Thorn: Carter Kids #2 (28 page)

“I told you to go,” I said in a gruff tone, feeling a hole piercing through the defensive armor around my heart. I watched as a lone tear trickled down her cheek and I itched to wipe it away. “I needed you safe from them.” The thought of JD getting his hands on Thorn had been the driving force behind my decision to get her out of there. I had no regrets about it. JD drove us off the road that night and I was under no illusion of what would have happened if he had gotten his hands on her. He would have made me pay for my defection with
her
blood.

Teagan roughly wiped her eyes with the back of her hand and inhaled shakily. “But I should have
stayed
, Noah.”

“Doesn’t matter now,” I shot back, dismissing her regret and the burning pain in my chest. “I was in a bad fucking way after the crash, Thorn,” I said, continuing quickly. “My ribs were all fucked up and I had a concussion so when Reese handed me a shitload of painkillers I didn’t think twice about taking them – before telling her to
go
.”

Teagan’s face contorted in actual pain, but I didn’t let that stop me. I was getting this off my chest once and for all, regardless of the painful memories it was resurfacing.

“And then, when I was out of it and too fucking drowsy to know who was there,” I snarled, chest heaving with anger and pain. “Reese Tanner climbed on top of me and
raped
me.”

“No.” Teagan voice was laced with desperation and anger as she shook her head, fervently denying what I had told her – like I knew she would.

“
Yes
,” I shot back, just as passionately. “You wanted the truth, Thorn, well there it is.”

“She didn’t… She couldn’t have. I saw you with her,” she rambled, voice rising hysterically. “You were
enjoying
it, Noah.”

“Because I thought it was
you,
” I roared back hoarsely.

“This makes no sense,” she muttered, arguing with herself. “I know what I saw.” Throwing off the towel she had around her shoulders, she leapt up and paced the floor. “Why didn’t you report it?”

“I did, Teagan, and they didn’t believe me either – laughed in my goddamn face,” I added, running a hand through my hair and laughing harshly. My body was trembling, but I forced myself to continue and lay everything out there. “When I came to and saw you leaving, I lost my goddamn mind and went after you – ”

“You followed me?” she whispered, covering her mouth with her hand. She took a step towards me before taking two steps back.

“Damn fuckin straight I followed you,” I shot back, chest heaving. “You were my whole life. I wasn’t about to sit back and watch you leave me.”

“But you said you were on house arrest.” Her brows furrowed. “And you totaled your car at the quarry the night before, so how did you even follow me…” Her voice trailed off and her eyes widened as the pieces of the jigsaw fell into place in her mind. “Oh Noah,” she croaked out. “What did you do?”

“I broke into your uncle’s house, swiped your car keys, and stole your car,” I tossed out without shame or remorse. “I wrecked that too, in case you were wondering.” I laughed harshly. “Your uncle loved that. Fucker threw me under the bus for it.”

“He pressed
charges
on you?” she demanded, appalled, as she closed the gap between us.

“Of course he did,” I hissed, throwing my head back in a fucked up mix of pain and agitation. “He wouldn’t pass up the opportunity to keep you away from me for an extra year or two.”

“I can’t get my head around this,” she whispered, pressing her fingers against her temples. “I can’t…”

“Can’t or don’t want to?” I shot back in disgust.

She blanched. “What do you mean?”

“You wanted an explanation, and I gave you one. You needed an outlet for your anger and I let you use my body as a punching bag.” Reaching out, I caught her chin and lifted her face, forcing her to look me in the eyes and fucking hear me. “But if you’re waiting on me to apologize for something I didn’t do, then you’ll be waiting until hell freezes over.”

“You’re not perfect in this either, Noah,” she screamed, pressing her small hands against my chest, putting space between our bodies. “You lied to me too,” she rambled, clutching at straws. “You were supposed to get on that plane with me. But you didn’t. You
left
me.”

“That was different,” I replied flatly, leaning against the lockers behind me.

“How?” she demanded, getting up in my face once again. “How is you leaving me any different?”

“Because I left you to save your goddamn life,” I roared, cupping the back of her neck and dragging her closer to me. “They knew you were my weakness and if I didn’t fight that night they would have gone after you. They would have used you against me – hurt you to hurt me. I was
always
coming back for you, but I couldn’t put your life in danger.”

Pressing my forehead against hers, I inhaled short fast breaths as I struggled to remain in control of myself. “Admit you were wrong, Thorn,” I hissed, eyes locked on hers. “Just
say it
and we can move on.”

She shook her head as tears trickled down her cheeks. “I can’t.”

“What the hell is wrong with you?” I demanded, releasing her roughly. “Why can’t you just swallow that damn pride of yours?”

“How can I believe you?” she whispered almost franticly as she clawed at her hair. “How can I be sure you’re not making this up? You walk back into my life after all these years and expect me to believe this…crap?”

“Because I’ve
never
lied to you,” I roared, furious and hurt. “Not fucking once. And somewhere deep down in that frozen fucking heart of yours, you know it.”

“This is too much.” Dropping her head, she let out a harsh sob. “It hurts too much.”

“It doesn’t matter anyway,” I said wearily, feeling the last glimmer of hope inside of me shrivel up and die. Shaking my head, I turned around and grabbed my bag out of my locker before throwing it over my shoulder. “Believe what you want, Thorn. I’m done.”

She swung around and gaped at me. “What do you mean?”

“I mean it’s over, Teagan,” I told her. “I’m done.”

“Why?”

“Why?” One word that caused the rage inside of me to explode violently. “
Why
?” I repeated again, unable to believe my fucking ears. “Are you actually asking me that?”

“Yes why,” she choked out, rushing around me to block the doorway. “Why did you come back for me? Why did you sleep with me and tell me all this if you’re done?”

“Because I wanted to prove a point,” I roared in her face. “I wanted to see if I could still get you on your back with your legs spread open, and it turns out I can.” I was an asshole – being unnecessarily cruel to her, and I knew I should stop, but I was fucking wounded. She didn’t believe me. She doubted me like every other motherfucker and I couldn’t get past it. “You were an itch I needed to scratch Teagan. That’s all.”

“Fine,” she screamed. “Walk away. Leave me.”

I didn’t respond. Instead, I turned my back on her and stormed out of the changing room.

“Wanna talk about it?”

Those were the first words Lucky said to me when I walked through the doors of the gym.

I shook my head.

“Just get me the hell out of here, man.”

“I’m on it.” He fell into step with me as I stalked up the back stairwell of the gym and out into the street.

Cameras flashed in my face the second I stepped out the front entrance and into the heavy shower of rain.

People called out my name, looking for a picture and an autograph but I couldn’t do it.

Not today.

Not with the fucking blonde fruitcake from my past and that look of disbelief in her eyes. Goddammit, fighting was my sanctuary and in the ring I was king. I couldn’t afford to lose focus. I had to stay in control. Teagan was blowing everything I had spent the last eighteen months working for to pieces.

“Noah, wait!” Teagan called out when I reached the rental car, and I threw my head back and cursed loudly.

Ignoring every ounce of common sense I had inside of me that was demanding I ignore her and walk the fuck away for once and for all, I turned around.

FEAR OF LOSING HIM PERMANENTLY
propelled me as I scrambled through the crowd that had formed outside the entrance of the gym, calling out his name at the top of my lungs. “So that’s what this was all about for you – to prove a point?” I asked, breathless when I reached his side. “Why would you do that to me?”

My eyes landed on the cut on his cheekbone and I cringed. I shouldn’t have put my hands on him. Violence was never the answer. I knew this, but when I was around him, my brain checked out and my heart did the thinking. And right now my heart was hurt, angry, and confused. I was losing it. Everything I had worked for was crumbling down around me. I was falling in love with him all over again and it was overwhelming me.

“Careful, Thorn.” Noah’s words were laced with sarcasm as he glared down at me. “Keep chasing after me like this and I’m gonna start to think you care.”

“I do care!” I shot back, teeth chattering, as my whole body trembled. “You think I walked away and didn’t think about you?” I knew that’s what he thought. “Well you’re wrong. I did think about you. Every day. Dammit, Noah, I left because I
loved
you,” I admitted, voice breaking. “And the pain of your betrayal hurt me more than anything in my entire life.”

“I’m not doing this with you again,” he warned me.

Rain poured down on us, soaking our clothes, exposing my vulnerability and his. And when Noah turned to get into the car, I lost it. “Don’t go!” I strangled out, grabbing his forearm to stop him from climbing into his car – to stop him from leaving me.

“Give me one good reason to stay,” he roared, his big body trembling, as he gripped the car door with more force than needed.

Stay because I can’t bear the thought of losing you again.

Stay because I’m a fucking mess without you.

Stay because I’m never as alive as I am when I’m with you.

Stay because I need you in my life...

All of the reasons I had inside of me and I couldn’t speak a word. I couldn’t make my lips form them because I knew that If I admitted it out loud, if I verbalized the fact that I had been wrong about Noah, that I was to blame for my own broken heart and seven years of misery. Then I would be to blame for him being left in a prison cell alone to rot, and I was fairly certain that guilt would consume me.

I was in love with him before I knew the truth, and now, I felt like I was drowning in emotions.

But instead I just stood there like the stubborn coward I was, begging him with my eyes to not leave, feeling the ground disintegrate beneath my feet as he retreated from me.

“I thought so,” he growled, pulling his hand roughly away.

I stood motionless, with my hands wrapped around myself, as I watched Noah turn away from me and climb into the passenger seat. He slammed the door shut and stared straight ahead as the car pulled off.