Thorn: Carter Kids #2 (29 page)

“DAMN, THAT WAS PAINFUL TO WATCH
,” Lucky said when we were back in my hotel suite. Grabbing an armful of beers and a bottle of tequila from the minibar, he dropped them down on the coffee table in the sitting room before going back for a couple of shot glasses. “What a fucking train wreck.” He let out a heavy sigh as he flipped the cap off with this lighter. “And her face when we drove away?” He shook his head. “I’ve never seen a woman wear devastation like that.”

“Let it go,” I warned him. Walking over to the couch, I sank down, bone tired and demoralized. Leaning forward, I rested my elbows on my knees and dropped my head in my hands. The image of Teagan’s tearstained face and her voice when she asked me to stay was haunting me. I didn’t need Lucky’s running fucking commentary. I’d experienced the devastation firsthand. “It’s over,” I added in a gruff tone. “Case closed.”

“You’ve got a serious case of denial, man. The worst I’ve seen.” Shrugging, Lucky took a slug of his beer from his bottle before settling down on the couch next to me. “Do you love her?”

Letting out a groan, I rubbed my face with the palm of my hand before grabbing my beer off the table and swigging it back. “You’ve met her – you’ve seen her in action. I’m not a masochist, dude. I don’t take pleasure in having strips torn off me. Of course I fucking love her.” Whether I still loved her or not didn’t change the facts. And the facts were Teagan and I couldn’t be in each other’s company without arguing.

Slamming the bottle back down on the table, I picked up the shot glass of tequila Lucky had poured out for me and tossed it back. “I can’t
not
love her,” I hissed, feeling the alcohol burn through me. “But I can’t trust her either,” I admitted gruffly. There was so much hurt still there, so much fucking water had gone under the bridge that I wasn’t sure if we would ever get past it.

“Why?” he straight-out asked me.

“Because –”

“Because she walked away?” he filled in for me. “And you’re afraid that if you let her back in she’ll do it again?”

“All right, Dr. Phil,” I grumbled sarcastically, feeling a little unnerved that Lucky had hit the nail on the head. “Give the psychoanalysis a break.”

“Messina, there’s a reason you took the fight against Bishop – and it’s the same reason you didn’t use protection. You know it and so do I,” he told me. “It’s because of her.”

Of course it was because of her.

Everything I had done since the age of seventeen was because of
her
– because to me, she was
everything
. That’s why it hurt so fucking much when I looked her in the eyes today, told her the truth, and was met with disbelief.

“Doesn’t matter anyway,” I tossed out. “By this time next week I’ll be back on home soil and won’t have time to think about her.” I had a nationwide tour of North America with the MFA coming up. I was flying home in a couple of days and should be concentrating on that. I didn’t need the distraction and fucking upheaval in my life that came with loving that woman. I needed to put her in the past.

“You sure about that?” Lucky asked, unconvinced.

“Abso-fucking-lutely.” Slugging back the remainder of my beer, I nodded firmly, forcing myself to believe my own words even though deep down I knew it was my pride talking; the absolute fucking hurt and horror of having Teagan look me in the eyes and
not
believe me. “Once I’m back on the road she won’t even be on my radar.”

“What a fucking horrifying feeling that must be,” Lucky mused sadly. Shaking his head, he stood up and stretched his arms out. “To push the one person you’ve worked so hard to prove you are worthy of away.”

“What?” I asked, deadpan, with my bottle resting against my bottom lip.

“You
love
her, Noah,” Lucky shouted. “And the girl I met today loves you right back, man.” He threw his hand up in the air, clearly agitated. “Every move you’ve made since I’ve known you has been to get
her
back. To prove to her that
you
are
worthy
. Because in your mind she is
it
. And that fucking terrifies you. Be honest with yourself, man,” he said earnestly. “You are scared shitless that it’s not enough – that
you
aren’t not enough –”

“Of course I’m scared!” I roared. “She drives me crazy.” Flinging my beer bottle across the room, I jerked to my feet, agitated and fuming.
“She
is fucking crazy. I never know where I stand with her,” I snarled, chest heaving. “There isn’t a damn thing I wouldn’t do for that woman and the thought alone terrifies me.” I ran a hand roughly through my hair and hissed in frustration. “Thorn has the ability to bring me to my knees, Lucky. She is fucking
lethal t
o me.”

“So fucking what,” he countered, not missing a beat. “Love is crazy. It’s insane, and that burning intensity you two share?” He shook his head. “That’s rare, man. That’s a once in a lifetime kind of deal.”

“Why do you even care?” I asked, furious. “What’s it to you?”

“Because you’re my brother, dipshit,” Lucky shot back just as furious. “You’re my fucking family, man, and there’s no way in hell I’m gonna sit back and watch you walk away from your future.”

“What do I do, man?” I choked out. “How do I fix this?”

“You do what you do best,” Lucky replied, patting my shoulder. “Fight.”

Lucky was right.

Teagan had been the focal point of my life since I was seventeen years old. I could lie and pretend to myself all I wanted but the truth was still there. And the truth was, Teagan Connolly was all I had ever wanted and I was fairly certain she was all I would ever want.

I needed to fight for this.

I needed to fight for
us
.

“DID YOU GET DRESSED
without drying again, Teegs? You look like a drowned cat.”

Those were the first words that came out of Sean’s mouth when he opened his apartment door and noticed my appearance.

In the heat of the moment and in the middle of my mental breakdown, Sean was the one person I could think of to go to. Hope was in America. I didn’t have any family. And Liam…well, Liam wasn’t an option anymore. “I can’t…breathe,” I gasped as I barreled into his arms and held onto him for dear life, crying hard and ugly. “I can’t…oh god, Sean…”

Raped.

Noah said he was raped.

Reese had raped him.

I believed him.

And I left him there to deal with it alone.

“Babe, come on. Calm down,” Sean coaxed as he walked us both into his apartment and set me on the couch.

Dragging the throw off the back of the couch, Sean wrapped it around my shoulders before heading into the kitchen only to return with a massive bar of chocolate in his hands.

“You know, I don’t think I’ve ever seen you cry,” Sean mused, when my cries had turned to sniffling. Sinking down on the couch beside me, he pulled me onto his lap. “What happened?”

“Noah happened,” I whispered, clenching my eyes shut and burying my head in his chest. My mind flashed back to the scene I’d caused at the gym and a wailing noise tore through me. I was so ashamed. “I’ve screwed everything up, Sean.”

“Noah?” Sean asked, confused, waiting for me to fill in the blanks.

“Messina,” I muttered, forgetting that Sean didn’t know the ins and outs of my tempestuous relationship with my ex.

His brows rose in surprise and he leaned back to look at my face. “As in the fighter?”

“As in my ex,” I admitted sheepishly.

His lips curled into a perfectly O as he gaped at me, unblinking. “Well I wasn’t expecting that,” he breathed, eyes burning with curiosity. “You mentioned you had an ex from America, but I didn’t realize you were talking about
The Machine
.”

“He wasn’t
the machine
when I knew him,” I whispered sadly. “He was just…Noah.”

Resting my head on his chest, I found myself confiding in Sean; filling him in on every dirty detail of my life starting from the night I watched my mother take her final breath in that car, to Liam breaking up with me when Uncle Max relocated us to Colorado.

I laid everything out there about my time at Thirteenth Street; the good, the bad, and the downright awful parts that made me look like a lunatic.

I told him about how I wrecked Noah’s car with the paint, the night that had sparked this crazed obsession, and every other moment that had followed.

The nights I spent at the Ring of Fire, watching Noah take on men twice his age.

I told him about Noah saving me from Gonzalez, and the numerous occasions he had protected me from George and JD Dennis, taking beatings to be with me.

My face heated when I told him about the night in the elevator.

I broke down when I explained about the night Max disowned me.

I disclosed every slither of crucial information that had led me to this moment, every single event in my life that had brought me to this point, grateful to get it off my chest, and Sean listened intently, never judging, never interrupting.

“And then he broke my door down so I slept with him before throwing him out,” I heard myself say and cringed. “But then I got mad because he left so I went to Frankie’s and caused a huge scene.” Groaning, I added, “I slapped him and he tried to drown me…and now I’m here.”

Sean let out a whistle. “And all of this happened in the space of twenty-four hours?”

“What can I say,” I mumbled, cheeks burning. “We had a lot to catch up on.”

Jumping to his feet, Sean went into the kitchen, returning a few minutes later with a pair of glasses in one hand and two bottles, one with vodka and the other with coke, stuffed under his arm.

“When I first saw you at my door, I thought chocolate and a
Friends
marathon would be enough to cheer you up.” Setting the glasses and bottles down on the coffee table in front of us, he leaned over and pressed a kiss to the top of my head before pouring our drinks. “But now I’m thinking we need vodka to deal with this shit storm.”

“Why do you have to be gay, Sean?” I asked with a sigh, taking the glass he was holding out for me. “It’s not fair,” I grumbled, taking a sip of my vodka and coke. “You’re the perfect man.”