Then Came Alexandra (Southern Love #1) (22 page)

“And if I don’t?”

“Then I’ll come over there.”

“So I don’t have much of a choice?” she snapped.

“You would have if you told me where you were going to begin with. What’s it going to be? Are you coming to me or am I coming to you?”

Alexandra ran her fingers through her hair. “I’ll be there in fifteen minutes.” She hung up and tried to control her breathing. Her life was full of drama and she was sick of it. She just wanted a peaceful life, no drama, no lies, no stress. Obviously, that was never going to happen. She grabbed her bag and drove to the diner.

When she parked outside, she sat still for a moment. She hadn’t seen Paul in months, but she knew exactly what he wanted to discuss. After a deep breath, she walked inside and saw him sitting alone in a booth.

He stood up when he saw her, his blue eyes brightening slightly. His hands were in his pockets and he didn’t reach for her. The calmness in his eyes soothed her slightly. She stared at the face she had looked at so many times. It was the one she saw when she woke up in the morning, the one she stared at when they made love, the very one that broke her heart.

“Shall we?” he said.

She sat down and leaned back, her hands in her lap. She didn’t reach for the menu or look at him. She tried to find something to focus on. The wrapper from his straw was sitting on the table. She grabbed it and played with it in her fingers.

Paul stared at her but said nothing. The minutes trickled by, the silence so loud it was screaming in her ears. When she finally met his gaze, she saw the intensity of his look. It was the same face he made when he was emotional or passionate about something. But it was unpredictable. It could mean anything. He was just as likely to cry as he was to grab her face and kiss her.

“Thanks for meeting me.”

“Yeah,” she whispered. “But I didn’t have a choice.”

“Martha would have gunned me down if you really wanted her to,” he said with a smile.

“Well, that’s a little extreme.”

He placed his hands on the table, folded tightly. “I wouldn’t put it past her.”

The waitress came over. “What can I get you?”

Alexandra fumbled with the menu. “Uh…”

“She’ll have the French toast and I’ll have the pancake combo.”

“Got it.” The waitress walked away.

“Breakfast?” Alexandra asked.

“I know it’s your favorite meal of the day.”

They had breakfast together on Sunday mornings. She remembered watching the football games on the couch, cuddled up underneath a warm blanket. The fall leaves would dance in the wind, indicating the approach of winter.

“I’m not going back,” she blurted. “I’m sorry you wasted your time coming all the way out here.”

“It wasn’t a waste,” he said simply. “I have to tell you something anyway.”

“You could write an email.”

“Like you would read it,” he said with a smile.

“What do you want to talk about?”

“Our relationship—the end of it.”

“We’re never getting back together,” she said firmly. “We’re over.” She felt like she was repeating herself. She just said it to Blaise a few hours ago.

“Before you say that, you should hear me out.”

“It doesn’t matter how eloquent your words are. It won’t change the past, Paul.”

“It might.” He stared at her. “The past few months of our relationship you were completely unavailable. Every time we spoke, you weren’t there. And what made it worse was the fact that you didn’t tell me what was bothering you. The more distant you were, the more painful it was for me. I couldn’t figure out how to help you, to help our relationship.”

“That justifies nothing.”

“Let me finish,” he snapped. “I was depressed that I lost my girlfriend. We were still together at the time, but we really weren’t. I reached out to you but you rejected me every time. You didn’t even answer my phone calls most of the time. So I started drinking, drowning in my own sorrow. I still told you I loved you but you didn’t say it back most of the time. I still don’t know if it was because you were ignoring me or just not listening. So, I met someone at the bar one night.”

Alexandra felt her heart accelerate. “Paul, I don’t what to know.”

He stared at her. “I dropped all my personal bullshit on her, telling her everything that was going with you. I felt like you already dumped me and I had no idea how to win you back. She was having problems with her boyfriend too. I listened to everything she said.”

Alexandra averted her gaze, unable to handle what he was about to say.

“One night, we were both more drunk than usual. She leaned in and kissed me. I didn’t stop it for a moment. When I realized what I was doing, I pulled away. I wanted to feel that connection with somebody, but if it wasn’t with you, it wasn’t right. That was the last night I saw her. I know you heard rumors about me, but that’s what really happened.”

Alexandra processed his words, her mind reeling.

“I cheated on you, but I didn’t sleep with her.”

She was still quiet. “I—I don’t know what to say. How do I know you aren’t lying?”

“We’ve been broken up for two months. I don’t have any reason to lie. And I haven’t been with anyone else while we’ve been apart. You can ask anyone. I only love you, Alexandra. I’m hurt that you would assume I would sleep with someone else.”

“You still cheated,” she snapped.

His eyes bore into hers. “Which never would have happened if you hadn’t shut me out,” he snapped. “I’m sorry you were going through a hard time, but you treated me like shit, Alex. I had no one to turn to. There was no way I could fix us. I was lost. So don’t fucking blame this on me. You still haven’t told me the truth. I know you don’t want to hear this, but I was completely justified in doing what I did. I needed my girlfriend but you refused to deliver. There is no relationship if only one person is in it.”

“How dare you—”

“Shut up.”

She flinched at his words.

“Take responsibility for your actions, Alexandra. Stop running away every time life is hard, stop shutting people out as soon as disaster strikes. You were irresponsible and cold toward me and our relationship. I’m sorry for what I did. I really am. But you owe me a big apology.”

She averted her gaze and stared at the surface of the table. She knew Paul was right. For two months, she pushed him away. She lied to him, said nothing was wrong. She camped out at her apartment but said she was out of town just to get away from him and everyone else. When he said he loved her, she was mute. When he broke down in tears, trying to fix their relationship, she turned a blind eye. “I’m sorry.”

He nodded. “Thank you. Do you forgive me for what I did?”

“Yes,” she whispered.

“I haven’t spoken to her since. There’s only one woman in my heart.”

“You promise you never slept with her?”

He stared at her. “You’re the only one, Alexandra. Why would I want anyone else when I have you?”

She played with the wrapper on the table.

“Now tell me what happened.”

Her heart accelerated.

“You owe me that.”

Alexandra sighed then told him the story. “I just fell apart after it happened. I didn’t deserve to live, deserve to feel the love you showered me with, from anyone. I’m a horrible person and I’ll never forgive myself for what I did.”

His eyes sagged in despair. He grabbed her hand and held it across the table. “I’m so sorry, baby.”

She sniffed.

“But it wasn’t your fault.”

“Yes it was.”

“Look at me.”

She did.

“No it wasn’t.”

Alexandra pulled her hand away.

“I’m sorry that happened to you. Now I understand why you were so withdrawn.”

“That doesn’t excuse my behavior.”

“I wish you had told me the truth,” he said. “I kept wondering if I had done something wrong.”

“I’m so sorry,” she whispered. “I should have told you the truth. My behavior was unacceptable.”

“It’s okay,” Paul said gently. “We both made mistakes. Let’s put it behind us and move on.”

Alexandra felt the panic descend.

He stared at her. “Doesn’t this change everything? I’ve always been in love with you, Alex. That was never the issue. And I’m hurt by the way you treated me, but I want to work this out.

“But…you cheated on me.”

“That isn’t fair,” he said quickly. “You know it isn’t.”

He grabbed her hand. It felt warm on top of hers.

“Alex, please come back to me. I know we can’t be exactly what we were before, but we can work on it. Those two years shouldn’t be a waste. And I already know I want to marry you. I don’t want to spend my time looking for someone else when I’m already in love with you.”

Blaise popped into her mind and she pulled her hand away. “Paul, there’s something you should know…”

His eyes darkened. “What?”

“There’s someone else…”

He took a deep breath but didn’t react in any other way. Moments passed and nothing was said. Paul didn’t seem mad or upset. “You already have a boyfriend?”

“No.”

Paul raised an eyebrow. “What?”

“I did have a boyfriend. We broke up a few weeks ago.”

“Oh.” He cupped his chin. “What happened?”

“Do you really want to know?”

He nodded. “We’re still best friends. That hasn’t changed, Alex.”

“He—cheated on me, I think.”

“You think?” he asked.

“He claims he didn’t. His ex-girlfriend lives with him for a reason he can’t explain. He said he’ll tell me everything when he’s at liberty to. But…I don’t think I can trust him.”

Paul stared at her. “I’m sorry that happened to you.”

She stared at the sincerity in his eyes.

“But I’m surprised you moved on so quickly.”

“I was too,” she whispered. “It just happened. I can’t explain it.”

Paul seemed slightly wounded by those words. “Did you love him?”

Alexandra fidgeted in place. “I thought I did.”

He took a deep breath. “Alex, you don’t have to answer this. Did you sleep with him?”

The guilt exploded inside her. She kept her mouth shut, unable to crush Paul.

When she didn’t say anything, Paul took a deep breath. The pain shined in his eyes. He closed them for a moment before he looked at her. The light had gone out.

“Were you with anyone else?”

“Fuck no,” he said quickly. “Whenever I wasn’t working, sleeping, or eating, I was trying to find you.”

“And how did you?”

“I—I’d rather not say.”

She shook her head. “I can’t believe Abby told you.”

“She didn’t.”

Alexandra stared at him. “Then how?”

“I took her out to dinner and pestered her about you. I knew she wouldn’t give anything up. When she went to the bathroom, I copied her SIM card onto my phone and went through all her contacts that night. Since you aren’t close with your mom, I called Martha first.”

Now she felt guilty for accusing her sister of betrayal. “Okay.”

“I know it was wrong but I was desperate.”

She nodded.

“And I’m so glad to see you sitting across from me.” His words held his emotion. “You have no idea how worried I’ve been. I was afraid something happened to you, that  you didn’t have enough money, that someone was taking advantage of you…it was a nightmare.” He ran his fingers through his hair, breathing deeply.

Alexandra felt the pain in her heart. “I’m so sorry I did this to you.”

Their food still sat on the table, untouched. Her French toast was no longer warm. The butter had melted and streamed onto the plate. His pancakes were flat.

“Are you ready to come home with me?” he asked.

Alexandra shifted her weight. “Uh…I don’t know.”

“What’s left for you here?” he asked. “We’ve cleared everything up. Let’s go back to being happy together.”

“My aunt hurt her back and she can’t take care of her fields on her own. I need to help her. And I have school and work. This is my life now, Paul. I can’t just get up and leave.”

“You got up and left New York pretty easily.” The accusation was evident in his voice.

“I can’t just leave again. I’m sorry.”

“What about us?”

“I—I don’t know. You just dropped this on me, Paul. I thought we were over, dead. And now you just rewrote history. It’ll take some time for me to adjust.”

“We love each other,” he said. “You don’t need to adjust.”

“It’s complicated…”

His eyes widened. “It’s because of this other guy.”

She kept her mouth closed.

“I thought you were over?”

“We are.”

“Then what’s the problem?”

She ran her fingers through her hair. “It’s not that simple.”

“He lied to you. I’m sure he was fucking his girlfriend the entire time, using you on the side when he wasn’t satisfied. I hate to be blunt about it. Men are pigs, Alex. He wasted two months of your life, praying on your naivety while he played you. He doesn’t love you, not like I do. I admit I’m hurt you ended up with some other guy so quickly, but…this happened because of me and I accept that responsibility. I’ll give you time to come back to me.”

“What?” she asked in surprised.

“Come back to New York with me and get adjusted. When you’re feeling more comfortable, I would like to work on our relationship…when you’re over him, of course.”

“Paul, I just said I’m not coming back. A relationship between us…I don’t know. It’s too soon.”

“You said your aunt needs help with the fields while she isn’t feeling well. When she’s back on her feet, she won’t need you anymore. And you certainly don’t need to go to school when you’re already an amazing nurse, despite what you may think. Then we’ll go back to New York.”

“What do you mean
we
?”

“I’m staying here, Alex. I’m not leaving you again.”

“What about your job?”

“I quit,” he said simply. “You forget how well I know you. I knew this was how you’d react. I’ll stick around as long as you want. When we’re ready, we’ll go home.”

She was speechless. “Paul…”

“You’re the one, Alex. I’m not letting you get away again. I’ll do whatever it takes.”

Alexandra leaned back in her chair, unsure what to say or do. Her life had been turned upside down by Paul’s declaration. The fact that he hadn’t cheated on her in the way she imagined, and the revelation that she had caused the situation to arise changed everything. But that didn’t make her life any easier. It only made it more complicated.