This Is Not That Dawn: Jhootha Sach (150 page)

‘Yes, yes. I remember.’ Nath again lapsed into silence.

Tara felt a huge surge of relief for handling a difficult question well. She suddenly broke into a smile.

‘Why, what is it?’ Nath asked.

‘No, nothing,’ she said bashfully.

‘What did you want to say?’ Nath leaned back in his chair and asked with eyes half shut, as if he wanted her to go on.

‘Why don’t you think about the same thing?’ She said shyly, and then realized that she had spoken to Nath as if he was her age.

‘Me?’ Nath replied with a question. ‘I think I told you. At the time when my bhabhis had made it impossible for you to tutor the children… Didn’t I tell you?’

Tara shook her head, ‘No. Told me about what?’

‘The story of my circumstances. That old dispute about inheritance of the property. How my bhabhis plotted to make sure that I didn’t get married. You know all that. My father wanted the same thing, but he kept quiet about it. My grandfather had died by the time I returned from England. I fell in love with someone, a teacher at the Lahore Convent School. We decided to have a civil marriage. This was around 1944 or 1945. I told her about the dispute in my family. She insisted that I should claim my share of inheritance. We had long heated arguments. She had a strange personality. She could be very generous and unselfish, and at the same time very cold-hearted. We had an intimate relationship, but she said that she’d marry me only if I promised to claim my part of the family property. One day
the situation worsened to the extent that she called me a coward and a wimp and whatnot! I lost my temper and said to her rather angrily, “Do you want to marry me or my property?” She also said some nasty things, “You are afraid to fight for what is rightfully yours! You are afraid to stand up to injustice. You are not man enough!” I thanked my lucky stars we did not get married. I don’t know what I would have done if she had behaved like that after marriage.’

After a brief silence, Tara smiled.

‘What?’ Nath asked.

‘Doctor sahib, that was just an unfortunate incident. Why blame yourself for something that was not your fault…’ Tara could not finish the sentence because she was caught up in laughter.

Nath too began to laugh, ‘I am not pining away in her memory. But imagine my difficult situation if the woman I marry wants to bring up the same question, which is quite possible. You want me to again get myself into a mess?’

‘You could meet someone who is like-minded.’

‘Yes, that’s not impossible, but I’ll soon be forty.’

‘That can’t be true,’ Tara said. ‘You don’t look more than thirty-five or thirty-six.’

‘Well, it means that I first look for someone who’s around thirty-one or thirty-two and interested in getting married. Then fall in love with her or try to win her heart.’

‘I can introduce you to someone,’ Tara said, thinking of Doctor Shyama.

‘That settles it. I try to find someone for you and you search for me. When you didn’t approve the one I chose for you, why would I approve anyone you select for me?’

‘But you never chose anyone for me.’

Mrs Khanna came to see Tara only a couple of days later. She tried to inquire about the address of Tara’s parents and brother in a roundabout way.

Tara was ready with an answer. She said, ‘Bahinji, I’ve already made up my mind about this matter. My family’s finances are a bit tight. I’m responsible for the education of my brother and sisters.’

Mrs Khanna said with surprise, ‘But your brother is an MLA in Punjab, and the editor of a weekly.’

‘Bahinji, so what? He was elected on a Congress ticket and he has little time left from politics. My bhabhi also works in the weekly. I have a younger brother and two sisters. My brother will pay part of the expenses, and I’ll have to pay the rest. I haven’t yet paid back the car loan. You know about the expenses these days.’

Mrs Khanna did not give up hope. Before leaving she said, ‘Well, there’s no hurry. Don’t think this was the only reason I came to see you. You’re like my younger sister. When will you visit us next?’

Tara was relieved that the rumour about her and Kapur did not go round.

Tara was annoyed with Narottam. He was the one behind her friendship with the Khannas. She asked him when he came next to her flat, ‘What’s this mess you all created for nothing?’

Narottam assured her that he had played no part in the matter. ‘Mummy had said nice things about you to Mrs Khanna. The Khannas had indeed asked me about your family and parents. Now that you mention it, let me tell you the whole story. Kapur had made me promise that I won’t tell anyone. I was waiting for you to say something about him. Kapur treats me as his friend, but he did something that disgusted me. I didn’t want you two to be very friendly.’

‘But it was you who introduced us.’

‘I didn’t know all this about him at first. I came to know the whole story only two months ago.’

‘You can tell me about it now.’

‘It all came out after Kapur made me take a vow of silence. He was having an affair with someone for the past eighteen months. He was really attracted to that girl, even gave her a ring. I know it because I loaned him money for the ring, which he returned. He used to call her “my bhabhi”. After he met you his whole attitude changed. I asked him what was going on. First he made me swear that I’ll keep his secret, and then told me that he had been mistaken about that girl and had changed his mind about marrying her. His reason was that if a girl could sleep with him before marriage, how could he be sure about her morals? He said that marriage was not a matter one should take lightly.’

Tara sat stunned, barely breathing.

Narottam said disdainfully, ‘I told him at his face, “That was a very mean
thing to do. That was outright deceit. You are more responsible than her for this depravity. She slept with you because she trusted you, because she saw you as her husband. You betrayed her trust.”

‘Kapur replied blatantly, “I regret my failing and accept what I did was folly. I am willing to pay the price for my mistake. But I can’t marry a girl whom I know is easy. I don’t mind fooling around a bit before marriage, but we should not compromise the sanctity of marriage. The basis of family should be the purest of motives and morally correct behaviour. This girl must be an easy prey for anyone, otherwise why would she sleep with me before we got married? She should have exercised self-restraint if she was at all virtuous.”

‘What he said next really alarmed me. He said that he did not approve of such loose behaviour and now hated girls who behaved in that manner. That he has finally decided that either he will marry you or won’t get married at all. You are the only girl he’s ever met whom he considers to be chaste and upright and for whom he has any respect.’

Tara sat stunned and still as before.

‘I asked him if he’d proposed to you. If he’d said “yes” I’d have warned you no matter what. He said that he would never stoop so low again. That love before marriage was immoral. That marriages should be arranged by families. I gave him no reply. It would have made no difference to him. But since then I don’t want to look at his face. Have you ever seen me with him or with the Khannas in the past couple of months? I was carefully watching his behaviour towards you and if he tells you about his intention.’

Tara made up her mind to stay away from Kapur. She had emerged unscathed from this rigmarole, but what Narottam told her distressed her very much. She remained silent. Narottam also sat without uttering a word. Neither she nor he felt like saying anything more.

That night and the next day Tara was in a sad mood. She thought, ‘I was at the centre of this nonsense which became quite a serious affair. It could have turned into a scandal. If a man loves a woman, it creates problems for her. If a woman falls in love with a man that again gives her a bad name. No matter if it’s the fault of a man or a woman, it’s she who has to suffer the consequence. The onus is always on her to prove her innocence. Not long ago, a besotted hero would have simply carted off the woman who was the object of his affection. What does that foolish man thinks himself to be?’

Tara was deep in her inward turmoil. Mehta’s wife Saroj came in the evening with little Tara holding on to her finger. The mother had got the girl to rehearse what she was going to say on arrival. She joined her tiny, chubby palms with fingers spread and said, ‘Buaji,
matte
!’

Tara clasped the girl to her breast, ‘It’s my Gaggi? Where had you been all this time?’

Saroj removed a katori from under her aanchal.

‘Why do you take such trouble,’ Tara said when she saw the katori.

‘It’s nothing. My
jeth
, husband’s elder brother, came yesterday. He’s posted at Karnal station. He brought some
sarson ka saag
. Nice plump shoots. Peeling and cleaning them is always a chore. You don’t have the time to do it. I had put the greens on the stove to cook in the morning. Thought I’ll bring you a katori-ful. It’s from Punjab. I’ll give it to bua.’

‘You sit here with me,’ Tara said and called Parsu to take the katori to the kitchen.

Saroj began to complain about her neighbours who were from UP and Bihar. ‘They are so unfriendly, bahinji. We have been neighbours for almost four years, but not even once have they bothered to speak to us. I had cooked whole
urad
lentils soon after they had moved in. Poor me, I offered them a katori-ful. The kayastha woman said, “Bahinji, we don’t eat anything cooked by others.” I told her that we also were Hindus. She replied, “All the same, we follow our own customs.”’

‘Why bother if they don’t eat what somebody else has cooked. It’s their problem!’ Tara said irritably. ‘But they are still better than Punjabi neighbours. They at least don’t poke their nose into what doesn’t concern them. Punjabi neighbours will not be content until they find out about all the relatives on your mother’s and father’s side. They will even keep track of how much cumin and coriander you have in the spice box in your kitchen.’

Gaggi was trying to wriggle out of Tara’s arms. She knew where biscuits and fruits were kept in Tara’s flat, and she was free to take what she wanted. Tara guessed what the child wanted, so she patted her fondly on the back and let her go, ‘Go you pest, go to bua.’

Tara asked after Saroj’s family. Saroj saw it as a signal to talk about her troubles. A serious problem had arisen about the marriage of Mehta’s sister Kunt. Mehta’s mother and older brother, who lived in Karnal, wanted to marry Kunt off to a boy they had found after a great deal of search. Kunt was unwilling to marry the boy. Mehta’s mother and brother were angry
that he and his wife had brainwashed the girl. They had accused the couple of conniving to grab Kunt’s salary.

Saroj swore that she was telling the truth, ‘Bahinji, it’s inauspicious to tell a lie at the time when day and night meet. May God punish us if we ever took a paisa from Kunt’s salary. May He forgive me for saying that it’s we who spend money on her. You well know that wheat is now two seers for a rupee. Only we know how we are making do with Rs 225 every month. On top of that we are stuck with the responsibility for an unmarried young woman. She buys whatever clothes she likes and deposits the rest at the post office. We want her to go to her sasural not tomorrow but today. Her education has loosened her tongue. She says, “Tara bahinji didn’t get married. I’ll do the same.” I told her that she won’t become Tara bahinji even in her next four births.’

‘Why do you talk such nonsense! Perhaps she doesn’t like the boy. So find her another,’ Tara interrupted Saroj to stop her prattle.

Little Tara came in with two tangerines that Purandei gave her. The tangerines were too big for her hands, so she held them against her chest.

‘Come here, Gaggi, I’ll peel them for you,’ Tara said lovingly to the child.

‘Hai, muree, how’ll you eat all that! No, bahinji, don’t give her so much. She just had something to eat before we left home,’ Saroj said, grateful for Tara’s affection for her daughter.

‘It’s all right. Tangerines are mostly water,’ Tara pulled little Tara into her lap. She listened to Saroj as she fed the tangerine sections one by one to the child.

‘Bahinji, today’s girls are not the same as girls of our generation who used to run away shyly the moment there was any talk of their marriage. Now they talk frankly about who they want to marry. Some say that they would get married only if it made life easy for them. Bahinji, how can people like us pay a dowry of twenty-five or fifty thousand rupees for marrying our daughters into families where they can have an easy life? Whenever you find a suitable boy from a well-off family, one demands a motor car in dowry, another wants a house.’ Saroj lowered her voice, ‘Bahinji, now it’s best if the girls themselves find someone to marry. His only crime is that he doesn’t want to force his sister into marriage. Kunt plainly asks why she should ruin her life by getting married to someone who can’t make her happy. What can we do if she’s so obstinate?’

Saroj covered her lips with one hand to show her embarrassment, ‘That Karamdei from Barbatan says, “We had to leave behind everything our family owned. We have five daughters. How can we arrange dowries for all of them? I have told my girls that all we will do is educate them. If they can find grooms for themselves, we will marry them, otherwise whatever God wills for them.”’

Saroj finally said, ‘Kunt is off on the day of the Lohri festival and Sunday. We have to sew many clothes. I’d like to borrow the sewing machine for two days if it’s not inconvenient for you.’

Tara said, ‘Parsu has gone out. He will bring the machine to your place when he returns.’

Tara sank back into her mental turmoil after Saroj left, ‘It’s not fair for Kunt’s mother and brother to be angry with her because she doesn’t want a millstone around her neck for life. They are afraid of being criticized for not doing their duty towards Kunt. I was in the same situation. Why should the girls, who are boldly trying to earn a living, leave their fate in the hands of others? I see girls working for a living everywhere I go in Delhi. It’d have been extraordinary for me to think of finding a job for myself before the Partition, but now I see it happening in everyday life. Saroj said that it’s high time girls found husbands for themselves. Parents of thousands of young women perhaps want the same thing. Only six years previously most people would have turned a deaf ear to such ideas. Just as some inmates of a jail are killed but many others are freed when the walls of their prison tumble down in an earthquake, in the same way the Partition caused a great deal of destruction but also shook loose and destroyed attitudes and conventions that had become so entrenched in the minds of people over the years. Thousands lost their lives, thousands of others were ruined and were never able to recover from the blow, but the Punjabis have risen from the ashes with a grit never shown before by them.