Thirteen Senses (39 page)

“Look,” she added, “who do you think was with you running at your side the day you ran after the train back in Mexico? You were only ten years old, and yet you ran without water or food, barefooted through the desert heat further than any grown man could ever hope to run.”

Tears came to Salvador's eyes. “I was so scared that I'd lost you,
mama,
and I'd never see you again, so I chased the train.”

“Yes, exactly, fear pushed you from behind,
mi hijito;
but also, see,” she said, closing her eyes in concentration, “love was pulling you, too. These are our Two Great Forces on this
Tierra Firme
: Love and Fear.”

His eyes lit up. “Yes, I can see that now. I was so scared of losing you,
mama
! And . . . and you are my Love, my Everything! I didn't want to lose you! So I ran! And ran!”

“Further than any human being can run, you ran! Further than any man on horseback can run, you ran! Further than the Sun held in the sky, you ran! Non-stop, well over a hundred and fifty kilometers, you ran! And you were prepared to keep running forever, for you had Fear and you had Love—in Balance—and when we have Fear and Love in Balance, then we are of the Complete Power of God!”

Salvador's eyes shot so huge—he didn't know what to think, then Here he held, not making another sound.

“And what do you have pushing you and pulling you once again?” she asked.

“Oh,
mama, mama, mama,
” were the sounds to finally come from his mouth, “I have Fear pushing me once more, and Love pulling me. Oh, my God! MY GOD! I hadn't seen it before,
mama.
”

“But now you do,” she said.

“Yes, now I do. Both are needed,
mama
! This is our Power, when both Love and Fear are in Balance within us! Oh,
mama,
all of Life makes so much more sense for the first time!”

“Exactly, for you can now see that Here, there can be no Light without Darkness, no Sound without Silence, no Good without Evil, and no God without Devil. English is a very interesting languaging that shows us this more readily than any other languaging I know. Tell me, what is ‘live' spelled backward in English? Yes, that's right, e-v-i-l, and what's ‘lived' spelled backward; that's right, d-e-v-i-l.”

“Then the Devil is just God going backwards?” asked Salvador.

She nodded. “Yes, Here, there are no accidents,
mi hijito
,” she said. “But drop ‘the' before Devil. We don't use ‘the' before God, do we? ‘The' is a treacherous word. None of our Native languaging has it that I know of. In fact, I'm beginning to find out that only European-based linguistics use this ‘the' form. The rest of the whole world is free from this illusion, see?”

But she could see that he didn't see. “It's okay that you don't understand at this time,
mi hijito.
The only thing you need to comprehend is this, can you now see why it was so foolish for your father, poor man,” she added, making the sign of the cross over herself, “to ever think that God had abandoned us when we'd lost everything back in Mexico during the Revolution?”

“Well, yes, because if we understand Balance,” he said, “then we see that bad times are needed for good times just like darkness is necessary for having light, so then God can never abandon us. The Devil, I mean ‘Devil' is just a part of God.”

“Exactly!” she said
with gusto.
“And how does it feel to know this, eh?”

“Wonderful!” he said. “I feel free!”

“Yes, exactly! And look at this word ‘wonderful' that you just used. It originally meant being full-of-wonder, and being full-of-wonder IS this Sacred Place of Freedom from where we ARE all Miracle Makers. You see.
mi hijito
, it's only been six to seven thousand years, that as a whole, we humans languaged ourselves out of being Daily Miracle Makers with
Papito.
”

“And that's when the Bible says we ate of the Forbidden Fruit?”

“Exactly,” she said. “Before that God was no mystery, but instead our Best
Amigo.
It's no accident,
mi hijito
, that we lost our Full Senses and were reduced to five. As it is, the Sense of Feeling has been under attack for nearly four thousand years. If humans could ever be reduced to just sight, smell, taste, and hearing, then we'd be perfectly obedient machines to do whatever the state wished us to do, including the killing of women and babies—for we'd have no feelings. And without feelings, we'd then have no compassion.”

She closed her eyes in concentration. “It's no accident,
mi hijito
, that the Sense of Balance wasn't recorded in Europe and the Sense of Intuition was taken away from women.”

“Oh,
mama,
I see it all so clearly now! Only with five senses do we then live in fear of Devil!”

She smiled. “You got it. In fact, Father Ryan told me that it wasn't until the Thirteen Hundreds with the Black Plague in Europe that ‘hell' was made into the concept that it is today and
‘el'
Devil became so terrifying. Before that, ‘hell' and ‘devil' weren't all horrible and mean, but more like pranksters.

“Imagine whole towns were put to fire with human bodies piled ten high. The Thirteen Hundreds were a Living Hell on Earth. And the Jews, because of their clean, kosher cooking, didn't get the plague, so they were hated more than ever. Understand, the unknown puts terror into the hearts of people who aren't using all of their senses. And how can it not, it takes all of our God-Given Senses to face the ‘unknown' with the Vision
de Papito.
”

“But
mama,
why didn't you tell me all this before?”

“Were you ready to listen?”

Salvador took a deep breath, then shrugged.

“Let's not play the constipated fool.
Mi hijito
, you are very headstrong! Wasn't it me, eh, who first saw Lupe, but you didn't want to hear anything about it, so you had to go and meet her somewhere else? And you had no idea that she was the one that God and I had already picked out for you?

“Here are no accidents in Life,
la Vida
,
mi hijito
, but the constipated
pendejadas
that we refuse to learn in any other way!”

“Oh,
mama,
you are tough!”

“Thank you,” she said with a little bow. “And now that you and Lupe have passed through that first needle's eye and reached this Sacred Place where all couples Dance the Wild Steps of Heaven, you have no more
problemas
,
mi hijito.
Now all you have to do is open your eyes and ‘see' with Eyes of Creation, and understand then all
problemas
are already solved.” She breathed. “And why is this true, because, simply, All of Life is already Perfect,
mi hijito.
Tell me, who does Lupe trust and pray to, eh?”

“Well, God, of course.”

“And through which organization does she do this?”

“Well, through the Catholic Church.”

“And on Whom is the Catholic Church founded?”

“On Christ, the Son of God.”

“And what was Jesus Christ's first miracle?”

Salvador shrugged.

“Come on, it was His Mother who asked Him to do it.”

“Oh,” said Salvador, his eyes suddenly opening wide. “He turned water into wine,
mama?'

“Yes, exactly. Jesus Christ, the Son of God, turned water into wine, and not just ordinary wine, but the best of wines!”

“Yes,
mama,
the best,” said Salvador.

“Yes,
mi hijito
, and who do you know that's a member of the Catholic Church, who says that your whiskey is the best?”

“Why, Father Ryan, of course,
mama
,” said Salvador, suddenly so full of
gusto
that he leaped up! “He thinks my whiskey is the best he's had since he left Ireland! Oh,
mama,
I see it now! I see it! I'll just take Lupe to see Father Ryan, and have him explain everything to her, because with him, she will have trust!”

“Exactly!” said the old woman. “For what is happening Here, at this Holy Moment, isn't that you are lying to Lupe; no, you are educating her. You are exposing her to the world you know, and little by little with patience—take that damn grin off your face immediately!

“Don't you dare think that I am saying that it is for a man to teach his wife! For believe-you-me,
mi hijito
, the lessons you are going to learn from Lupe, will, in the end, make pale what you have taught her! Thirteen Sacred Seeds you two will plant in the first three years of your marriage— whether you like it or not—and the ones she will put down deep into the soil of your marriage will dwarf yours! For remember men come into a marriage with only six senses, and women come with seven! And the Seventh of Intuition is from which Balance grows WINGS, leaping us into the Arms of Creation, gifting us the Eighth, Ninth, Tenth—all Thirteen! Do you understand?” she added.

“Yes,
mama
, I understand, you've told me this a thousand times, the Female is the basis of all Life, but why—why do you get so angry?”

“Because,
mi hijito
,” she said with tears suddenly bursting from her old, wrinkled-up, lizard-looking eyes, “this is good-bye. This is good-bye for us. The life that you and I have known together ... is done, gone, completed, and now it is for you and your young wife to leave our Garden of Eden, eat from your own Tree of Knowledge, and go out into your own World. The story of Creation never finished with the Jews of old, but is ongoing, right now, Here, forever. Adam and Eve ARE YOU!”

Tears were streaming down her face. “
Te amo con todo mi corazón, mi hijito.
You are a good son, a fine man. You are everything I ever hoped for you to be when I took my oath to raise you up like a woman. In you is the future of
nuestra gente.
For you are the sculpture, the painting, the symphony that I worked so hard to Create,
con el FAVOR de DIOS!
And you are Perfect, my Love. Perfect with all your faults and contradictions. In fact, these I love best, your imperfections.

“You lied to Lupe,” she said, suddenly laughing, “just like a typical man, and now you're worried! Oh, I can hardly wait to see how you two will work this out!

“I love you,
mi hijito
, and I will always be with you, Here, inside,” she said, tapping his chest, “in your Heart, beating like a great drum just like when you were within my womb and you could hear my Heart beat, beat, beating, pounding
con amor
—you, my Love, will hear me—ALWAYS!”

She started laughing once again.

“But what's so funny,
mama
?”

“That luckily the whole world is still all a big beautiful mess and it's your beautiful mess to deal with, and not mine!”

“You find this funny!”

“Oh, this!” she said. “Hilarious, in fact!”

And she was laughing
con carcajadas.
“But!” she said. “DON'T you EVER blame Lupe when
Papito Dios
comes asking you why you ate of the Forbidden Fruit! For you are
un Mejicano
who was raised by
UNA INDIA DE LAS BUENAS!
And
Mejicanos,
God forgive them, have many faults, but believe me, stool-pigeons THEY ARE NOT!

“And so when the time comes that you meet God, face to face, you will say, with your
tanates
in hand, ‘I DID IT, GOD! I take FULL RESPONSIBILITY!' And you will not blame the woman you love! Or it will not be Devil or God who comes looking for you, IT WILL BE ME! Your MOTHER, the
GARRRR-AAA-PATA
up your SPIRITUAL ASSHOLE for all ETERNITY!”

Salvador was laughing and crying, both at the same time!

“I promise you,
mama,
I promise you, I will not blame Lupe when
Papito Dios
comes asking.”

“Good! Because—oh, that story alone shows me, that not only was the Bible—as we know it—written by men, but by weak, scared men, too! For no man with
tanates
blames his Love like Adam did to poor
Eva
!”

Crying and laughing, Salvador took his old mother into his arms. “Oh, I love you,
mama
! I love you so, so, so much!” he said.

“Of course, I was the first pair of tits you sucked!”

“Oh, you are awful,
mama
!” he said, laughing.

The Stars were Dancing!

The Stars above were Singing, Dancing, Rejoicing—GOD'S SMILE!

IT WAS DAYBREAK
when Epitacio came running to the house in Corona. He was dropping dead on his feet. He'd run the whole way from Lake Elsinore. And he wasn't a young man anymore. He was a fat, middle-aged man who'd just run the run of his life!

“I CAN'T DO IT ANYMORE!” he was screaming to Luisa. “Salvador will have to do it himself!”

“Epitacio!” Luisa was trying to tell him, “Lupe is here! Lupe is here!”

But the frightened little man just couldn't shut up. This was when Salvador came rushing in, gun in hand.

“What the hell's the commotion?” he yelled.

“I can't do it anymore!” screamed Epitacio. “They killed my two older brothers right in front of me!”

“Who killed them!”

“
Los
rurales!
The soldiers! Hanging them, and cutting their guts out!”

“You mean back in Mexico?”

“Yes, in the Revolution! I'm tired of running, Salvador! I'm tired of being afraid of every sound! I don't want to go to prison like Domingo. I'm not brave! Ask anybody. They'll tell you! I've never been brave!”

“Okay,” said Salvador, seeing Lupe staring at the pistol in his hand. “It's okay. Calm down, and come outside with me so we can talk.” He put the .38 snubnose Special in his back pocket.

“No, the
coyotes
are outside! I want to go to bed. Luisa is fat and round and all warm and I want her to hold me! I'm not brave! I'm not brave! Ask anyone!”