This Is Not That Dawn: Jhootha Sach (147 page)

Nayyar replied with appropriate solemnity as he gently rubbed his eye with a finger, ‘It’s matter of concern and I’m sorry about it. I’m also surprised that simple disagreements between you two were blown rather out of proportion.’

Puri reassured him, ‘What other reason could there be? If there was, let her tell you both about it. If I’m not aware of a fault of mine, she can tell me about it.’ His face took on a meek and helpless expression.

Nayyar said by way of reassurance, ‘She must have done this after throwing a tantrum, believe me. Who else does she have in this world but you? Have faith, because she had put you in one side of the scales and the rest of the world in the other, and the scales tipped in your favour.’

Puri wanted that Nayyar and Kanta, for the sake of family honour, should go to Delhi and bring Kanak back with them. Kanta gave Puri assurance that they will do whatever was necessary and possible. If they must go to Delhi to bring her sister back, they will. But the news of her leaving must remain secret.

Nayyar later told Kanta bluntly, ‘Our intervention won’t get any result. They are by nature two very different people. Kanak could have put up with him out of a feeling of respect and admiration, but this man doesn’t have that kind of personality. They had met when she was young and impulsive, and had been attracted to him. She had refused to listen to anyone because of her loyalty to him, her own self-respect and for the freedom to choose her lover. They had hardly got any time to know and understand each other. Our disapproval of their meetings had aggravated the situation. How many times do you suppose they could have met before they got married? If they met behind our backs, they were either overtaken by excitement, or were gung-ho to fight the injustice of our opposition. Such emotions don’t last. I think they’ll continue to argue and quarrel for the rest of their lives.’

Nayyar could not find time; therefore Kanta went alone to Delhi. Kanak being a burden on her already financially strained father was constantly on Kanta’s mind. Her father had not written even one word about Kanak either to her or to Nayyar. He evidently had been deeply hurt, and wanted to keep his pain to himself. He apparently thought that even Nayyar’s rational approach and analytical skills won’t be able to save the family honour in this instance. Her mother had no say in the matter, and her father seemed completely at a loss on how to talk to Kanak about it.

Kanak was fed up with explaining her decision to her father in a roundabout way and to Puri in a straightforward manner. Now Kanta had arrived in Delhi to persuade her to go back.

Kanta asked Kanak about the main reason for disagreement between her and Puri. Kanak did not want to go deep into the reasons for her decision, and tried to sidestep the question by saying, ‘Nothing in particular. It’s just how I feel.’

In an attempt to probe further, Kanta repeated what Puri had said, and asked, ‘What did he do after all that caused you so much anger?’

Kanak had to present her side of the argument. The difference between the two versions surprised Kanta. In order to find a way to patch up their differences, she said, ‘I agree with you, but the issues that trouble you are
obviously not important for him. If you don’t want him meddling in the way you run the press and the weekly, he won’t. You should stop bothering with the press and the weekly, if you ask me. Take care of your home. I always found your house suffering from neglect and looking like some transit camp. Let
Nazir
go to hell!’

‘I was able to spend five years in Jalandhar only because I was involved with
Nazir
. Otherwise it would have been difficult even to pass two years,’ Kanak said.

‘What an odd thing to say! I think that you should get rid of the things that cause problems between you two. Don’t interfere in matters where he wants to be the boss. Just take care of your home, make it look like a home. Don’t I live like that, like a mother and a housewife?’

‘Duty of the wife and rights of the husband are the main problem,’ finding herself cornered Kanak blurted out.

‘What did you say?’ Kanta asked anxiously.

‘What more can I say?’ Kanak said, bowing her head.

‘Didn’t you get married to him? Aren’t you his wife?’ Kanta said, trying to suppress her anger and surprise.

‘I am. So what should I do, kill myself for him?’ Kanak could hardly contain her fury.

Kanta asked after a brief pause, ‘Why did you say what you just said?’

Kanak had to explain what had slipped out of her mouth. ‘If I married him that does not mean that I am a prostitute or his mistress or a bought slave who has no individual existence,’ she said furiously.

Kanta was lost in thought. To understand Kanak better, she asked, ‘What’s the problem? You have only one daughter. She’s four.’

Kanak said shaking her head, ‘But why should anyone bother me if I don’t want it? Or why should anyone think that its’ his right to pester me?’

Kanta said sceptically, ‘Why do you call it a bother?’ Then in a sympathetic tone, ‘Do you have a problem? Have you consulted any specialist?’

Kanak had to explain, ‘I have no problem. If there’s anything wrong, it’s with him, maybe his mind, maybe his body.’

She could not but continue, ‘I eventually give in when he puts pressure on me, but I always regret it. It’s a strange situation. He begins to act weirdly. Becomes angry and gets depressed for no reason. In frustration he has said that Urmila was like this and this, but you are like that and that. Sometimes pulls his hair out. He swore at me, insulted me so much.’

Kanak’s tear-filled eyes became red with anger. She continued, ‘After a while he again feels it necessary to exert a husband’s right. I can’t stand all this, I just can’t.’

Kanta bent her head, and sat thinking with chin resting on hand. She said in a voice full of sympathy and concern, ‘Why do you want to go away from your home? Stay in your home. You don’t have to agree to all that.’

‘I’ve been trying that for five years, from before Jaya was born. He refused to listen to me and insisted on having the husband and wife relationship. He even threatened me that he would have liaisons if I didn’t agree. I said, “You don’t have to tell me.” Still he doesn’t leave me alone.’

Kanta asked after some thought, ‘Does he have any sexual or physical problem?’

‘I don’t know. I don’t want to know.’

‘Well, you don’t have to put up with all that, but Kanni, you must go back. You will malign your name if you leave the home like that. What will people say?’

‘I said that I tried to ignore it for five years. Should I let him humiliate me in the fear of what others will say? I don’t want to tolerate it any more.’

What could Kanta say in reply? After a few moments she asked, ‘Who’s this Urmila?’

Kanak recounted what she had seen after coming to Jalandhar the first time.

Kanta, with finger on cheek, listened wide-eyed to Kanak. She chastized Kanak, ‘Damn you, you knowingly swallowed the fly. And you thought you were so smart and wanted to be your own woman. Couldn’t you see what he was up to?’

Tears flowed down Kanak’s face. She bit her lip and sighed, ‘He cried and gave every kind of excuse. I have only myself to blame. I just couldn’t mistrust him at that time.’

Kanta returned to Jalandhar unsuccessful in her mission and told Nayyar all that had happened.

After he knew the facts surrounding the mystery of Kanak’s flight from her home, Nayyar said, ‘I had noticed that their natures were completely different, and had thought that although Kanak had been adamant to have her way, she’d spend all her life quarrelling and arguing with him. Thousands of couples end up in the same situation. Subhadra used to be in the same
boat, but she realized the necessity of changing her attitude according to her circumstances. I didn’t know that the situation was this hopeless between Kanak and Puri. It’s possible that Puri’s unfulfilled desire for Urmila has influenced his mind in a way that he feels a deep resentment towards the person who separated him from Urmila. Puri first takes revenge on Kanak, then hates himself for doing so. It could be that Kanak has a more vigorous sex drive than Puri, and he feels threatened and disgusted with himself when he can’t keep up with her. He loathes himself even more when he tries to overcome that self-disgust. Their natures were apparently very different from each other right from the beginning. I don’t wish them to spend their lives quarrelling, but in all likelihood they will continue to be unable to tolerate each other.’

‘What do you mean?’ Kanta asked in a worried tone.

‘That Kanak and Puri cannot live in a state of mutual hatred. Hatred causes pain and suffering. It’s only natural for anyone to want to relieve pain and suffering. A scandal caused by Puri forming a liaison with someone or deciding to live again with Urmila won’t be as serious as one caused by Kanak becoming entangled with someone.’

‘What nonsense! One can’t say such things about one’s sister or daughter.’

‘I am saying this because I’ve always had a soft spot for Kanak.’

‘She’s had nothing but bad luck. You still shouldn’t say such things about her.’

‘What if she’s family? She has a human body. Whatever is natural for us, is natural for her. It’d have been okay for us to have sympathy and feel sad for her if she could be meek and remain subservient to Puri. But she’s a bold and determined person. She has taken bold decisions twice, and she is not going to hold back if something else came to her mind. I am concerned how we will react in that situation? Are we always going to be against her?’

Kanta took a deep breath and kept silent.

If Narottam insisted, Tara went occasionally to the club with him, but of late his interest in the club had waned. Kanchan and Narottam had been seeing each other, and Kanchan came to Tara’s house frequently to meet him. Tara did not mind their meetings for they went about it quite decently; she rather felt good about it.

For over three weeks, Tara had spent all her free time to help Kanak find a job. She didn’t have time even to think about going to the club.

Narottam said to Tara on the last Saturday in July, ‘Kapur has asked me several times to invite you to the club.’

Tara asked in British-style Hindi, ‘What does major want?’

Tara had met Major Kapur a couple of times at the club. Kapur habitually spoke in English. When he had to speak to the servants and bearers in Hindi, he had the same mannerism and pronunciation as the British. His behaviour was always very correct. He had, in Tara’s words, geometrical manners.

Narottam said, ‘Kapur’s sister Mrs Khanna and Col. Khanna know you. They would like to meet you at the club.’

Nath had introduced Tara to Col. and Mrs Khanna at the annual dinner of the Punjabi Association to celebrate the Baisakhi festival. She had met them again once at the club, and at another time at the house of Mr Agarwal.

When Tara went to the club to meet the Khannas, Mrs Khanna asked Tara join in playing tombola. As luck would have it Tara won the Snowball. Since Tara was not a member, Narottam had paid for the two-rupee ticket for himself and Tara, and Tara was playing on his card. Narottam was careful that Tara did not miss marking a number on her card. Tara’s card won the Rs 164 jackpot. Narottam offered the money to Tara.

Tara pulled back her hand, ‘But it was your card.’

‘I’ll deduct two rupees for my card.’ Narottam removed Rs 2 and dropped the rest in Tara’s lap.

Tara was gathering the money from the folds of her sari when Mrs Khanna said, ‘Miss Tara should treat us to dinner.’

‘Why should Miss Tara do that? She’s our guest,’ Kapur objected.

‘That is between her and Narottam. We must celebrate her winning such a large snowball,’ Mrs Khanna insisted.

Narottam tried to wriggle out, ‘What’s in it for me?’

Tara was putting the cash in her purse. She took it out and placed it on the table.

‘You are in a tight corner!’ Mrs Khanna teased Narottam.

‘Oaff! You always get me into difficulty,’ Narottam said testily to Tara. ‘Achcha, we’ll go for dinner,’ he agreed.

‘No!’ Kapur said, shaking his head, ‘Give the money back. Taraji’s card won the jackpot, you still must pay for the dinner. Etiquette dictates it.’

‘But I was playing on Narottam’s card,’ Tara said.

‘If a guest wins a prize, standard practice and etiquette dictate that
it should go to the guest. He should also return the two rupees to you,’ Kapur insisted.

‘Now you are really trapped,’ Mrs Khanna again teased Narottam.

‘Listen, Miss Tara is my guest at the club. She’ll stand us dinner at the Palace,’ Narottam said, trying again to escape responsibility.

‘That’s right,’ Tara said in agreement.

‘How can we allow that? A gentleman does not take the prize away from a guest.’ Kapur glowered at Narottam accusingly.

‘What’s to you? It’s between us sister and brother,’ Narottam said, and looked at Tara, ‘Right?’

‘Yes, that’s right,’ Tara agreed.

Kapur was miffed at his defeat. ‘This saala is a true bania,’ he said, snappishly.

‘Just look at his cheek!’ Narottam complained to Tara. She smiled and blushed.

Mrs Khanna glowed with happiness.

Kapur apologized in English politely, with a pained expression on his face, ‘Miss Tara, I am extremely sorry. I apologize for saying something inappropriate. But how can you consider him as your brother! He’s a rascal, don’t you think?’

Tara said smilingly, ‘A brother is a brother.’

‘What have you got to say for yourself?’ Narottam challenged Kapur.

Tara took Narottam, Kapur, Col. and Mrs Khanna to the Palace. The dinner ended at 11.15. Tara was not totally unfamiliar with the style and cost of expensive restaurants, yet the amount of the bill surprised her. The drinks for three men and the two women cost Rs 52, and the dinner for five was Rs 44. Tara placed six notes of Rs 10 and ten notes of Rs 5 in the plate with the bill.

Narottam whispered in Tara’s ear, ‘Leave the change as tip.’

Rs 110 out of 164 were used up in one dinner.

Before they said goodbye, Col. and Mrs Khanna made Tara promise that she will have lunch at their place next Sunday. Kapur or Narottam was to give her a ride to their bungalow in the cantonment.