This Side of Heaven (22 page)

TWENTY-TWO

T
he call to Josh’s lawyer was merely a routine favor Lindsay was doing for her mother. Her parents had been through so much in the past month that, even with her workload at the newspaper, she tried to do everything she could to help.

Lindsay dialed Thomas Flynn’s number and waited while the line began to ring. Already this morning they’d all met at Josh’s apartment to load the rest of his things in the back of her father’s pickup truck. The last things her mother packed were the three photographs that had sat over Josh’s fireplace. She wrapped them in a pillowcase and set them on the front seat of the truck.

Before they left for the last time, she and her parents stood in the doorway and her father had prayed. “Lord, You showed us so much about our son this past month.” His voice was strained as he continued. “Thank You for giving us this time and place so we could learn what we didn’t know about our son.”

Lindsay and her mother both had tears on their cheeks as Nate continued, thanking God for the neighbors who had known Josh and for the ways in which they’d come forward to fill in the memory of all Josh had meant to this world. “A person doesn’t have to have a college degree or an investment portfolio or a big house to be successful, Lord. You showed us that this past month, and in the process You gave us a season of grieving and discovering that none of us will ever forget.”

When they finally closed the door and locked it, they took Josh’s keys to the apartment manager and returned to their separate cars. Lindsay’s parents looked emotionally exhausted. They took Josh’s final belongings back to their house, and Lindsay returned to her home to make a few phone calls. This was one of them, to see if there’d been any response from Maria Cameron since she’d gotten the news that Josh’s settlement money was hers.

A secretary patched Lindsay through to Mr. Flynn, and Lindsay kept her question short and to the point. But even before she could finish, Josh’s lawyer cut her off. “I was just going to call your parents.” His words came fast and colored with concern. “I got news from Maria Cameron’s attorney. She’s been arrested and put in jail for two weeks. Apparently, she got drunk and put on some public display.” His tone fell. “She tried to hit a waiter, and she slapped Savannah with a whole restaurant full of people watching.”

Lindsay was on her feet, pacing from the kitchen to her dining room and back again. “So where’s Savannah if her mom’s in jail?”

“In foster care. Her lawyer says the district attorney is sorting through a stack of warrants trying to figure out what to charge her with.” Mr. Flynn barely broke for a quick breath. “This could change things. Here’s what I’m thinking.”

For the next fifteen minutes, Lindsay listened, and when the call ended, she picked up the phone and dialed her parents. Her mom answered almost immediately. “Lindsay? Did he have any news?”

Lindsay steadied herself against the doorway in her dining room. “In fact, he did. How soon can you meet me?”

“I was headed to the cemetery.” Her mom still sounded tired, drained. “I bought flowers for Josh’s grave.”

None of them had spent time at the graveside. They’d been too busy sorting through Josh’s life to spend much time dwelling on his death. “Meet you there in an hour.”

Her mind raced with the details Thomas Flynn had shared with her. With Savannah in foster care, Lindsay was still trying to absorb the fact that her mother’s prayers might be answered sooner than any of them thought.

If Mr. Flynn was right, a visit with Josh’s daughter might be only an airline ticket away.

Annie reached Josh’s grave first. She didn’t bring a chair or a blanket, because this wasn’t a long visit, more just a chance to pay her respects. Josh’s stone should be marked by flowers at least, so that people who passed by would know he was missed and that he mattered. If there was one thing Annie knew now, it was that single truth.

Josh’s life did matter.

She studied the temporary marker. Nate had ordered a permanent stone and an inground container to hold flowers, but they wouldn’t be ready to install until Thanksgiving time. For now there was only the simple piece of cement with Josh’s name engraved across the top:
Joshua David Warren
.

“I miss you, son . . . so much.” She closed her eyes and lifted her face to the breeze drifting down from the mountains. Sometimes on days like this the light wind felt like Josh’s presence beside her, like she could reach out and touch him, his memory was so close. If she could—if she could have just one more time with him she wasn’t sure she would even know what to say. Carl Joseph had said it all, really. Josh was a hero, but as wonderful as that was, Annie had missed the fact. Tragically and completely, she’d missed it.

“Mom.”

For a fraction of a second, the voice belonged to Josh. Not Josh the way he’d sounded the last time she talked to him, but Josh the way he’d sounded when he was ten or eleven and he had a frog or a flower to show her. But before the thought had time to root itself, Lindsay’s voice was soft beside her. “Sorry . . . I didn’t want to frighten you.”

Annie opened her eyes. “Sometimes I can feel him.” She smiled—that painful sort of drenched-in-sadness smile. The one that would be her trademark whenever she thought about Josh for the rest of her days. “As close as wind against my skin.”

“Hmmm.” Lindsay folded her hands and stared down at Josh’s marker. “I feel it, too. But it’s not the same.”

“No.” She breathed in slowly through her nose, savoring the smell of evergreen on the breeze. “Thomas had news for us?”

“You’re sure you don’t want to sit down? We could talk about it in the car.”

Annie cocked her head and took another look at her son’s name on the temporary stone. “I’m okay. I need this time, the serenity of it.”

Lindsay looked like she wasn’t sure where to begin. “He got news about Maria Cameron. Mom . . . she’s in jail. Public intoxication, and she has a list of warrants for her arrest. I guess she hit Savannah.”

The details kept coming, but Annie couldn’t get past that one. She felt something fierce and protective come to life within her, and in the middle of Lindsay’s story she held up her hand. “She hit Savannah?”

“With everyone watching.” Lindsay bit her lip. “Mr. Flynn says Savannah has bruises on her arms. She’s in a foster home for now.”

Annie wasn’t sure whether to scream or break down in light of this latest sad development. All this time she’d had nothing but disdain for Maria Cameron, but only because of the way she’d treated Josh. Until now she hadn’t thought for a minute about how she’d treated Josh’s daughter.

The truth nearly dropped her to her knees. What sort of life had Savannah lived? As Lindsay shared the rest of what the lawyer had told her, a frightening picture came into focus. Savannah and her mother lived with a known drug dealer, and Savannah slept on the floor beneath a desk—which was an improvement from the three times when police had picked the pair up in Central Park where they sometimes slept beneath a bridge near the pond.

Annie wasn’t sure how much more of the story she could take. If Josh had known these details, he would have found a way to reach Savannah if he had to walk across the country. Again she was hit by the truth that if she and Nate had paid more credence to Josh’s insistence that Savannah was his daughter, then together they might have found out about her situation sooner, gotten the paternity test, and figured out some way to rescue her.

Annie’s determination to find and help her granddaughter grew like a wildfire within her. Maria Cameron would never hurt Savannah again, not if Annie had anything to do about it. “If her mother isn’t fit, then Savannah should come live with us. What did Thomas say about that?”

“Well, that’s the worst part.” Lindsay folded her arms. Her voice blended with the wind, every word washing over Annie whether she wanted to hear it or not. “Mr. Flynn says that Maria hasn’t been arrested in more than a year, and her landlord says that she’s usually a model mother.”

“Which is clearly a lie.”

“But the system is bound to pay attention to that. If her attorney can get the warrants dismissed, then she’ll probably get Savannah back. That’s what he said.” She took her mother’s hand. “But he also said that if you act fast, you can meet Savannah while she’s still in foster care.”

“What?” Annie couldn’t explain the sense of joy that burst through her pain in that single moment. She was going to get to meet her granddaughter. Her dream of looking into the eyes that were so like Josh’s was going to come true. God had heard her prayers, and now in a matter of days she would meet the girl Josh had loved for the past seven years.

She called Nate while she and Lindsay walked back to their cars. Once she had his okay, she called Thomas and then the airline. Lindsay and Nate wanted to go, too, so she booked three flights to LaGuardia. Thomas recommended that all of them go, because there was no telling what Maria would do once she had custody of Savannah again, once she had the money. The woman was under no obligation to stay in contact with the Warren family, despite the fact that they had willingly dropped the fight for Josh’s settlement.

Thomas felt strongly that once Maria had the money, she and the girl would disappear, move to another state or another country, and that would be that. Which meant this might be their only chance to meet the girl Josh had longed to hold, the one he had planned to love and care for as soon as he had the chance to meet her. Annie tried to imagine what might have happened if Josh and Becky had gotten back together, if he’d finished college and if they’d married. Her grandchild would’ve had a different mother and a different life, and Josh would never have been working for the garage that night. Never would have had a reason to find himself suddenly in the path of a drunk driver.

Annie drove home from the cemetery lost in a maze of questions. What would the girl be like? If she’d been abused or neglected, would she be quiet and withdrawn? Would meeting Annie scare her or confuse her? Did she love her mother despite the life she’d lived? Was she being treated kindly in the foster home where she’d been placed? But the question most pressing on Annie’s heart was the obvious one, the one she had thought about ever since the results of the paternity test came in.

Did Savannah know about Josh?

TWENTY-THREE

S
ome nice people were coming to see her today, that’s all Savannah knew. Her foster parents bought her new clothes—a sundress, they called it, and a sweater. The sweater was white, and the dress . . . the dress was white with little purple and green flowers across it, and best of all, the sundress was brand-new!

“Who are these people?” she asked her foster mother. “They’re very nice from what I understand, and they love Jesus.”

That part made Savannah less scared about the meeting. But still it didn’t answer her question. “How do they know me?”

“They’ll explain it to you, sweetheart.” That’s all her foster mother would say. The people would explain it when they showed up after lunchtime.

It was after lunch right now, so Savannah sat on her knees on the sofa next to the front window and studied every car that passed by. There would be three of them. That’s what her foster parents said.

Savannah had wondered something ever since she knew the nice people were coming. What if one of them was her daddy? He was out there somewhere, and her mama said she was going to meet him later. Much later, but still . . . this was much later than then. Maybe her daddy had a family and he was bringing them along. That’s what other people did, because when she and her mama were in Central Park and other people walked along with their kids sometimes there was a whole group all together.

She had always wondered what it would be like to be part of a whole group.

“You okay in there?” Her foster mother poked her head into the room. “You need anything, Savannah?”

Just my daddy,
she wanted to say. But she gave the old woman a nice smile. “No, thank you.” Then she thought about kneeling on the sofa and maybe that wasn’t allowed, so she covered her mouth real quick and felt her eyes get big. “Want me to get off the sofa?”

The woman laughed real soft. “No, sweetie. You go right ahead and kneel on the sofa. The thing’s old as time anyway.”

Savannah smiled. “Thank you.” She felt better now. Her foster mother was nice. At first Savannah thought about running away and finding her daddy, because that was all she really needed. Then she wouldn’t be a trouble to her mama, and she wouldn’t take up the time of the foster parents. But her foster mother was very nice, and she probably would’ve been sad if Savannah ran away. So she stayed and asked Jesus every day to bring her daddy very soon.

Her foster mother walked back into the kitchen and Savannah looked out the window again. Just then, a blue car stopped in front of the house, and after a few loud heartbeats, a man got out from the driver’s side. Savannah made her eyes squinty and looked at him real hard. He sort of looked like her daddy, but not really because he had gray hair. Mostly gray.

Next came a woman from the other front seat, and a younger woman from the backseat. Savannah sucked in a little gasp, because the first woman, the one from the front seat, was very pretty. Like the queen in
Sleeping Beauty
, but with hair down to her shoulders. The three of them talked for a minute by themselves and then they started up the walk.

Savannah quick ducked down beneath the windowsill. Why were people who didn’t know her coming for a visit? Were they friends of her mama’s? Or maybe friends of Freddy’s? Savanna poked her head up just enough to see them. No. They weren’t friends of either her mama or Freddy because they dressed in nice clothes and their eyes looked different. More like the people who gave them money when they begged in the park.

“They’re here!” She shouted the news because she wanted her foster mother to answer the door. That was the right way of things for regular people, and Savannah wanted these nice people to think she was regular. When her mama drank too much whiskey or stayed up too late, she was the one who answered Freddy’s door. But that wasn’t regular at all.

Her foster mother came into the room wiping her hands on a towel. She moved to the door and all of a sudden Savannah had a warm feeling inside her. So many times when she and her mama begged money, she wondered what it would be like to spend time with the people who

gave
the fives and tens, instead of always being on the taking side.

And now, even though she still didn’t understand, she was about to find out.

Annie had never been so quiet in all her life.

The whole way here—on the trip to the Denver airport, during the flight through O’Hare to LaGuardia, while they waited at the rental car counter, and during the drive here to Queens—she had no interest in making small talk. All she could think was that this should have been Josh’s trip. Now that they’d found Savannah, now that they knew for sure she was Josh’s daughter, the chance to meet her and get to know her even for a short time belonged to Josh.

So she spent the time wondering what he would have been thinking, and anticipating the moment when she would first see Savannah the way Josh would have looked forward to it. This was the single goal through all of his pain and suffering, the one moment that mattered more to him than any other.

Annie linked hands with Nate, and a few steps behind them came Lindsay. That moment was finally here, and Annie wondered if she’d remember to breathe. It was the first Wednesday in November, but the afternoon was still warm, the leaves every shade of orange and yellow and red. Twenty years from now Annie knew without a doubt she would remember everything about this minute. The way Nate’s hand felt in hers, the clutter on the front porch of the foster family, the colors in the leaves, and the feel of fall in the air. Her heart beat so hard she wondered if it would burst through her chest. Nate went to knock on the front door, but before he could reach it, an older woman opened it and smiled at them. “You must be the Warrens.”

“Yes.” Nate fell back beside Annie. “Thank you for making this possible.”

“Anytime I can be part of something good for these kids, it makes my day.” She held out her hand. “I’m Marti.” The three of them introduced themselves, and Marti explained that Savannah didn’t know who they were or how they were connected. “I figured I’d let you take care of that part.”

The questions came again in a wild rush. What if she didn’t understand? What if she had no idea who Josh was or that he was her father? How could they erase seven years of having no relationship in a single afternoon? Nate must have seen her anxiety, because he squeezed her hand and gave her a look that said not to worry. Everything would be okay.

Marti welcomed them in and moved aside. There, standing at the far end of the room, was Savannah, the girl from the picture. She was older now, her eyes more guarded than they’d been when she was four. But they were Josh’s eyes. Annie was sure that Nate and Lindsay could see that as easily as she could. Marti stepped into another room, saying something about leaving them alone so they could get to know each other.

Annie couldn’t focus on anything but the little girl, Josh’s daughter. “Hi, honey.” Annie took a few steps closer to the girl and then stooped down so she was at eye level with her. “I’m Annie.”

“Hi.” Savannah gave a little wave of her hand, but she kept her chin tucked down, too shy to make a move in their direction. “I’m Savannah.”

How often had Josh longed to hear those simple words? Annie pressed her finger to her upper lip, refusing the tears lining up along the back side of her soul. “Nice to meet you, Savannah.”

Nate and Lindsay took turns introducing themselves, and then Annie motioned for the three of them to take seats around the room. Savannah stayed standing in the far corner. Nate coughed a few times, and Annie could tell he was fighting tears. “Would you like to sit for a minute?”

“No, thank you.” Savannah did a half twirl one way and then the other, and though she still had shy eyes for them, a smile tugged at her lips. “I got a new sundress and a new sweater.”

Annie wanted to take her to FAO Schwarz and let her buy whatever she wanted. She dismissed the thought. If this was their only chance to meet Savannah, her attention couldn’t be on all the girl didn’t have. Nate nodded at her, silently asking her to take the lead in the conversation that needed to happen before they could spend the afternoon with her.

Annie slid forward a few inches and looked at her granddaughter, at the eyes that were so familiar. “Honey, you don’t know who we are, right?”

Savannah shrugged one dainty shoulder. “You’re nice people, that’s what my foster mother said. And you love Jesus.”

“Right.” Annie appreciated the woman’s comments. They needed all the help they could get to make this little girl understand who they were and why they were here. She exhaled, silently begging God for the right words. “What do you know about your daddy, Savannah?”

As soon as the question was out of her mouth, Annie saw the child respond. Her eyes began to dance and she clasped her hands the way young children do on Christmas morning when they wake to find the rocking horse or doll or train set they’d always wanted. That’s how Savannah looked, and she moved her gaze from Annie to Nate to Lindsay, and back to Annie again. “Can you wait a minute?”

“Sure, honey.” Annie glanced at the others while Savannah ran off down the hall toward the back of the house.

“At least she knows who he is.” Nate dabbed his knuckle beneath one eye and then the other. “Did you see her light up? I think she knows, don’t you?”

“Definitely,” Lindsay whispered. “I can’t believe how much she looks like Josh.”

“She looks like you, too.” Annie had realized it as the girl reacted to the mention of her father. Her excitement changed something in her face, and suddenly Annie felt like she was looking at a mix of Josh and Lindsay at that age.

They heard Savannah’s feet coming down the hall, running as fast as she could by the sounds of it.
Breathe,
Annie ordered herself.
Breathe so you don’t pass out on the living room floor. Please, God, help me breathe.

Savannah rounded the corner and stopped short. In her hands was a framed photo—a five-by-seven. She held it out in front of her and with a look that was pure adoration, she studied the picture. Then she turned it so they could see the photo.

Annie gasped softly and put her fingers over her lips. The picture was Josh a few years ago, before the accident. Savannah’s eyes shone as she looked from the picture back to Annie. “This is my daddy.” She smiled with a pride that knew no limits. “He’s a Prince Charming.”

Across the room, Lindsay looked away, probably so Savannah wouldn’t see her tears. Annie felt Nate put his arm across her shoulders. She hadn’t counted on this; none of them had. The idea that Savannah might not only know who her dad was, but that she’d have a picture of him, that she’d so completely adore him.

Annie could barely force any words from her mouth, let alone her heart. The image of Josh’s daughter holding his picture and calling him a Prince Charming would stay with her forever. She locked eyes with her granddaughter. “How do you know about him, Savannah? Who told you?”

A ribbon of fear wove its way through Savannah’s smile. “My mama.” She squirmed as if maybe that part wasn’t quite true. “I think she knew him a long time ago, because she had this picture. She put it in the trash one day when she was cleaning out our room, way back when I was a little girl. She said once it was my daddy.” Savannah swallowed hard and her eyes found Josh’s in the picture again. “She told me he was a real Prince Charming. Since she didn’t want the picture, I took it.” She held it close to her chest. “Mama doesn’t know, but . . . I’ve kept it ever since then.”

A few seconds passed while Annie processed what her granddaughter was saying. Basically, Maria had tried to end Josh’s presence in Savannah’s life, but she’d found the picture and asked about it. All Annie could figure about the Prince Charming bit was the obvious—Maria had meant the comment sarcastically. But Savannah had been too young to understand sarcasm, so she’d taken her mother’s comment to heart. She’d also taken the photo and kept it in hiding every day since then.

Annie wanted to take the little girl in her arms and tell her the truth about Josh—that he really was a Prince Charming. That he had lived for the chance to meet her, but that he’d lost that chance forever. And the worst part of all—that her daddy from the photograph was dead.

Nate leaned closer to Savannah. “Your mother doesn’t know you have the photograph?”

A worried look darkened Savannah’s countenance. “You’re not going to tell her, are you?”

“No, dear.” Nate’s answer was quick. “Definitely not.”

“Mama told me I would meet my daddy later. Much later.” She looked out the window to the street beyond. “I thought maybe you were going to bring him to me.”

“Well, that’s why we asked you about him.” Annie slid over and patted the spot on the sofa between her and Nate. “Want to sit here with us?”

Savannah hesitated, but then she tucked the framed picture beneath her arm and slowly crossed the room. She sat on the slightest edge, half standing, and she studied the picture. “He looks like a Prince Charming, don’t you think?”

Annie could hardly believe they were sitting here with Josh’s daughter. “I can tell you this, honey. Your daddy was definitely a Prince Charming. We just learned that about him.”

Savannah’s eyes lit up again and she turned fully toward Annie. “You know him? My daddy?”

Annie wondered how many times a person’s heart could break. How could they be the first real connection to her daddy the child had ever known, and in the same breath tell her that he was no longer alive?
Tell me what to say, God. . . . Help us get through this time with Savannah.

I am with you, daughter. . . . I will give you the words.

The peace of God’s promises gave Annie the strength she needed.

Even if it was only enough to survive a few minutes at a time.