The Worst Romance Novel Ever Written (30 page)

I have no response to the last part,
Gloria thought.
Okay, I do. Eww!

“
If you go on day shift, what will your hours be?” Johnny asked.

“
Eight to four.”

Johnny sighed.

“
Oh yeah,” Gloria said. “You go on at four. When will we see each other?”

“
In passing?”

Gloria turned around and leaned her back on Johnny’s chest. “You could always come visit me in the wee hours.”

Johnny draped his arms around Gloria’s stomach. “We’ll eventually break that loveseat. Then instead of your mama, Angel will stumble downstairs one night …”

That wouldn’t be good.
“You could get a day job, right?”

And dream more? No way.
“I don’t know. Maybe. But, say I get a day job. What then?”

“
I could come over here after Angel goes to sleep at eight, we could snuggle up on your new, huge padded sofa …”
This floor is entirely too hard.
She squeezed his hands. “And I would hold you if you had any nightmares.”

“
I wouldn’t want you to do that. You’re already raising one child.”

“
Well … what about …”
Perfect!
“I have an idea. Why don’t you move into our basement? With a little work, I know we could turn it into an apartment.”

Johnny smiled. “Why, Miss Gloria, after our first date, you want me to move in with you?”

Oh yeah. I said that about his silly novel. Shoot. What did he say when I said that?
“You said it could happen.”

“
Well, let’s do some math then, shall we? We’ve only been talking for about four months. Wouldn’t anyone reading our story think we were rushing things?”

“
You really listen to me, don’t you?”
And I really like that about him … just not now!

Johnny let his fingers wander until they found her hands. “You have such interesting things to say.” Johnny frowned. “Which makes what you just said about me moving in with you all the more interesting. Um, I may be wrong, but isn’t shacking up frowned upon in the Bible?”

“
Yes, of course it is,” Gloria said. “But if you’re a, um, tenant in our basement, and you cook every now and then to help pay your rent, we’re technically not shacking up at—”

“
You’d charge me rent,” Johnny interrupted.

“
Of course,” Gloria said.

“
Does Marion charge you rent?” Johnny asked.

“
Of course not,” Gloria said. “I’m family.”

Sounds fair, but …
“I don’t know, Gloria. It all seems too fast.”

Gloria sighed. “I was just trying to find a way I could see you regularly, you know, at home.”

It would be my first home, actually.
“Let’s say we fixed up your basement and I moved in and paid you, oh, a dollar a day.”

“
You’d have to cook every meal for us at that price,” Gloria said.

Johnny smiled. “Mouse pancakes for every meal!”

“
That can’t be the only thing you can cook,” Gloria said.

Johnny shrugged. “It was the only thing IHOP let me cook.” He kissed her nose. “You can teach me. No. Marion can teach me.”

“
Meany,” Gloria said. “So … when are you moving in?”

I don’t know Gloria well enough,
Johnny thought,
to know if she’s kidding or not.
“Gloria, if I moved in, I would talk your ear off.”

“
And kiss it, too?”

“
But of course,” Johnny said.
And probably kiss lots of other parts, too!
“I would talk to you all night, and you would never get any sleep, Gloria. I wouldn’t let you sleep, and you’d wake up every morning fussing with your alarm clock.”

“
Unless I fell asleep in your arms.” She looked back. “Like this.”

My legs are asleep.
Johnny turned her completely around and put her hands on his shoulders. “Gloria, I love the idea of seeing you more, I really do. But until Angel gets used to me being your man, and I mean completely accepts me as your man, we have to keep our distance from each other. We need to develop our relationship slowly, remember?”

Is this the single mother’s lament or what?
“I understand, but—”

“
You have thought about that, right?” Johnny interrupted.

“
Yes. It’s why I talked myself out of other relationships.”
And before some of them even began.
She closed her eyes. “Why did I think this would be any different?”

“
Because it is. You’re looking—open your eyes.”

Gloria opened her eyes.

“
You’re looking at a man who is falling in love with you.”

He used the L-word. Don’t panic. Act natural.

“
And although my, um, hundred and twenty day warranty has probably expired,” Johnny continued, “I think I can last a while. I’ll do anything to win Angel’s heart, too.”

Okay. He only used it once. Still no need to panic.
“You look as if you’re about to expire right now.”

“
Yeah. I wish I had a bigger bed.”

“
We can try to spoon in there.”

Where she’ll rub her booty on me. I won’t sleep at all.
Johnny walked like a zombie into the bedroom, mainly because his legs were still half asleep. He dropped face-first onto the bed.

Gloria curled up under his arm and backed her booty into him. She pulled the sheet over them.

Johnny was asleep in minutes, his soft purr tickling the hairs on the back of her neck.
This,
she thought,
is bliss. This is warm and safe.

Unless he moves.
She looked over the edge.
At least it’s not a long fall to the floor.

I just wish he hadn’t used the L-word!

But this feels so good. Having strong arms around me, having huge hands on my stomach—hey now, his hands wander when he sleeps. Do I stop them? My body is saying no.

Okay, okay, Lord Jesus.
She returned Johnny’s hand to her stomach.
It wasn’t like he meant to do it, right?

Gloria stared at the bathroom door, a tiny dresser with two drawers, and another door she assumed led to Johnny’s only closet. She turned her head slightly and saw the writing table with the laptop. She moved his creeping hands down once more.

Just knowing I’ll be in his arms in the morning because if he lets go I’ll fall out of this bed—priceless. Just knowing he shared with me some of his deepest, darkest secrets—priceless. He even cried in front of me, and maybe I even helped him over some of his demons by not speaking. Imagine that. I may have helped someone by not giving any advice.

But if he keeps using the L-word, I’m sunk.

I have never said that word to anyone in my entire life.

Johnny’s hand moved upwards again.

I am not getting any sleep tonight!

25

Gloria woke to sunlight streaming on her face, a cramp in her lower back, and a man’s hand firmly attached to her left hip. Except for the cramp, she felt peaceful, light, excited, and—

“
What time is it?” Gloria asked, scooting to the edge of the bed.

Johnny blinked awake and saw a beautiful woman’s short, dark hair, his hand gripping something soft, warm, and … moving away from him and taking the bed sheet.

Gloria gathered the sheet around her. “What time is it, Johnny?”

Johnny squinted and saw that the bed sheet was vaguely Gloria-shaped. He looked at the light coming through his mini-blinds. “About nine.”

“
Nine?” How can he tell?

The vaguely Gloria-shaped sheet also had Gloria’s voice.

“
I’ll, um, I’ll check the clock in the kitchen.” He rolled out of the bed and went into the kitchen. “Five after nine.”

Oh no! Angel has been up for two hours!
“I gotta go.”

Johnny rubbed sleep from his eyes and looked at the bed. “We didn’t fall out. How peculiar.”

Gloria tossed the sheet to Johnny and pulled on her shoes.

Johnny sniffed the sheet and didn’t find it full of lust. “Gloria, what’s the rush?”

“
Angel has been awake since seven.”

“
On a Saturday?”
Angel can’t be human.

“
You could time the sunrise to that child,” Gloria said. “I can’t be bringing her breakfast now. What do I tell her?”

Johnny threw the sheet onto the bed.
And that’s how engineering majors make a bed.
“You could tell her the truth.”

“
Right. Yes, Angel, I’ve been snuggling with Johnny all night over at his place.”
While his hand danced all over me all night!

Johnny shrugged, reached in his drawer, pulled out a random sock, and put it on. “You could just tell her I’m your boyfriend.”

Gloria shook her head. “I can’t tell her that. I know, I’ll tell her I had to go in to work another shift … No. That’s never happened, and she’d have a zillion questions about that. I had to … go to the mall … to do some Christmas shopping.”

“
The malls don’t open this early till after Thanksgiving.”

“
Crap!”

Johnny found another random sock only a few shades grayer than the first and put it on. “I could go with you.”

“
That would be a bad idea.”

Gloria is a dream in the morning,
Johnny thought.
I definitely like her better when she’s asleep and lying next to me. It’s much less complicated.
“It’s better than lying to her.”

True.
“Johnny, I want this to work, but now I’ve stayed longer than I should have, and I have the world’s most inquisitive child living under my roof.”

Johnny sniffed under his arms.
Could be worse, could be better …
“The more she sees me, the better. I mean, if she starts seeing us together often, she’ll have to make the connection. The three of us could go do something today or even tomorrow before my shift starts.”

Three on a date?
“Where would we go?”

“
The art museum.”

Been there, hated that.
“We’ve already been. Angel said she didn’t get it.”

Art is like that sometimes.
“Okay, the science museum.”

Gloria groaned. “We actually have a family membership, so we’ve been a couple dozen times.”

And I’ve never been even once. I’m such a bad citizen.
“How about … a movie?”

“
There’s nothing playing that would be real enough for her to enjoy.”

Johnny smiled. “This is a puzzlement that can only be solved … with a puzzle.”

“
A what?”

“
A puzzle.” He looked on the floor for his shoes.
That’s where shoes usually are. Where are they hiding?

“
What kind of puzzle?”

“
Jigsaw,” Johnny said. “Carol Springer used to get me puzzles to keep me out of her way.”
Come to think of it, so did my parents. No wonder I became an engineer.
“I can go get a puzzle and come over this afternoon.”

A puzzle won’t solve this puzzle.
“She’s too grown up for puzzles.”

“
Is she? Even thousand-piece puzzles that are all one color?”