This Girl Stripped (9 page)

“You sure you want to, Paisley?” He whispers into my ear and I can only nod my head. Telling him to go ahead. I’m not scared. I’m not nervous. Even though I think I should be. Everything about this is right. Everything about us is right. I need this and for a deeper, unknown reason I know Diesel needs this just as much as I do. His demons are just as dark as mine, but he hides them so well.

I can feel his hard cock resting at my wet entrance. He lets out a sigh, and slowly presses into my waiting pussy. I can feel my body stretching to accommodate his thick erection. Inch-by-inch, he carefully slides into me. It doesn’t hurt. I thought I would be screaming in pain, but the pleasure and intimacy between us is bringing me pleasure I never thought I would have again.

“Mmmm feels so good, Diesel.” I whisper into his neck, as I nip and suck his collarbone. Once he is fully inside me, he stops and for the millionth time, our eyes meet in a mixture of healing and lust.

“Paisley, are you a…” his words trail off, and I know what he is thinking. I don’t want to think about is, so I just shake my head no.

“Shit, you’re tight.” His hips move, and I can feel his entire length pull out before he presses into me again. “Shit, it’s been so long,” he moans.

I giggle thinking about him going without sex. I guess not all bikers are disgusting pigs. He has changed my outlook on most of them, that’s for sure.

His body slowly picks up pace, I wrap my arms around his neck. My nails dig into his back and he growls into my mouth. God he feels good. I never though sex could feel this good. Shit. With each thrust of his cock inside me, I let go of the past. Only focusing on the future. It frees me.

“Only you, Paisley. Only you…” he whispers to me and I feel his body start to tense. My body convulses with the pleasure of my second orgasm of the night as I feel him come deep inside me.

Sometime after three in the morning, we passed out naked and exhausted from making love a half dozen times. Each time we would try and pry our bodies apart, they would gravitate back toward each other.

The light started peaking through the curtains and I had no desire to wake up. Pulling the blankets over my head, I reach out for Diesel, only for my arm to meet an empty bed. Where did he go?

I blink my eyes open and look around. Nothing is different from last night. My clothes are still thrown on the hardwood floor next to his. Pulling the sheet up to wrap around my body, I make my way down the cold hallway searching for him.

I pause when I can hear him quietly talking on the phone. Maybe talking to another person out on the front porch?

“No, I didn’t cheat on you,” he pleaded. “Its Paisley in there. I told you I was falling for her.” I can hear the rumble of another mans voice.

“You know the fuckin’ rules. Share or its cheating. You can’t keep her to yourself. It doesn’t work like that, Diesel.” That’s when I recognize the voice. Ryker.

“That’s bullshit, Ryker. You’ve been fuckin’ Journey all along! I haven’t complained once. I don’t want none of that. Just leave it be.” What the fuck are they talking about? Sharing? Fucking? Falling in love?

“I love you, Diesel. But I love her too.” Ryker yells as I hear heavy footsteps stomp down the porch stairs.

“I can’t do this anymore, Ryker. I can’t.” Diesel yells back at him as the motorcycle roars to life and pulls down the driveway. I am frozen in place. I should run back to the bedroom and pretend I didn’t just hear whatever the fuck that just was. My mind runs wild with thoughts. So much of what Diesel said to me last night made sense. It’d been a long time since he’d been with a girl. Because all that time, it had been him with Ryker. Holy. Fucking. Shit.

The doorknob turns, and I am standing there wrapped in Diesel’s bed sheet with tears slowly beginning to stream down my face. He pauses when he sees me, knowing I heard most of that just conspired.

“How much did you hear?” he asks as he pushes his hands through his hair and scrubs his face with his palms.

“Too much,” I turn away from him, making my way to the bedroom where I can get dressed and call my sister for a ride home. Home, where I can nurse a nice, freshly broken heart. How? How could something like this happen? How could shit get ruined in only a couple hours.

Apparently, I am just not meant for a fucking happily ever after.

Leave Me Alone

Two days later, I’m still locked in my bedroom. Diesel drove me home trying to explain some kind of fucked up relationship him and Ryker have had over the years. They are bi-sexual and in a relationship. They can share women? I don’t know. All I know is that I wanted no part of any of it.

What boggled my mind was the fact that Journey was somehow involved with Ryker. Diesel repeatedly made it clear he wanted no part of any of it anymore. But after being in such a relationship, and living a life where he has to see Ryker almost daily, could he give it all up for me? I doubt it. I’m not naive enough to think it would all be that easy.

You would think it was something he would’ve told me before we got involved - before we spent an amazing night together in bed. While he helped me in ways I don’t think anyone could have. He also broke me in a brand new way. I’m destined to be alone in life. I’m starting to come to terms with that. It’s all better off this way.

I’m going to be the cat lady. I might as well start collecting them now. I shall name my first one Fluffy. Yes, Fluffy.

God damn it! I’m losing my fucking mind. My phone buzzes and I already know it’s a text message from Diesel. He hasn’t stopped calling or texting, no matter how much I try to ignore him. He’s been at the house both days, but didn’t dare come up to my room.

When I pick my phone up, I notice a text from River. It isn’t Diesel at all. The other man who decided to walk away from me. Awesome! What does he want?

Thought you might need a friend. Wanna go to Maggie’s for dinner?

How nice of him to think of me after all the bullshit he laid on me days ago. Dinner does sound good, and diner food may be exactly what I need. I won’t be able to avoid River forever. Even if I really want to. Honestly, I want to leave Woodstock again altogether. It took me what, a single month to fuck my life up here? It’s astounding I’m still alive after being on my own for so many years.

I open the text message and reply:

Pick me up at the house.

Not like I had any other way of getting there. I was quickly becoming annoyed with how dependent I was on everyone else. I hated feeling so helpless. I got here with the goal of independence. Now, that is a distant memory.

A knock on my bedroom door catches my attention as I’m walking out of my closet to get ready for dinner. When I pull the door open, Diesel is standing in front of me with a bouquet of flowers and a frown on his face. His eyes are red and puffy. He looks like I feel and it’s clear he hasn’t slept in days. I feel bad that I’ve ignored him for the past forty-eight hours now.

“Why, Diesel? Why can’t you just leave me alone?” I don’t want to know the answer to the question, I just want him to leave, but I can’t think of anything else to say. I continue pulling out a pair of jeans and heels while he stands in the doorway trying to form a reply.

“Going somewhere?”

“Yeah, I’m going to Maggie’s for dinner. Why does it matter?” It shouldn’t matter to him. Nothing I say or do should matter. Why is he chasing me like this?

“With River huh?” It’s like a slap to the face.

“Why should it matter who I’m going with, Diesel? You’re not a single man! Whatever we had was over the minute I found that out!” I can see tears starting to well up in his eyes. I shouldn’t have been so mean. I instantly feel bad about it.

“Paisley, listen to me. That is all over. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about it sooner. I was worried it would scare you away. When you found out, it did. Can you understand why I didn’t?”

“It hurt me, Diesel. You hurt me. When we met, I was already so fuckin’ broken, and you broke me even more. I can’t do this with you.” I’m trying my damnedest not to cry, but it isn’t working. I can feel my eyes starting to sting.

“I didn’t mean to hurt you, Paisley. I would never hurt you.” He takes a step toward me, and closes the door behind him.

“Everything with Ryker is over. Paisley, it’s only you from now on. Let me in.”

What do you say to something like that? I want to jump into his arms and kiss him all over. But I can’t. I don’t know if I can let him back in after he hurt me. Even if he didn’t mean to. I’m too vulnerable with everything I’ve been through.

I know I shouldn’t use the past few months as an excuse or a crutch, but I have to. It’s all too fresh. I start to back away from him and get changed. I don’t care that he’s still standing right there watching me. It isn’t anything he hasn’t seen before. I battle inside my mind, trying to decide what to say to him.

“I’m gonna have to think about it, Diesel.” That’s all I can promise him. Thoughts of another chance. Maybe I can talk to River about everything with Diesel. I know he’s probably pissed that anything happened with him at all, but he’s supposed to be my friend. The only friend I really have. Maybe he can help me shed some light on it all.

When I turn around, he’s heading for the door. Just watching him walk away breaks my heart again. Even if I’m the one sending him away again.

“Diesel?”

He pauses and turns around. I take a few steps back to him and wrap my arms around his strong body. I squeeze him tight and inhale his scent, which brings me right back to our night together. I blink back my tears, and let go of him. But not before he presses a gentle kiss to the top of my head.

“I miss you,” I admit, as he turns for the door.

“I miss you too, Paisley.”

“So what did you wanna talk about, Paisley?” River isn’t pulling any punches, even though he’s the one who invited me out to dinner, I made it clear that I needed his advice on something when we were in the car on the way here to the hole in the wall diner.

I love Maggie’s and always have since I was a little girl. It was the only place we really ever ate. At one point in time my mom was a waitress here until the owners caught her lifting money out of the register. God she sucks at life. I could live happily never seeing her again.

“I wanted to talk to you about Diesel. I need some advice from a friend, and since you’re the only friend I have here in town, I figured you could help me.” He winces when I say Diesel’s name. Is it painful for him to hear, even though he pushed me away? He made it clear he wanted nothing to do with me, so what fucking gives?

“Paisley, we are friends…” he reaches across the table, and takes my hands. I can’t help but feel the electricity running between our bodies. It’s always there, no matter how tiny the touch. “But, I can’t talk about this with you. I know we haven’t talked about everything I said, but I don’t want to think about you with him in any way. Please, just don’t tell me.” He lets out a sigh and I can tell he is hurt on some level. Even if he’s the one who pushed me away.

I just don’t understand him. I don’t think I ever will. There are too many complex levels.