Through Her Eyes (30 page)

The moment she realized her strength

#ThroughHerEyes #Embrace

My face dusted in dirt. I had found my strength.

Although weathered and beaten, she still stands strong.

#ThroughHerEyes #Speak

In an instant your life can change

It’s time to take the journey of a lifetime

#ThroughHerEyes #Adventure

The moment of clarity

#ThroughHerEyes #Truth

She leads me into the sky

#ThroughHerEyes #Eternity

Finding herself in the darkness

#ThroughHerEyes #Princess

The moment she found peace

#ThroughHerEyes #Tranquility

You are the air that I breathe, that allows my soul to take flight.

A simple moment, but also profound. That was the moment I realized she is my everything.

#ThroughHerEyes #YouAreMyTruth

Sophie’s voice cuts through me.
“It’s your choice how you spend your life, but if I had this, if someone did this for me. I wouldn’t be sitting wallowing in the past. I would be taking steps into my future.”

She’s right, and for the first time I finally see Chase with my own eyes. Everything is in focus. Chase Porter gives me more than friendship. More than love. He gives me a part of myself. The part of myself that lives in him. In Chase Porter, I find the reflection of my own soul.

I
MAKE MY WAY
down the pedestrian path of the West Side Highway, and I’m surprised to see the narrow path choked with bodies. Everyone is enjoying the beautiful Saturday afternoon. It’s not overly hot, and there’s a beautiful breeze drifting through the air. It’s the perfect summer day that doesn’t occur often, but when it does, people come out in droves to enjoy it. Holding tightly to the little piece of paper Sophie gave me with Chase’s new address, I continue down the path toward the apartment Chase has sublet. After we had returned from Italy, Sophie told me he decided staying at Parker’s place would be too hard, so he took a monthly rental in the West Village overlooking the Hudson. Sophie recently admitted that although Chase had given me space these last couple of weeks, they were in constant contact. He was always checking up on me, always making sure I was okay.

As I make my approach, I can see water drifting to the left of me. My gaze skates across the distance, and I feel the water beckoning to me. God, I miss being on the ocean. The salty air lingering on my skin. The fresh breeze blowing against my face. The thrill of the sail catching the wind. And Chase. I miss Chase.

The closer I get to his apartment, the more nervous I become. My heart leaps in my chest, and my pulse thumps erratically. I see the overpass to cross over the highway and once across, I continue to walk. When the street sign for Bethune approaches, the building comes into sight and I head toward the entrance. I hope he answers when the doorman calls up. Probably should have check to see if he was home.

With shaking hands, I open the door and walk to the man standing behind the front desk.

“I’m here to see Chase Porter.” I cross my arms across my chest, tuck my hands in close, and hug myself.

“Is Mr. Porter expecting you?” His voice has a hint of an accent I can’t place. Maybe Scottish. It’s stern, which causes me to bite my lower lip and mumble, “No.”

“Who may I say is calling on him?” he asks.

“Aria Bennett.”

The doorman, whose name tag reads John, pulls out a black cordless phone from under the desk and dials a few numbers.

“Mr. Porter, I have an Aria Bennett here to see you. Would you like me to send her up?” He’s quiet as he listens to whatever Chase is saying. He taps a pen on the counter, which only makes me more nervous. “Yes, sir. No problem. You’re quite welcome.” He turns to me and hands me the pen. “Please sign your name in the roster. Mr. Porter wants me to inform you that he left the front door open for you, and to please let yourself in. It’s apartment Thirteen E.” My hand shakes as I try to sign my name.
Breathe.

Just Breathe.
My blood pumps so heavily I feel dizzy, as if I’m going to pass out. I enter the elevator and almost can’t press the button, but I channel all my strength to see this through. I need to speak to Chase. There is no reason to be scared.

With each tentative step I take down the hallway, my heart flutters more and more. Turning the knob is a small feat, but once I’m inside, I see a sight that knocks the wind out of me. I’m so mesmerized by the man standing before me I can no longer be nervous. His brown hair is wet. Little droplets of water trickle down his neck. His white V-neck T-shirt looks like it was just thrown on, his perfect V peeking out from beneath it.

“Hi, Princess.” He runs his hands through his newly showered hair. His gaze penetrates me, and I can’t pull away. He has me completely enraptured.

“Hey, Chase.” My voice is soft, sheepish. Moments pass and we just stare at each other. Our gazes are locked tightly. We’re both afraid to look away. Afraid that this is a dream and if we do the other might vanish.

Inhale

Exhale

Breathe

“You saw me,” I say, and it’s a statement, not a question.

“Saw what?” His eyebrow rises, causing his eyes to widen.

“You saw everything. You saw me. And through your eyes—” Tears prick my eyes. “Through my eyes, I . . . I saw me. I finally saw me.” He doesn’t say anything. His chest rises slowly. Painfully slow. I watch each movement, waiting for his response.

“What are you thinking, Chase?” At this, his lip twitches, and a smile begins to form.

“Don’t you know by now? You are the only thought that runs through my mind. I’m thinking of you, Princess. Always you.” His words make my heart flutter in my chest. My breath comes out ragged as the moment pours over me, as Chase’s love surrounds me. He takes two steps toward me until he’s standing so close I smell the faint fragrance of his cologne.

“I’m so sorry for shutting you out, for not letting you explain. I’m ready to hear. I don’t want to fight, but I do want to talk about it. To put it behind us.”

“Every day I wanted to tell you,” he says as he moves even closer. His face hovers over mine. He leans in and places a soft kiss on the top of my head. “But to know I would be the one to steal the light from your eyes? I just . . . I just couldn’t be the one.”

“When I found out, I couldn’t see anything but my pain, the betrayal, and then the fear. I was so scared. I lost everyone I loved, and I was falling for you. When I found out, I thought it was all a lie. A scam and . . . and . . .” I stutter, trying to make sense of what I need to say, but it’s hard to find the words.

“I’m so sorry. I never meant to hurt you. That was never my intention.” I lift my chin and our eyes lock. His peer into my soul and shows me everything inside himself with just one look. I now understand. In his eyes there was no malice, just fear. Fear of losing me, before he found me.

“I know that now. And what I’ve learned recently is that everyone makes mistakes. It’s how we act that defines us. Things sometimes need to fall apart in order for us to put them back together.” He nods. These are his own words that he once said to me.

“You’re becoming quite smart in your maturity.” A small dimple forms as he smirks.

“I had a good teacher.” I laugh out then silence as I become lost in his gaze, so many emotions run through me. Mostly I feel love, but a part of me still wavers with guilt. It must show in my expression because he raises his eyebrow slightly.

“What’s going through your mind right now?” I take a step back. I need distance to voice my deepest fear.

“I have one question.”

“Okay.”

“You said you loved me at my apartment. How do you know you love me? We’ve only known each other four weeks.”

“How can you doubt it? Princess, it’s hasn’t only been four weeks. It’s been . . . ” His voice trails off as he pulls out his phone from his pocket and types something in. His gaze meets mine again, “It’s been 2,419,200 seconds.”

“I don’t . . . I don’t understand.”

“Even if it has only been four weeks since I’ve met you, it doesn’t matter because each second I’m with you is another second I fall in love.” This man loves me with every breath he has. But why—

“Why did you let me go?”

“I never let you go. I just stepped back. It was never letting you go because deep down I knew eventually you’d find your way back home.”

“Home,” I say with a smile.

“What?”

“Someone once said falling in love should make you feel like you finally found your place in life. Like you’re coming home. That’s how I feel when I’m with you, Chase. You are my home. I don’t have to worry about pleasing you, about being something I’m not. Because in your eyes, I’m always enough. Whatever I give you, you accept, no strings attached. I love you, Chase. But still, do you think it’s wrong that we—” Stepping toward me, he closes the gap between us. He places his hand under my jaw, turns my face up so our gazes meet.

“Stop that thought right now, Aria. I know you love him, but let him go, that’s what he would want. He loved you, and he would want you to be happy. Parker would never want you to be sad. Not even for a moment.”

“But if I love you—”

“Loving me won’t change the fact that you loved him. He’ll always be a part of you. He’ll always live within you.” And he’s right. I do still love Parker. I will always love Parker. The love I have for Chase will never take away from that. It’s different. Parker was my first love and I would never change that, nothing would ever change that. First loves are special and in my heart I’ll forever cherish that love. But with Chase, it might not be a first love, but it’s equally as real, equally as true. My need for him comes from a place of necessity. What I feel for him is my now, not my past but my present . . . my future.

I let out my last bit of resistance and finally breathe. Chase Porter has taught me how to inhale life and exhale the pain. He taught me how to live again. My heart beats in tandem with his.

“I love you, Aria. You’re my air,” he whispers as he walks behind me. His fingers begin to trace my shoulder blades, like feathers caressing my skin. Then slowly they trail all the way down to the small of my back.

“I missed this. I missed you,” he says in a gentle voice as shadows dance against the walls. “I could hold you forever. I could kiss you every day until the end of eternity. Love is infinite, Aria. Embrace the endless possibilities of what this could become.” His lips trail up my spine. He places small kisses and declarations of love.

“You are my life.”

Kiss.

“You are my everything.”

Kiss

Chills travel down my body. I shiver with anticipation.

Moisture pools between my legs. I crave him. I’m busting with lust.

“Now, Chase. I need you,” I’m no longer able to contain my excitement. Strong hands walk me through the apartment, down the hallway until we reach the bedroom. Soft fingers caress mine as he leads me toward the bed, laying me down gently. Slowly he undresses me. His eyes lock on mine, and sparkle the most beautiful shade of blue. “I want to lick you, taste you.” His voice drops to a lower octave. “I want you to come apart, and I want to put you back together piece by piece.” My body shivers from the chill of the air dancing across my bare skin and the anticipation of Chase’s touch. He leans down and his tender kisses trail down to my most intimate spot. I feel him loving me, cherishing me, devouring me.

His tongue worships me.

Licking . . .

Stroking . . .

Lighting me on fire.

His tongue laps my sweet spot one last time, a soft caress. He hovers above me.

His eyes are soft, filled with emotions no words can describe as he thrusts inside me. “I love you today. I’ll love you tomorrow. I’ll love you forever,” he whispers as we become one.

His breathing becomes slower and slower. After a while, it becomes a steady hum, and I can feel the soft tickle of Chase’s breath against my skin. As calming as the cadence of his breaths is, I can’t quiet my own mind. My thoughts move a mile a minute. As much as I love Chase and cherish everything that has happened to us, I can’t stop thinking about everything that has happened over the past month.