Their Christmas Vows (10 page)

'Will do, Doc. Thank you both for everything. Se you in the morning.'

Downstairs, in the dark, Frazer sensed the building tension between himself and Callie. While she disappeared to the bathroom he made them mugs of hot chocolate, then went to the living room, lighting some candies and moving the sofa back so he could set the mattresses in front of the fire. Tossing a few more logs on, he waited impatiently for Callie to arrive. In the days since the decorating party and taking her to meet his grandmother, he hadn't been able to stop thinking of their impromptu kiss. It had been far too short and far too public, but it had been like a taste of paradise and he couldn't wait to do it again-to kiss her properly. And more. ..much more. He wanted to taste her all over, love her for hours.

He looked round as the door opened and Callie came into the room. She had removed her flight suit, but she was covered from neck to toe in a layer of thick baggy jumpers and a pair of loose jogging bottoms. Frazer bit back a smile, overwhelmed by a wave of affection and desire. She looked so cute, impossibly appealing...and apprehensive. He saw her eyes widen as she looked at the mattresses close together by the fire, and he took her arm, leading her forward before she had a chance to voice the protests he knew were building inside her.

`I've spoken to Archie and updated him on the situation. All being well, the weather will settle and he helicopter can pick us up in the morning. We can come back for the vehicle when the roads are open.' Encouraging her to sit in the warm, he handed her a mug. `Here, have some hot chocolate: `Thanks.'

`It really ought to be champagne, to mark the occasion.'

Her expression was thoughtful in the flickering from the fire and candies. `Dougie was so happy having a son. And he was great at the birth.'

`He's an old pro at this.' Thinking of the large and y family upstairs, he felt a pang of envy grip him-one that would have shocked him mere months ago. `I didn't mean that, though. I meant it should be us celebrating.'

'Celebrating what?' she asked with a frown, sipping her drink.

`Our first baby together!'

He'd hoped to make her smile, for this to be a bonding experience, but he was horrified when the colour drained from her face and she turned away. Clearly he had unwittingly touched a raw verve.

`Callie, what's wrong?'

`Nothing.

Damn. It was like taking a couple of steps forward and several back with her. He had seen how affected she had been by the birth, but the tears now shimmering in her eyes revealed such hurt and disappointment he felt as if he'd been kicked in the gut. The urge to comfort and protect her was too strong to ignore. He gave in to his instincts. Despite being stripped down to his boxers and T-shirt, he took the empty mug from Callie's trembling fingers, set it aside, then sank down next to her and drew her gently into the circle of his arms.

Shocked, Callie held herself stiffly within Frazer's embrace, trying to resist the impulse to let go. She knew he hadn't meant anything by his remark, but it had affected her just the same, because she had worried since her treatment about whether she could ever have babies. Her oncologist had told her there was no reason why she shouldn't have children once she'd had the all-clear and was off the medication. No reason except never finding a man who would fancy her now she was damaged goods-even if she could ever bring herself to risk trusting one again.

All too conscious of Frazer's nearness, his warmth, the steady beat of his heart as he cradled her head against his chest, she sucked in a steadying breath, alarmed at the hiccuping sob that threatened to break free. She tried to pull away but Frazer wouldn't let her.

`Relax, sweetheart. Let me hold you, tare for you.' His voice, soft and husky in the near darkness, sent a quiver through her and she found her resistance melting away. `Talk to me.'

W-what about?'

One hand gently stroked the feathery strands of her short hair. `The day I took you home from the hospital you told me you had no family, that you had always been alone.'

What else did I say?'

`That your creep of a husband had left.' He paused a moment, and she felt him inhale and exhale deeply before he continued. `You said he'd told you that you weren't desirable.'

`Right.'

`Wrong.' Frazer's fingers sank lower, setting up a nerve-tingling caress on her bare neck. `You do know Ed was crazy, right?'

Callie shrugged, unable to answer. Frazer had no idea what had happened to her. . .and she could never tell him. If he found out, he'd reject her, too.

`You seriously believe you are undesirable?' he prompted now, shifting their positions so his lips could whisper across the sensitive hollow behind her ear, his breath warm against her skin, his tongue-tip teasing and tickling. 'I'11 just have to prove to you how wrong you are.'

`Frazer...'

Callie heard her own uncertainty as her protest died in her throat. She hesitated, torn between her constant need to be guarded and the temptation to give in to the madness of this night out of time and seek comfort with Frazer. Trembling, she curled into the erotic touch of his mouth. She wanted him so badly. but she was scared. Maybe tonight was her one chance to indulge her feelings, to know what being with him was like. In this place, huddled for warmth, he wouldn't see, wouldn't feel. She could take this one chance. It would have to last her a lifetime, because she wouldn't be able to repeat it, but she would mate a special memory. And she was sure it would be better than she could ever imagine. She had never felt with anyone the way she did with Frazer. Ed's touches and kisses had never stirred her the way Frazer's did. He only had to look at her to set her aflame, make her ache with a desperate need. But what she was thinking was crazy. How could she carry it off?

Outside, the howling wind rattled the windows of the old farmhouse and she shivered. Frazer's arms instinctively tightened around her. `Cold?'

`A bit,' she allowed, although she was bothered by far more than the drill of the air.

`Come here.' Pulling-the other mattress Closer, he drew her down with him in front of the fire, then covered them with the cosy duvets. As she lay on her ride, he snuggled up behind her, wrapping his arms around her and spooning her back against him. `Better?'

Callie didn't trust herself to speak. She felt ridiculously small and vulnerable next to Frazer's athletically muscled frame, with his heat surrounding her, making her all too conscious of his maleness, his raw sexuality. The temptation to succumb to the driving need to turn over and ask for what her body craved was unbearable.

`Tell me about Ed.' His words diverted her from her wayward thoughts even while his lips nibbled along the back of her neck, fanning the flames of her need. 'Flow long were you married?'

'Five months.'

His surprise was obvious. `Not long.'

'We were never good together. We made a mistake.' She certainly had-trusting Ed, believing in him. `What happened?' Frazer asked now, the palm of one hand distracting her as he stroked slowly back and forth across her abdomen, and she tensed, anxious that he would try to touch her breasts, knowing she couldn't let him.

`Lots of little things,' she managed to reply. `A couple of big, insurmountable ones.'

The hand caressed lower, easing her concern. `Is one of those insurmountable issues why the baby upset you tonight? You wanted children?'

`Yes.

His insight was a surprise. Pain lanced inside her when she thought about it. Somehow it was easier talking in the dark while Frazer couldn't see her. The silence lengthened, but he didn't push her for explanations, simply waited, holding her, while she made up her mind whether to trust him with more of herself. His acceptance and understanding helped, and she found herself telling him a bit about Ed's betrayal when he had left her-not the health reason, or his hateful words, but the second secret which had meant her marriage was over.

`Ed knew I yearned to start a family straight away. I thought he agreed. He gave every impression of consoling me when each month went by and nothing happened.' Unconsciously, she cuddled Closer to Frazer's warmth and protection. 'It was only when we broke up that he told me he'd had a vasectomy years ago and he'd never wanted children.'

`And the bastard let you go on wondering and wanting and worrying when he knew all the time you would never get pregnant?'

Callie nodded in response, hearing the incredulity and anger on her behalf in Frazer's voice. `I'll never forgive him for that. All that agonising, fearing there was something wrong with me. But he was right about one thing,' she continued, bitterness lacing her tone. `It probably was just as well. He would have been as lousy a father as he was a husband.'

As it was, Ed would have left her alone with child to support, playing no role in their lives. She knew that. At times she would have liked to have had one anyway, but the rational part of her knew she would never have coped with a pregnancy or a baby at the time of her surgery. Especially alone. And she was alone. She always had been and always would be.

She sucked in a shaky breath as Frazer's hand slid under her jumpers. The touch of his fingers against her bare skin was amazing, terrible, wonderful. She ought to stop him. In a minute she would. Maybe. Biting her lip, she felt her stomach muscles tauten as one fingertip traced smaller and smaller circles around her navel, making her quiver.

`And you're divorced now?'

Callie bit her lip, struggling to follow the conversation. `Nearly. It would have come through sooner but Ed did a disappearing act with his new woman and it took my solicitor time to track him down. He's signed the papers now, so it's a formality. It will be over by the New Year,' she finished, her voice a mere whisper as she lost herself in the magic of Frazer's touch, heady from the hint of his earthy male aroma.

`You deserve better, Callie.' His hold tightened, as if he was trying to enclose her, keep her safe. `You'11 have your own family. And a man who loves and cherishes you.'

She cursed the silent tears that spilled between her lashes, unable to explain to Frazer why his prediction was never likely to come true. To do so would mean confiding about her problem. And she couldn't. She felt too ashamed, too physically imperfect, knowing he would be disgusted and that any attraction he thought he now felt for her would die. So she kept silent, wishing that things were different, that Frazer could be a fantasy man who would love her. Yet reality intruded, and she knew this would be the only night she ever spent in his arms. Dared she take advantage of that fact? For long moments she lay still, revelling in being close to him, seeking the courage to turn and face him, wondering what would happen if she did.

Frazer sensed there was much more about Ed and what had happened in her marriage than Callie was prepared to tell him. It hurt that she still didn't trust him enough to share what was hurting her, especially what it was that made her believe her idiot of a husband was right about her not being a desirable woman. He'd like to track the man down and take him apart piece by piece. The pain in Callie's voice had been unmistakable. And after all she had clearly been through as a child, without parents or a family, no doubt what Ed had done to her had felt like the final betrayal. No wonder she found it hard to trust. She was fiercely independent and determined to stay that way, which didn't bode well for his efforts to get closer to her and find a niche for himself in her life.

Sighing softly, he closed his eyes and relished holding her close. She felt small and delicate against him, yet he knew she had amazing strength, both in body and spirit. Every time he breathed in he was teased and tantalised by her sultry coconut scent. And why had he always been keen on long hair on a woman when he was just discovering how Callie's short, soft, feathery strands allowed him uninterrupted access to her neck? The short strands felt like satin under his fingers and the softness of her skin was extraordinary. He loved touching her. Never wanted to stop.

With the wind and the blizzard still raging outside, he buried his face against Callie's neck, dreaming of all the ways he wished to be spending his nights with her in his bed. His fingers resumed their exploration, and her flesh quivered in response to his touch at her navel, but as he gradually inched higher, towards her breasts, she caught his wrist, her body tensing. Worried he'd gone too far, he stilled, letting her guide him, disappointed when she pushed his hand back down. He was about to apologise-but all thoughts, all words were forgotten, when, instead of removing his hand as he'd expected, she slid it beneath the waistband of her jogging trousers...and lower. His breath lodged in his throat. His heart started to thud beneath his ribs.

'Callie?' Voice hoarse, he whispered her .name He had to be dreaming. Unable to believe this was true, he cautiously accepted her unspoken invitation, growing bolder as she pressed back against the growing fullness of his arousal, moving one kg to give his hand better access. Losing himself in the silken feel of her, warm and moist in welcome,. he nipped at the lobe of her ear before he sucked on it, matching the rhythm of his stroking, exploring fingers. It wasn't long before the change in her breathing, the rapid rate of her pulse and the arousing whimpers she made, told him that she was close to release, and he redoubled his efforts, matching the rhythm of her hips as he rubbed himself against her and pushed her over the edge.