Their Christmas Vows (11 page)

Gasping, she turned in his arms, burying her face against his neck, panting hot breaths against his skin. It felt right to have her in his arms. He slid a hand down to cup her rear, drawing her Closer, knowing from her movements and the little purr that escaped her that she was more than aware of his own need.

`Frazer...'

Her voice was a shaky whisper as she pulled a few centimetres away. He wished he could see her properly in the dimness of the room, could read her expression, but he only distinguished the glimmer of her eyes, the shape of her lush, rosy lips. They were so close, so tempting. He touched his mouth to hers, finding her pliant-hot and demanding. She tasted amazing, honey-sweet, and he couldn't get enough of her. Groaning, he took more, meeting her questing tongue with his, sucking on her, drawing her into his mouth,

inflamed further by her soft moans as she pushed him onto his back and wriggled on top of him.

Again his hands slid under her jumpers, glorying in the feel of her satin-soft skin beneath his palms, but as he moved up her ribcage she caught his wrists once more, urging his hands away, linking her fingers with his as she pinned them by his head. A frown creased his brow, and he wondered why she didn't want him to touch her breasts. But her mouth was urgent on his, the deeply erotic kiss making him mindless, and the way she rubbed against him threatened to blow away the last shreds of his sanity.

Somehow her jogging trousers and his boxers had disappeared. His hands were shaking as he pulled one of their medical bags towards him and rummaged inside, praying he'd find what he needed. He did. And, from the speed with which she plucked the condom from his fingers, her relief was as great as his own. For a moment the fog in his mind became less dense, and he worried that they were rushing this. Yes, he wanted her. More than he'd ever wanted anything. But a ripple of unease ran down his spine, a warning he couldn't grasp that something wasn't right.

`Callie?' He cupped her face, halting her movements as she ripped open the foil. `Are you sure this is what you want?'

`Just give me tonight.'

The words were so soft he had to strain to hear them: Tonight? He wanted to give her for ever.

Concerned about what she meant, he opened his mouth to clarify things. But all thoughts evaporated as she closed one hand around him and took him towards paradise. When he didn't think he could stand it any longer she quickly sheathed him with the protection, then her hips straddled his and their sighs of pleasure combined as she slid down and united them, lost in a daze of unimaginable pleasure. His hands stroked the silken skin of her thighs, gliding up to grasp her hips, guiding her movements as he rose to meet her. It was amazing...hot, urgent, incredible. Her hands clenched in his T-shirt, fisting on his abdomen. She bent to kiss him, and he met her demand for demand, stroke for stroke. When she had to drag her mouth away to draw in a ragged breath he tightened his hold, knowing he wasn't going to last much longer. She shifted position and he groaned as she took him even deeper. They moved together. chasing the ultimate fulfilment, clinging to each other as they finally spiralled into oblivion, her soft cries joining his as they were caught up in an indescribable vortex of pleasure.

Callie collapsed on him and he wrapped his arms around her shaking, trembling body, needing to hold her, to keep her close. He couldn't breathe, couldn't speak, couldn't think...had never experienced anything so perfect, so unforgettable, so extraordinary before. In that moment, as his breathing and his heartbeat gradually slowed, he knew a sense of utter peace and rightness-knew without doubt that even though he had only known Callie for a short time he was in love for the first time in his life. Whole-heartedly. Completely. Irrevocably. And he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. A smile on his face, he followed her into sleep.

When he woke, he sensed at once he was alone, and the peace he had known during the night was challenged by a return of doubt and worry, of his unease that what had happened between him and Callie, while magical, had been too fast.

`Callie?'

It was still dark outside, but he could tell the room was empty. The wind had dropped in the night, and now the noises were from inside the house. Anxious to find Callie, to speak with her, hold her, he quickly dressed and used the bathroom, before finding Dougie and some of the children in the kitchen. The power was still off, but the man had already been out to the stock and was making tea and a big pot of porridge on the range.

`Everything all right, Doc?'

`Fine, thanks.' He hid his personal concerns and enquired after the family. `How are Moira and the baby?'

`No problems! We've decided to call our son Frazer Callum, in honour of you both being here to help us. Callie is up with Moira now,' he added, his smile broad.

Frazer nodded, managing a smile in return. 'I'll just check on them.'

Before he could leave the kitchen, his mobile phone rang. It was Archie Stewart. His boss had good news. The helicopter could fly, and one of the pilots was on his way out to collect them. More nervous than he wanted to admit, Frazer went up the stairs to see Moira and the baby... and Callie. He wanted more than anything to get her alone, to tell her how he felt, but his heart sank when he walked into the McStays large, airy bedroom. Callie wouldn't meet his gaze, her movements jerky as she tried to keep a distance between them.

Hurt pierced him, and he felt sick to his stomach He was confused, bitterly disappointed, scared Callie's rejection was a physical pain, searing inside him, destroying the joy and hope that had filled him when they had been together. It had been so special between them. How could she not feel that? How could she switch off the passion and the closeness? Did it mean nothing to her?

Swearing profusely to himself, he knew he deserved a good kicking. These last weeks he had been so patient, trying to gain her trust, her confidence, and last night he had allowed himself to lose control, to lose sight of the bigger picture, taking what she had offered, what he had needed, when a part of him had known it was too soon. Callie had been emotional, reacting to the baby, to her painful memories, to making herself vulnerable by telling him what he knew was only part of the story about her marriage and her bastard of a husband. Now he had undone all the progress he had made. She had retreated back into her shell, and he knew instinctively that it was going to be harder than ever to break down her barriers again.

Somehow he managed to draw on his professionalism as he talked to Moira and examined both her and the baby. Reassured that both were fine, and content for them to remain at home, he held on to his composure and informed Callie of the news that the helicopter was on its way, his gut knotting at the relief evident on her face. As they packed up their gear and took what they needed from the four-by-four, leaving the rest in the vehicle for collection later, he tried to breach her defences.

`Callie—'

'Don't, Frazer. Please.' The shakiness and distance in her voice broke his heart. `Last night shouldn't have happened. I'm sorry. It wasn't your fault, it was mine. But it was one-off. It can't happen again.'

Before he could reply, he heard the sound of the helicopter approaching. Moments later they took their leave of the McStays, and Frazer wondered he was ever going to know the joy the family shared He wanted what they had, that close, happy bond, a house full of children and laughter and love.

And he wanted it all with Callie.

Losing his head last night may have cost him whatever chance he had of realising that dream...of winning the heart of the only woman he had ever loved.

CHAPTER SEVEN

ON CHRISTMAS Eve, Callie satin her car in the snowy parking area outside the air ambulance base, plucking up the nerve to do what had to be clone. Her hands clenched on the steering wheel. How could she have been so stupid? Her selfishness in throwing herself at Frazer had ruined everything.

Disturbed from her thoughts by the sound of the helicopter firing to life, she watched as the crew on duty climbed on board and the aircraft lifted off on an emergency call. Which meant the base would be quiet, and this was a good time to talk to her boss.

Feeling iii, her legs shaking, she barely noticed the biting cold wind as she walked towards the building. Inside it was warm, and bright with festive decorations. She paused a moment, realising how much she had come to feel she belonged with her new colleagues. In the short time she had been in Strathlochan she had made more friends and felt more at home than at any time in her life before. It made it even harder to leave, to give all this up. For the first time she had felt a buzz about Christmas, had been looking forward to spending it here. Now it was over-and it was her fault.

`Callie!' Archie Stewart's voice made her jump. `Can't keep away from the place even on your day off, I see.'

She could hardly manage a smile in response to his teasing. Nerves tightened her stomach `I wondered if I could have a word with you?'

`Yes, of course.' Her boss's smile faded and he looked at her with concern before leading her along to his office. `I heard today that Desmond Pollock, your patient who had the chainsaw accident, is doing well. They saved his arm, but he'll have a long recovery.'

`That's good news. It was touch and go For a while whether he would survive at all.'

Talking about the incident made her think of Frazer, and her nervous anxiety returned-along with the crushing inner pain that had been with her since she had woken up in his arms at the McStays' yesterday morning. Aware Archie was watching her, she tried to control her expression and took the seat he offered, clenching her hands in her lap.

'So, Callie, what can I do for you?'

`I'm really sorry, but things aren't working out as I'd hoped,' she began, unable to meet his gaze.

`I thought you loved working on the helicopter that it was what you had always wanted to do?'

`So did I.' She bit her lip, her nails digging into her palms. `But I can't do it. I have to leave.'

Archie frowned, his gaze assessing, and he leaned forward, steepling his hands beneath his chin as he considered her. `Callie, your work has been exceptional. Everyone likes you. Tell me what's wrong, what's making things difficult and I'11 do all I can to help sort things out.'

`It's not that.' She fought down a wave of panic, hating that she was lying to a man who had been nothing but kind to her. `I can't settle here. I need to go back to Glasgow.'

`Are you sure?'

`Yes,' she whispered, feeling she was betraying the trust he had placed in her.

`I'm very surprised...and disappointed.' Her guilt increased tenfold at his words. `Will you at least think about it again? Let me have your final decision after the New Year.'

It wasn't what she wanted' but it would take a while for Archie to find a replacement, especially over the holiday season. She felt bad enough as it was, without leaving him even more in the lurch. 'All right. But I have to say I won't change my mind.'

`What's the matter, darling' ?

Frazer sighed and turned from staring sightlessly out of the window, trying to paste a reassuring smile on his face as he looked at his grandmother. `I' m fine.'

`I don't think you are.' Lily patted the sofa and he reluctantly sat down beside her. `Tell me what's wrong. Is it Callie?'

`Why would you say that?' he prevaricated, just hearing the name enough to twist his insides with pain. not blind, darling. I saw how you looked at her, and I've heard the way you speak about her.' She took his hand and squeezed it. `Callie is a lovely young woman, I liked her immediately, but she strikes me as being very lonely.'

He let out a huff of breath, remembering how alone she had been when he had first met her. `She has no family-has always been alone, has never had anyone to care for her, to love her. And she's been hurt. She doesn't trust easily.'

`You want to be the man to change that?'

His gran's perception had always been scary. 'I'd hoped that might happen. Now I think I've blown it. I made a stupid miscalculation-and I'd been so careful, so patient until then. Callie has retreated, and she won't talk tome: Frustrated, he ran his hands through his hair.

`You have to try, Frazer. She needs you. I was really hoping Callie would spend the day with us tomorrow, that we could give her a happy, loving Christmas,' his grandmother admitted sadly.

`I wanted that, too.'

Now he wasn't sure it was going to be possible. How could it be when Callie had shut him out so completely since they had patted unhappily the previous morning? Sighing, he leaned forward and absently stroked Hamish, who lay relaxed and untroubled in front of the fine. Frazer's own mind was distracted as he wrestled with the Callie problem and how he was going to solve it.

The round of his mobile phone ringing permeated the thoughtful silence in the room.

`Sorry, Gran, I have to take this.'

Her smile was understanding. `I'11 go and put the kettle on. Maybe a cup of tea will help aid our thinking up a plan.'

Grateful to have someone on his side, he answered the phone. `Frazer McInnes. s Archie.'

`Hello, boss.' He frowned, concerned there had been some major incident that required him to go in to work. `Is anything wrong? Do you need me?'