The Willow Tree: A Novel (27 page)

His eyes were watering slightly when he turned a corner, facing north, and thought he saw a friend of Rauls walking toward him. He backed in a doorway, wiped his eyes and quickly evaluated the scene and in a second knew what he would do and almost laughed when the entire scene suddenly appeared in his mind. He knew that a few hundred yards north of where he stood there was a doorway that led to a building that had a storage area under the staircase with a panel that was loose and he could kick it out and go into the air-shaft between the buildings and over a short fence, through the cellar in the east building on the west side and be on the street 1 block south of this one before the guy knew what happened. From there he could decide which way to go, there were a half dozen options at least. He started walking north, pacing himself to meet the guy just south of the doorway knowing the guy would be so startled he wouldnt even know Bobby went into the doorway. Bobby kept his head lowered, but his eyes kept him in view the entire time as they approached each other. Bobby gave the appearance of being huddled in his jacket, hands deep in his pockets, but his hands were out and he was flexing them, keeping the circulation going so they wouldnt numb up on him, and as they approached each other he slowed his approach just a little so they would meet exactly where Bobby wanted them to and when they were almost side by side Bobby raised his head and grabbed the guy by the jacket and pulled him close to his face so he could see who he was and stared at him for a couple of seconds, absolutely silent and still, then grinned and stared into the guys eyes, stared right through the guy, grinning, silent, still, grinning…grinning…

                  then suddenly let him go and before the guy could react was through the doorway, running quietly down the hall, under the staircase, through the panel to the airshaft, over the fence, out the other building to the street then turning north until he almost reached the corner then, during a break in the traffic, continuing east, running between cars, and in less than a minute was a world away from the guy who was still processing the information, spinning around, backing down the street, then running to tell Raul what had happened.

Bobby quickly slowed his pace to a fast walk and lost himself in the people on the street, staying as much as possible in the shadows. He figured the guy would tell Raul what had happened and he chuckled to himself thinking of the look on the guys face and the one that would be on Rauls and how pissed off he would be as they ran around the hood trying to find him, but he didnt laugh even though he sure as hell wanted to because he knew laughing would make him careless for a moment, so he kept swallowing his laughter and hustled as fast as possible away from the hood and soon he was once again in the safety of the deserted streets with the ugly shadows cast by abandoned and crumbling buildings, the shadows flat, lifeless, yet seeming to reflect the agony of not only the buildings but the people who lived there, the people who passed by, or the shadows of people that were left behind, the shadows of people too despairing and weak to carry their shadows with them and so they stayed as the people moved on to find some other shelter, but Bobby only felt elation as he passed them, the exhilaration of another victory, allowing himself to start feeling that elation now that he knew he was safe and in a matter of minutes would be in his cellar on his way to Moishes, sitting back being cool eating a bowl of ice cream and chocolate sauce while the muthafuckin spics were running they asses off lookin forim….

                              And, as always, Moishe sat and wondered when he would accept things as they are and stop deceiving himself that maybe Bobby would give up the idea of revenge. Everytime he asks me questions and nods his head I think Ive changed his mind, that now he will give up the madness of revenge and live happily ever after….How can I do this—shaking his head—How can I keep doing this? All the years I have lived and all the months hes been here and I still deceive myself into thinking…thinking??? hoping…ya, hoping I have changed his mind and always he says, See ya later Mush. Always! And I go through this over and over. Well, maybe I should accept the fact that Im going to continue doing what Im doing….But how sweet it would have been to be living with my son now…or close to him. I could babysit while they went out. I could teach them things. I could hug my son and kiss him on the cheek. I could hug his wife and their children. I could buy Christmas presents and wrap them and put them under the tree and we would turn on the lights and play music and…O Werner, for gods sake stop—blinking the tears from his eyes, feeling them roll down his cheeks and falling from his chin to his shirt—allow the past to sleep…please Werner, no more unnecessary sadness…no more unnecessary tears—He heard the door being opened and felt a sigh of relief flow through him and his body bent forward slightly. He pushed himself back in his chair and smiled when he saw Bobbys face, flushed with excitement and the cold wind. He yanked his jacket and hat and gloves off and sat down, his breathing rapid with excitement, Check this out Mush, It be sweet…yeah man, it be righteous and sweet. O man, you really gonna be diggin this—his eyes still wide with excitement, bouncing around on the chair as he told Moishe how he checked everything out, Moishe nodding and smiling, always relieved when Bobby returned safely from his trips, Bobbys eyes flashing with a mischievous expression, and when he got to the part of seeing the guy coming along the street he stopped, rubbed the top of his head and looked at Moishe for a moment, How bout some ice cream Mush?

Moishe got them bowls of ice cream and Bobby started scooping the ice cream in his mouth as he bounced on the chair and told his story…Moishe getting more and more caught up in Bobbys excitement…So anyway, like I say, I got this all figured so I step in fronta this dude and grabim illustrating with his hands—like this, ya dig, and I grin atim…thas all, I jus be grinnin like a damn fool an I be right in this suckers face man, I mean right the fuck there, an I grin this dude right the fuck outta his mine then Im gone…jus like that, Im gone…history, an I doan be lookin back, but I got these eyes in the back of my haid, right? an I be seein this sucker standin there wonderin what the fuck be goin on an by the time he move Im gone, I mean Im outta there man an that muthafucka still doan know what be happenin toim…sheeit, I coulda reached in his pocket an be takin his money he so paralyze, damn, you shouldda seen that poor dumb muthafucka bro, I bet he be standin there so long he catch hisself a cole, an they still not knowin where I be—scooping furiously at the ice cream, spoon clanging against the bowl—an they never be knowin and Moishe continued to look at Bobby, smiling, still consciously involved with his sense of relief which grew when he realized that no one was hurt, that Bobby simply outthought them and was sitting there wolfing down ice cream—I bet they be freezin they dicks off right now tryin to find my ass—shaking his head and grinning at Moishe—Thas how I be lookin at the dude man, jus like this…all my teeth hangin out…grinnin like a damn fool…I be tellin you Mush, if I wasnt so pretty I be scarin that muthafucka to deth—giggling and scraping the bowl with the spoon, then his finger, then leaning forward and grinning again at Moishe—Thas what I do bro—staring, grinning, Moishe smiling then laughing, whatever tension was left draining from him as he laughed, then shook his head and looked at Bobby—Why you be lookin like that Mush? Like what? Like a wino what jus got a bottle a thunderbird—making a silly face and shaking his head, Moishe looking startled for a second, then bursting out laughing—Im thinking, if its dark hes seeing only the teeth—clicking his teeth at Bobby—and the two of them sat grinning at each other, Moishe, from time to time clicking his teeth…until they both started laughing so hard they were crying and shaking their heads, begging each other to stop…until they were able to start breathing normally and, from time to time, look at each other for a moment without laughing…then sat in silence catching their breath and rubbing their stomachs…eventually they each took a deep breath and sighed, again sitting quietly and gradually turning more and more toward each other until they were looking at each other, a hint of a smile on their faces…then Moishe picked up the bowls, slowly, and rinsed them and put them in the sink, then sat down, the silence continuing until Moishe asked Bobby if his parents knew he was alright?

Bobby jerked up slightly and frowned, Parents????

Ya, mother and father, theyre worried? Is many months youre here.

Its just us and the moms—Moishe nodding—And I be takin care a that the firs time I go back, an I be sure I see Jesse every onct in a while, you know, tellim I be cool an find out whats happenin in the hood…like that.

Ya, ya—nodding his head, the concerned look still on his face—Its a long time and Im thinking maybe they—she—worries.

Its cool Bro. Aint no big thing a kid doan come home for a while. An anyway, she be havin enough kids to be buggin her. One less be jus fine cept I doan be no trouble anyways, but even so, it be cool Mush—looking at him for a moment, then smiling—You really be wonderin about that, eh?

Moishe shrugged as offhandedly as possible and returned the smile.

Aint that somethin, you really be worrin about someone you doan even know….Damn—shaking his head, still smiling, then slowly getting up, I be wipe out Mush. Im gonna be gettin some sleep.

Ya, is good idea.

The NE wind stopped the next morning, followed by a warming trend and there was a late second Indian summer, prompting people to leave their homes, even unnecessarily, after having assumed they would be inside for the duration, not coming out except for food or drink until the spring thaw, but now everyone was out for what they knew to be the last time to enjoy just standing, or sitting, in the sun, enjoying its warmth even more than usual knowing that at any moment it might be the last moment of the year.

Moishe and Bobby were among the people who were on the street enjoying the warm sunshine, enjoying the sudden and frantic activity on the streets.

They continued strolling the streets, eventually ending up by the river shortly before sunset, enjoying the stillness of the air and the unseasonable warmth. Bobby and Moishe sat in silence for a few minutes, then Bobby turned to Moishe, You say you aint see Sol since you be gettin out the camp?

Moishe nodded and smiled, Ya. The day we/re being liberated. Such a day—shaking his head—like you never see.

Bet you guys are jumpin all up an down, eh?

Moishe shook his head, a look of sadness on his face, No…only a few of us can stand….One morning we see the guards are gone and is everything open, but we cant move.

You mean you just stay in the muthafuckin camp Mush?

Only so few can move….And where we/re going????

    then we/re hearing a car and soon a jeep with 4 American soldiers is there. We just look and stare. Im thinking I want to go to them, maybe Im thinking I should be hugging them, I dont know, but Im not moving like no one else is moving. They stop in the middle of the compound and look…look at the pile of bodies and you can see theyre not believing what they see…or what they smell. Bobby, these are men who many, many years, are fighting, seeing so much blood, so much bodies, but they look at us and cry…ya…they cry and throw up. Men so long fighting, killing, and they cry and throw up. A few of us stagger out and they are afraid to touch us.

No shit????

Ya…I could see theyre wanting to touch us but afraid theyre hurting us O Bobby, Im still seeing so clearly this young man looking at me, tears all over his face, arms reaching and just laying his hand on my shoulder like Im a butterfly and hes not wanting to hurt me…just like—gesturing with his hand, then touching Bobby on the shoulder—just like so and Im wanting to say something or cry but Im only looking and feeling on my shoulder his hand and all for ever Im not forgetting his face…tired, dirty, young but aged with so much pain, and the tears streaking his dusty face and its like Im seeing his heart beat in his eyes but Im not saying a word and its not till later, maybe days, Im realizing it was long time since Im saying a word…how many days Im not knowing, but many days. Maybe Im forgetting…maybe my throat is not knowing—shrugging—I dont know, but Im looking at his face and in his eyes and hes putting so light a hand on my shoulder and says…Komrade. Ya…hes saying Komrade and my heart is saying, Komrade, but out of my mouth is coming nothing, but Im seeing in his eyes he knows what my heart is saying…he knows Bobby…he knows….

                                   Moishe took a slow, deep breath and let it go….I dont know how long Im not seeing Sol. Finally we/re seeing each other and we/re just standing, looking…its almost like when Im looking at the soldier and Im not saying anything. So finally we/re hugging and crying and Im not knowing, even now, if we/re saying anything to each other. Maybe no. We/re hugging and then….

An you aint be seeinim since?

Moishe shook his head slowly, No. No more. Well, a couple of times Im dreaming of Sol, thats all. But not even that maybe ten years now.

Ten years…sheeit, that be a long time.

Ya—nodding his head—Is maybe ten years.

Bobby looked at Moishe for a moment….An you be comin here?

No. Is couple years later. We have more years of camps…DP camps.

DP?

Ya. Displaced Persons. Millions of people. All over Europe. No home. Family lost—shaking his head—Is terrible. So many people looking for families. Is such madness…so many records destroyed with bombings and millions of people looking for each other…millions. People try to help, but so many millions….I fill in forms, I answer questions and all the time Im hoping and afraid of hoping.

Bobby looked at Moishe for a moment….Yeah, I can dig it. You be hopin for somethin an the world fuck withya.

Moishe was silent for a moment, still hearing Bobbys words….Ya, Im afraid to hope. But I think, is it true Gertrude and Karl-Heinz can be alive???? So, anyway, we/re finding each other and there we are, the three of us…together…Karl-Heinz isnt knowing who I am, but Gertrude and I are knowing—laughing, Bobby shaking his head and smiling—And finally so many years later we/re together…almost 9 years.