Thrive (19 page)

“Then maybe,” Ryke says, “you shouldn’t leave your
girlfriend with another fucking guy.”

Julian is about to shove him, but Lily intervenes.
Shit.
I shoot to my feet, sprinting to
the lane while she blocks Julian with two hands. He swats them away.

“Back off,” I sneer at Julian.

He takes a couple steps in a safe direction. “Daisy…” Julian
says. “Play with me.” It sounds like an order.

Ryke grips Daisy by the waist and flips her right-side-up,
her body meshes with his, sliding down his chest slowly before her feet touch
the ground. She breathes heavily, her lips parted. Ryke has a way with women.
There’s no denying that.

He fixes her shirt that rides up her stomach. “What do you
want?”

She swallows hard like she’s never been asked that before.
And then she shrugs.

Ryke looks around at all of us as we watch him. I don’t know
what to make of anything anymore. I’d wish for people to be simple—just so I
can understand everyone—but then they wouldn’t be real.

“I think it’d be better if I just went home,” Daisy says.
“I’ll see you all tomorrow?”

“Daisy—” Ryke starts.

“No, it’s cool.”

“I’ll drive you home,” Julian says.

“No, I will.” Lily steps up from behind me.

And then Rose rises from her seat. “You guys can finish up.”
She tosses her empty bottle of sanitizer in the trash on her way towards the
door. Daisy skips to keep up with her older sister and Lily is right there with
them in a quick second.

After the girls are gone, Julian says to Ryke, “You want to
fuck her, that’s fine. Just stop getting in my way.”

Ryke charges forward, “You motherfucking…” And then Connor
steps between them.

“We’re in public,” he announces.

“Let’s go outside then,” Julian says. “He wants a fight—”

“You’re not fighting my brother,
Julius
. Leave it alone.” I grab Ryke by the arm. “We’re going.” I
drag him towards the exit.

“How can you put up with him?” he growls at me, turning his
back on them with rigid joints.

“I can’t,” I say. “That’s why I’m heading out this door. I
walk away from fights all the time. You should try it once in a while.” I push
open the door and squint at the bright sun.

“Yeah?” he says, shielding his eyes with his hand.

“Yeah.”

Between Scott and Julian, I’ve reached my limit on dealing
with people I don’t like.

That’s Connor’s game, not mine.

{ 29 }

0 years : 08 months

April

LILY CALLOWAY

Lo and I curl on the couch, rereading
Avengers: The Children’s Crusade
together.
Even though this is our fifth read-through, Lo flips the pages so slowly,
allowing my mind to take mental detours.

Not the sexual kind.

The wedding infiltrates my brain, especially since Rose
asked me what color bridesmaids dresses I preferred this morning. Like always,
I told her to choose.

I can’t believe I’m just twenty-one, on the path to marriage
when all I really wished was to walk down the aisle with my head on straight.
Emotionally ready for something so serious.

My wishes have not come true.

Everyone fears I’ll become the runaway bride. No one says
it, but I see it in their eyes. But it could just be my own fears, my own
reflection staring back at me.

The front door blows open, and dressed in his usual button-down
and slacks, Connor shuts it behind him. At the same time he sets his sights on
the staircase, Rose’s heels clap down it. She latches onto his wrist, her eyes
pulsing with hot fury.

I thought if Rose lost her virginity to Connor, their relationship
would be less volatile, filled with even
less
verbal sparring and wit that tosses my brains. Wrong. They still fight in
French, and she still looks at him like she could rip off his balls.

I crane my neck over the couch to watch them, too curious.

Connor pries her gingerly off his wrist. “I think I know
where the bedroom is.”

“We’re not having sex right now.” She doesn’t even attempt
to lower her voice.

So the fight is about sex?

“All I meant was that I can lead myself upstairs. I said
nothing about sex.”

Oh. Never mind.

Connor slides past Rose mid-stair and disappears out of my
view. Shit.

Rose huffs and says, “We don’t have time to accommodate your
ego.” She stomps upstairs behind him, out of earshot.

I sit up, untangling myself from Lo while he continues to
read the comic. I check the internet on his phone, popping up Twitter, and Lo
watches me out of the corner of his eye. When I search #LilyCalloway, brutal
messages appear.

@NorthGuy77:
Do you know how many diseases #LilyCalloway
must have? I wouldn’t go near that twat.

@DaniellaESP:
#LilyCalloway’s vagina has to be huge.

A lump rises to my throat. I have to switch to a different
hashtag.

@RealityTV89:
Lily
and Lo are the absolute cutest AND sexiest couple on TV. If you’re not watching
#PoPhilly, you suck.

It’s a bit disheartening that people don’t like me, by
myself, but when they talk about me with Lo, they gush. But I’ll take the good
with the bad. I’m not that choosy.

“Lil,” Lo says, closing his paperback comic. “Stop going on
Twitter. It’s not healthy.”

“That’s the first time I checked it all day,” I defend
before logging off. I pull up
Celebrity
Crush
and my heart does an extra pump at the headline:
RE-POLL: Who Should Lily Calloway Be With? Loren Hale or Ryke Meadows?
by
Wendy Collins.

Great.

Of course I remember the poll months ago where Lo lost to
his brother. Wendy Collins most likely wants to see if opinions differ after
the show aired. I swallow the lodged pebble in my throat and click into the
article.

I scroll down to the poll and vote for Loren. The minute I
click his name, the current results fill the screen.

Ryke Meadows: 12%

Loren Hale: 88%

“Ohmygod!” I flinch back, nearly jumping on the cushions,
and hit Lo’s arm repeatedly. “You’re eighty-eight percent!”

Confused wrinkles crease his forehead. “Eighty-eight percent
what?”

I frown, not sure how to phrase it. “Eighty-eight percent of
a winner against your brother…”

He tosses his paperback comic onto the coffee table and
leans into me to read the article. He laughs and meets my eyes. “I guess those
rumors will start ending now.”

I didn’t even realize…but yeah, they will. If people are
starting to believe that Lo and I are an actual, real couple, not for
appearance or for publicity but because we’re
in love
, then they’ll forget about Ryke as a three-way option.

Today is a good day.

“Lily, Lo!” Rose calls from the bottom of the stairs. We
both turn our heads. Her expression flips between concern and pure rage.

Any momentary smile just vanishes in an instant.

“Can you come up here for a minute? We need to talk to you
both.”

We?

Lo and I exchange looks. We’re both clueless what this could
be about. For all I know, they’re calling us upstairs for a surprise party…

Fat chance.

{ 30 }

0 years : 08 months

April

LOREN HALE

What the
fuck is happening?

The thought plays on repeat while Lily and I sit on Connor
and Rose’s bed. The longer he spills these details, the more darkness spreads
over my face, clinging to my emotions like tar. My leg jostles in irritation
and anxiety while Lily shakes her head, as if their words are nothing but
wrong.

Connor and Rose locked up their alcohol—a bottle of wine and
tequila—and it went missing.

I sense where this is headed, even before Connor says, “We
found the empty bottle at the bottom of your closet.”

Their eyes, along with my brother’s, drill into me.
Questioningly. Accusingly.

It’s not true, but I have no fucking evidence. Why would my
word hold up? I’m the addict. I’m untrustworthy. Anything I do or say won’t
matter because it could all be a lie.

It’s why I remain quiet. It’s why my heated gaze stays fixed
on the wall. Through my silence, Lily begins to defend me. “He would have
thrown up if he drank!” she yells. “He’s on Antabuse.”

I rub my lips to hide a grimace. I should have told her that
I quit taking the pills.
Christ.
I
should have
fucking
told her.

I bury my anguish beneath confusion, trying to piece
together who put the alcohol in my closet. But it’s not a difficult problem to
solve. Scott wants drama. He’s received plenty from us, despite his declaration
to
play nice.

“Are you still taking it?” Ryke asks me.

His words push the wrong button. Hate sears my lungs.
“Shouldn’t you know that? You count my pills.” My harsh voice hurts my ears. I
hate this.

I hate that I’m going on the defensive, but it’s the easiest
mode to be in.

Rose almost steps forward in retaliation, but Connor places
his hands on her waist to keep her calm.

Ryke scratches the back of his neck. “I stopped because I
was trying to trust you.”

Why are you such a
fuck up, Loren?
My eyes start to burn. “I don’t even know why you ask me,”
I say. “You already think I drank.”

“Honestly, I don’t know what to think.”

Connor cuts in to ease the situation. “We can squash this
really easily. We haven’t seen you sick these past couple weeks. All you have
to do is show us your pills so we know that you’re taking them.”

I can’t.
They’ll hate
me. I don’t need to see their disappointment. “It’s not your fucking body,
Connor,” I sneer. Why can’t they just leave me alone? It’d be so much easier. “This
doesn’t affect
anyone
in the room but
me and maybe Lil. I don’t have to tell
you
shit.” I stand, about to leave this all behind me.

I can’t look back at Lily. I just storm towards the exit,
but Rose steps in my path, stretching her arms on the door frame to physically
block me. I don’t need this right now, not from her.

“Your addiction affects
everyone
in this room,” she nearly yells. “If you can’t see that—”

“I see just fine,” I say coldly.
Don’t push me, Rose.
My jaw throbs. My muscles strain. I just want
to escape
this.
Doesn’t she get it?

“Don’t be an idiot.”

Don’t be such a
fucking idiot, Loren.
I let out a short laugh. “That’s so fucking easy for
you, isn’t it?” I say with malice. I am being swallowed by blackness. I can’t
see a way out besides hurting her as much as she’s torturing me. “Being
smart
.” I step forward in her face.
“Miss Perfect. What do you have to worry about? Does my hair look good today?
Do my shoes match my dress?”

“Lo,” Connor warns.

His voice is so soft behind me. I drown it out. I watch
Rose’s ribcage fall and rise heavily, venom seeping out of her eyes.

I begin to numb.

I rotate and spot her organized bookshelf, too meticulous,
nothing out of place. I walk over to the shelves. “Let’s see, Rose…” I pick up
a hardback and flip through the pages before throttling the book, the spine
ungluing. “How does this feel?”

She inhales severely, her collarbones jutted out.

Her pain slices my insides, and I just keep moving, being
cut open with each soulless action. I open a stack of manila folders and shake
the papers loose.

“Stop it!” Rose shouts, dropping to her knees to collect
each page.

“This doesn’t bother you, right?” I say, agony clenching my
stomach, gripping my bones. I wish she would hit me. Deck me right in the gut. I
just want this pain to go away. “Nothing’s fucking wrong with Rose Calloway? I’m
the idiot. I’m the fucking moron in your world who’s so stupid and selfish that
he would drink again and again.” I’m the fuck up. The degenerate. The loser.

Just leave me alone.

Let me go.

“No…” she says, eyes wide in horror at her scattered papers.

My throat almost closes at how crazy she’s become. I stare
dazedly as she breathes sharply, hyperventalting. Connor approaches quickly and
bends down to her, whispering in her ear. Then he lifts her by the waist.

She screams manically, “No!” Rose kicks out to try to reach
the papers.

I’m going to throw up. Sickness rises from my stomach.

“Stop,” Connor says in the pit of her ear.

She screams shrilly, a desperation that I’ve never heard
from her. While Connor holds her back, Rose’s eyes meet mine.

And my mouth moves before I can stop it. “It took you
twenty-three goddamn years to finally lose your virginity,” I say, finding a
chink in her armor. “And you lost it to a guy that’s just fucking you for your
last name.”

“LOREN!” Connor shouts.

I almost stagger back by the force of my name from
his
lips, his face blanketed with rage.
Cold washes over my body, guilt squeezing my lungs.
Why can’t you just hit me? I deserve that.
I open my mouth to ask,
but he says, “
Don’t.
” The room
silences. My full name off his tongue still rings in my ears. “Give me a
minute.”

 
While he takes care
of Rose, I concentrate on the rafters up above, my legs weak from that
outburst. This could have gone another way…
any
other way would’ve been better.

Ryke sets his hand on my shoulder. I can’t look at him.

“Hey, it’s all right.”

It’s not.

“Look at me.”

I can’t.
I choke
on a breath, tears welling. What the fuck is wrong with me?

He cups my face between his hands, forcing my gaze on his.
“We’re on your side, Lo. We’re not against you.”

I barely glance over at Rose, who sits on the vanity bench,
Connor wiping her tears with his thumb. She almost never cries.

“
Lo
,” Ryke says,
turning my head again so I focus on him. “You’re okay.”

“Yeah?” I breathe. “You all look at me like I’m a dog that
needs to be put out of his misery. I’m just waiting for one of you to finally
do it.”

His expression just breaks. “That’s not going to happen.” He
doesn’t deny that it’s the case.

“Right,” I whisper. And then I make the mistake of finally
looking to Lily, who’s on the edge of the bed. She is frozen in confusion,
which is why she never intervened. She wears a haunted expression, like I
betrayed her.

I guess I did.
I
swallow hard.

“Are you going to puke?” Ryke asks.

“I don’t know…” I scan the room, searching for a way out
again. But I can’t really escape myself. I have to break away from my brother.
The tension between Lily and me is what’s tearing me apart.

In order to resolve
something
,
I have to talk to her.

So I head over to the bed while Ryke crosses his arms. The
longer I stare at her features, the more this hurts. “What?” I say.

“Did you drink?” she questions.

I stagger back. She actually thinks I drank?

“I just…I don’t understand why you wouldn’t get your pills
to prove it,” she says in a small voice.

“So you’re going to take their side over mine?” I choke.
Stop being defensive.
It’s one of the
very few positive voices in my head.

“I’m not taking sides.” She stares at her hands while she
thinks hard. “I just want the truth, Lo.”

“I didn’t drink.” I shake my head over and over, my eyes
clouding. “But I can’t prove it. I stopped taking Antabuse months ago.” The
truth doesn’t free me—doesn’t lift a weight off my chest. I am strapped with
baggage so heavy that there’s no hope to reach the surface.

“You did what?!” Ryke shouts.

“They were driving me nuts!” I yell. I hate this, but it’s a
conversation that I can’t avoid anymore. “I’m paranoid about everything I
eat—if it’s accidentally cooked in alcohol. I picture myself puking from a
shitty fucking meal. I can’t do that for the rest of my goddamn life.” I turn
back to Lily. “You
have
to believe
me.” I don’t know what I’ll do if she doesn’t believe me. I can’t handle this—

“I do,” she says without any doubt.

I exhale deeply and walk to the bed. I reach in for a hug.

Then she pushes me in the chest and points a finger at me.
“But it’s not okay. It’s not.” I should have told her. Her chin trembles, and
she pulls her shoulders back with more confidence. I love her for it. “You
can’t stop taking them just because it drives you nuts. And it’s not okay that
you kept this from me…from
us
…”

Her tears match mine. “I know,” I tell her in a whisper.
“I’m sorry.” I sit next to her, and she scoots closer to me. Then our arms sort
of meet each other at the same time. I don’t want to let her go.

“We’re in a fight, just so you know,” she whispers. “I’ll
sleep in Daisy’s bedroom.”

Pain contorts my face. “You haven’t had sex in three days.”
It’s the truth. She’s been cramming for an exam in May, and she falls asleep
before we ever get that far. It’s been good, but she won’t be able to keep the
routine up for long. It’s just not how her brain works. “I was going to…” I
trail off as she shakes her head.

“I don’t care about sex. I care about you being healthy and
not drinking.”

I’m suddenly overwhelmed with pride. For her. But also fear
for me. I’m falling behind. I can feel myself regressing while she’s barreling
ahead. I have to get my shit together.

“We have another issue,” Ryke suddenly says, pulling our
attention to the room.

“We don’t have to bring that up now,” Rose snaps.

Connor and Rose stand together, hand-in-hand, and I try to
string some apologies together, but when I open my mouth, nothing comes out.

Rose raises her chin, poised again. Like nothing happened.
She just gives me a single nod like
it’s
done, let’s move past this.

I don’t think I’ll forget it though. I’ll have this guilt
within me forever.

Ryke grabs a camera that belongs to the crew. I frown, and
Lily and I both stand up, coming to his side. “Watch this,” he says.

My stomach overturns.

This
isn’t good.