The Worst Romance Novel Ever Written (62 page)

Angel smiled and swung her feet over the edge of the pew.

Marion swung her feet over the edge of the pew.

Gloria’s feet ran in place under the pew.

Paul exhaled long and loud, his shoes frozen in place.

He’s here, but the “he” I want beside me is not beside me!
Gloria thought.
At least he’s in the building. Look at Mama. All happy and as goofy as Angel. I’ll bet Mama had something to do with this. I know this was, I mean,
is
Johnny’s church, too, but just to see him! But he looks so skinny! I almost didn’t recognize him. Okay, Lord, I would recognize that man anywhere. But he didn’t give Angel a decent answer. Oh, I know it was raining, but still. Don’t look back, don’t look back, don’t look back or you’ll turn into a pillar of salt. What if I just … peek?

Gloria peeked and saw Johnny standing in the doorway between the vestibule and the sanctuary.
He’s clapping in rhythm with a goofy smile on his face as usual, like nothing has happened. So much has happened! I want to smile myself. Why isn’t he looking my way? Who’s he looking at? Who’s that? Why is he getting her a Bible? She can get one herself. Oh. She’s holding a baby girl. Did she and Johnny come in together? Why is she smiling at him? Oh, now they’re whispering. That’s so rude! I wish I could hear what she’s saying. It’s so hard to eavesdrop with all this music going on. Oh. He’s just probably telling her that we have a nursery. That’s one of his duties, after all. Now the baby’s crying. Ha! Serves the heifer right for bringing— Johnny’s taking the baby from her? What is— Oh. He’s taking the diaper bag, too. He looks good with a baby in his arm. What a strange thought! Hey now, you don’t have to follow him, wench! Why is she following him? He’s not going to drop your baby. He has very strong arms. They’re leaving for the nursery.

Gloria faced front and closed her eyes.
Oh, she’s a smooth one. I’ll bet she’s walking upstairs in front of Johnny showing him her skinny, smooth legs. Wench. Trying to take my—

She opened her eyes and looked back. Johnny and the woman hadn’t returned.

It isn’t that far to the nursery! Why aren’t they—

Johnny and the woman returned.

Did she just say “Thank you”? All he did was carry your chap upstairs. It’s his job. He’s done it dozens of time before. And anyway, you ain’t that cute. I have nothing to worry about.

“
Let us stand for prayer,” a voice said.

Gloria snapped her head forward.
I don’t have anything to worry about.
She closed her eyes.
Do I, Lord?

47

Johnny kept his eyes open during the prayer, something he liked to do every now and then. He often saw folks stretching, yawning, adjusting their pants or bra straps, and rubbing their eyes. Some wiggled, others danced, a few even swayed.

Johnny immediately noticed not-so-little Angel holding Marion’s and Gloria’s hands, and it warmed his heart. When he saw Paul looking directly back at him, however, Johnny looked away.

So Paul sight-sees during prayers, too,
Johnny thought.
That either means he’s a loony like me, or that he doesn’t believe … or both.

Johnny sniffed his suit jacket and winced.
That little girl threw up Pittsburgh on me. She evidently likes oatmeal with raisins. Nee-Nee, her mama, was so embarrassed. I wonder what Nee-Nee is short for? Nina? No, that nickname would make it longer. And why did she introduce herself to me while using a wet wipe to clean baby vomit from my suit? That’s almost as strange as meeting someone over some lollipops.

“
Amen!” the congregation shouted.

Johnny opened his eyes.

“
You may be seated,” Pastor Payton said.

Johnny remained standing at his post. He wasn’t exactly sure why he had to stand throughout the service, but he didn’t question the pastor’s wishes. Pastor Payton said that deacons were the pillars of the church, and Johnny was in pillar mode.

“
I don’t want to stop our worship this morning,” Pastor Payton said, motioning to the band to keep playing softly. “The Lord is telling me to sing ‘No One Said.’”

Johnny tried to swallow a lump rising in his throat.
Pastor’s bringing out the big guns this morning …

“
My brother, I know you’re getting frustrated

Seeing no results though you’ve given all you got

But be not weary in well doing

For in due season we shall reap if we faint not

But hold on, cause we can make it

For there is nothing new up under the sun

They had trials in the Bible days, still God brought them through

He’s not a respecter of persons so I know he’ll do the same for you

No one said it would be easy

A cross is hard to bear

No one said I wouldn’t have to cry at night

But He said take My yoke upon you

And learn of Me

For My yoke is easy and My burdens are light

My sister, that man left you by yourself

Now it’s up to you to be mother and father

You just don’t understand why it happens this way

But you can’t give up, you got to start praying harder

Cause you’re not alone, God is right there by your side

He won’t put more on you than you can bear

But you got to look unto the hills from whence cometh your help

And take your burdens to the Lord and leave them there

Don’t you dare try to run from your situations

Cause God has placed you right there

And He will never put more on you than you’re able to bear

No one said it would be easy

A cross is hard to bear

No one said I wouldn’t have to cry at night

But He said take My yoke upon you

And learn of Me

For My yoke is easy and My burdens are light.”

Johnny wiped several tears away.
Yeah. Really big guns.
He wiped his eyes on his shoulder.
Pastor sang that one just for me.

“
Now turn with me to the Book of Acts, chapter two, verses forty-two to forty-seven,” Pastor Payton said. “When you have it, say ‘Amen!’ If you don’t, say ‘Hold on.’”

No one has ever said “hold on” except Marion,
Johnny thought.

“
This passage talks about the fellowship of the believers,” Pastor Payton said. “Let us stand for the reading of the Word.”

Johnny dipped his head a little. He used to hold the Bible for Gloria during the reading, and she’d sometimes let her hand slide down her soft hips to his thigh …

“‘
And they continued steadfastly in the apostles’ doctrine and fellowship, and in breaking of bread, and in prayers,” Pastor Payton read. “‘And fear came upon every soul: and many wonders and signs were done by the apostles. And all that believed were together, and had all things common. And sold their possessions and goods, and parted them to all men, as every man had need. And they, continuing daily with one accord in the temple, and breaking bread from house to house, did eat their meat with gladness and singleness of heart, praising God, and having favor with all the people. And the Lord added to the church daily such as should be saved.’”

The congregation sat.

Johnny remained a pillar.

“
The fellowship of the believers,” Pastor Payton said, beginning to pace slowly behind the pulpit. “That’s what I believe we have here at Faith Ministries, amen?”

“
Amen!”

“
We’ve been steadfast, we’ve broken bread …” Pastor Payton continued. “And here lately, we’ve eaten lots of pizza.” He patted his stomach. “Y’all should really come out for Good Fridays and see how much pizza and popcorn your children can put away during a movie.”

Johnny smiled.
My pizza joint could supply this church with pizza every Friday night. It’d be a donation, a part of my tithe. Yeah.

“
We’ve prayed for many months together, and we’ve seen plenty of miracles over those months,” Pastor Payton said. “Quite a few miracles in attendance here today, hmm?”

“
Amen!” Marion shouted.

“
This passage says that all that believed were together and had all things in common.” Pastor Payton paused. “You catch that? It doesn’t say some of them that believed were together and that some of them had things in common. It says
all
of them.” He stepped back from the pulpit. “Oh, I must be preaching to myself today. Guess y’all are super-saved.”

“
Amen!” Marion shouted.

“
Thank you, Mother Marion,” Pastor Payton said. “If I need another, I’ll nod at you. Amen?”

“
Amen, Pastor,” Marion said.

Pastor Payton tapped his Bible. “Right here. It says
all
of them.” He scanned the congregation. “Are all of us together as we should be?” He stared at the far end of Gloria’s pew. “Are we all of one mind in here today?”

Whoa,
Johnny thought.
This is getting personal. Paul is in trouble now.

“
Are we all equally yoked?” Pastor Payton asked.

Uh-oh,
Johnny thought.
And now he’s staring at Gloria.

And if this weren’t his church,
Johnny thought,
I’d say that Pastor Payton is in trouble now.

48

Gloria dropped her eyes to her Bible.
Pastor first sang to me and now he’s talking just to me now. Maybe he orchestrated all this.

Marion slid her Bible over to Gloria, a wrinkled finger pointing at a verse.

Gloria pushed Marion’s Bible away.
I know the verse, Mama. “Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers.” I’m not yoked with Paul … though he is an ox sometimes.

Marion set her Bible in Gloria’s lap.
Okay, okay, I’ll read it. “For what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?” I’ll bet both Mama and Pastor have put all this together.
Gloria reread the verses.
Light and darkness. Johnny and me. But what communion do we have, Lord? He’s still standing in the back when he should be sitting next to me!

“
Most of the people in this room have been with Faith, the boys, and me since the beginning,” Pastor Payton said. “Remember the Quality Inn? Remember how they pushed us out of the big meeting room into a small, first floor, double room with a bathroom? Remember how we all looked up whenever someone above us flushed a toilet or took a shower? Remember how all that felt?”

It felt right claustrophobic,
Gloria thought.
One cough in the front row could make everyone sick by the end of the service. We were elbow to elbow praising the Lord and making the folks upstairs and all around us check out early. Yeah. We were close. Warm. A family.

“
And now we’re here in this big old building, yet how many of us are ‘continuing daily with one accord in the temple’?” He scanned the congregation, pausing here and there. “How many of us are ‘breaking bread from house to house’?”

Johnny nodded because the verse had power.
What is making and delivering pizza but “breaking bread from house to house”? Okay, I wouldn’t be breaking bread with my customers, but I can provide them bread. That might be part of our slogan …

“
Are you eating your meat ‘with gladness and singleness of heart’?” Pastor Payton asked.

No,
Gloria thought.
I can’t stand the way Paul eats. So proper. Afraid to get his tiny lips dirty. Johnny used to eat like it was fun to eat. I could kiss him and knew what he had been eating. Johnny ate with gladness. Messiness, yes, but he was so full of gladness.

Singleness, yes,
Johnny thought.
Gladness? Not since my last meal with Gloria.