was trying to convince him or myself. I pulled my hand away and stood. “It’s all I’ve ever wanted.” But saying those words made my chest feel as if it was caving in.

“Since when? Or is this something you think you want? What would you be doing if Owen were still here?” The mention of my brother’s name made it hard to breathe. Instantly, I felt as if my room was closing in on me. “What did you want to be before he died? Before you went on this ridiculous quest to live the life intended for him?”

I stared out the window, and the first tear dripped down my cheek. I heard Parker stand behind me, but I didn’t turn to look at him. Instead, I peered downward at the pile of clothes in my hands. Suffocating clothes. My chest tightened further until my lungs were desperate for air.

“Ari.” Parker paused and rested his hands on my shoulders. His voice was soothing. “I remember the girl who wanted to travel. The girl who pretended to be a princess. Who wanted to see the world with me. The one who came over every day and stuck yellow pins into the map pinned to my wall. Do you remember that girl?”

I shook my head, my vision blurry from unshed tears. “I—I don’t,” I finally cried. I didn’t remember that girl anymore. She died a long time ago.

“That’s why you need to get away. All those dreams we had . . . Travel with me, Ari.” Parker turned me toward him. His eyes were bright, and a full smile covered his face. “Let’s finally do it. You don’t need to be this person. It’s time you be the Ari that Owen loved.” His words hung in the air, like a storm waiting to hit landfall.

“Don’t bring Owen into this.” I shook my head. “I’m doing this for him.”

“You’re not doing this for him.” He almost seemed offended. “You’re doing this for them.” He snarled at the mention of my parents. I wasn’t doing this for them. This was what I wanted. Wasn’t it?

“You don’t know anything.” I wiped the tears from my face and moved back toward the bed. I had made my decision.

“I might not know anything, but I know you don’t need to kill yourself for your parents’ approval. You’re not Owen. No matter what you do, you will never be him.” Parker paused, and I let his words seep deep inside me. “They might not see you, but I do, I see everything. Be the Ari we both loved.”

“I don’t even know who that is. Who I ever wanted to be,” I sighed. I had no clue who I was anymore.

“Don’t think about the past, then. Start from the here and now. Make the change. Everest always says to stay in the present, don’t live in the past. Be strong. Be you. Be you, Ari.” My anger rose. Of course he brought up Everest. Why couldn’t I just have one minute with Parker without Everest being present? What the hell did he know about me anyway?

“Me? Who the hell is that, Parker? Who do you—or should I say—Everest—think I should be?”

“Just be who you want.” His fingers ran through his blond hair, pulling as he found his words. “You can be so much more than what they want from you. Come with me,” he blurted, and his gaze softened as it met mine. “Aria, let’s finally do this. Let’s go see the world—together. Let’s find ourselves—together.” It was everything I wanted. Everything I always wanted to do with him.

“I . . . I can’t.” I bowed my head. I can’t go with you.” I couldn’t think about a life with Parker at the moment. I had to make something of myself first. “I’m not ready, I—” He stepped forward. His hands caressed my cheeks, and soft fingers lifted my eyes to meet his. “I just don’t . . .” I stumbled over my words. My mind ran a mile a minute as my heart slammed against my chest. “I need to do this, I need—”

“You don’t need those things. You don’t need their approval. They should love you unconditionally.”

“What do you know? What have you ever had to do for your parents’ love? I have to show them. I have to be—”

“Have to be what?”

“I just have to be. I have to succeed. I can’t go off on some whim.”

“Some whim? We made plans, Aria. We said we would do this.” His shoulders lifted, tensed. On an exhale, he continued. “You think your job will make them love you? It won’t. I love you. You hear me, Aria? I love you, and I want to be with you. I want you to come with me.”